This morning I witnessed a Momma standing by her child's classroom as the little girl balled her eyes out inside. The Momma felt bad. I know the feeling all too well.
That moment, when you don't know if you should allow your children to learn to develop their sense of self and be independent in the "real world" or just run back in the room and hold them a little longer.
These days we pray on the way to school, I pray in silence for my peace and for their constant protection. I then take my kids to breakfast in the daycare eating area, and finally usher them into their classrooms reminding them that; I love them and will be back soon. I hesitate and wait for their reactions. Sometimes those reactions, especially my 2 almost 3 year old Camila's, are mixed.
Some days they walk off confident and happy to be in a place filled with friendly familiar faces; where they know they will play and learn all day. Development and social skills are essential at this point in their lives and I value and understand that.
Some days, they cling to my leg or arms as if they have never been there before. Those days, my heart aches a little more than usual. Some days, my own tears are inevitable as I drive to work. For my Santi, I think it's easier, he is older he knows, I will be back. Camila, she is a girl, doubt lingers in mind just bit, everyday.
On bad days, the Momma guilt settles in as I walk out of the daycare door thinking, I am a horrible person, why did I leave them? Then I am reminded. I stayed home and it didn't work for me.
Providing for my family outside the home has resulted in my own accomplishments and sense of self and development. Don't want to sound selfish but I enjoy my time away from home; no matter how stressful it can be. Gives me a sense of contributing to society as not only a Mexican-American female with a degree but as a Mexican-American female with DOS children who can be reminded that there is nothing wrong with wanting a career while being a Wife and Momma.
And, that doesn't mean I don't miss my children when I go to work. Because, I do.
The question then becomes; how do I cope on a daily basis?
Like every adult who makes decisions and settles with the consequences. I deal with it. One day at a time. It's difficult at times but rewarding when your children come home with tons of stories to tell about their teachers and friends, piles of art work, exciting new skills and oh yes, songs! FUN, fun songs!!
|Not a recent picture.
They quickly forget that I left them and are simply happy to see me.
That's when I know that the outcome is worth it.