What am I going to tell my Daughter about love.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love now that I have "failed" at it? 

Sometimes I think back at the last year and just wish that I had that one piece of advice from my mom that would answer all my questions. It still hasn’t come. And, I’m not sure it ever will. And, it’s ok. But, I need to ask myself what I’m going to tell my daughter about love and relationships, marriage, self-love, growing-up and being your own lunch date.

I want her to know that her true love should be herself. That she should love and accept herself above all else. She shouldn’t expect anybody or "someone" to fill those gaps or those empty spaces. She should want to be her own lunch date every day. She should grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally every day on her own. She doesn’t need anyone’s approval or to approve of her. She should know that love is great but only when you know that it should be mutual, supportive and freeing. 

She doesn’t need a knight in shining armor to come and save her, she should have already saved herself. She should be brave and strong and know that sometimes love isn't immediate or automatic. She should be patient but know when to move on and move forward. Love, as much as you'd like it to be, isn't easy, it’s a complicated feeling and not everybody will be able to see her true value and worth. I don’t want her to look for love or think that she has to wait for it I want her to go about her life and know that love will find her.  When the time is right.... 

I want her to be independent and her own person. Much like she is now. I want her to be herself. Never having to worry about or having to apologize for who she is. Always embracing her unique features and ways, her beauty and her intelligence. Always being herself no matter how "extra" and out there she is, she is who she is, and no one can change her. 

I want her to know that love can change and evolve. I want her to know that I didn’t really fail at love because I have known love in so many forms and most importantly because I have her and her brother who both came from a place of love and I know what love can be. I haven't failed at love because I have been loved and have loved. I haven't failed at love because I have learned to love myself more and more these days. 

I don't ever want her to apologize for knowing what she wants and being strong-willed. I want her to know that she can have what she wants, not only because she's stubborn but persistent. My daughter is already becoming this strong independent girl, I want to fuel all of these feelings constantly.

I want her to know that "failing" at love is also acceptable. No one is perfect. It's not required and life goes on. 

I am going to tell my Daughter that love is within her and that even when you don't have anyone to love, life goes on because loving ourselves is always the best option. I want to tell her that love is amazing and she should strive to be the most loving even in the absence of love from the outside world.   

I want to tell her that she is love and that I love her.... that's what I will tell her about love... 

She is writing her own love story and that's all that matters. 

::This is 6:: Camila's Birthday Letter and Photoshoot

Dear Camila, 

Over the past 6 years, the amount of physical, emotional and learning growth that you have experienced is visible every single day. You are a strong willed, gorgeous little lady who practices self-love daily. You know that you can do anything you want, a little too much some days. You and I have fighting words almost daily, but I love you like no one else. You are not your typical Daddy's girl because some days you don't want to even be around him. But, he spoils you rotten regardless and loves you more than words can express. 

You are not really your typical girl in any sense, which we absolutely love about you. 

You are VERY humorous, but you are also a little jealous when your brother tries to show you up. We're working on this with you. You love to make people laugh. You dance salsa, merengue and Cha-Cha-Cha. Pretty much anything hip-hop too, you love to be free flowing and we love seeing you come up with new dance moves. About your brother, you love him more than life and even though you guys fight every minute of every day, he loves you just as much. You are usually best friends and loving when you aren't punching each-other and shouting about something.

You know how to make us laugh, you encourage us when we are down. Literally, you have told me "Mom, you can do this." And, you encourage yourself. You are tough at times filled with self-doubt and a little too stubborn. We are working on this too. At times, I want to rid you of your flaws and tantrums, but then I think about how those little things make you who you are and I know that some of those traits will have to remain with you. 

You love creating and filming videos for your non-existent YouTube Channel, you've made so many short videos and we laugh so much with them. You don't like to be laughed at. But, your personality is just so great, sometimes, we have to laugh. You've mastered "snapchap" (snapchat). You love makeup and are the girliest of girls. Not sure where you get that from, it's not me. At all. Again, some days I'm highly annoyed because I have no clue where to start with you, but then we learn together and all is good.

