Monday, May 20, 2019

::Powerful Women::

To be a powerful woman. A powerful Latina woman. What does that mean? What does that encompass? How did your strength grow? How do you become this woman? Oh, the questions are endless that I ask myself all the time, especially these days. What does that mean Connie?'ve labeled yourself a Powerful Latina?

When you give yourself a label, you kind of have to live up to it right? Right? You have to own it. You have to embrace it and be confident in your walk. 

For so many years I had no clue who I was, who I was becoming and who was being created inside of me. I didn't know of my sense of self and "power". I didn't know the depth of my heart and soul. The power that was being built. The confidence, and how intimidating it can be. I know many, many powerful women. I am surrounded by them daily. Most I am not intimidated by but I have great respect and admiration for them, I aspire to be more like them. 

These days I know that...I am an intense person. I am a passionate person. I don't like the word no, I keep going once I've heard it. I know what I want and who I want in my life. I try to be assertive and make decision head-on. It has not come easy, my upbringing was hard. I didn't have the most smooth teenage years. I dealt with helping my parents with my three younger siblings, working many hours Senior year in High school to help pay for my graduation and enduring my parent's relationship issues. It wasn't until my early 20's that those things started to catch up with me.

Depression would loom but I tried to be the happy, go-lucky, goodie-goodie 20-something year old that everyone had known for years. Little did I know that at 37 those things would all catch up to me. 

Both in a good and bad way. We cannot hide or run from those inner-"demons", we must confront them, beat them and overcome. 

While I knew exactly what I had survived and how I made the absolute best of it all, I didn't realize how much growth and strength had also happened. I also went through this 19-year relationship (7 years of dating and 12 of marriage) which taught me SO much about my own drive, capabilities and again that strength that we all need to overcome struggles and obstacles.

I realize now how much I push others to reach their potential. How much I push myself to strive for bigger and better. It's draining and a lot of work. But, I did it, continue to and truly have no desire to change it. I want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be EVERY SINGLE DAY. Is that wrong? I don't know. But, I am also an idealist and dreamer, I see SO much potential in others, and expect them to have the same self-drive, motivation and passion that I have for myself. Is that wrong? I don't think so. 

I didn't know being "powerful" came with a price. I didn't realize that I was outgrowing my partner and that I was no longer that 18-year-old girl who thought changing the world and making an impact was, in fact, possible but had NO clue what it meant or how or where to even begin. The impact has come in the form of living my journey and constantly sharing who I am. In the most real and raw form. 

Unfiltered and direct. 

The evolution of who we want to become sneaks up on us and is more clear sometimes to the outside world than ourselves. It's just a matter of gathering clarity and truly running with who you have become. 
By no means does this mean my life is perfect, especially not now, it's not. I still navigate through many feelings and problems daily. I just don't know how to give up, ever. And, won't.

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