{Mid-Life Crisis} or Not...

I know who I am...

Cheesy beyond repair
Faithful without doubt
A little over confident
Dramatic; Fo'sho'
Talkie and Loved
Impatient
A Momma of Dos and Wife to One
Blessed
Loud and outspoken
Truthful and Bold
An Overthinker {this is getting better with age...}
A true friend
Gosspiy {workin' on it..LOTS!}
Loved
Forgiven
A hopeless romantic
An optimist with a dark side
Emo' at times
 Happy
A fatty girl who loves food {did I say LOVES food...cause I do}
a Dreamer of BIG HUGE dreams!
Someone with a Past {at times very sad}
A survivor at best
a Sharer
A storyteller
a  writer
a creator of crafts
A dancer at heart
giver
caregiver
provider
supporter
A Daughter
A Sister
a mover and shaker....
I make it happen...
no matter how hard it is to stand...I do
I am a defender of those people, places and situations that I think need me
I face reality and stand up for what I believe in.
I voice it all and leave nothing at rest
I am a pusher
I am a critic
I know I can be a nag
 A Believer
Jesus Follwer
Bible Reader

Trust me. 
I know who I am.


I am not sure what all my brain, heart and soul have been going through lately  but I do know that God has been hard at work...for months now... the clouds are clearing though and everything that was murky and dark are now looking bright and clear!
At least I think so....

How can it be that at 31 I still feel...lost? Am I am not where I want to be? Does life have more for me? Maybe I should stop while I am ahead....

But, seriously. If I feel this way at 31, I definitely don't want to feel lost at 41.
I would want to have my life in place by the time I am 40 and my kids are older...
I don't mean perfect.
I just mean, well adjusted and settled....stable and established.
Happy and fulfilled.

I know.
Trust me, I know how Blessed I am.
I have TWO amazing children.
I have an awesome Husband. I have a great family and a good job.
What else do you want Connie?
You can't have the world...I know this.
I don't want to loose myself because I am constantly seeking better....
I simply want life to be LIFE but better... Ha.

No pues no quieres nada!

Yo se que....el que quiere azul celeste que le cueste...
but how much is it ?
Cause I am more than sure that I have paid it in full and then some!
Ha.

Or maybe not but it sure does feel like it....

{Viernes} ♥ & Work Travel....

It's been a busy week; work, home, life! Feeling blah and then the crazy weather....es no bueno in Houston.

It makes for a draby long drawn out week...I wished I was in bed most days but not possible for this Momma. It has been an "AHHH!" kind of week! And, this weekend.... CHANGE. Lots.

My Hubby is such an amazing person and I don't give him as much credit as I should...for weeks now he's been saying....I will be gone and you will miss me. To which I say...WHY? Why would I miss you? I got this! {It's the SuperMomma in me talking... }

Truth is. The day is here too soon.

This weekend Ricardo will leave for Utah. For 3 weeks! I will be a "single" Momma! All the single Momma's out there you will hear me whine and you will have to tell me to get over IT! And, I will. It will be a challenge with two kids that go to two separate places of care and who don't like waking up early and who cry, fight and make "meshes" everywhere.

I will fortunately have some help but as I told my boss at work... I don't want to abuse that help and I will not be fully dependant on others to help me all the time, I need to do most, if not all on my own. The next few weeks will test my organization, time management and sanity. {God help me.}

UTAH.

I am not sure how far that is from here but I am sure it's FAR. It's going to be crazy! We are going to try and get web cams so that we can see each other and mostly so the Hubby can see the kids! They will definitely think it's bizarre to have their Daddy there but  not there!

For those of you who don't know....My Hubby graduated from UH in May...in June he landed a pretty sweet job and in July on his first week at work... he was asked to go to Utah, as part of his training...for 3 weeks in August-September. Now, we are there.... Sunday he will catch his plane and be on his way...a new little adventure.... for Him and for our family! I am not sure we will get to visit him...so it will be tough! We shall see. Where this new little stage in our lives will take us....

"AHHHHH!"

I don't know what I will do or how..but I will. Manage.

I know it's a Blessing. I know God wanted this for us. And, I know my Hubby will only emerge a new person. A new well trained employee I am sure. And, somehow I feel that as individuals him and I will learn a lot about ourselves... that will help us grow as adults, spouses, parents, and everything else that make us.... US. Ha. I think that, that's what this whole journey has taught us so far... that we must be strong as individuals to be strong as a couple and a family.

Feliz Viernes a todos....

