Momma of Dos: April 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Camila ♥ Month ONE {Yes already}

Emotions:

Depending on the day, I will tell you that, it's either AMAZING...or really realllllly difficult. I've had a much closer tab this time around on my emotional state than when I had Santiago. 
Some days are GREAT filled with amazing Blessed moments. And others, I want to sit and cry and feel like a total failure as Mother. 

I will say that having TWO children is just beyond my expectations and beyond the Blessings I thought I would have by the age of 30! 

Camila is a sweet and gentle contrast to our Super Boy Santi. She is definitely all that we will need to balance out this almost all boy home.
Recovery has been tough, but with her in my arms day in and day out...all I can say is Thank You God and this life is so worth it! 

Having another human being as my most loved responsibility, sounds scary and overwhelming, it can be, but to know that God has entrusted ME to watch over 2 of his little Angels, just blows my mind! I am reminded again that this selfish life that I once led is NO longer about me! It hasn't been for almost 2 years now. I can't even remember my selfish and self-centered stubborn ways, who has time to be so into themselves, I think this now. That's what having a child does to us, it's a constant reminder of maturity and how we used to be. 

They say that having a baby changes EVERYTHING. If you don't have children of your own, you have no idea {trust me, I know}, and when you do, you will remember me. If you do have children, then you know exactly what I am talking about! 

The responsibility. The Love. The commitment. The sleep-less nights. The Faith. The smiles. The hugs. The tiny beating hearts. The Blessing. The hope. 

It's all God given. 

I do complain. I am human. Again some days ARE REALLY DIFFICULT. But, that is just life in general. I wouldn't change any of my God given Blessings for the world. My husband, my children, their health, our love, our faith, our family, our friends, and the fact that we can share it all. 

Camila came unexpected yet so expected. She has truly completed our little family of 4. She has Blessed us in so many ways. She is a Blessing. And, we can't stop Thanking God for her and for Santiago. They are who we have waited for our whole lives to love. Thank You Jesus. You are good.


Highlights:

Hmmmm....where to start?

Camila is Camila. 

  • She is very strong. 
  • She is very loud! 
  • She is very much Miss. Attitude according to her dad who swears she rolled her eyes at him at her birth when he announced that he was her dad!  If you know my husband. You know he is a riot! 
  • She has definitely established ownership over her Momma. 
  • She is growing very fast. 
  • She is resting and gaining energy to keep up with her brother!  
  • She is a night owl. 
  • She loves to be held. 
  • She loves to just look. 



Discoveries:


  • I think by now she has discovered that older brothers can be mean..but they love sooo much! {Santi has slapped her 3 times...but after 3 time outs..he's is doing sooo much better!}

  • I think she knows that her Daddy can't let her cry...so she cries extra loud when he is around. 

  • I think she's discovered that when you sleep no one bothers you....HA. 

  • She is just getting to know the world around her but I know the next month will literally be an eye opener for her!   




Momma Challenges:


  • Recovering from my C-section.
  • Coping emotionally with not being able to be around my son for about a week or so. 
  • Coping with having to take care of TWO children; one who is SUPER active and the other who is completely dependent right now. 
  • Recovering from my C-section...did I mention that..I am still NOT fully recovered..but praying EVERYDAY for healing. 
  • Dealing with minimal sleep.
  • Returning to horrible sleep patterns. 
  • Having to take care of TWO children almost completely on my own after only a week and half of having had my C-section. {My husband wasn't working or in school when Santi was born..which was a HUGE help} 

Baby Challenges:


Adjusting to her new loud and busy home, her new brother, the Houston heat, and this world as a whole... 



Height:
 
As of her last Dr's visit she was 21 and 3/4 she was 20 inches at birth. 
Weight: As of her last Dr's visit she was 9lbs 2 oz she was 8lbs 14oz at birth.
Next doctor’s visit: May for her 2 Month check up.
 
What we are looking forward to: 
  • Her personality to continue to shine through
  • Her new discoveries
  • How she starts growing and adjusting to life
  • How she will interact with her brother
  • For her to be a bit more alert, active and awake..ha. 
  • EVERYTHING right now!

 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

It takes two....

For years I had prayed for Women of FAITH to pour into my life, God slowly but surely answered my prayer.


One of those Women, just happens to have an amazing God given talent

She has been a rock in my life as far as being accountable for who I REALLY AM, Who God has called me to be and I love her for that. 

