::Four Tips on How to Pick A Therapist Now That You’re Ready for Therapy:: Guest Blogger- Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT

LINK TO MORE EPISODES::HERE:: 

As Mental Health Awareness Month comes to an end, you’ve probably heard about the importance of therapy many times by now.  Now you’re finally convinced that therapy isn’t restricted to people living with a major mental illness and realize you don’t have got be in crisis to go to therapy.  

Yay, you!

The problem is you don’t know where to start on finding a therapist.

No problem!  

Here are Four Tips on How to Pick A Therapist Now That You’re Ready for Therapy:

1) Ask for a Referral from People You Know:  Don’t be afraid to ask people you know if they can recommend a trusted therapist.  Most people are eager to share a referral of services they love.  Therapy is no different.  Ask them what they like about the therapist; why they chose them; what they gained from therapy with them.

2)  Ask for a Referral from a Physician:  Medical professionals often have a network of referral sources, including therapists to whom they refer clients.  If the reason you’re seeking therapy is related a medical issue, you can also sign off medical consent for your physician to collaborate your care with your therapist.  Addressing both medical & mental health issues is key to getting the most out of your therapy process.

3) Use an Online Therapist Directory: If you rather find a therapist on your own then hop online.  There are several online directories, including melaninandmentalhealth.com which specializes in listing culturally competent therapists, that you can search by your location to find a therapist near you.  Most of these websites will include a link to the therapist contact info.  This is a great way to review several of your options at once.

4)  Call the Therapist: Now that you have a referral, maybe even a few referrals, reach out to the therapist.  Call them and tell them you’re interested in going to therapy but first, you want to find out a bit more about their service.  Some therapists, such as myself, offer free phone consultations.  These consultations are the perfect opportunity to give the therapist a general overview of what’s bringing you to therapy (remember, this won’t be a therapy session) and asking them a bit more about their practice.  This also allows you to get a feel for the therapist’s personality on the phone.  Finding a therapist that you feel is a good fit for you is essential to the therapy process, so if the vibe feels off, don’t be afraid to keep looking.

The process of finding a therapist can be overwhelming, especially, if you’re eager to start on the path towards healing.  Stay encouraged and remember, there is strength in seeking support.  Use the tips listed above and commit to the process.  

Remember, therapy works if you work the therapy! 

XOXO

Your Favorite Therapist,

Eliza

Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT

trswc.com

https://www.melaninandmentalhealth.com/

281.849.9914

As a Licensed Psychotherapist, Relationship & Sexuality Expert, and Owner & Founder of The Relationship & Sexual Wellness Center, Eliza Boquin works with couples and individuals to overcome any traumas, pain, or destructive patterns that keep them from enjoying healthy, satisfying, and pleasure-filled lives.  By working with clients in her office, online, and in workshops Eliza helps people gain the skills necessary to get closer to their life and relationship goals.  She is also the co-founder of Melanin & Mental Health, an organization committed to spreading mental health awareness in Black & Latinx communities.

She believes that pleasure is our birthright and shame is one of the greatest blocks to enjoying healthy, balanced lives. Eliza's journey of finding healing through self-compassion drives her to help others heal from shame. 

Topics of discussion she frequently comments on include: Unapologetic Self-Care, Therapy Stigma in Minority Communities, and Mutually Satisfying Healthy Relationships.  Her advice has also appeared in Bustle, ThriveWorks, Good Therapy, Stylecaster, Fatherly, Business Insider, and various local radio stations in Houston, TX including Amazing 102.5.

Download Your FREE Self-Care Reset Guide:

http://bit.ly/selfcarereset

::Hidden Figures:: Movie Review

This is not paid content and the review is something that came to me because I am super passionate about the things I love! 

{Image Credit: Google Search/Patheos Site}

I finally saw the movie Hidden Figures, and I knew it would be good and I knew I would like it. I mean empowering women of color is in my DNA, right? But, I didn't realize that I would identify so much of myself to the main character of this movie.  Katherine; an educated woman of color who is always overlooked, looked past and through. As a Mexican-American woman in corporate America since 1999, I have had similar experiences in the workplace. No matter how hard you work, someone else always gets the credit. That, someone else, is usually not a person who cares to work as hard as you because of their position of entitlement, which I find sad.  

