Monday, November 16, 2015

::HELLO:: #Adele

[ Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times 
To tell you I'm sorry, for 
everything that I've done
But when I call you never
seem to be home]
Funny story, I love break-up songs. Not because I have been involved in a ton of horrible break-ups. I have been with my Husband for over 15 years, never once have we split up. Good? Bad? I don't know.

But, there is one person I have issues with. I split up with that person and reconcile; and then split up again and start all over. That person is, me. No, not crazy, just bare with me. You see when I hear songs like Hello, I think about myself. The lyrics above speak to me, Hello Connie from the other side! In a good way. 

Still not crazy, wait for it. 

Every experience in my life, has been a moment to reflect, a good moment to reinvent myself, learn, grow and start over. With myself. Learning in my 20's who I really was. How strong I could really be. Here I am 7 months from 35.

Hello Connie, from the other side. Wiser, braver and far more knowledgeable of my capabilities. Scared, sure. Who isn't? But, not paralyzed by my fears like I was 5 years ago when I was a new Momma with 2 babies. 

[Hello, it's me, I was wondering
If after all these years you'd like to meet to go
over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah
But I ain't done much healing]

I must've called a thousand times, to tell you I 'm sorry for everything I have done.  As a Wife, a Momma, an Employee, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend. I have failed. I tell myself over and over that I am sorry for all that I have disrespected my true self, hated my body, felt sad and unworthy, felt like a failure. But, I forgive myself. I am allowed to fail and fall short. To disappoint and be firm in my beliefs and thoughts. I am sorry Connie, for all that I have done. To self-manipulate my confidence and strength. For thinking I was incapable or unworthy.

I have been broken in so many areas of my life. The healing has been hard. Judged and hurt. Like so many others. 

[There's such a difference between us
And a million miles]

Hello. I am on the other side. I stand strong. Now braver, more empowered and far more confident of my capabilities and worth! A song about self-love and how much stronger I have come out of every single ordeal I have been faced with.

A million miles from where I once have stood, from where I was and have fallen, many times. 

Maybe it's not the break-up songs I am attracted to but the female empowerment songs that really call out to me. It's about healing your soul and moving forward. It's about loving who you have become and continuing to grow. 

[Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried 
To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your
But it don't matter, it clearly
doesn't tear you apart

And, I am at peace with it all. Myself , who I am and who I am not. I have learned to love me, and get back up after being knocked down. Hello, again, from the other side.

Where I am strong, empowered and above all...loved.

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