{When God is silent....} ♥

There come days in my life...when I can't hear Him. I know He is there and I can see Him speaking....but I don't know what He is saying or trying to get me to understand.... everything gets lost in translation.

My thoughts these days are; what is it? What is my purpose here? What should I be learning? Why am I not "there" yet?

It's frustrating and God knows it that I try everyday to get back on track.

I have NEVER stated that I am perfect, nor do I pretend or attempt to be....I am me. I am who I am. I speak up and move into action when I think it's just. I help others and try to build them up when I know they can't seems to do it for themselves...I don't do it for the light. I do it because I love them and want to see people succeed.

Then I come back to me. Am I really helping myself enough?

In order for us to help others we must take care of ourselves first, right? Be good in body, mind and spirit as an individual so that I can as a whole bring light and courage into other peoples lives.

It's hard.

These are thoughts.

And, I really don't know what all God is saying. Or how much longer He wants me to wait...but I am here. An open heart. A ready mind and an able body....waiting.

To hear His voice.

To follow Him.


In the midst of my imperfections and in the midst of my stubbornness. I am ready.

But, I can't hear Him....

Just yet.

{Date Night} ♥ Anniversary Edition

It's been 13 years; the Hubby and I, know each other....pretty well. We started off as "my cousins friend" and the "cousin who just moved here from the valley". Although my Husband says it started way earlier than the college years... He was my Cousin's Best Friend still is {we are Compadres to this day}... I was the cousin who would visit Houston from the Valley...South Texas to be exact... Mission. When I was about 15, Ricardo was about 17 my cousins, my siblings and myself went to the apartments Ricardo lived in with his family to swim, they had the "better pool". I maybe, glanced at him and said Hello. I was 15. I was really a whatever kind of girl, much like now. 3 years later I came to Houston to start college, I was 18; Ricardo was about to be 20.  

His family and friends called him "Flaco", he was a good ol' Mexican kid from the Southwest side of Houston, 19 years old and pretty cute. All I wanted to do was study and have no life, I wasn't too keen on guys and whatever it was their idea of fun was. My Momma taught me to keep in line and walk the path.... or else...she'd warned me about boys like Ricardo..... I listened to her and then followed my heart....

13 years later here we are. Married. College Graduates. With DOS {two} amazing little Blessings from up above.

We love. We work hard. And, we've learned to listen, care and respect one another very much. Yes, we argue. Some days A LOT. No we are NOT perfect by any means. I love him and he loves me. We tell each other things that we don't mean and then we forgive one another and remember that God has brought us to this very place on earth in our lives. We pray. We praise and we Thank God every day for all the little Blessings and the big struggles that have made us the individuals and family that we are today.

These days our family has a busy schedule, most days very busy. We lead some pretty busy lives. It's not exactly how we planned it but at the end of the day it's where we had planned to be with a little bit of faith and hard work. Together.

We have been a bit well busy lately. Still, I constantly speak of non-existent date nights. My Husband will say to the kids; "Momma and Daddy need some alone time." To which Camila smiles and nods and Santiago says; "no" and then laughs nervously.

With our busy schedules and our beautiful kids who deserve all of our undivided attention we rarely make time for us. The week of Ricardo's graduation was a rare one we got TWO nights to ourselves...with friends. It was nice. Really nice.  I do think though that a night out on the town...ALONE was long overdue.

Just to catch up and refresh. It's always nice.

So, what kind of a date night did we dream up.....

Dinner and some fancy drinks....the grown up kind! Then a Rock'en' Español concert.... Cafe Tacuba to be exact.... "Eres...." On this night the possibilities were endless...and bedtime was right around the corner. By 9pm we wanted to go home and when 3am hit we were, well exhausted and a bit delirious. To be out so late who does that kind of thing....oh wait...we used to...a  long time ago... when we were young and had no little ones to run after and be responsible for. It was amazing fun and a great night spent, laughing with friends, dancing and just having some genuine grown up fun! We celebrated and we conquered! We were parents and then we crashed out at my Momma's house...

We were determined. We accomplished a date night. Alone. For our 6th year Wedding Anniversary {13th year together-versary!}.

Happy Anniversary to the man that I can't live with and I would not know how to live without. It's been a lifetime and an amazing ride... it's been a Blessed time and happy love. I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend the good, the bad and the ugly with for the rest of the days that God has planned for us.

Team Gomez in the making....

Officially. Fat.

NO JOKE. 