You are not only funny and beautiful, you are VERY hard working and smart. We knew you'd be that girl, you want to learn and are very competitive. Which is great. You try hard to reach the same levels as your brother in school, and at times seem to exceed them. You have learned to speak Spanish, all with your own effort. You love doing school projects and making friends. You are too friendly at times and have learned that if kids don't want to be your friend, you can move on without them. 

You have always been so super sweet and loving and caring, this has only grown with time. You are amazing Camila, don't ever allow anyone to tell you otherwise, but you already know this. You are faith-filled and at times far more understanding than me. You are very impatient, like me. You want things done now and no other way. You are a busy body and I can shift you from project to project. You don't mind doing, as long as it's something you want to do. You don't like cleaning up, you are a messy artist. You are a creative and thoughtful person. 

You are strong, in so many ways. But, most importantly, you are loved. I can't wait to see you (and your brother) grow even more in days, months, and years to come. You are our Morenaza!

I pray for you to be beyond blessed all the wonderful days of your life...

Love yo'Momma, Daddy and Buh-buh!

:: Nancy's Cake Review :: The thing about life & Birthday's

::Momma Disclosure:: Post is partially sponsored, but all opinions and thoughts expressed are mine and true. 

It's been a while. 

I know. 

Here is the thing about life and well in this post about birthday's. You really can't predict the outcome. A couple months ago I thought about a great theme for Cam's 6th Birthday. I wanted her to have a fun Spa day with her friends and then a dinner at our house with family. Well. Then life happened. Right around the same time in February when I was planning all this, I had a car accident. Semi-bad and somewhat costly. I have been in therapy for about 7 weeks now. Our truck was in the shop for about a week and the same day we picked it up, it broke down. Two-weeks later we still didn't have  a car and more money was spent. Side note: Don't know how families of 4 or more survive with one car, we managed but it was hard. Kudos to you!

Then about three-weeks ago, I let go of the idea I had for Cam's birthday and decided we would wing it and just have something "small". Of course with a (big-fat) Mexican family you don't really get a "small" option but maybe a more contained group than usual. 

My Husband and I started looking into our options and went for a family only dinner at our house, which would still be between 30-40 people or maybe 60. OK, so we had a small get-together for 60 family members, cause you only turn 6 once. HA. Prior to this I was asked by a PR representative for Nancy's Cake Designs, if I would like to partner with the bakery for one of my kids' birthdays. Since Cam's was first, I did just that. During the first few days of March, I worked with Nancy and her team to design the cake and figure out logistics. The bakery is on the SouthEast side of town, thankfully my Momma lives nearby  in North/East side of Houston and was able to pick the cake up for me. But, trust me it was well worth it. Being an optimist, I told Nancy I would only have about 30-35 guests, but we had near 60. Still the cake was SO big, everyone ate cake and we even had leftovers!

I had envisioned something colorful and that fit our theme with Cam's birthday being, "Birthday Diva". Because, in case you didn't know, she's half child and half Diva, true story. If you follow me on "snapchap" (snapchat) then you know, she spoke one day on the subject and how her friends just call her Hollywood Diva for short. And, if you know Cam then you know, she is wild. Like no other. I don't think I could make up her personality. And, again if you follow me on social media then you know my children lack personality and imagination ::KIDDING::.

Anyway, the CAKE. It was perfect. My vision and what I sent over was embodied perfectly!

Nancy's Cakes was very professional, they messaged me, called and made sure I was very happy with how my cake details were coming along. I spoke to Nancy herself on several occasions, she is fully bilingual which helps on so many levels! And, the cake was not only perfect on the outside but the inside was equally delicious! We tried a nut flavored cake with strawberry cream filing, you guys, best choice ever. Visit her page for all the fun designs and cake options. The one cake that sold me, and if you know me you know why, was her UH cake! It's my alma mater and I love it!

FOLLOW NANCY'S CAKE DESIGNS ON:

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/NancysCakeDesigns/

WEBSITE: http://www.nancyscakedesigns.com/ 

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/NancysCakeDsgns

IG: https://www.instagram.com/nancyscakedesigns/

And, as for life and birthdays, no matter how far off track things can get, or how lost you might think a cause maybe. It's truly not that serious and there is always a better and fair alternative or solution. Cam's birthday wasn't what I envisioned it to be this year, but we have many more with this little Diva so we'll get it right one day!