She is as she says a "Holy Roller";she has been an amazing example of perseverance, truth, Love, and above all sister-hood {in Christ}! She has mannnyyy a times set examples of true friendship in my life, never loosing site of Him and never giving up on me { and people in general}. Casey is a sweet spirit with a tough soul! You may say, "what?" But, I repeat; she is a sweet spirit with a tough soul! She has a heart like no other and never gives up on her goals, dreams and who she wants to become! 

Her FAITH has proven that NO matter what your past or present brings forth; hard work and TRUE dedication pays off. She is a true WOMAN OF FAITH. She knows that with Him and through Him ALL things are possible. 

That Faith and Perseverance has been a shining light in one of her passions; Photography! As her dreams unfold I am taking one of the best seats in the house to see her evolve and create. She is great at what she does!  Her career is just blooming but her light already shines bright! {Dream-Tree Photography}

She has been there for me; good and bad, ugly and nice. I love her for that more and more everyday! 

She is one tough cookie that I love to call my friend and that God has given to me as a Sister-in-Christ!
She is one of my Best Friends. 

Thank You Casey for being you. 

{The links provided are to her Blog; where you can see my recent Maternity Shoot with her, or just click here}

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Camila Isabel's Journey {Cont.} ♥

Continued from Camila's Journey Part 1....

After I left the operating room, it's a bit of blur. I was heavily sedated and groggy. 

All I know is that I waited in the room alone for a couple of minutes and then the nurse, my husband, my mom and Camila all entered at once. 

God.

Faith. 

Family. 

Blessings.

Joy. 

Love. 

Patience. 

They all brought me here. To this moment. Of being a Mom. Of having children. Of having a son and now a DAUGHTER

I saw her little round face once more and truly, nothing else matters. The pain. Worth it. The wait. Worth it. The chaos. Totally worth it. 

I am now responsible for two tiny people, who lived in my womb for 9 months and were formed from within with His Love, His Grace, and our Faith. We knew that we wanted children. That we wanted a family. And now here we are. About to hold on to that life once more. 

The nurses first question; are you going to breastfeed? Despite all the pain, I quickly replied, YES! I wanted to hold and see her. I wanted to start loving her and showing her that I am here for her. No matter what. The way my mom has been here for me. 

It's all happiness and love. 

It was a long ride and, in the end a somewhat quick journey. But, she was finally here! Camila had arrived and nothing was going to stop her entrance into our lives. And, we are more than overjoyed with her here. 

The next 24 hours we had visitors and nurses come in and out of the room like they owned the place, Ha. But the most important visitor and moment came when Santiago came to meet his new baby sister...CAMILA ISABEL! 

It was exactly like I expected. He was ALL smiles, ear to ear. He was giddy and nervous. He knew this little someone had come to join us and he was happy and excited. Kissing her and giggling. He couldn't contain the emotions. Granted the jealousy and uncertainty that came days later was not fun but I know that deep down inside he knows of this new connection in his life. Someone who he will Love, and who will Love him, someone who he will protect and will protect him, someone who is like him and from the same place as him...my heart! 

I love my children. 

I love having them in my life at this very moment. It has taken A LOT for us all to get here but we are finally here, together. Meant to be. In love. With Faith. Blessed. 

Happy. 

Camila entering our lives has been amazing. I hope that she will find us as wonderful as we think she is. 

I know my past post were pain-filled and even bitter. But, it's all truth. Reality. I don't sugar coat and I want my children to know that yes I suffered, A LOT but that I wouldn't change it for the world. AND, I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, FOR THEM! 

That is life. 

Pain. 

Difficult. 

And REAL. 

All we can do is pray and move forward. 

 AND HERE SHE IS.....


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

How do you do?!

This is yet another post that has been in my edit section for days...{sound of pitter patter fills my hall leading to my computer room and a child stands staring at me with a mouth full of banana ready to land half chewed onto the carpet...and that's why the post is not yet complete...HA. JOY. Really it is. I love my reasons for being late on posting Blogs.}

The question is; How do you do? How will you manage with 2 kids? How will you manage with 3 or 4? 

Two weekends ago one of Ricardo's uncles came to our home. With 2 of his 4 daughters and his one son. Yes he has 5 children. I asked him. How do you guys do it with 5 kids? He said "The same that you did with one and now DOS." I thought. So simple. Yet SO true. 

I used to think Santiago was enough or as much as I could humanly handle.  Now, I have TWO? Granted Camila is only 3 1/2 weeks but she can be a handful as well, not as much as I anticipate she will be in a couple of months but still. I have managed for 3 1/2 weeks to make it. To get it all done and remain calm. 