In May I lost about 8 or 9 pounds and OH.BOY.TRUST.ME. Have I found them!

I know that I say this a lot but tonight as I stuff my face with Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie and read about Clean Diets and look at pictures of slim beautiful 20-something year olds...I told myself.

"THIS IS IT."

I can't continue down this path of body-self-destruction. It's unhealthy and honestly I feel uncomfortable.

The excuse that I work 12 hours a day, have two toddlers and a ton of clothes to wash; just don't fly anymore around here!

I need to get my Big Momma Booty in shape! Pronto!!
  
Good-bye Chocolate Fudge Brownie. I will catch you on the flip side and when you see me again, which you won't for a really, really long time, I will be looking good! Now take that and double fudge it!

Ok. A bit dramatic. But, you get the point!

I just know I can do it. My prayers have not been where they should be and I am going to take this time to get back on track! Focus has been lost and time is a wasting!!!!!

Join me if you will and let me know what your biggest weight loss GOAL is for the rest of the year!

Share your diets or exercising tips here!

{Life} Lately.....

It's been... a little bit of this {AHHHHH, UGGGGHHHH, EEEEEEEK} and a little bit of that {SMILE,HAPPY, TEARS, JOY}....And still we have managed to make it through a very difficult month... but I think the hardest month is yet to come...

And honestly, I can't complain.... Could things be better? Sure.
Could things be worse? Of course!
But, you know what...I am taking it truly, ONE.DAY.AT.A.TIME. 

Lots going on at work these days; which if you will notice I have been talking about that subject a little more....lots going on at home... as usual, my kids the chaos of my heart, my Husband the one that stole it.....above all filled with love, peace and faith.... 

I have been trying, TRYING really hard to get back on track with my weight and my health...it has not been the best since May. I had this awesome goal of loosing some weight for my Hubby's graduation and I did but since then I just can't manage to get it together! But, I want to! I will be held accountable here. I have to get back on track with good eating and more physical motion. I tried Zumba today and it was fun, so we shall see!

As for life..it will be there....some days crazy others boring but life none-the-less.

I love mine...

No matter how much I complain...and I shouldn't but I do.... It's a great one...

Happy Wednesday everyone!

2 Timothy 1:7

New International Version (NIV)

⁷ For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

On "the Third" {Numero Tres}

Lately it seems like babies are amongst us... a lot. Or at least on the brain or on FB somewhere....everywhere. Ha.

And yes, when my Hubby and I got married we said we would have 3 kids, because it would be a good well rounded number...right.

Then, I had ONE and thought... one is ok but DOS would be peachy and then I had my numero dos and now all I know is that if I EVER {ever} want to go to the restroom alone without having two kids {or more} camp out in front of me {yes, camp out, yesterday Cami pulled her fold out chair in there with her sippy and snacks, she said; "MA'!, caca?".... no words I tell you...no words!} or maybe if one day I decide that sleeping with two {or more kids} swirling around in my bed  and asking for milk at 1am, 3am and 4 am cause they can't sleep while I am tying to get a good nights rest for my 4am wake up call and 12 plus hour shift at work the next day is a good idea then maybe a tres is totally in order.

My Hubby is telling me that we will be ok but I am tired, drained and in a constant state of "uhm". I don't remember what's what or know my foot from my hand most days. Physically, I know I can push my body through another gruelling 9 months and then be sliced and diced without any issues....but honestly. Mentally and emotionally. I am not sure I am fully equipped at this moment. IF, if , IF it were to happen some time by the end of the year that means that I would be 32 before I have the baby and that means that at 32 I would be juggling a 12 hour a day {plus} job {during election cycle}, a house with a Hubby who may or may not be traveling for his new job on and off, the Tres {a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a baby; doable? Sure.} but what about the crafting and blogging, oh yes then there are showers and maybe if I am lucky some eating... and oh did we forget extra curriculars; cause we want Santi in soccer and Cami in dancing by this fall. Did I mention the pet rock? Yes, we have managed to kill 2 fish in the las 3 months therefore we have decided  a pet rock is a bit more sustainable. And, has anyone been calculating the amount of money this will all cost us; I am not but my Hubby I know is, considering HE is the one asking for a third baby!

Aside from just physically having them, emotion and mental stability,  and financial stability have we thought about time and attention to be divided even more and sacrificed a hundred times over.... I have. I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair to the kids or myself, to wear myself so thin that I am already worried about not having time for a third baby.

I say we are good. My Hubby says... we not good enough.

