::Seeking::

A while back I set out to find my "Dream Job", because despite what my situation is right now, I have faith that, that place is still out there for me. I have since found a job. A good job but not what I would consider ideal. I know, "Connie you are so picky and such a non-conformist!" Trust me, I often question my own credibility. I wonder if maybe it's true, it's not the environment but rather me, who has a problem. I am never happy, so my Hubby says.

Is that such a bad thing? 

I mean really. I have been to so many places and  I have come so far. I went to college. Should be, 'nuff said. But, then there is this long history of paid work and un-paid work or volunteering. I mean. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been told that my background is pretty darn impressive and I am proud of that. As a Woman, as a Mexican-American and now as a Momma; I am very proud of my education and work history. Even my un-successful time as a Stay-at-Home-Momma which I failed at miserably, but that's a whole other post in itself. Trust me when I say..having kids and staying home is NOT for everyone! Yes, it has it's rewards and pro's but still not for everyone.

So, in further seeking I continue on this path of applications and interviews. And, I am once again haunted by that question; where do you see yourself in 5 years? Which to me translates into what is the perfect job for you and what do you want from this current situation? As one person put it; "I want to sit on a beach and drink margarita's all day and get paid for it." Really, come on, who the heck wouldn't but since that may or may not be an option for me I am not only determined but involved in seeking that perfect job, that perfect place. Just the other day I had an interview; when the manager spoke to me, she had LIFE.  When someone has true passion and purpose, you can see it in their face through their determination. You can hear it in their voice through their story and their words. And, they inspire you to do more and motivate you to live beyond what you think is normal.

That is where I see myself in 5 years. I challenge myself to live beyond what I think is normal and fitting not only for my well-being, financial stability and mental growth but what I deem a position that my children can look up to and be proud of. Yes, they should and can be proud of my accomplishments until now but I am not a conformist remember. I don't like to settle. I never have. If I did, I wouldn't have left a small town in 1999, to become a city girl. If I did I would have allowed the stereotypes and what-if's to consume me.  If I settled I wouldn't be a home-owner and drive an SUV. {Not bragging, just sayin'... Si se puede!} And, because I have SO much more to prove not to anyone but myself, I seek.

That passion. That job. And, that determination.

What about you? Are you a constant seeker? I know I am.

Developing Self-Worth {Career}

The other day I wrote about my faith and how much I have grown and learned over the years. Today, I want to tackle the Career aspect of Developing Self-Worth.

I have had a pretty good range of experiences in my life. From cleaning houses in the Summer when I was in High School with my Momma and my Tia to working in a Downtown office for corporate America. I had never really been without work. Or never really had to "find" a job. Most my positions were obtained because I knew someone. 

The last 6 months have definitely been an experience, not just the Staying@ Home part but the job seeking and seeking my "dream" job. When I was younger my ambitions were limitless. I wanted it all. The perfect job with the best salary and the best boss, with all the amenities and yes, my own corner office in a high rise building. Truth is, who doesn't! Then I started looking for this job and though I am sure that it is out there...I realized what I am really after is environment, flexibility and appreciation. For a company to capture my heart. To feel an excitement that I have not felt in years. 

Truth is. My dream job is one that I can learn and grow in. No matter how long it takes me. If the "amenities" come with it, then so be it. I just realized that companies these days can really make you doubt your self-worth and over all {monetary} worth. I know it shouldn't be all about the money but as a growing family we definitely have to calculate all of the necessities. And, ultimately as individuals we know how much we are worth. We also know the amount of work that it has taken us to be where we are. 

I think that overall if a job is good to you and takes your family into consideration and values your time spent with them then that to me can ultimately become your "dream" job, in the making. It doesn't have to be in a "perfect" place, with "perfect" people and "perfect" circumstances...it can be just about anywhere and I doubt it has to be fancy or of "high prestige". We are who we are because of what we make out of our own unique situation.

When I received my college diploma I thought I was on top of the world, the truth is that in order to make it anywhere you have to work hard and long to get out of it what you put into it. As cliche as that may sound, it's true. 