Now, by NO means does this mean that you will come to a completely clean house and see fully groomed children or a Mom who is showered and ready for company. But, I manage. I overcome and move on! 

My family, I have stated several times is not perfect! We try our best to be at our best. That's what God wants from us. We are human. We will fail. We will have bad days. But amidst all those things...we are Blessed. We have one another. We love one another. We support one another. We are here. We share smiles and laughs. Hugs and kisses..... AND THAT, IS HOW WE DO

I love this new journey of my life. Filled with adventures and everyday mystery! Isn't that what we all seek in life to have fun filled days, expecting the unexpected! This moderate thrill seeker has definitely been satisfied with all that life has given her. 


I hope and pray that people don't see my post as negative or joy-less, because trust me..I am the happiest person you will meet despite tragedy and bad news... I make the best of every situation and above all LOVE. 


Life has been good to my Husband and I. No matter how much we could possibly complain, we try not to, but if we did, we couldn't complain as much as we could Thank God for all the GREAT-ness He has given us! 


THAT..IS HOW WE DO! 

We are AFTER ALL....TEAM GOMEZ!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Going Back.

I was devastated to go back to work when I had my son. I felt cheated and was so unhappy! 

This time. I have a little more peace. Being a Stay at Home Mom would be amazing, but it's not where we are right now. 

Where we are right now is a working class family. My husband is still in school but I pray that he will finish soon, in God's time I know. I will be returning to work not bitter but happy that I am a provider for my family and support for my Husband. 

We all have to make some sacrifices in our lives, some huge, others small, this one is a HUGE one for me. Not being with my children when they are little and handing them over to be taken care of. It always makes me nervous, they are my little bitty babies! I love them. I want to hold them all day and all night. My Santi is almost 19 months! 19 months! He is just a baby but all grown up and well my Cami...she is only 3 weeks old... I could cry but God has instilled new peace in me. 

I see my Husband and all the progress that he has made and how I have contributed to that progress. I love it. I love where our family is right now. We are not perfect. We don't have a HUGE house and make millions. Ambition in that sense is gone. We have goals and dreams that God has placed in our hearts and THAT is where we are going....THAT is where we are focused. Others may think that a big house, lots of money, vacations and fancy cars are happiness but I like where we are right now. Happiness is here and we are embracing it..good and bad.

I Thank God once more that 12 years ago he gave me the friend, the man, the partner that HE knew I needed not the one that I thought I wanted. My husband is who he is...I wouldn't change him for the world. Just like I am who I am. Our own selfish expectations about each other have been long gone and the purpose that God has given us as a couple, unchanged and unique as we are, has been an amazing ride!!!! 

The change, the expectations, began with each of us as individuals. We can only change ourselves, once others see the positive and good in us as an individual then they can decide if they want to follow. That is how my Husband and I have arrived at this place of Happiness, not settling, but satisfied! Just because we are happy doesn't mean we don't want MORE for our family, or that we are not working towards more, because we are, we do...everyday.... God has given us FAITH and instilled HUGE dreams and goals in our lives and THAT is where we are right now...fulling our dreams..following His purpose....HAPPY!!!! 


So, I will return to work in about 3 weeks or so....happy, with new goals and dreams....satisfied....and listening to God!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Got Milk? Again.

So, I have been working on this post for days now, but am just now getting around to it {Hopefully my kids stay asleep long enough for me to think}. 
When I had Santi, I was a newbie. Everything seemed impossible and too many people had too many opinions. 

Well this time around it was different. I am now a Mom, with my own opinion and experience therefore Breastfeeding came as second nature to me. I love it. 

With my son, both him and I were quickly frustrated and even though I was able to Breastfeed him for about 3 months, it wasn't enough. I wasn't satisfied. But, my body just didn't produce enough milk, yes, I have B.M.E {BreastMilkEnvy}!

Well Thankfully this time my daughter and I have both been more patient and the milk seems to be there...enough, I don't  know but I am doing supplement feedings and she is gaining weight very well. I just hope I can keep up the breastfeeding even after I go back to work. 

It's a lot of work to be a Mom, a Wife, an Employee and BREASTFEED but I think I can do it this time not just for my daughter's health but for self purpose as well.

If you are having trouble with Breastfeeding, click on the word to a great resource! Every little bit of advice and support helps! 

Again, I have a great support system and it all begins with my Husband! 