I will definitely be praying about this one. A lot.

I do have a pending discussion with my OBGYN to see if she would even have me as her patient considering all of the reproductive issues I have had. Just so much at once and during an election cycle to even begin to think about it or wrap my brain around it....

God will know.

Only Him.

{On Working Late}

At one point in my life I thought I wanted a career...you know that kind of life where you have 20 different people calling your name all at once {not to be confused with your kids calling your name 20 times in a span of 20 seconds}, deadlines to meet, meetings to attend and  drink coffee for no reason at any given time of the day {this may have just happened regardless}....

Yeah. Uhm. At 31 with 2 toddlers{ the almost 3 year old and the 1 & 1/2'er}. That's totally not me anymore. At all. Or so I have come to realize it. Not by choice at least. In reality. That is my life outside of my home, I have happened to fall into this this called a career. And, it's been a bit well overwhelming to say the least.

You know as a young 20-something year old planning a future, buying a home and getting married while going to school and obtaining a degree to be a full-time career woman out in corporate America, I thought I was doing everything right. Now that I am 31, married, working, with 2 kids, and just so much going on around me, I doubt myself and where I am going or what I am really meant to do.

I want the at home life. With my Momma Loves running around in their diapers or not {totally by choice they both now know how to take off their clothes and their diapers, yes I know my life is awesome}, yelling and crying all at once, pushing and punching while pulling hair and asking each other for hugs, don't ask, they are totally filled with a  million emotions at every minute of the day, my house is  melt-down city or lovey-dovey town at any given moment of the day all the while asking to watch "Wal-Ace" for the millionth time on demand or else! {My son is totally into Wallace and Gromit, don't ask, I have no clue. He is a pretty random kid.}

That's the life I thrive for. {Silly me.}

I know it's not possible RIGHT now but maybe one day....in the near future. And, I know I ask for this a lot, the whole being at home with my kids and the maybe one day in the near future thing. It's just that the life I have I know is a Blessing and amazing but I just struggle with what God may be telling me to do. Drop it all and be a Super Momma or keep this life and prove to myself that I can do it.... that I CAN be everything I have ever wanted to be and more..but then I think; I am everything I have wanted to be and with my kids...so much more that I never thought I could be. Does that make sense?

It's a whole different world to have known the work-life and then motherhood.... I struggle. I want them both but where am I needed most?

I wanted to change the world and make the Hispanic community and better place...I wanted to heal the wounded and be recognized by the President one day for being so good at it. These days, I want to make my son be nice to his Nena {Sister} and my home and happy place filled with joy and happiness, faith and love, I want to heal every "boo-boo"  right as it happens and never be recognized for cause it's my duty as the Momma of my home. All I ask in return is for a warm hug that lights up my day, a nap with my lil'Momma and kisses from my lil'Man... it's the most amazing life that I want..but I guess we can't have it all...

The title really doesn't fit my post but it's when the feeling emerged as the clock hit 11pm and my Hubby texted me to say he was leaving  my daughter at my Mother-in-laws so that I wouldn't have to wake her up at 5 am the next morning just to take her back. The emotions hit me as I got home and my son was asleep and couldn't tell me how awesome of a day he had at school and how he had gone to the potty all by himself. The emotions arose as my Hubby said good-night and good-morning all at once, knowing that I wouldn't see him again for another 10 to 12 hours... all while working late and seeking purpose as to where this may lead me... and where God wants me to go....

I am a follower of Jesus but some days...I become confused and think about which path He really wants to lead me down...

While working late....

By the WAY, it's currently melt-down city in my house..... 

looking veryyy tired after a very long week.

{My AWeSoMe Post} :)

One day I will be an awesome Blogger with awesome post about my awesome life... or something like that.... You know the kind that updates her Blog regularly with awesome pictures and cool how-to's with the kids, with post about trips to the city zoo and vacations with the family to some awesome place...Yeah that will be me one day..in the mean time... here I am.. the almost every day 8 to 5 worker some days 6 to midnight... no I am not a doctor, or a nurse or some really awesome Blogger, just an Election worker. And this is my life.

I don't like lacking awesome-ness! I want to be AWESOME, really I do. But, I fail. Really bad sometimes. But, I survive! I have worked a total of 49.7 hours this week alone and it's not even Friday yet! Yes. That's the kind of job I have. But enough about work...back to being awesome!

I have these really AWESOME kids who I will soon {hopefully}, really soon get to spend more time with! I want us to do stuff and plan fun {and yes AWESOME} activities to catch up on what has or has not been a Summer for us!