The notion that you're invisible and irrelevant to your employer even though you're the one getting the work done is one that I have lived with for over 10 years now. Even though I have been in "high ranking" positions, it hasn't been an easy task to accomplish and it also doesn't guarantee truly being recognized or appreciated as much as others. While I definitely DON'T know the extent of racism that these incredible NASA professionals experienced, I have felt the inequality of gender and race in most of my positions and as a culture in the companies I work for.

Please don't get me wrong, this isn't a moment of self-pity or for others to feel sorry for me. Nor is it a complaint or bashing of any current situation in our nation. But, instead, an eye opener. That again, the extent and overt racism experienced by the female "computers" of NASA in the 1960's, still may linger in very low key ways and places where we least expect them. Not too much has changed for women in the workplace, while it is "better" there are still so many barriers we must overcome. And, we will overcome them. {i.e. Women's March 2017}

                                                              {Image Credit: Google Search/Hollywood Reporter Site}

There were moments in the movie where I could NOT hold back my tears. The first pivotal moment was when Katherine had to explain where she was 40 minutes of every day. No one knew her struggle and most overlooked the things that blared out to her. The fact that her boss was so busy he didn't see the barriers she faced, was truly no excuse, but I loved that he was the first one to take action and make those barriers less. I cried so much, I have been there. In white male dominated industries, where the issues a woman may have are not important to them, yet we get our work done and move forward with the pains and barriers we carry. 

Another moment where I felt truly happy and empowered was when Mary explained why the judge should grant her the ability to attend an all-white school. Of course, as you can see at this point, as women, we are always required to defend who we are and why we want to do things to improve our lives. But, that's OK, we endure and move forward. Mary's story is one that as a Momma and Wife, I struggle with, should we go back to school and better ourselves? The answer of course is YES, the issue of when the time is right will never happen. We remain busy and there will never be a better time, than now! I loved her boldness and strength. 

{Image Credit: Google Search/CNN Site}

And, the final moment that made me just fill with awe and admiration for these women was when Dorothy became supervisor of the newly formed IBM group and walked into the IBM room with her entire group of "colored computers". She was proof that when you resist you persist. 

                                                        {Image Credit: Google Search/Boston Magazine Site}

If you have not seen this movie, I recommend it for everyone. To me it was empowering for women of all ages and races. I watched it with my kids, and they knew so much about segregation, being of color and Martin Luther King Jr. that they followed along very well. When Dorthy walked into that IBM room, Santiago said.. "MOM, SHE DID IT!!!" I explained to Camila that because these women were smart, brave and strong they succeeded; she asked if she should be that way in school, to which I replied YES. You should! 

It is in these moments that we should teach our children both boys and girls, to stand firm in what they believe in, to truly follow their dreams and passions and to be BRAVE and stand strong together! I know my kids received the message. They are learning about what it's like to be brown in America, I want them to know their place, to claim what is theirs and to never be scared to be themselves! Regardless of their skin color or gender, they know that if they are strong and brave they will succeed, it's what I plan to instill in them! 

{Image Credit: TenderNest Portraits Houston Texas}

::Timing and Being Serious::

I have been going through a bit of a "transition", maybe claiming a new sense of self and peace. Growing further in my own skin and owning who I really am. With moments like this always come a time of reflection. And, yesterday as I drove to lunch I had a couple of thoughts and one of them was how life is so short and really shouldn't be taken so serious. The second thought was about timing. How it has worked out for the better in my life and how I am now taking advantage of it. 

When I was in college my Biology professor who was probably about my age now, in her 30's, said this to me after I complained about an A-minus when I wanted an A or higher in her class. She said;

"It is not that serious. You think this class is the rest of your life, girl, you have a long way to go. And, this class is nothing compared to the real world. So, get over it." 

