Monday, December 10, 2012

{Embracing Who I am} #weightbattle

Who am I?

I am a 31 year old Momma of Dos. 31. Not 21, not 18. 31. 


When I first met my Husband I was 18, a size 12 and had no children. I have always battled with my weight though. I have been a size 2 at my smallest when I was about 23 or 24....and I have been a size 18 at 9 months pregnant and 200lbs. These days I am at 175. Size 14 or so. My goal these days is NEVER to look, or be "hot". I want to be healthy and comfortable with myself and who I am not my weight or what society thinks I should look like. I want to be happy and feel good.

As a woman it's a difficult situation. The emotional baggage that comes with constant weight battle is deep. The fears and the disappointment take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically. I give up constantly, the meltdowns and breakouts get real. Then I regain my confidence and strength to move on.

This weekend we had my Husband's Company Christmas Party. I am not scared to admit that there were women there who looked amazing and are probably really great people as well. But, my confidence runs low sometimes and without the constant reassurance that my Husband provides about not only my capability to be and about the way  I look I am not sure I would ever recover... but I have and I do.


I love who I am. But, I am human and insecurities in me do exist. Some days or nights I am not as confident about myself and who I am as I used to be when I was 21 or 18. It takes work. A lot of work. It takes confident boosters and kind words and patience from my Husband's part. It's takes a little prayer and constant brain fight on my part. I am NOT a super young girl anymore but that doesn't mean I don't want to be fit and sexy. It just means that the reasoning and motivation behind my weight lose should be, I think, driven by some pretty well thought out and reasonable motives.

So, today I am proclaiming that my motives to be fit, healthy and yes...sometimes sexy are:

So that I can run and not get tired of running around in the yard with my  kids.
So that I can be healthy and live a long life with my children and Hubby.
So that I can feel happy and comfortable in my own skin.
So that I can love who I am and embrace my body and figure as it is
So that I can try on a dress and not feel like I should choke the girl in the dressing room next me who keeps telling her mom how "big" the size 6 dress fits her! {Just sayin'...keepin' it real. Trust me I said a prayer and contained myself!}
So that I can embrace who I am and who I have become.
So that no one else can define what I "should" look like or WHO I should look like.

I am me. I will NEVER look like any other "young hottie", I will always look like me. A grown woman with two amazingly beautiful children and a great guy next to me who supports me no matter how crazy jealous wife {being totally real here} I get on him. I am beyond Blessed and who I am and how I feel should reflect that. Everyday.





Sabz said...

you are gorgeous! it's hard for me to accept the size i'm at right now but i try every day. i also try dieting more than i try to accept it lol but you know, i know there is a better body somewhere inside me. but for the mean time i also want to be healthy for the kids and the hubby loves me super much the way i am. they are supposed to love us unconditionally, skinny or big! ;) this was a wonderful post, thank you for sharing!

Connie Leon said...

Thank You Sabz!! I don't know what it is but this season has me totally emotional... and I just can't thank you enough for your words!!! You are gorgeous and as well...and yes..embrace your natural beauty!!! :)

Dã Quỳ said...

You are always beautiful and sexy from inside out no matter.

Same here. I know for sure that I NEVER to look like 10 years ago or 15 years ago. However, I'm blessed that I am still healthy to take care of my kids and my family. And of course, I am me!

hugs & kisses!!!

Unknown said...

Connie you are tripping. You look great!

Leah said...

you are beautiful girl. check out those dimples! i hear you though. i've always struggled with that, and lately i'm doing better in not letting define my happiness. i am on a plan to live healthier to feel better about myself and to live happier for my children and family. keep at it girl!

Casey Ayala (DreamTree Photography) said...

I love you, friend! You are gorgeous inside and out! Fearfully and wonderfully made! AMEN!

Unknown said...

You are so beautiful! I know I haven't known you for too long but you seem like an amazing person. Don't beat yourself too much about this. :)

*hugs* Thank you for sharing. I am currently fighting my own battle with my weight.