One of my favorite songs by Toby Mac is : "I don't wanna gain the whole world and loose my soul...." and yesterday, wow.
Yesterday was that day of realization for me.
Where I learned that I am not as close to God as I used to be, I am going and was going back to THAT place....that place where I have been. I found myself in full blown out of control tears in a CVS parking lot, texting with my sister about how depressed and hopeless I felt and realizing that who I need to focus on right now are those people who have been there...good and bad, thick and thin, and who have in some way shape or form supported me throughout my journey.....BUT more importantly that my focus right now should be HIM. God.
He has been there even when the world hasn't....and I have lost my soul. And I am done...this is my new journey. It started it yesterday, as I sat there questioning God like all Humans and realizing..boy do I look ugly when I cry...but allowing God to enter my heart once more, to fill those little spots that have been corrupted and start over...START OVER.
I turn 29 this month...and AMAZINGLY enough... I am being restored...and it all started on June 1. So, in 29 days I think God will have worked out an amazing new life story for me. Already I have called upon the support of Women of Faith...and the response from one day to the next has been awesome. Thank You to all of you who know what to say, when to give me my space and who don't question my motives. I have deactivated my Facebook and need some God time..It started yesterday....even though I went to church and sat in the Adoration Chapel for 30 minutes, it was when I sat in my car, listened to God and cried my eyes out that I heard him.
Right there...and today...my heavy heart starts to feel some breathing room.
I know God works it all out when He sees fit...and I am glad that it all came to light yesterday...for that I am Thankful.
There are just SO many areas that I have to work out; My time and space with God,MY CAREER, my relationships with Women of Faith, my organization and time prioritizing and JUST RELAXING AND ENJOYING MY FAMILY!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL SON, MY WONDERFUL MOTHER, MY LOVING SISTER, MY DAD, BROTHERS, AND LAST BUT NOT AT ALL LEAST MY ADORING HUSBAND... :D
I know I sound like such a Hermit..but sometimes you just have to crawl back into your shell and be reminded that HIS word, HIS heart and your SOUL are more important than the world!!!!!! :D
Thank You God!!!!
AND I JUST FEEL...AHHHH. A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF TODAY!!!! :D Ready for it all. :D
I am off to enjoy my day LOTS of things planned:
- Garage Sale with my Aunt and Uncle
- Help my friend move
- Dinner with my girlfriends and Santiago; my beautiful date and Blessing
- Then to my moms for family time