Either way, everyone loved spending the afternoon with Miss. Birthday Diva and she absolutely LOVED being Diva for the day!!!  ::done using the word DIVA::

HUGE Thank you to Nancy's Cake Designs for making our day extra special and to our family who came and joined-in celebrating my little miracle baby!

P.S. Yearly Birthday Letter/Photo-shoot to follow..... 

::Camila turns 5!:: Cuando...Todo Cambio.

The last 5 years and Camila’s letter….

Camila's Journey Part 1

Camila's Journey Part 2

You can read about Camila's Birth at links above.

You can read all of Camila's letters HERE. 

A little more about Camila. You know the little 5-year-old sassy pants that lives in my house and has more attitude in that itty bitty skinny body of hers, than anyone else I know.

Sassy, yes. Attitude, yes. Bossy, Oh hell yes. Confident, pretty much. Capable, yep. Will she one day be taking names and kicking ass, I hope so.

I don't know where the last 5 years have gone but I am sure they are now lost in the infinite tantrums, eye-rolling and cussing; I mean me not the 5-year-old. Well her too, a little. Camila came into our lives as a surprise. Yes, an unplanned pregnancy!  ::insert gasps here:: When I found out I was pregnant again, I cried. Mostly tears of fear but they quickly became joy and happiness. I was scared senseless, though. My son was 10 months old. I had a horrible first pregnancy which ended with an even more horrible C-section. My Husband was a full-time student, working internships and traveled. I was about to be promoted to Assistant Supervisor at my job. I was sure the second baby would be the end of me, and guess what although the pregnancy and delivery were very similar, it was SO much easier the second time around.

How was Camila Isabel named? Well, there is this Mexican group named Camila, and when I become pregnant with Santiago they were a thing. Only I was having a boy and not a girl. So, when I became pregnant again and found out, this time, it was a girl, we knew Camila would be her name. Isabel? Well her Daddy is in love with Brad Pitt, I mean over the moon infatuated, will he hate me for saying this? Yeah, pretty much. But, it’s totally relevant to my story. Where was I? So he loves Brad Pitt. He also loves his movies, one very unknown to me was Legends of the Fall, in the movie a gorgeously mixed Native American/Caucasian little girl named Isabel Two grows up to become a gorgeously beautiful mixed Native American/Caucasian woman who marries, yep, Brad Pitt. She is killed in the movie and it's a horrible tragic love story. My Husband loves drama so he loves that movie and Isabel Two, so Camila is Isabel too.

{By the way, I have been crying the whole entire time I am typing and I can't see past my tears. This is sure to be an ugly cry moment by the end.}

Dear Camila, 

The last 5 years have gone by too fast, before you were born I wasn’t sure what to expect. Now that you have grown you are exactly what I hoped you would be. You talk for days on end. You love everyone so much, until you are angry and then we are the worse family on the face of this earth. You have a fierce intensity about you, your focus at times is tremendous. Sometimes, too intense for me. But, we manage.

Your imagination is truly awesome, you have entire conversations with your friends over a fake cell phone. You take fake selfies and text or email people while you blog and “do wo-k”. You sing in the shower which we will catch on video to further embarrass you one day. Your song selections go from the Contemporary Christian songs you hear at daycare all day to Love yourself  by Justin Bieber. Who you know is Selena Gomez’ boyfriend. You have no clue what you say sometimes but you repeat it all with such conviction, you would think that you really know about Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s drama.

You have now been a ballet dancer, a soccer player and currently a baseball player. You love and want to do it all, until you actually have to do it all, then you are ok with quitting to do something else. You are good at baseball. You are tall, with straight tangled hair and those long skinny legs are all the rage! We love you so much.

Since you have your brother who is now in Kinder, you too want to go to Kinder and want to do homework, ride the bus and go on field trips. Because well you love Santiago so much you want to be like him and with him every day all the time. Him, not so much, except when he is trying to protect you and make you happy. In which case you guys are best friends.

You have a ton of “best” friends, who you get over daily and then become their friends again. I guess that's how pre-school and 4-year-olds roll. You would think that you are a teenager, your thoughts are deep and your drama is very real.