No matter what we do in life, it's going to take work and true dedication. I know now that what I have been  seeking most my adult life hasn't been a "dream" job but instead, "the" job... and everything else will only be shown through time and continuous dedication. 

In the mean time..I continue to seek and wait. And, wait and seek. It will come. One day....

{A lot of Faith} ♥

Yesterday my Sister said to me...."if it's meant to be then it will be."

So simple.

So true.

Truth.

Something I am SURE I have said to her many times or to others who are seeking. But, why is it so hard to accept that right now? I have faith that whatever is meant to be these days will be. I keep busy and fill my calendar. With my goals and my purpose. Not worrying too much about what everyone else has going on or where everyone else is in their journey of seeking, I have been there....and yes..most times...done that. Right now it's time for this Momma to seek in a different manner. Not only a Dream job but MY dream for the next 30 years and my family's future.

Years ago when I first met my Hubby I don't think I imagined my life to become, so full of LIFE. Our kids are a Blessing. Such an awesome Blessing, that at one point I didn't know if it would ever be possible to have children. At 32, I can honestly say that I have lived my life and accomplished almost everything that I have set my mind to do, small or big. Sometimes walking away from God, so far ahead that I have to stop myself and be reminded that He has been my strength. But, in the midst of it all I have never lost sight of His Love, His Wisdom and His words; which live deep inside my heart. Deep inside my soul. I knew of God as a kid, I didn't know God until I was 24. 24. I am  now 31, 32 in June. Those things, situations or circumstances that I thought were a priority then, now sit on the back burner.

I have found myself, in many dark corners and through many heartfelt and horribly shed tears. But, through it all I have remained. In faith. In light. And, open to the possibilities ahead. So, why is it so hard to accept where I am right now? In this quiet place. Still. Married to a great and supportive Man who yes...puts up with all my crazy antics and blog posts, Ha. Ha. A Momma of DOS very active, very hyper, somewhat spoiled {ok, very SPOILED}, tantrum throwing and demanding children who never use their inside voice and who consume my every being in the best way possible; who are teaching me patience and about using my inside voice. {True story; my son asked me not to SPEAK SO LOUDLY,or yell, at him and to instead speak to him in a calm inside voice....convinced that he would listen to me, I tried it and he still doesn't listen to me, boys... Oyi.}

Be still.

Waiting.

It's hard for me.

But, I have faith.

I remain.

God knows when and how. 

And, no matter how difficult it is to be still...I pray for His peace and patience while He works on my prayers which I know He has heard very loud, dramatically and clear. {I am an active pray-er!} Ha. God sees my heart. He knows my heart. And, I pray that He can hear my heart.... shouting out to Him. In every way possible.

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 

{weary...and decisions}

Normal and OK. Is that really too much to ask for?

Like really.

All I want is for one day to be normal. For one day to be ok. No drama, no ailments.

Is that too much to ask for?

Anyway. I don't usually share too much but here we go...

My Hubby was gone for 3 weeks to Utah, for work... he may have to leave again here in the near future...I think the responsibilities of being a Momma of Dos, a Wife, an outside the home working Momma and just everything else that makes life happen on a day to day basis has finally caught up with me.

I am sick. Nothing to worry about I hope. I have seen my regular doctor he has give me his opinion. He says to me. "Mrs. Gomez, I think you do too much!"..I say to him... "I think YOU do too much!"... what? Like a boss. Ha. No but seriously he has given me a serious decision to make and a referral to a Internal Specialist. I will see her on Thursday and I think that based on that I will know what and where this life will lead.

But, back to my question. Normal and OK, is it possible??

If it isn't then what in the world will I ever do?

I pray.

I think.

And, soon I must decide.

We shall see.

Oh, the Dramas of an everyday Momma..... {this line is so totally my tag line from now on...} Ha.

Dreaming A Little Dream ♥ {I'd a done a lot of things different...}

It's one of my favorite country songs.

Point is. I am currently not a Stay@HomeMomma, but if I were I realize that...I'd have to do a lot of things different... A LOT!

