Tuesday, April 12, 2011

C-section vs. V-section?

Ok, there is no "V-section". And, for all you C-section enthusiast this may not be the post to read.

I am here to tell you the evilness of a C-section, per my experience.

It's true. It's not natural. And, there is a reason why having your children "naturally" is called just that.

This was, as you may or may not know, my second C-section. If it weren't for the mere fact that having a C-section has totally ruined having children for me, I would happily be telling you that I can't wait to do it all over again. Unfortunately as happy and enthusiastic as I was to be pregnant once more, a final time if you will. I don't feel that way anymore. With my son, I ignored the pain and pushed past it quite quickly, probably because my husband was there to help me cope, he was laid off at the time and spent my 7 weeks of recovery with me. It was heaven.

This time. I have had the pleasure of meeting torture. Literally from the inside out. To think that one can mess with nature and "play God" if you will is evil. The doctor follows a procedure and invades not only your personal space but destroys your soul from the the inside out. How can they think that messing with someones uterus and "woman-hood" only has "temporary effects", when in reality they have lasting devastating soul wrenching outcomes. I stood in my shower at home, feeling; invaded...violated if you will. Yes. It's that bad.

I prayed day in and day out for 5 days, so that God could heal my physical and spiritual wounds. He is still working, on both. I can sit and cry about it all day. Instead, I pray. I Thank God, for my husband, who knows, and at night simply says..."Connie, I love you."....tears don't flow anymore, they are just there.

I once had a dream that I would have 3 beautiful children all born "naturally", with a Douala and no pain medication. My reality has been so far from that, it's not even funny. I lay in a sterile room restrained to a table while people of all sorts cut, probe and stare. It's not what I envisioned when birthing came to mind but it's been my destiny. I am now recovering. I feel better. Physically some set backs. Emotionally coping. Those beautiful round soft cheeks and pastel pinks help you deal with all the pain. My children are both very much worth it.  I am more than Thankful to be able to become pregnant and to have been able to have 2 children by the age of 30. It's been my calling for many years...to be a Momma.

Now the question. Would I? Can I? Do it again?... sure..but not now...maybe in 3 or 4 years if that's God's will. My husband and I have a vision and we envision 3 beautiful children. If God allow us. We will one day be there. 

For now, I have no regrets. I love BOTH my children, with ALL of my heart and soul. I love being a Momma of Dos. I wouldn't change it for the world. What I do pray for is that my third time, I am able to birth my child naturally, which is why I am hoping to wait the 3 or 4 years.

For all you Momma's; what has been your experience; Natural or C-section? 

Mine has been a Heart-section. God has asked me to deal with pain in a special way and to have Faith. This experience has allowed me growth and patience. Faith and Love. I seek Him every morning, the way I should regardless of a C-section or not. I seek Him. He is with me. I have Faith.

Aside from God, he has provided me with the best support system as well. My Husband, number one. My Mom and Sister and my husband's Mom, Sister, Cousins and Aunt. Have all played an very important role, from a simple phone call to spending days in and days out with me. It helps. My husband is such a strong person in my life, he is my rock and without him, nothing in my life would be complete. He has been there for me regardless of his own stress right now. I love him and Thank God for him.

I hope that no one would have to go through the pain and aches that my heart and soul have felt while trying to make the best of the most beautiful experience God has given us, becoming a Momma. But, if you do, I pray that you will seek God and that he will provide you with Faith and strength and surround you with Love the way he has done with me. 

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