You are very smart and remember people names and then ask about them randomly. You are very crafty and love to learn. You are very thoughtful, and remember things like people birthdays and likes, and on their birthdays, you want to buy them everything they like. We don’t but you would love to.

You love bright happy colors like pink and purple, because you are that happy cheerful little girl. Everything about you is girly, which is beyond me, I am not really that girly. You love nail polish, make-up and pretending that you rule the world. You are strong, and brave. You fight with Santiago and have become very tough over the years, sometimes a little too tough.

You are always sick, or so you think. At school, they call you sickie-wiki. You love being pampered and babied. Yet you are very independent and have learned to do everything Santiago does in half the time. Especially the talking. That you have down packed. You are a little Diva. You love to look pretty and wear dresses but hate brushing your hair or your teeth. Even when we threaten that they will rot and fall out, you don’t care or believe us.

You are loved. No matter what. So much. By so many of us. Don’t forget that. Ever. You tell me all the time that Jesus is in your heart and that we should not be scared. I tell you to please hold on to that. This world is not easy. Some day you will have to work hard for what you want and hold on tight to what you believe in. God will be with you.

I want you to grow up to be a courageous strong warrior who will one day rule the world. I want you to be who you are. I want you to be as strong and confident as you are today. I want you to believe in yourself and not depend on others to validate your abilities. You are strong, you are capable and you will be a warrior. These are things I tell you when you come home sad that your “friends” are being mean or don’t want to be your friends anymore. I remind you that not everyone has to like you or be your friend because that’s the truth.

I am a little harder on you some days and it’s only because I want you to do well in life. We don’t sugarcoat in our home, we tell it how it is. You and Santiago are very much the same way. Honest and raw. We love it.

And, we love you too. So much. Always remember that.

Love you,

Your Momma!

::Cami:: 4 years of Blessings...

{Birthday Letters are kind of a big deal for us, you can read the yearly series ::HERE::}

When God blesses you, it's always to the fullest. Santiago was only 10 1/2 months when I found out I would be a Momma again. I cried, in fear. Another baby. I couldn't possibly do it. My plate was "so full" already. Months later we found out we were having a Girl. Oh boy. The tears were new. Happy. Blessed. Joyous. My heart was full now. Our family complete. Our lives made new. Never would I have thought that I would have the amazing little Princess Diva that runs our house today.

A letter to my daughter on what the last 4 years with her have been about and who she is today:

::Dear Camila::

Today you turn 4. You act like you are 13 year olds and talk for days. You love to dance. You make the silliest of faces. Your favorite things are dancing to Bruno Mars-Uptown Funk You Up and Maroon 5-Sugar; as well as making your brothers life impossible. It's good, keeps him on his toes. He is rough and you guys fight a lot but he loves you so much. And, you admire him. I pray this continues. 

When you throw fits {and oh my do you throw fits} he is the one that helps calm you. It works sometimes. He does his best. You love wearing makeup, dressing up and nail polish {lots and tons of nail polish, in every shade of pink}. You asked just this week if you can dye your hair pink. Don't know where you get all of this from but it makes for interesting days, and it keeps me on my toes. You are very girly. Very. 

You love dresses. But you also love dirt. You are super sweet, caring and sensitive. But, you can also be feisty and tough. You speak "Spanish" when you want {it's usually a cuss word or something you shouldn't be saying. Totally our fault.} and claim that your Brother is SO Mexican. Not sure what that makes you. 

You love everything Princess and you act like one too. You love your GranPa Chuy. You love your teacher and you even wear your sweater around your waist like her. It's hard to see you in pain or when you are sick, because you are so tiny. The last 4 years have flown by. You are no longer my chubby little baby, you are now my skinny long leg baby. 

You finally, yes barely {no judgement please}, moved on from your "titi" and are now a "big gurl" and drink from a Sippy. It took me a long time to allow you to let go. I had to. You look crazy with a bottle. 

You have the funnest dance moves, you care very little about what others may think of you and you are most definitely yourself. I don't ever want you to think that you can't be yourself. I want you to know that you should above all love who you were created to be. I want your confidence to grow, I want your little wings to give you the energy needed to be who ever you want to be. I want you to follow your dreams. Never allow others to tell you otherwise. Be yourself. 