For one. My schedule. I realized that when I know I am staying home, I wake up a little later than usual. Just because I want to catch up on rest and sleep that I don't get much of when I have to wake up and go to work everyday. But, then I wake up late and that results in lots of frustration later in the day...for my whole family. Not just me.

Another thing is plans. I'd have to plan my days a little better. These days when I stay home during the week. I wing it. See what does...or most days DOESN'T happen. I'd plan work days {for me to get crafty and work on  my future business}, I'd plan lunch with Daddy or someone else who is just as interesting, I'd plan days of outings like to the Houston Zoo or Children's Museum, I'd plan days of learning {the kids are I think on track but I know could use a boost!}, I'd plan days of nothing actual days when we sat and watched movies. I'd also plan dinners and Momma time. Much needed I am sure!

A big one would be help. Even if I did stay home I would still need some help. As of now, my Aunt comes by every once in a while and cleans my house, she hasn't been in over 2 months and I have managed just fine but it's the little extra help that makes for a huge difference. We also currently pay someone to do our yard and clean up outside, which is VERY helpful as my Hubby and I are so busy during the week! I would also need a Personal Assistant/Nanny, yes, trust me I have thought this out pretty well. I would need help with bills, my schedule and the kids on my "work" days. We would also need someone who we can pay and rely on to watch the kids on Date Night, also much needed. {Granted that all this is financially attainable, I like to dream big, I would so totally do and the Hubby agrees that we would need extra help!}

Me time. As I mentioned before would definitely be planned; I have though started this year off fairly well and had a least 3 girls nights already; Church, Movies and Dinner! Very important. I love crafting and writing and reading so I'd definitely have to find time to do that as well as get all my Momma/Wife duties done. Especially if I plan on making a job out of my ideas and Blog. I am really thinking big in 2012.

As of last night I started a new weekend routine. I usually wait until Sunday night to do laundry and weekly organizing but I don't want to have that anymore, it's so tiring. So, I started doing clean up and laundry last night and now we have Sunday open. For church and family time. {Confession time.} I have not been to church in about 2 months, NO BUENO. Ricardo and I want to get back on track though!

Like I said at the beginning of the year...CHANGE. Now it's all about the doing not just the saying!

Happy Saturday All.

{Once upon a time....}

 

I was pregnant....

THIS MUCH!

{2009}

And then....

I was pregnant again....

THIS MUCH! 

{2011}

Ahhhh. I miss the baby belly ......

A lot of my friends are pregnant...

TWO of my VERY close friends...

Just makes me think and wonder...

Do I want another baby? 

If so, when? 

BUT DO I REALLY WANT ANOTHER ONE? 

Only God knows.

{Part of my 30's lists} Mommy Wish List. ♥

I know this is a bit selfish... but I have a few items {for myself} on my wish list especially this year....

{30 things on my Mommy Wish list or to-do list}

1. New clothes.
2. New shoes.
3. New makeup.
4. More time for my kids.
5. More time for me.
6. More time with my Hubby.
7. More date nights with my Hubby.
8. To find a new Church. 
9. To loose about 10 more lbs and not gain the almost 30 that I have already lost....
10. New haircut {if I have the guts}
11. More time to craft and blog. 
12. To go to the Beach. 
13. To see my Aunt in Detroit, soon. 
14. To get Camila's baptism plans complete {I've already thought of the God-Parents; we just need to ask them}
15. Find a new job. {HUGE sigh}
16. Get  pictures done with my Hubby and kids.
17. Have Thanksgiving dinner at my house.
18. Plan Santi's 2nd Birthday
19. Plan Cami's 1st Birthday
20. Spend more time with my Girlfriends.
21. Attend Bible Study
22. Sign up for a Church Group
23. Visit my Grandmother.
24. Buy myself a James Avery Bracelet.
25. I want to give more money at Church.
26. I want to see about opening an Etsy account.
27. I want to take a Business class {Accounting and Business Organization}
28. I want to take my GRE
29. I want to have a Business meeting...
30. I want to fly away... sometimes...

Eeeeek I think that makes me...caught up...on 30's lists until tomorrow that is!

Going Back.