Have a great weekend!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Losing it!

Fortunately not my mind.... Ha. 

So, while pregnant with my Cami, I only gained 11 lbs, tell me why I have lost 24lbs in 2 weeks?

Trust me, I didn't try. I didn't care to try. I have been really sick, sleep deprived and just plain tired. Eating is not a priority, what I eat is even less of a priority. The weight loss has not been by choice, but it's welcomed...I guess.

Since I have literally been pregnant for almost 3 years... I have not cared what I look like, how much I gain or what I eat...I left that behind in my early 20's...around the age of 25 to be exact. It has become more of a health thing, for my children not me since I have had Gestational Diabetes with both my children, I've had to really watch what I eat while pregnant. So with my son, I gained 20lbs, I lost it and then some...and now with Camila it's been the same...

If I can manage to keep it off. I want to tone up and maintain my new trim figure. If not..no biggie. As long as I can still run around with Santiago and keep up with Camila, and if I feel good then great. Don't get me wrong, I don't and will never sit around eating Shipley's and McDonald's all day, that's just not me. But, if I have time I will start exercising, being a Momma of Dos will probably mean a lot of creative time organization. Plus, I turn 30 in a couple of months and I want to start my 30's off healthy! 

I don't care to look "hot" or fit into my old jeans, I can always buy more, I just want to be healthy and happy. Which right now, I am VERY happy as for healthy... well that will come soon enough! 

It's been a long 2 weeks and they have brought on many new trials, I think I am overcoming and with the weight gone well it's one less issue to worry about... 

I think. 

My plan; keep moving forward, eat "right" and possibly if I can fit in a workout here and there..then perfect! 

In all, I am not a weight obsessed person but I am a health addict, I hope. I have an amazing family, a wonderful Husband, 2 great Blessing {My children} and lots of Faith!!! 

I don't need to look like J-Lo to add to my happiness...I just am

 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

C-section vs. V-section?

Ok, there is no "V-section". And, for all you C-section enthusiast this may not be the post to read.

I am here to tell you the evilness of a C-section, per my experience.

It's true. It's not natural. And, there is a reason why having your children "naturally" is called just that.

This was, as you may or may not know, my second C-section. If it weren't for the mere fact that having a C-section has totally ruined having children for me, I would happily be telling you that I can't wait to do it all over again. Unfortunately as happy and enthusiastic as I was to be pregnant once more, a final time if you will. I don't feel that way anymore. With my son, I ignored the pain and pushed past it quite quickly, probably because my husband was there to help me cope, he was laid off at the time and spent my 7 weeks of recovery with me. It was heaven.

This time. I have had the pleasure of meeting torture. Literally from the inside out. To think that one can mess with nature and "play God" if you will is evil. The doctor follows a procedure and invades not only your personal space but destroys your soul from the the inside out. How can they think that messing with someones uterus and "woman-hood" only has "temporary effects", when in reality they have lasting devastating soul wrenching outcomes. I stood in my shower at home, feeling; invaded...violated if you will. Yes. It's that bad.

I prayed day in and day out for 5 days, so that God could heal my physical and spiritual wounds. He is still working, on both. I can sit and cry about it all day. Instead, I pray. I Thank God, for my husband, who knows, and at night simply says..."Connie, I love you."....tears don't flow anymore, they are just there.

I once had a dream that I would have 3 beautiful children all born "naturally", with a Douala and no pain medication. My reality has been so far from that, it's not even funny. I lay in a sterile room restrained to a table while people of all sorts cut, probe and stare. It's not what I envisioned when birthing came to mind but it's been my destiny. I am now recovering. I feel better. Physically some set backs. Emotionally coping. Those beautiful round soft cheeks and pastel pinks help you deal with all the pain. My children are both very much worth it.  I am more than Thankful to be able to become pregnant and to have been able to have 2 children by the age of 30. It's been my calling for many years...to be a Momma.

Now the question. Would I? Can I? Do it again?... sure..but not now...maybe in 3 or 4 years if that's God's will. My husband and I have a vision and we envision 3 beautiful children. If God allow us. We will one day be there. 

For now, I have no regrets. I love BOTH my children, with ALL of my heart and soul. I love being a Momma of Dos. I wouldn't change it for the world. What I do pray for is that my third time, I am able to birth my child naturally, which is why I am hoping to wait the 3 or 4 years.

For all you Momma's; what has been your experience; Natural or C-section? 