You are stubborn. A lot. You want things done your way. You are competitive. And, you are outspoken and not shy. I don't want that to change. But, I do want you to use your personality for the better, for your own well-being and to become a strong, confident grown-up. 

The last 4 years have been a heart-filled life lesson and one of the biggest blessings God could give us . The light and colors that you bring into our lives shine brighter everyday. I pray that you continue to shine. That your smile grows and remains, that your heart is soft but your eyes wide open. Don't be naive to the world around you. You are smarter than that. Don't go with the flow just because, have a purpose and reason.  

Your laugh is contagious. You are our little baby no matter what. And, always will be. We love you. So much. Much more than you can ever imagine. I know that right now, you don't like that I have so many rules, that I am constantly watching what you do. Or, that I might push you to try even though you want to give up. You will thank me later in life. I hope. 

You are everything we could have ever wanted in a perfect little Princess baby. And so much more. 

God has filled our home with amazing love.  {You and your Brother are the life of this place..without you we would be nobody.}

Love you ALWAYS so much more, 

Your Momma

How to be a Momma to a Girly Girl?

As you may know I am a Momma to a son and then I am Momma to a Girl. GIRL. Did I mention Girl? She is not just any girl; she is "a" girl. Very detail oriented, remembers everything you say and loves her clothes and hair a certain way. If you see me on Social Media you might think... she is just like you! And, yes to some extent I am  a Girly Girl. But, as I have gotten older and become a Momma I have become very tom boyish, plain Jane, and am VERY comfortable with it all. 

I don't care to do my hair every day. I no longer sleep with hot rollers and face masks. I should tho. I am happy being frumpy me on most days. But, the comfort makes me forget. I forget that I too loved being girly and that my Cami is just starting to be a girly girl. 

Today I will share 5 ways that I will be a Momma to a Girly girl so that she can be herself and learn that we can be beautiful and smart all at once. 

::5 ways to be a Momma to a Girly Girl::

1) Paint her Toes~ One of Camila's favorite things is to paint her nails. I am usually busy and rarely get a chance to get pedicures of my own but when I do, it feels amazing. I love feeling pampered, who doesn't right? The other night all Camila wanted was her toes painted. I didn't want to be bothered. I tend to forget how fun and awesome it feels to have someone pamper you. I want my daughter to feel loved and pampered. Because she deserves it and much more! Plus she will learn that all of her hard work deserves some relaxing and treating yourself. 

2) Give her Space~ Giving Camila her own space and allowing her to be herself gives her confidence and strength. I love that she knows exactly what she loves. Yes she is only 4 but trust me she is very good at knowing what she loves; these days it's lip gloss and nail polish. She has true collections and is very proud of them. I don't ever want to stop her from being herself. I know plenty of beautiful Makeup Artist and women who look amazing and are CEO's.  Camila will choose who she wants to be and I want to give her that space but with guidance. 

3) Let her Dress herself~ A great way that Camila shows individuality is in dressing herself. Trust me most days she does a lot better than I would. Often my Husband says I won't be able to afford her, but my number one priority will be to teach my daughter to work hard and be able to afford herself. It's an example that I had growing up, my Momma was independent and I have been as well. My Sister and I own what we have because we bought it. No need to be dependent on others for stuff.  A little strong for a 4 year old? Yep. It is but she definitely needs to learn it. 

4) She can be  Princess whenever she wants~ She is 4, reality is years away. I want my child to be a child. That means if she wakes up and feels her inner Princess shinning on any given day, she should be able to be a PRINCESS darnit! She is in our home. We love her. While we want her to constantly learn value, morals and self-esteem we also want her to be a child and enjoy life. With or without her crown. 

5) Give her attention~ I want to genuinely give her my time and attention. Some days are difficult but the more time that I can give her the better she will communicate with me. She loves to talk. I will learn to listen, always. She is one of the loves of my life and she deserve all of my time and attention. Her and her brother have a lot of patience for me and my writing in return I like to think that I can be patient with them and what they need. Camila is so loving, she loves to spend time with me and I love her so much. I want to always show her that I care and listen. Communication will be essential in later years. 

