Saturday, April 16, 2011

Going Back.

I was devastated to go back to work when I had my son. I felt cheated and was so unhappy! 

This time. I have a little more peace. Being a Stay at Home Mom would be amazing, but it's not where we are right now. 

Where we are right now is a working class family. My husband is still in school but I pray that he will finish soon, in God's time I know. I will be returning to work not bitter but happy that I am a provider for my family and support for my Husband. 

We all have to make some sacrifices in our lives, some huge, others small, this one is a HUGE one for me. Not being with my children when they are little and handing them over to be taken care of. It always makes me nervous, they are my little bitty babies! I love them. I want to hold them all day and all night. My Santi is almost 19 months! 19 months! He is just a baby but all grown up and well my Cami...she is only 3 weeks old... I could cry but God has instilled new peace in me. 

I see my Husband and all the progress that he has made and how I have contributed to that progress. I love it. I love where our family is right now. We are not perfect. We don't have a HUGE house and make millions. Ambition in that sense is gone. We have goals and dreams that God has placed in our hearts and THAT is where we are going....THAT is where we are focused. Others may think that a big house, lots of money, vacations and fancy cars are happiness but I like where we are right now. Happiness is here and we are embracing it..good and bad.

I Thank God once more that 12 years ago he gave me the friend, the man, the partner that HE knew I needed not the one that I thought I wanted. My husband is who he is...I wouldn't change him for the world. Just like I am who I am. Our own selfish expectations about each other have been long gone and the purpose that God has given us as a couple, unchanged and unique as we are, has been an amazing ride!!!! 

The change, the expectations, began with each of us as individuals. We can only change ourselves, once others see the positive and good in us as an individual then they can decide if they want to follow. That is how my Husband and I have arrived at this place of Happiness, not settling, but satisfied! Just because we are happy doesn't mean we don't want MORE for our family, or that we are not working towards more, because we are, we do...everyday.... God has given us FAITH and instilled HUGE dreams and goals in our lives and THAT is where we are right now...fulling our dreams..following His purpose....HAPPY!!!! 

So, I will return to work in about 3 weeks or so....happy, with new goals and dreams....satisfied....and listening to God!!!

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