Yesterday, I found out that I am having a little Girl to go with my little man.
I never really thought about it. Having children, raising them and keeping them safe. I just thought we would have children and live happily ever after, to a certain extent. I mean, I have 3 siblings we grew up just fine and we are all alive, healthy and happy!
Now that I am a mom, I worry. I think. I think too much. I think too far in advanced. I worry. I have fears. Of my children being hurt. Of their pain. Of their educations. Of their morals. Of their hearts. Of their souls. Of their Love. Their love for themselves. Their love for others. Self-respect and respect for others. Their Faith. Their Love for Jesus. Then I think. It's all on me and my husband. What my children think, how they act, where they are, and who they love. They will only resemble who my husband and I are.
Just last night my husband and little man where getting ready for bed...my husband kicked his shoes off and jumped into bed. Two minutes later our little man was throwing his shoes on the floor and laid right next to him. I walked in and my husband said, "I think I am already showing him bad habits." I said "Why?" He said, "I threw my shoes on the floor and he did the same." He was disappointed in himself and his actions. He then went on to say that he really needs to watch what he does, what he says and what he watches on TV from now on because he realizes that at 14 months Santiago already wants to be like Daddy.
Funny thing is no matter how far we are from each other my husband and I always seem to be on the same page. About it all. Earlier that night as I waited for him to get home from school, I was watching the news. Local and National. No harm done. I work in communications, I am used to media. Well last night was made a real impact. As I sat and thought about how my son was sitting in my sight playing and how I will soon be a mom to a little girl, the news anchor stated "Nuclear Weapons". My heart skipped a beat and the worse kind of terrorist attack and take over played out in my mind in a matter of seconds. All I could see was my two young children in danger and me having to flee the country with them. You see what I mean?
Normal? Yes. Far fetched? I don't think so. In this world anything is possible. I quickly changed the channel and prayed. Prayed that God would watch over us and that no matter what His will would be done.
I moved on. If I dwell now. I will make myself sick. All I could think was. I have to be careful what I watch, what I say and what I do.
In the end. Yes, as adults our kids are sure to resemble us and follow our steps but they do have free will and God's will. They will be OK. I have Faith and I trust. I will also do everything that a parent can possibly do to help them, protect them, teach them, and guide them. In every good direction as possible.
We all have fears. How do you deal with them?