I have this really AWESOME Hubby who has been EVER SO supportive of my crazy work schedule and antics over why his shoes are in the middle of the hall and the kids are playing with every.single.toy.possible.all.at.the.same.time. No seriously. And where did all these toys come from to begin with! They have no concept of space is all I know. The toys, obviously! But, he is really AWESOME. While he sleeps I am on my way home and I  leave before he wakes...and still he loves me. And I love him. In a very awesome way. Just sayin'.



Are you tired of the word AWESOME, I am loving it. More and more as we go! July was crazy, I mean...awesomely busy! I am ready for August but more so ready to rest....

August is filled with birthday parties, anniversaries, trips and life as usual... hopefully a little more Blogging...about...awesome stuff and yes being awesome in general.

Ha.

{Change} ♥

For a few weeks now I have been feeling....off. As if I just didn't belong. I was in-between feelings. For people, for life, for my future.

This morning it hit me. 

It's called Change.

God has been calling me to look around myself and reevaluate; friendships, work, life, myself. It's not a bad thing, it's a freeing thing. How else can I walk towards God's bigger plan and purpose for my life, if I don't allow change, if I don't embrace it, if I don't accept it. 

That's probably the most difficult, accepting it. I have had many, many amazing friendships and jobs in my life, I have learned so much from all of them. But, it's time to move on. To move forward and God is calling me there. I have to accept it. No matter who or what gets left behind. I will have to accept it.

Friendships change, they grow, they mature, they move in different directions, with different goals and ambitions, with different opinions and views. But, then God opens your eyes and allows you to realize that He's replaced those friendships with others that are a bit more like you and on the same track of family, career and life. AND. THAT. IS.OK. In some cases those friendship were already there, I just didn't open my heart to what should be and was being stubborn as to what I thought I wanted it to be.

Lately, I have been freaking out about things that have happened even at work, that have given me bigger responsibilities. Bigger opportunities. Bigger challenges. And then I realized "Connie, now is your time to shine!" Wake up. For so many years I have asked for this, I have prayed for it with tears in my eyes and God kept saying, "hold on." Now I have it and I didn't even know my bottom from my head but this morning, clarity.

Clear. ::deep breath of relief::

Everything happens for a reason. Change is one those things that has to happen in order for us to further fulfill our purpose for His reason!

I am so excited. I am moving forward and I am ready for this change!

Ready.

Set.

GO!

I hope you are embracing change and opening your heart to what is to come. God is with you. In Him find strength. In Him find peace. In Him find FREEDOM.


For change. 

::deep embracing breath::

I will place my focus where God wants it to be and not where I want it to be.

God is with me. I know.

{THANKFUL THURSDAY} ♥ Link Up!

I have not done one of these in a while...not that I am not thankful...just that...I have been off track with my Blogging schedule....

But, here we go....

This week I am most Thankful for:


{A listening ear} I know that you must get tired of hearing me talk about my girlfriends and how awesome they are...well they totally are! I have been ever so Blessed to find good long-lasting Momma friendships in many-a-places one very important place is work! To have a helpful, non-judgmental listening ear at work is SUCH a huge stress reliever in so many ways! So, today I am thankful for the listening ears over the years....

{Faith} As Cardinal DiNardo mentioned tonight that we are set free to become disciples of God's word and reach people in EVERY area of our lives; tonight I am thankful that in some way I have reached my Hubby's family...this week Ricardo's not so little cousin Erica completed her first 3 sacraments and her next one will be marriage..sure that's special no matter what but I am most Thankful because she not only asked me to help her in the process but allowed me to be her Sponsor... I feel such pride to be a Christian today but  more so to be sharing my faith with others...

{Birthdays} Last month I turned 31. ::insert mid-life crisis meltdown here:: I am just Thankful that I have made it to this year with so many wonderful situations lived & such beautiful people {especially my Hubby and lil'babies!} in my life and happy moments despite all the bad and ugly; God has filled me with hope and joy to live a life of faith and growth....for that I am thankful. Lots.

{Ch-Cha-Change} It seems like every other month I announce change..but isn't that what life is about....constant evolution for the better and glory of the purpose that God has given us. My Husband graduated in May, landed a new job in June, and will be leaving to UTAH for about a month...in August... YIKES. Yup. LOTS more change for Team Gomez... we will be gearing up in the next 4 weeks or so for him to leave... stay tuned. 

What are you Thankful for today??