Mine has been a Heart-section. God has asked me to deal with pain in a special way and to have Faith. This experience has allowed me growth and patience. Faith and Love. I seek Him every morning, the way I should regardless of a C-section or not. I seek Him. He is with me. I have Faith.

Aside from God, he has provided me with the best support system as well. My Husband, number one. My Mom and Sister and my husband's Mom, Sister, Cousins and Aunt. Have all played an very important role, from a simple phone call to spending days in and days out with me. It helps. My husband is such a strong person in my life, he is my rock and without him, nothing in my life would be complete. He has been there for me regardless of his own stress right now. I love him and Thank God for him.

I hope that no one would have to go through the pain and aches that my heart and soul have felt while trying to make the best of the most beautiful experience God has given us, becoming a Momma. But, if you do, I pray that you will seek God and that he will provide you with Faith and strength and surround you with Love the way he has done with me. 
 

Monday, April 11, 2011

::Momma Blues:: Dealing with Depression as a Mom


So, in the first two days after my c-section and delivery of Camila, I was overwhelmed to say the least. Everyone wants to meet the new baby, you can't say no, yet you feel horrible....physically I "seemed" to be healing and recovering quickly. When I was there I thought this is too good to be true...that I felt so good.

Sure enough. I left the hospital only 48 hours after giving birth to Camila. I felt "great", nothing compared to how I felt after my first c-section {LIKE A TRAIN HAD RUN ME OVER!}. I was also feeling a little neglected by the hospital. Seems once you have your baby nothing else matters. I asked to go home. Everyone agreed. I was given TWO different pain medications and ushered out the front door of the hospital as if life couldn't get any better. Well it does....but only AFTER you feel better from being torn open and a child taken from within you.  It's no joke. As I have figured out the hard way.

The next two days were not only an emotionally and spiritually draining experience, but also awareness of true physical healing. I was home. The pain medications had worn out and my body was beginning to feel the repercussions of not being able to naturally birth my children. I had, "un-naturally" given birth and now my body, mind, heart and soul were paying for it.

To top it all off I felt; inadequate and frustrated as the Mom of my 18 month old. Sad about his tears the next morning as he tried to climb my belly and I couldn't help but yell..."NO!" The devastation in his tears and the fear in his little man cry, tore me not only further down but completely apart. How, how could I be going through this. For the next 5 days my pain would only grow as my son had to be taken to his Grandmothers to be taken care of. As I stayed home with my newborn Camila. His eyes looking at me like "WHY?". His little face filled with sadness and disappointment! Here his mommy was at home...finally....and he had to be taken away. As soon as the door closed behind him, tears and pain poured out of my face and heart. I hated EVERY moment of feeling so tired and in pain, helpless and hopeless.  Failure. I was a total failure as a Mom, a wife, a human, a person who couldn't shake it off.

Unfair? To my son? To my body? To myself? I didn't know. After that torture, I finally decided to start up the at home pain medication. You know the one  that turns you into a zombie and only gives you the illusion of feeling better. Yes that one. Well, then new pain. A bladder infection like now other. Fevers of 103.5 and pain in my kidney. 3 days of that, more tears, lots more prayers and then "a good week". I finally got the strength to stay home with my children, both of them and move forward. But, then another set back. I am now dealing with an infection to my surgery site and cold like symptoms; sore throat, running nose and cough. Just can't get a break.

But, I know soon things will get back to normal.

My children are doing great. They are both at home with me, healthy and helping me heal.


Before I went on my Blog-cation I stated that I would go into "research" mode, which I have not done really since college.

And, I think the best subject to address is ; Depression.

{Which I would like to think is one of the top New Mommy or Mommy to be questions.}

I've always believed in it and it's many levels. There is a history of depression amongst the women in my family. With that said, for years, I've learned to manage it and combat it. But, when I was pregnant with my son. I was VERY depressed. Never diagnosed because I was too embarrassed to tell my doctor, I am not sure how severe it was but comparing it to my current mood, I would say it was pretty severe. 

I never wanted to harm myself or my unborn child but I often wondered if I would ever be a good parent, if I would ever be "sexy" to my husband again, or why I was just so sad and couldn't be happy! I wondered if I would ever be happy again. 

I simply couldn't shake it. 

It was bigger than me.

Even prayers and relating to my very pregnant friends didn't work. I felt alone and as if I couldn't relate to anyone. Everyone else had seemingly normal and uneventful pregnancies. Me, I felt like, I had the worse of the worse. Everyday was a "woe me" day.

