Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Discipline Oyiii!

I know that I am a new Momma and all, I am probably only just scratching at the surface of what Motherhood, Discipline and having children entails but I am going to dare to give it a whirl. I think though that my Husband and I having children "later" in life {for us Mexican}, was for a good reason. We both believe and know that we will certainly lead by example. Yes, we are all human and yes even at 30 {"a much wiser age"} I continue to make mistakes but if there is something that I have learned is that these mistakes are made for learning and for growth.

Ricardo and I have both established that we should always agree on discipline and should never argue it's validity in front of our children. If Ricardo or myself are in the middle of discipline {yes, with our TWO year old} we support one another. We are yet to find a good balance in tone or firmness of it all but we never undermine one another or favor Santi's tantrum over our decision to act upon his actions. This is where questions arise. Yes, we more times than not agree that Santi needs structure, rules and at times stern reminders of what is right and what is wrong but our tactics are not always effective. He has a very strong personality and can dominate most situations. It's been a true challenge to find the "correct" or most effective type of discipline for his age and for his actions.

We started with "time out" around the time of Cami's arrival. We suspected some sibling jealously or rivalry if you will. But, as time passed and we realized that he was over powering other children and hitting his cousin who is a bit smaller than him in size, then we were faced with a new challenge. Added firmness to our discipline strategies. At times, yes, that means, the "s" WORD. Spanking. And, raising our voice more than once to get his attention. Which then led to empty threats of getting a belt but never really having the heart to do so which then all became a funny situation as he realized that we were really not being as "stern" as we thought we were. He would mimic our actions and mock the "pow-pow" motions with his hands. We couldn't help but laugh as he returned the waving of the pointer finger for him to behave and the gibberish that came out of his mouth was just as irrelevant as the words that were coming out of mine.

Now, almost 8 months after the arrival of his little sister; countless tears on Cami's part, frustration on our part, tears on Santi's part, and at times mine, we are back at square one. Ricardo tries but working 8 hours and going to school until 10pm, results in excuses of being tired. Don't get me wrong, I have the same excuse. I am too tired to make our little man see how bad he is being. Therefore,still, no resolution to Santi's "bad behavior".

When we took him to his two year check up the doctor blamed his "Terrible Two's" but honestly I think Santi knows; A. that he is being bad and can get away with it and B. that at times...we give up... 

Now we are here..."those parents" with "that child"... and I really don't think I like it. Just this past weekend a dinner turned into a lecture about the fact that we allow Santi to get away with more than he should and how if we don't get a hold of him now he may end up in jail. I feel horrible. I want to seek help and read up on what the professional have to say. I know that a big part has to be a really good effort on our part. But, we really don't believe in spanking and time out isn't working. We are not sure if taking things from him or not giving him "treats" will work because I really don't think he cares if we tell him he can't watch TV or that he won't get ice cream after dinner, ya' know?

What is this Momma to do? Any advice? Any good books?

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