Boy was she right. At almost 35, I look around and think about people and all I can say is, "It is NOT that serious." I have had those words in my life for years since I was a 20-year-old in that Biology class. Trust me, my perspective on that day in that class to now 15 years later has truly changed. I have been through so much in my life, that now I can't help but think how short life is, and how it's really not that serious. Taking yourself too seriously and thinking that one experience or moment will define you, is not good for you.

I am not saying that I became this irresponsible person, who just threw caution to the wind and never strived for an A-plus or higher again. But, I did tone my seriousness down, cause I realized that life was about so much more than that A-minus in that one class! Y'all life is too short, there is so much to be lived, to be hung up on one thought, one idea, or one grade. I learned it all the hard way, as most of us do. These days I am serious when needed, just not all the time. 

Then I think about how timing is everything.

Yesterday I drove past two business that I had previously interviewed at, on the same street where I work now.  In the last two years, I had been looking for work but wanted to remain near my house for the sake of time and my kids. I used to work across the street from my house, but the position there wasn't what I had in mind for my career path. I knew I had to find a better job, even if meant driving further than across the street. Why remain in a toxic environment or a place you know doesn't fit who you are, when so much more it out there.

Well in those years I interviewed for two very good companies about 20 minutes from my house. The jobs both had good pay, but extended hours which was doable to some extent and were good positions. But, I wasn't selected for those jobs. Then I received a promotion at work and thought I would be fine to stay across the street from house, for a while longer. I wasn't really searching anymore. But, one day out of the blue in June of last year, a friend emailed me and asked if I was still looking for work. I said no but wouldn't mind hearing more about the opportunity she had.

Today I work exactly 15 minutes from my house, hours are great, pay is perfect and I am off every other Friday. I am still close to home and the job demand is better than what the other two jobs were asking for. Point is, that no matter how great the other two jobs were or how close I thought they were. The timing wasn't right. Now I drive past those two companies when I go to lunch and have no regrets about my new job.

Sometimes we want things to happen on our time and when we want them, but the stars and moon have to align for that perfect moment when all things good come. And, we just have to wait for those things to happen. Of course always working towards our goals but giving it time to reach us. And, time for us to learn and embrace our current situations.

Life is like that...a series of unexpected events that we sometimes need to embrace...

Happy Tuesday Everyone. 

#LATISM15 Conference Recap

                     ::Momma Disclosure:: This is a compensated post. All statements are my true and honest opinion. 

There is something powerful about a large group of Latino's who come together. Trust me I have experienced it first hand. We have filled the U.S. Capitol and stood firm against the rain, united. It's what LATISM did to us. Brought us all together, both Latina's and Latinos into one city to be heard as one voice. Not of anger or filled with fighting words but educated, informed and knowledgeable about what we believe in. I didn't know what to expect, I was scared to voice my opinion, then we convened the first night. After which I was asked by another conference attendee to join forces with her and bring more strength to our cause, women rights. Especially against violence, against deportation, against separating families. 

I know that we didn't come together in DC to prove anything but instead to learn how we can further reach our communities and grow to help our causes. My cause was simple, women rights and more specifically, equality for moms. But, it reaches so many areas; equality for women in general, women rights as a whole, women empowerment, immigration, rights in the workplace, accessible and affordable dependent care and so much more.  Which is why when I was selected to attend the conference, I immediately accepted. Not to prove that I could do it but to do more, to learn more, to become more noticed and to further voice what I truly believe.

LATISM provided the perfect platforms and increased the power I felt, as each moment continuously inspired me. Inspired to speak up, to become involved again, to be informed in my own city and never give up! The conference had so many areas of interest and covered a long list of important topics you can see them all here but today I am sharing my favorite top 10 take-away's from the conference.  

1) Meeting New Bloggers- While I know many amazing bloggers who have inspried me along the years. Each conference helps me create a broader base of support and new found sources of inspiration and ideas. Meeting new bloggers, writers and thinkers creates new collaborations and brings out the best in everyone. Meeting new people helps me think of new and fresh ideas. Plus meeting new people is always good for personal growth.