Thankfully the "blues" went away when my son was born. I had purpose and a reason to be happy. 

As I stated before, when I was pregnant with my son, I had no life! All I did was read and think and think and read. 

These days things are a lot more complicated and although my first days home after having Camila were VERY difficult, emotionally and spiritually, most are very optimistic. For years now I have sincerely given all my troubles; Family, Finances and Marriage to God. I truly believe that with Him all things are possible

My husband was laid off a week before my son was born (17 months ago) and is now attempting to complete his college education on a intern salary..which trust me is not much. You would think that with all the responsibility of 2 extra little people in our lives and just barely making it day in and day out that we would be overwhelmed and saddened by our situation, but we are not

What gets me most these days is the undying desire to be a "Stay-at-Home Mom". I know that right now, and maybe not for a while longer, it's not at all an option. I believe in miracles and I have Faith, I know that it will be God's will and not mine which will be done. I stay close to that thought. 

While I was pregnant I had several "episodes" if you will and of course my fragile and then very pregnant body would react to it. When I emerged I realized it was more about natural depression then anything else. So, I looked up depression during pregnancy. I have always heard about postpartum depression but rarely about depression while pregnant. I found it interesting that 1 in 10 women feel depressed during pregnancy {According to March of Dimes research it's 1 in 5, which just makes me think that it's worse than I thought}. And, when I commented my feelings to a friend who is also pregnant, she stated that she too felt down at times. I think women don't understand how harmful this can be to you and your baby. 

 {Reminder; I am NOT an expert by any means. Simply a concerned Mom} 
CLICK HERE to read the whole article. 

Here are some of the symptoms:

* A sense that nothing feels enjoyable or fun anymore
* Feeling blue, sad, or "empty" for most of the day, every day
* It's harder to concentrate
* Extreme irritability or agitation or excessive crying
* Trouble sleeping or sleeping all the time
* Extreme or never-ending fatigue
* A desire to eat all the time or not wanting to eat at all
* Inappropriate guilt or feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

I then went on to seek some solutions a site gave the following: 
  • Support groups
  • Private psychotherapy
  • Medication
  • Light therapy
They seemed a bit vague for someone like me who likes straight forward answers. I don't believe in medication unless your case is extreme. I do think you should tell someone. Anyone. And, as for "light therapy", I think in my case, I created my own. 

While I was pregnant with my son, I really took care of my diet and more importantly my FAITH. It also helped to have a husband who is very persistent and asks a lot of questions. He would often call me after work to meet him for a walk in the park near our home. That always helped. In all, I remained focused on other things aside from my depression.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had no time to really be depressed. And, aside from the first week at home I have felt pretty good. 

These days I deal with depression by allowing my son {and now daughter} to be in my face reminding me that I can't be sad or feeling down because if I am who will feed them, play with them, bathe them, watch over them, etc etc etc. I also talk more to other women about how I feel. Of course above all every day I start off by talking to God, asking for strength and energy to get through my days. I plan my days and remain focused. Focused on me and my situation. I also have hobbies, I like to think. Ha. I write and read when I can. I plan to start up my Mommy yoga as soon as the doctor allows me. 

I found the following report with some of the same ideas as mine, scroll to the end to read the alternate treatments.

In all, I hope this helps someone. Even if you are not pregnant. Depression is real and you should seek out help.

Even if it's just a friend who can listen.  

These days life is much easier, a little more balanced but there is always room for more improvement, which I am constantly working on. Every day. In many aspects of my life. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Camila Isabel's Journey ♥

Today is day 12! 

Yes, Camila Isabel, as we decided on, has been in our arms for 12 days now! 

Meaning that my adventure as a "Momma of Dos" has officially begun! If it wasn't "official" already...ha. It's been... a journey....one that at this point...I wouldn't change for the world... 

As usual my children do not wait FOR ANYONE! (Kinda like their parents....)

Camila was SUPPOSE to arrive last week, March 30th,only 2 weeks early, via scheduled c-Section. Now let me clarify. I have Gestational Diabetes and my children will never be able to wait the usual 40 weeks or until their "due date" they have their own "due date". I tend to be very much in the know about what my body and more importantly what my children want. Therefore, Camila came into this world 3 weeks "early", or before her "due date". 

Now, her arrival, was not "as" prolonged or "painful" as Santiago's where being that he was my first child my doctor decided to induce my labor to attempt a "natural labor"; which as you may know was FAR from natural from the beginning due to so many complications. Which looking back now, I think came to be because of my nerves as a first timer! 

Camila's journey begins on a Thursday morning {March 10th}, at my 35 week fetal/maternal monitoring and ultrasound, which as of my 30th week I was receiving on a weekly basis. Again, let me clarify, because of my Gestational Diabetes (or HIGH BLOOD SUGAR levels) I was monitored during my last 2 months to assure that number one my baby was continuously moving (there is a high rate of stillbirth gestation due to high uncontrolled blood sugar levels in pregnancy's like mine) and secondly to assure that she wasn't growing too big, too fast, which she was

But, things were "under control". 

Well at this visit the doctor said to me "Are you feeling contractions?" To which I replied.... "No...", well it wasn't long after, that Sunday as a matter of fact, that I actually started feeling contractions but they were not too bad and I was able to withstand them. 

For the next 2 weeks I would feel contractions on and off, some worse than others but "bearable". Come the 2-week mark with contractions {March 24th}, I was feeling weary and very cautious of what I think the doctor should be doing...again..I know what my body and my children want... it's my body and they are my children...right?! 

I had called my doctor for 2 weeks, saw my doctor for 2 weeks and every time she told me "Oh yeah, that's natural, you're going to feel them, you're ok...see you on March 30th!" 

Thursday; March 24th:

After numerous complaints to my doctors office, much frustration and at this point, doubts of my choice in physician..which will remain un-named...I was angry, tired, in pain and ready to have my baby. Regardless of who else was ready! That morning I went in for my usual weekly monitoring. My blood pressure through the roof and the contractions about 8 to 9 minutes apart and mildly painful at times. Well I was so tired and done with my doctor's office that they could have told me to move or the bus would run me over and JUST to see them squirm, I would have stood there, stared them straight in the face and said "NO, you move." Angry and tired. I was determined to have things MY WAY. The doctor in fetal medicine a much more understanding and gentle but affirming woman of medicine, decided that she wasn't going to let me go one more day like this. She called my doctor, who at this point I think had, had it with my complaining...I couldn't have possibly been her worse patient, my husband claims I could have been....he thinks, I know too much...for my own good. So that day, I think she simply complied with the fetal medicine doctor's second opinion, just to shut me up. 

Oh that's not all I think she did but we will get there....

So, 4pm Thursday the fetal medicine doctor stated that "my doctor"  thought I should go to the hospital for further monitoring. Well at this point, I had asked for my doctor to see me in a more serious light, and so when she finally did, I wasn't having it. I headed home and proceeded to get ready for what I thought would be my last day home. I didn't arrive to the hospital until 7pm, after which they told me that my doctor had waited 2 hours for me, well I had been waiting for 2 weeks for her. So boo-hoo. 


The monitoring and extreme checkup's continued throughout the evening and we were discharged, yes discharged at around midnight. All I could think was, "great". I have to go another week and then some in pain and anxiety. We went home. With antibiotics. Apparently my pain was due to an infection, whatever. 

Friday; March 25th:

I had an 11 am appointment with my doctor. I went to it with NO expectations what-so-ever that, that would be the day....would you after 2 weeks!? I even left my hospital bags at home and my son at a nearby Aunt's house. Thinking I'd be right back. The whirlwind of events happened and I was not prepared for things to come at me so fast.... 

I went in to see the doctor, completely forgetting that they had asked me not to eat "in case my doctor wanted to do my c-section that day"....."yeah right.", I thought and ate breakfast. I saw my doctor, who for a moment seemed un-happy with me, uncomfortable with my pain. Funny. I was her nightmare patient. How sad for her and what a disappointment for me. The appointment took about 15 minutes it was about 11:30am when she asked me how long it would take me to get from her office to the hospital? Apparently "my blood pressure was too high". I was only about 10 minutes away from the hospital. Well she decided right there and then to end my "complaining" for good! She said that even though I had breakfast she was doing my c-section and sent me off to the hospital to get prepped. I know I am just one more number in her bank account and that at that point she is on her schedule not mine or my child's, so I felt very little pity for her and was even angered by her demeanor, how dare she

But, before I could even get mad...my adventure began...

12:00pm- Arrived and checked in to the hospital for the next hour my body (and mind) would be prepped. Probed and poked, asked too many questions. A quick call from my husband allowed my mindset to prepare..he simply said "Connie. I will be there. Relax. Remain calm." That's all it took...30 minutes seemed eternal. He was on his way. I should do as he said..he is my husband after all. The keeper of my heart, the Father of my children, the person God has chosen to share my life, soul, dreams and Faith with. I took his advice. Despite all the questions; me completely naked under a gown being totally stripped of what I call, my body. I remained as my husband told me to, "calm". Deep breath in, deep breath out. Another needle stick. Some blood drawn, an IV line running and still only 30 minutes had gone by. 