::3 Year Old Letter to Camila Isabel::

A week ::and 2 days:: ago, yes I am late, my tiny princess turned 3!

A letter I wrote to Cami on her 3rd Birthday.... 

Today you turn 3, when I look at you I see a tiny teenager filled with innocence and pure-heartedness. Your eyes are always seeking more and your laugh is so genuine and filled with life and joy. You can be a perfect princess and a tantrum throwing 3 year old all at once. I see attitude and sweetness. One day you might not want me to be around you but remember that I spent endless, sleepless nights cleaning your butt and puke off my shirt. You will owe me some quality time young lady! You are definitely worth it. 

I don’t know how many more years will pass before I can no longer carry you to bed or before you no longer want me to but for now I know that it's one of my most favorite times of the day. Not only because the whirlwind of constant action that you and your brother create, temporarily rests but also because of the moment.  I pick you up usually from the couch and you always wrap your skinny sweaty arms around my neck and place your  tiny clammy hands on my cheek. Those tiny hands are a beautiful reminder that nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. 

Your favorite movie right now is Despicable Me 2, the “funny one with Lucy”, you say. You love the purple Minions and your birthday party had to be minion filled you walked around the day before saying…”BLAH!” and sticking your tongue out just like the minions do.

You can talk forever and a day, much like myself. You love medicine and feel “sick” on a daily basis. Mostly for the drama. And, because you don’t like school/daycare much. Your Dad somehow believes you everyday. Everyday.

Your brother is your world, you want to be like him, you want to play with him and some days if you are lucky he lets you breath the same air as him.

You are sensitive. A lot. But, don’t let that fool you because I have seen you be tough. You can stand your ground when needed and can be a bit stubborn at times. You get your way sometimes. Keep on. You will need a little of all these traits to become a great leader. Which as Bossy-McBossy in our home you usually take the lead.  

You are super girly more than me, I have no make-up because you get a hold of it and make it your own. You love company and are such a social butterfly. You speak and we listen. You are beautiful in so many ways, remember that everyday. Never allow this world to tell you otherwise. 

You despise brushing your hair. You have a frantic look most days but it suits your cute little face and trust me it never phases you....ever. 

You are complex and so simple. You are always happy and your imagination is growing daily.

You make silly faces, the funnier the better, you like your brother are very animated and you are a happy girl.

You love to model and as soon as your Dad stats playing... "Applause" by Lady Gaga your hands meet your hips and you start walking, waving, spinning and blowing kisses. It's the best.

Your favorite song is Royals by Lorde. You love it. You sing it.

You complete our lives and shine light and happiness into our family. You are an amazing daughter who yes can be a bit stubborn and demanding but you are also filled with hugs and so much LOVE. You have learned to pray for all of us, everyday.

You are a Daddy's girl, your every word steals his heart, he calls you "piernitas" because since the day you were born you made a pact with him that you would never have long legs, but you do. Keeps him on his toes, for years to come I am sure....

You still drink from a "Titi" (bottle) you are obsessed, you carry 3 at a time. You are a bottle hoarder.

I love sitting and watching you talk. Your thoughts are always so insightful, you question those things that I as an adult, never think to question. I love that.

Happy Birthday Camila. You are our world. We LOVE you so much!
Love,
Momma, Daddy and Santi. 

{On Recovery}

Seems like these days RECOVERING is a big deal! No joke. When the Hubby and I were younger..in our 20's we could go out night after night, stay out late, wake up early and keep going! Seems like the last 3 years as the years go by, recovering from a long night, or a day's event, is so much more difficult!

It takes a lot of energy makers, like rest and a ton of GREEN TEA and Vitamin B-12, to finally days later get back on track! Haha. It's life, age is age, we stay active and being tired is well, inevitable. Every weekend we say, "this weekend we will rest!" Then some really cool opportunity or idea pops up and we just must GO!

Team Gomez on the GO!

What was the point?

Oh yes, two weekends ago was Good Friday, Cami's 2nd Birthday and then Easter! SO, recovery took a little bit longer than a Monday and Tuesday..it took me all week! Then, I had tickets to attend a great event this past weekend and well we just couldn't pass it up! So, here we are in recovery mode ONCE more, haha.

What our last few weekends have looked like {Enjoy!}: