What am I going to tell my Son about love.....

I wrote about what I want my daughter to know about love immediately people asked me about my son. I wrote hers first because she’s constantly asking me about what’s going on with my relationship with her Dad, why I’m not coming back home to live with them and what’s going to happen from now on. But of course, I have my son on my mind too and had to think about it a little bit more because hers came very natural to me. But, here it is what I want my son to know about love.....

I want him to know that he too should learn to love himself first. To be focused on who he wants to become. But, not overly selfish that he misses out on a good partner. That he should learn to be independent and self-sufficient just as much as his Sister. That he doesn’t need a woman/partner to validate who he is or his masculinity. That he can be whole and complete all on his own but to remain sensitive and honest about his feelings. To know that while being strong and free he can also find someone who can help compliment his strengths and self-worth but that he shouldn’t feel he needs someone to become these things. That he shouldn’t allow women to step all over him or crush his soul but that he also shouldn’t do the same to them. That he should be upfront with himself in what he really needs and wants in a partner before he commits in any relationship. I want him to know that I love him and always will. That he’s been my rock for so many years, that because of his love in my heart, I have overcome many difficult days. I want him to know that he’s allowed to cry and be sad over the loss of a love but that he shouldn’t allow it to consume him. That he is strong and capable of so much, that he can be his lovey-dovey self with his big mushy teddy bear heart but to know that without self-love, he can get lost in something that isn’t worthy of him.

He should know that he should look for mutual respect and support. That love is great when both people give each other space and time to grow. That being a provider is great but true support comes in actions, and that being emotionally and mentally supportive is necessary. That love is creating a partnership where both people have their needs met, and that love is what we make of it. The effort and actions that we put in motion more than all the words we can speak. When he loves someone he will need that person to be as strong, independent and as self-sufficient as him. You can't be whole if you don't know who you are. Being supportive is not just about being there for the thoughts and ideas, you need to help around the house, help with your children, be just as involved as your partner is at all levels. Be proactive. Be as motivated, inspired and as energetic as your partner. If that's not there then something will always be missing or lacking. You can learn to be with someone but if it's not naturally in you, you will lose.

Feeling loved is about feeling free and not feeling as if who you are, what you do, or what you say will offend, hurt or disrespect your partner. You should be free to be you and be accepted as such.

Plus he has this Sister who reminds him constantly of how a lady should be treated.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love now that I have "failed" at it? 

Sometimes I think back at the last year and just wish that I had that one piece of advice from my mom that would answer all my questions. It still hasn’t come. And, I’m not sure it ever will. And, it’s ok. But, I need to ask myself what I’m going to tell my daughter about love and relationships, marriage, self-love, growing-up and being your own lunch date.

I want her to know that her true love should be herself. That she should love and accept herself above all else. She shouldn’t expect anybody or "someone" to fill those gaps or those empty spaces. She should want to be her own lunch date every day. She should grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally every day on her own. She doesn’t need anyone’s approval or to approve of her. She should know that love is great but only when you know that it should be mutual, supportive and freeing. 

She doesn’t need a knight in shining armor to come and save her, she should have already saved herself. She should be brave and strong and know that sometimes love isn't immediate or automatic. She should be patient but know when to move on and move forward. Love, as much as you'd like it to be, isn't easy, it’s a complicated feeling and not everybody will be able to see her true value and worth. I don’t want her to look for love or think that she has to wait for it I want her to go about her life and know that love will find her.  When the time is right.... 

I want her to be independent and her own person. Much like she is now. I want her to be herself. Never having to worry about or having to apologize for who she is. Always embracing her unique features and ways, her beauty and her intelligence. Always being herself no matter how "extra" and out there she is, she is who she is, and no one can change her. 

I want her to know that love can change and evolve. I want her to know that I didn’t really fail at love because I have known love in so many forms and most importantly because I have her and her brother who both came from a place of love and I know what love can be. I haven't failed at love because I have been loved and have loved. I haven't failed at love because I have learned to love myself more and more these days. 

I don't ever want her to apologize for knowing what she wants and being strong-willed. I want her to know that she can have what she wants, not only because she's stubborn but persistent. My daughter is already becoming this strong independent girl, I want to fuel all of these feelings constantly.