2) Meeting up with other Texas bloggers- You would think that when you belong to specific groups it's easy to keep up with one another. But, Texas is huge and bloggers are spread out, throughout the state. Keeping in touch, meeting up or even catching up with some of us can be tricky. We all live different lifestyles and have conflicting schedules. Getting us together even at conferences can be difficult but in DC, I enjoyed the company of some Texas bloggers. And, finally got to meet more of them in person. Which is always special!

3) Visiting the local sites- While the conference kept us very busy, we were able to get away in small groups or large ones to enjoy the local sites. Oh yes, and the eateries. The food was great! Visiting the local sites to me is very important. You learn so much about the city, and it allows for more time to get to know the other conference attendees. While you don't want to miss out on the conference, who can resist getting out and exploring? DC was a first for me, so I did have a short site seeing bucket list. I was able to visit my top 3; the White House, the Capitol and the Lincoln memorial.

4) Shopping- I am usually not into shopping, but being that I was visiting DC for the first time and that my children are huge presidential fans. It was a must. It was nice to take a moment from the conference and really think about the small things that would make my children happy. They loved their gifts and I loved seeing their reactions. They now have a little memory from a special place where their Momma has been. It's the small things that count. I brought back t-shirts for my parents and trust me they were ecstatic. That again makes me happy and feel a small sense of accomplishment.

5) Connecting- Being a Momma can sometimes make me feel like I don't get out much and like maybe I lack in networking encounters. But, conferences like LATISM make me feel different. Connecting with others, especially brands and large companies is a good way to update and practice my personal brand pitch. It's also a great way to feel connected to something other than your small hometown circle. And, it's definitely a good way to get your company or blog recognized.

6) Giving back- One thing I have always been about is giving back. Within my local community and within my network as a whole. Feeling as if all that you have learned is being used for good. As well as giving back to fellow bloggers for all their support in form of mentoring and sharing my experiences. LATISM gives back, in so many ways but most importantly to the Latino Community. That's so important, as a group we should give back to one another to form and create bigger and better networking circles that we can all learn from. 

7) Work in the community- I love the work that is being done in the community, with the youth especially. Sharing the diverse passion we have for all causes with the young Latino community is amazing. LATISM is definitely working within our communities for a better future. Who better to help lead the way than the youth who form part of the inner-city or under-represented rural communities. To have a group like LATISM step in and want to make a true difference in education is a great step forward.

8) STEM & Congress visits- There are so many areas of science and technology; that I still don't understand and should. There are areas of our government that I still don't understand, and most definitely should be involved in. LATISM has reignited my interest, as a parent in these subjects. Most importantly in STEM and how much our children should be involved in different areas of focus. Math and Science are vital to many areas of our lives. I want my children to learn as much as they can and reach their potential in any or all areas of focus. I feel that I should be more involved, especially for my daughter, I want to help make a way for her to study anything that she wants and succeed. 

9) The Team- Putting together a large event is not easy. Bringing together all of the logistics, people and topics can be a hard task to accomplish. But, the LATISM team accepts the challenge and takes it on. At the end of the day, everyone gains. The experience is exciting and one to learn from. I commend all those involved, and appreciate all of the hard work. 

10) Traveling Alone- I recommend it for all Momma's. Especially if you are like me. I didn't get to travel alone much as a young adult. I either traveled with my family or my Husband (while we were dating and newly married). So traveling alone, being in a new city alone, and sleeping without my kids and husband was very new to me. Not something I was used to. But, as I have gone on several trips now it's definitely a good break from the norm. It also helps me appreciate and miss my family, even more. The experience is very unique and helps remind me as a Momma that I am capable of so much more. It's a wonderful reminder really!

How LATISM changed my perspective about Blogging

::momma disclosure:: this is a compensated post. all statements are are my true and honest opinion.

In 2012, I was a full-time employee and an overwhelmed Momma of dos, who simply wrote a blog. I was transitioning into a stay at home Momma after resigning from my position at Harris County. I was Assistant Supervisor in the Elections department. After four great years there, I needed to move on. I was on my first couple of hours off the job when I received, for the first time ever, an invitation to attend a conference. The invite came from a well Houston known blogger who was organizing it all.  You may know him as Juan of Juan of Words. I was ecstatic being a long time fan of his writing and blog, I was more than happy to accept the invite. 