12:30pm- My husband arrived. Thank God. A huge deep sigh of relief. He was here. I was not alone. AT NO time was I ever, alone. I know this, but God has given me strength in Him and with Him but also through him..my husband. He is my rock. I knew he'd be praying all the way to the hospital and that I should remain calm so that I too could pray and that our prayers as parents could be heard. We were not alone. This I knew. 

For the next 30 minutes, 4 nurses, yes, 4 nurses running around in a frenzy would complete registration and medical preparation for a surgical procedure. As "the doctor" was already waiting for us! It was like a scene from a movie. To the O.R. STAT! No really the surgery should happen at 1pm or so because my doctor had to get to her lunch break and the rest of clinical day as soon as possible. Time is money you know. I know I am being very un-fair and judgmental about my doctor and her stance, but this is how I felt

1:00pm- Anesthesia walks in and introduces herself. Still calm. Now with  my husband by my side. Nothing else mattered. At that time they asked me to take my wedding band and engagement ring off, something I don't do often, I handed them to my husband and he put them away. At around 1:05pm, I was reeled into the O.R., all I heard was "Connie"...and my husband came running after me, he gave me a kiss as I was taken into the OR. One last breath. The next hour was difficult. 

I was taken into the O.R. and given my epidural. At that time, everything was numbed from the chest down. I was laid out on a table in that same white plain O.R. room that you see in movies right before the patient closes his eyes and all you hear is a flat-line. Yup. It was that scary. I had been here before but for some reason this time seemed un-real. I was then told that several procedures would be done. A catheter would be placed, not a happy time, my belly would be poked with a sharp object "just to test all was numb", and I would start to feel pressure and touch but no pain. Like a roasted chicken and experimental hamster all at once.....

Hmmmm. 

Crazy out of body experience, I think so

Being that I have read all the books and worked in the medical field, I am very VERY vocal about what I am feeling, how I am feeling and what I FEEL is going wrong. The anesthesiologist, told me I would get the shivers and feel sleepy. That I did. Soon, I felt a tightening in my chest, and shallow slow breaths. ALL I COULD THINK WAS... REMAIN, CALM! Not allowing my brain to panic, I took slow deep breaths, continuously, as the anesthesiologist recommend. I soon saw dark spots before my eyes. And a sudden urge to sleep. But, was too scared. I didn't want to sleep and couldn't close my eyes. I felt that if I did, I may just take my last breath and never see my new baby girl. I started praying and held back tears. All the while the doctor is asking if "I feel ok?", and "is everything ok?", I kept talking to her and talked to myself to ease the anxiety. By this time my husband had entered the room and I knew he would panic if I did. I kept reaching out for his hand and kept looking over for his reassuring smile. Both there EVERY time. At around 1:50pm the first gurgle and attempt to cry of a baby girl....then for minutes, pushing and pulling and tugging apparently my uterus was also upset at the doctor and she didn't want to give Camila up! All the while. My brain and my heart are racing and I remained calm. No panic here, no sir!  I couldn't close my eyes. All those bad thoughts of leaving this world and my children and husband on their own, gone. At 1:58pm. "WOW, She's a BIG baby, LOTS of hair!" My husband face. Glee. True love. A Blessing. A HUGE sigh of relief, for several minutes shuffling. The doctors assuring me all was well and that this would be over soon. "8lbs 13oz!" Big baby...the doctor stating "yeah..she's a Diabetic"....my husband came over to me several times to make sure all was well. All the while assuring that baby was ok too. At first glance we both said "She looks like Santiago!" 

At that moment it was "HELLO CAMILA!" nothing else felt so right, nothing else felt better.... tears filled  my eyes. I could hear the commotion as they prepared her to take her to the nursery. My husband rushed back and forth from her area to mine and then brought her over for me to kiss her..over and over again...

She was here. Thank You Jesus. Thank God. She is HERE! Oh BOY is she here! 

In full effect...Little bitty Mama not only has an attitude according to her daddy but also a GREAT set of lungs! 

The hours to follow...the days that came after her arrival....all of the emotions of having a beautiful baby girl as a new addition to our already beautiful baby boy....is in the works...

TO BE CONTINUED....