Momma of Dos: Struggling.....

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Struggling.....

First off, I still don't have my computer and fear for the worse.... my computer had everything on it. Ugh. HUGE, FAT, UGLY, UGH! But, it seems that those huge, fat, ugly, UGH's are following me these days....

My Husband is a firm believer in the fact that less is more, don't share too much, or say too much. I am used to sharing. My fears, my dreams, and everything in between...and while I share, trust me...I don't really share everything and I know that God is the keeper of all things awesome in all those corners of untold dreams, goals and future plans....

And, just like any other human, because I am human, and I am in NO way, shape or form perfect but growing...I struggle, with God's plan, with trusting that I am where HE wants me to be. I struggle. I move along and forward but it's difficult for me.

I am not one to stay still. I move. For years God has told me. Be still. I am God and I know what I have in store for you. But, I struggle. The movement within just bursts out and those deep down desires of my heart are aching. Struggling.

I take a deep breath and relax. As, I walked through the grocery store last night and in weeks past I think, my kids are only going to be this little once. Enjoy them Connie. They won't want you carrying them, hugging and kissing them all the time or telling them how amazing they are when they are teenagers. So, I embrace them and our current situation  Trust me, my everyday has so many up's and down's and twists and turns, I struggle but I embrace, I enjoy and I reflect.

In those reflections comes the thought  of my dream job! I feel that I am really on that journey. To seek that perfect job; I know that NOTHING is perfect but something great has got to be out there for me... that job that a lot of other women have; where the hours are good, the pay is better and there is this great balance of work and outside life or at least a good blend of  both. Trust me. It's out there. Women have these jobs. I have seen them. And, I know that comparison is not an option. I don't think it's a matter of comparing what I don't have to what they do have, I think it's a sincere way of seeking a better place for myself and my family.

Because part of me wants to just RUN out and get the first job possible to help grow our pockets... God keeps telling me...Slow down cowboy, that's NOT it.

For years I thought, "Wow! I have a pretty good job!!" Then, I had kids and my struggles became new ones. Now that I have been home and after almost 3 years of working outside the home and having children I think, "ugh, my jobs were NOT kid friendly!" And, I am seeking..... and so I struggle.

Trust me. It's so painstaking these days to "find a job" much less MY DREAM JOB! The task is daunting and my brain is weary. I am a thinker. Then I share. Then I think, some more. Pondering on the what-if's and then wishing for the right-now's! I know. I am a little impatient. Trust me. It's a struggle. The brain is always on the move... and not my friend on most days.

In the mean time, I will continue my quest and pray for the best.....{totally didn't mean for that to rhyme. Ha.}

Everyday.


Psalm 37:4
New International Version (NIV) 
Take delight in the Lord,   and he will give you the desires of your heart.


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