I had no idea what to expect, but during the first hour there I met Ariana of 3TwentySix, she is now an amazing friend and our Social Media Director for Houston Latina Bloggers. I also met the lovely ladies Ruby of Growing up Blaxican and Lisa of Autism Wonderland. Their advice and mentorship throughout the conference made a world of a difference for me. It further pushed me into wanting to learn more about social media, blogging and the true impact that we can create. My blog world as I knew it was forever changed.

::Not just for certain types of Mommas:: 
I am not one to make anything about race, or to try and play the race card. But, in all honestly when I started blogging in 2008, I didn't find many Latinos to follow. The few that I did find, I would follow religiously and knew everything about them. I didn't know where to go for more information on Latino Bloggers. Oh, but enter LATISM in 2012. The hotel in Downtown Houston filled with a large number of well established Latinos in Social Media, and I no longer felt alone. I didn't know the extent of our influence or involvement, when I learned about it all, it was overwhelming, in a good way.

::Creating a Voice and Platform:: 
LATISM helped me further discover who I was as a Latina writer and who I was writing for. When I realized that others where reading my blog, listening to my words and following my advice, it made a huge difference in my writing. Today, I feel confident that I am writing for all working Momma's out there, who are just trying to find their place in the workplace and in their families and communities. I believe that we should provide support to anyone seeking it. I want to be the voice for all the Momma's who can't speak up. I want to create that community of support for those who need it. 

::Social impact thru social media::
Most will never understand that using social media is about so much more. Sure it's great to share our daily thoughts and the cute family pictures. But, the reach and impact that can be created when each post has a meaning and a purpose behind it, makes it even better. For that reason I know that there are so many out there creating waves of social impact in our communities and in the world. Social Media can be about so much more. It all depends on how we use it. 

::Blog Etiquette and Guidelines:: 
Learning and being educated about blogging etiquette and guidelines is very important as a writer and as a entrepreneur. There is so, so much more that goes into having a successful blog, other than just writing what's on your mind. Sure anyone can have and write a blog, but not everyone can convert it  into their business. For that to happen you must place effort into what it takes to have a blog that meets all standards and regulations. You must do your research and make sure you are following all the rules. 

::Getting paid:: 
I had no clue. Yes, money is involved. Entire salaries paid. LATISM and the ladies I met there helped further tap into this industry as a way to create income for myself. It has been a true blessing. For now the money I make while blogging is just an extra source of income but I know of others who have made it their full-time employment and that is a future goal for me. Although, I do love my corporate job and working outside the home. 


Today my causes include; empowering women, educating the community and raising my children with good morals, a kind heart and true knowledge of our culture and traditions. 

We can do it all. We have done it all.

Empowering women and Momma's more importantly to speak up when needed and to ask their employers for specific accommodations has never been a problem for me. I have been fortunate to have positions where work life balance is highly important. I have always received respect and support from my employers. There have also been jobs where I have even seen companies adopt new regulations for Momma's such as assigning "nursing rooms" for new Momma's who need to breastfeed or pump. This is very important to many women who want to have children but also wish to continue  developing their careers.

New areas of advocacy for me now include; Women's rights, equality and treatment in the workplace. I want to ensure that women like me receive equal pay as not only our male counterpart but also as those women who don't have children. I have a college degree and have worked really hard throughout my career. Thankfully, my jobs have never had issues with being flexible, giving me a raise or acknowledging that I need time off for different family reasons. But, I know that many Momma's do not have the same luck or that maybe I could have more pay and more flexibility. I now want to know more about these issues and how they are affecting our family structure and I want to help other women reach that equality, flexibility, and accessibility needed. I feel we need more accessibility to child/dependent care in the workplace,  more affordable childcare and the need to obtain all the medical and healthcare needed at an affordable price. 

Which is why I feel that my trip to DC this year will be a complete 360. Allowing me to "finish" what I started in 2012. Can't wait for all the new connections. Excited for what's to come and eager to learn everything that LATISM has to offer.