I want her to know that "failing" at love is also acceptable. No one is perfect. It's not required and life goes on. 

I am going to tell my Daughter that love is within her and that even when you don't have anyone to love, life goes on because loving ourselves is always the best option. I want to tell her that love is amazing and she should strive to be the most loving even in the absence of love from the outside world.   

I want to tell her that she is love and that I love her.... that's what I will tell her about love... 

She is writing her own love story and that's all that matters. 

::Transitions::

Transition: To transition, transform or metamorphous into a new place or space. 

It’s where I’ve been for over a year, mentally. Physically the movement began, a little over 8 months ago. It’s a difficult place to be in when you truly have no clue where you’re heading. These have been some of the most difficult moments in my life to date but with time comes clarity. 

As I continue to seek it. 

With every push forward towards seeking your true self there comes a little defeat, disappointment, thoughtfulness, and reflection. But, not everything is lost. Along the way, you find new friends, a new sense of self and direction. You grow a little more with each experience and are reminded of your resilience.

It seems that every time I get overwhelmed I tend to retreat into my safe zone. But, I’m pretty sure that’s most people. That doesn't mean that that's where you belong. Because that's definitely not where growth happens.  

Going back into my comfort zone and doing the thing that I love most and know well, writing and staying in this "safe" space. Comes easy to me. So, when things get overwhelming this is where I go. To my words. But, most growth has happened in my actions. I am just now ready and able to put it all into words. 

And, it's kind of, a very freeing moment and movement if you will. To be less censored in what I can and how I say, or write about it. Divorce isn't an easy word to write, much less say. It's been a process and time has given me the words I need to move forward. 

It’s easy to be filled with self-doubt, fear, and defeat. And, sometimes it’s OKAY, to feel these feelings. Because they’re real. Because they happen. Because it’s life. 

Things are not always going to be perfect. Don’t compare. Instead, look inward for direction. Purpose is fulfilled differently for everyone.

When you accept what this life has chosen for you to bare, that’s when you can turn your situation around. If you go back in history you will find clues that will confirm your purpose. I know I have. Sometimes the signs were there but I still moved forward. Without my 19 year relationship, I would not have the experiences I have now, or two children to help me become who I am today. 

When you are called to seek a new path, it’s a testament to your purpose. Resilience & Courage. Be brave and move forward. 

These are the words I keep telling myself. These are the words I want to write about. I want to talk about how much pain and guilt occurs when leaving a marriage is your choice. How I never meant to hurt my spouse. It was never my intention but it happened. I lived with the guilt for days on end. But, I've pushed forward and learned that it can't live in your heart because it's not a way of life. 

Neither of us was perfect. Obviously. But, the choices I made were for me alone. And, these days, I am good with how it has all started to work out and "fall into place". 

I also know, that my direction has changed, and that's OKAY too. 

This is where my new chapter of life begins, the next 20 years of my life will be spent exploring more of who I want to be and how I want to continue to fulfill my purpose. 

Where I am now? ::Using our energy to move forward ::

Where I am now?

Well, I am in-between. Per usual. 

Between..... here and there. 

Between balancing life and Motherhood. Between finding myself and being lost. Between being myself and trying to recreate who I am. Between writing and taking time off. Between falling apart and building myself back up. 

I feel like I have been in this place for a while now, years maybe. Stuck, seeking a place with relevance to who I am and what I want for my future. It takes time for me to truly settle not because I don't want to settle but because I have not found the place that is a right fit for me.

In life that is... 

But, I think it all comes down to growth and continued learning. 

Does this mean I am a non-conformist? Maybe, a little?  I just want to be in a good place where I can "settle" but don't have to settle for less. It means that no matter what right now, I am making seeking this better place for me, making it a priority and my main focus. 

Have I thought about leaving the blog world? I talk about it almost every year, quitting and not blogging anymore, giving it all up and moving on with my life. But, it hasn't happened yet mainly because every time I try to quit something even more amazing falls into my lap and I have that innate urge to run with it. And, I usually do.

The writing also...... always, brings me back in. 

