Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Expecting the unexpected and seeking. [Double Post Today]

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. —God

I’ve been M.I.A, I feel, for the last 6 days…. Well my son has been very ill the last 6 days…..yes 6 DAYS! Sounds like nothing compared to the suffering of others, I know and trust me I have definitely thought about it a lot… but to a new mommy with a new mommy heart…and maybe even after I am an old mommy with an old mommy heart…. It’s eternal!

Holding my son’s little aching body and in my eyes suffering more than any other child I could of…his poor little nose red and raw from all the wet wipes and Kleenex, his body too hot to touch…and then I thought…wow… what about those mother’s whose children have Cancer, whose children have passed, or those who have never been Blessed with a child of their own. I thought about Mary, I am Catholic, so I thought about Nuestra Virgen Maria, how she KNEW of the suffering her Son would endure. How she watched as her Son suffered even while being innocent. The suffering of our Father, Jesus Christ and of His Mother WILL NEVER compare to that of mine or my son’s. And this viral infection which has taken over my son’s little body is NOTHING compared to the other illnesses that other little boys have and will have to endure. So, I am Thankful, Thankful that my son is 12 months and that in those 12 months he has only suffered 6 days. I pray…I pray that my son, other Mother’s sons, cease to suffer, that WE, as new and old Mommies have patience, NEVER ending Faith, peace of those things and situations that are beyond our understanding.

I know; I may be over exaggerating or the melodrama may be bigger than the real problem, but my son being as sick as he has been has caused me to ache. To think, to constantly pray for him and over him, to repeatedly be Thankful and to never forget who died on that cross and His suffering and His suffering Mother….in my imperfect religion….our Mother Mary.

This has been my seeking the last 6 days…my purpose…to seek Him. To understand what He wants from me in this instance.

I see patience and peace. Thankfulness and humbleness. Love and Faith.

I pray that this is where I am.

Expecting the unexpected…..

One of my constant prayers is to have Women of God in my life…near and far, real or fiction… friends or foes… and in some way God has brought these women into my life over and over and over again…I have learned…not only about them…but more importantly and not selfishly about MYSELF. Who I am…who I should be…and how I don’t want to me…which is all too often like myself…irony… no Heaven sent. God has constantly been knocking me over the head the last year or so…to let go and let Him….and I have constantly disobeyed….for fear of betrayal…not by Him but my man… the hurt is all to familiar and the sting…well it’s lasted and I feel even jaded….but again..I seek Him with FAITH and yesWHOLEHEARTEDLY….every day… I know some days I failmiserably….but some days…. Wow. What HE can do for us…that NEVER fails me.

I am ready…letting go and trusting Him.

This may sound like gibberish to most but for me…it’s as clear as these past 6 days have been….

I am done feeling miserable and as if man has failed me…man was made to fail..it is with God’s Grace that we can walk everyday…and that is where I am…humbling myself more than I want to and moving forward… with God and His Grace in my heart…praying that this new Change….this new me…will not only reap Glory and Victory but that I can and  will inspire and motivate.

I know to many it may sound like the same old song and dance… so cliché and tired...but to me..it's life...I get knocked down..and I just have to get up again....that's the way the story goes....

What better way than to bring new life into this world as well as to create a new life for myself!

Be Blessed.

Here we go...AGAIN!

How are you and where have you been?

Have been the two most common questions the last couple of weeks.

Well A LOT has happened since our little “Blog-cation”. Santiago and I left seeking to come back with Papa Bear. And well. We came back as a beautifully Blessed little family of 3. And, as most of you know our world is once more about to change.

We have been very busy since we returned “rested” and “ready” for the new season in our lives. My husband had been patiently awaiting school to begin once more and a job to call him about a new assignment. He has since started school and now work. He is no longer at home, caring for our little Chunk. Our little Chunk is off on his own little adventures now....  

You can only imagine the new on-slew of adventures, exploring and discoveries Santiago has made. From making mommy die of laughter and “awww” at the cuteness to giving mommy a little too much to do and lots of mess to clean up… BUT EH. Boys will be boys!

And there is nothing I can do but love, clean and love some more.

So, why are our lives about to change, again?

Well, story of my life, as soon as I had decided to finally “start a diet and exercise regimen” (Bwahahahaaaaaa!) my waist line will once more be expanding! We didn’t expect to be parents again so soon, but a new Blessing is VERY MUCH WELCOMED. We were ecstatic to see the word “PREGNANT” light up our EPT. For some odd reason the surprise was much bigger this time and emotions have been running high.

As you can imagine.

That’s probably called the “surprise” factor, we loved it. When we found out about Santiago, regardless of how “unplanned” it was, it was expected. This time, NOT expected BUT WELCOMED JUST AS MUCH!

As we told family and friends, Ricardo joked that the only one still unaware of what was going on was Santi. But, all his whining and fussing lately makes me think otherwise (call it an “old wives” tale) but I think he feels the presence of a new little someone.

While the hours will grow longer and the days will seem eternal we are happy to be a Mommy and Daddy of TWO (Dos)! I pray that our new Blessing will be strong, healthy and happy just like my Santi. Boy or Girl. He or she will be welcomed with warm loving arms. I wish for a pretty little girl to add some spice to our already chaotic mix but only God knows. And, at week 20 plus you better believe that I will be scheduling my gender ultrasound. Ha.

No matter what the next 28 weeks or so, brings me I will and have embraced it as always……
With Faith and Love. Patience and Humility.

This time around will be different for sure. I will know what to expect. Being that it’s so soon after my Santi, I will more than likely having a C-Section. I pray that this time around, I don’t freak out and that I don’t have any type of anesthesia reactions. I am glad that we have an already preset birth plan and that more than likely my due date will be scheduled. I hate waiting. I am horrible at being patient. And, I just love knowing that a new little baby will join us soon.

Our first doctors visit was yesterday...I am 12 weeks and baby looks perfectly well.

Thank you everyone for all the well wishes, Blessings, and Congrats!

We are ecstatic and can’t wait to share what the next 6 months, or so, will bring us!