Tuesday, October 9, 2012

{On making a difficult decision....} Parte Uno

Ever since I can remember I have worked... no questions asked...just move forward. A tabajar mi'jita....porque el azul celeste...si que esta caro.

I didn't know when or how I would post about this, or if I even would. When it happened it was very embarrassing to me. First off. I had NEVER felt or had an experience like this ever. Not even when I have been preggers, and that's cause I have had some pretty difficult pregnancies. But, a fellow Blogger posted about her experience and it encouraged me to do so as well...

About 3 weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work. Pretty typical day. Busy. Crazy. No biggie. I had just had lunch and was about to drink some Dr. Pepper. I share an office with my Supervisor, I am the Assistant Supervisor. As usual there were other people in the office... the space is somewhat open... can't remember now if the doors were closed..we have 2 doors, one toward the front of the office and one behind me. My boss, two workers from another floor and a gentleman on the phone were having a conference. Busy is very usual for us. Everyday business was happening around me. I sat there..and suddenly it happened. A feeling. Like I was loosing air and a sudden urge to breath deeply, the room started spinning and I wasn't sure what was going on. I have had low blood sugar before so I took one big gulp of Dr. Pepper and started fanning myself with what ever was in my hand. All the sudden I couldn't anymore. I started to call out my boss's name. I am sure everyone thought I was crazy. As soon as she acknowledged me I think I told her I felt sick and that I thought I would pass out. Next thing I knew I was laying in the ladies room on a couch trying to calm myself and attempting to breath. Unaware of what was going on. I asked my co-worker to call 9-1-1. Sure enough. I ended up on the back of an ambulance. With a IV drip, Oxygen and in route to the Emergency Room. All the while the Paramedic warned me of his "usual" but sudden nose bleeds which he was sure would happen, thankfully it didn't. I was scared enough with my own situation to be worried about someone else's medical emergency! Ha.

I spent 5 hours in the ER; calming down, dizzy and with sudden burst of "not sure if I can breath" episodes. Once it was all said and done a possible panic attack, dehydration and motion sickness had been assumed, I was sent home with medicine for dizziness and was asked to see my regular doctor within 24 hours. After such a scary moment I was left with plenty of questions and my head literally spinning. The following day I went to my regular doctor. After of full explanation of my previous 3 weeks; which involved work and caring for my children while my Husband was in Utah for work. He too suggested I had suffered from a panic attack and over all overload and exhaustion...suggested rest and sent me home with medicine for my nerves. Still not satisfied and with more questions. I went to see a specialist after her analysis and testing had concluded which involved an irregular heartbeat and EKG, due to anxiety, more than likely due to the previous days occurrences. Her diagnosis. A full blown panic attack and over all over load and exhaustion.

How? Me?

I couldn't believe it. But, surely 4 medical specialist couldn't  be wrong...who knows what happened or what kind of stress I have really put my body thru. Either way it was awful, embarrassing and time consuming but now the question of WHAT?

What do I do? I work 40{plus} hours a week outside of my home to help support and provide from my family. I always have. I know nothing else. I know that ever since my children were born I prayed to be a Stay-at-Home Momma...but now could that be an option? How in the world would I break it to my boss right smack dab in the middle of a Presidential year and just as the Elections department begins to boom.

After a long conversation with God, a good long discussion with my Hubby, countless texts and phone conversations with some of my closest Momma-pals and family... it was almost completely settled. My decision involved........a lot of thinking and praying. And, it wouldn't be taken lightly or easy...

I guess this is how difficult decisions are made....  


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