For almost 5 years now I  have also helped run a group called the Houston Latina Bloggers. Because of it, other amazing projects have come together in collaboration with so many other local women who hustle hard. Not to mention I work an 8-5 p.m. non-social media related position, have two young children, and I have also worked on my professional development and creating workshops to grow my blog and social media side-gig, and oh yeah, I try to maintain a somewhat social life.

In between all this,  I needed a good long pause and found a moment to slow down the Momma of Dos engine. To re-focus. Find my clarity and start over.... 

In a nutshell, I needed a true break. NOW, it's April of 2019 and the fire is back...

This year I want to give my all in a purposeful and genuine way and continue to move forward. This time, I hope it's different. I want to maintain a good focus and I want 2019 to end differently.

So, what will be different? 

Last year I started learning more about channeling into energies, vibes, and the light that surrounds us. I have since tried to truly seek these energies in myself and others. On the flip-side, I never really knew what kind of energy I was giving out to other people or how other people perceive me. But, I've learned to be more in tune and conscious of "my energy, my vibe" and who I am attracting. I know that I'm a person that tries to do as much as possible for everyone and anyone. I also know that I have been the kind of person that will find time to support others and give credit where credit is due. I don't ever really think twice about it, I just do it.

I truly believe in karma... do good for others and don't expect anything in return.

I know that I feed off of other peoples energy.  I feel that everybody has all the things they need to succeed. We choose to do things differently and to follow our own purpose and follow that light and that energy that we each carry. I always try to think about the positive because I definitely feel like I'm a positive person. Which doesn't mean that I don't have dark moments because I have them for sure. I've been in all kinds of situations and I've been hurt and hurt others but you keep going. You push through that energy and you renew it and you renew your life and you renew your vibes.

The difference is direction and intention... I want a new direction and intention for my blog...and that's what I plan on achieving. 

::Writing the Next Chapter in Life::

Sunset, Destin, Florida 2017 

Not every story begins with a once upon a time or ends with a happily ever after... at least not in the way one might think. We all create the lives we want, based on the choices we make, our societal perceptions and truly the deck that life throws at you. I can't be upset about what someone else has that might be better than my situation, or circumstance. We all work hard to get to where we are, and if we don't put the work in and strive for better then, we remain. And, sometimes people are okay with this. 

Growing up I knew that going to college, getting married, having a career and kids was the "right" way of doing things. Even though no one else in my family had really followed this path, I did it all in this exact order. Along the way, life has thrown SO many obstacles at us, as life would, but we worked hard and created the life we wanted and deserved. But, then again, we don't always control certain circumstances or life's events and things can change suddenly and drastically. 

For years I've sought to figure out who I am. What I want and where I am going with this whole passion for writing and inspiring working moms deal. I've had my share of nay-sayers, people who didn't believe in me or what I was trying to achieve. For what, for who and why? In part because they didn't understand it, and honestly for a long time, I didn't either. 

I've never given up though. 

I've continued to build and grow my community of women, my tribe of Momma bosses, not truly knowing where I wanted to go with it. Do I know now? Probably not as clear as I would like. What I do know is that now my journey has created a new path. One where even though I might be judged and looked at like I've made the biggest mistake of my life, I can tell you that I've made the best choice for me. It's been a period of true transition for us here at Momma of Dos for a little over 9 months now. By us, I mean my children, myself and their dad. We now live in separate households and have created different routines and are continuously trying to establish a new normal for us all. A lot harder than one might imagine. All of this is new to us; the transition, the two homes, the arrangements and details of it all.  Lots of sadness, confusion, pain and hurt. 

But, I am not giving up now..... 

This blog has chronicled MANY, many years of our lives together. Now, our lives are being lived on two separate paths. It's not been easy and there is so much more I will share as I can. I appreciate the love, support, and respect of those on my social media outlets, in our immediate circle, in our families and our friends.  For obvious reasons, I have not been able to share, nor did I feel I had to, what was going on as openly as most would have liked but I feel we are getting to a place where I can be a little more open about it all. 

Things are still a little difficult and details are still falling into place but we are all moving forward and trying to make sense of a hard situation. 

Please note, I do not share this as a victim. I share this from a place where I have made decisions for myself that I felt were best for me moving forward.  I could sit and share all the negative and bad of the last few months, but that's not my plan at all for this space.