I was devastated to go back to work when I had my son. I felt cheated and was so unhappy! 

This time. I have a little more peace. Being a Stay at Home Mom would be amazing, but it's not where we are right now. 

Where we are right now is a working class family. My husband is still in school but I pray that he will finish soon, in God's time I know. I will be returning to work not bitter but happy that I am a provider for my family and support for my Husband. 

We all have to make some sacrifices in our lives, some huge, others small, this one is a HUGE one for me. Not being with my children when they are little and handing them over to be taken care of. It always makes me nervous, they are my little bitty babies! I love them. I want to hold them all day and all night. My Santi is almost 19 months! 19 months! He is just a baby but all grown up and well my Cami...she is only 3 weeks old... I could cry but God has instilled new peace in me. 

I see my Husband and all the progress that he has made and how I have contributed to that progress. I love it. I love where our family is right now. We are not perfect. We don't have a HUGE house and make millions. Ambition in that sense is gone. We have goals and dreams that God has placed in our hearts and THAT is where we are going....THAT is where we are focused. Others may think that a big house, lots of money, vacations and fancy cars are happiness but I like where we are right now. Happiness is here and we are embracing it..good and bad.

I Thank God once more that 12 years ago he gave me the friend, the man, the partner that HE knew I needed not the one that I thought I wanted. My husband is who he is...I wouldn't change him for the world. Just like I am who I am. Our own selfish expectations about each other have been long gone and the purpose that God has given us as a couple, unchanged and unique as we are, has been an amazing ride!!!! 

The change, the expectations, began with each of us as individuals. We can only change ourselves, once others see the positive and good in us as an individual then they can decide if they want to follow. That is how my Husband and I have arrived at this place of Happiness, not settling, but satisfied! Just because we are happy doesn't mean we don't want MORE for our family, or that we are not working towards more, because we are, we do...everyday.... God has given us FAITH and instilled HUGE dreams and goals in our lives and THAT is where we are right now...fulling our dreams..following His purpose....HAPPY!!!! 


So, I will return to work in about 3 weeks or so....happy, with new goals and dreams....satisfied....and listening to God!!!

~Mommy Wish List~

Some things that have recently made my heart skip a beat:

I want...{yes like a little spoiled girl, hehehe}..and NO..I don't have one yet...a James Avery charm bracelet and I want...these two charms...
http://secure.jamesavery.com/jewelry/search/product/CM-502/Lil-Girl-Baby-Shoes-Charm/
http://secure.jamesavery.com/jewelry/search/product/CM-534/Boys-Baby-Shoes/

I need...yes I really do... mani/pedi, waxing, and a haircut....no really ask Ricardo and his little cousins and his sister..who have all seen me in shorts and barefoot recently...HA.

I dream of having...a Canon!

I have Faith that my Husband will graduate this year! Go Coogs!

I can't wait to hold my daughter in my arms and to see Santi's reaction to it all...should be interesting..to say the least!

I long to be so filled with His peace and everlasting Love that no one can shake me from my place....

I pray that Ricardo and I can be the parents that Santi and Cami need, that I can be an organized and realistic Momma of Dos, and that God gives me patience in all situations. 

I have been Blessed with many amazing people in my life...

I give Thanks for all those amazing people in my life!

Finally, I know that no matter what, God will provide and that God is with my family as we grow, learn, make mistakes, and move forward....


{A little different kind of wish list today...but a "wish list" nonetheless....and you....what's your wish list looking like these days?}

A picture of my little man on one of his Lil'Man Missions:

♥ Mommy Wish List ♥

****Please keep in mind these are all very random thoughts that come into my mind as I walk in my everyday life... most will NEVER come true and some if they do...I will forget to update on them.... Ha. I know. It's a lot of work being a Mom, Wife, and Full-Time Employee to the Government. I forget things!

• I wish my hair was growing out faster.
• I wish I hadn't just chopped my bangs off at Christmas thinking, it's just hair, it will grow back...soon enough...I hope....HA.
• I wish I could work only PART-TIME.
• I wish I was a Stay-at-Home Mom...You may have heard this already....
• I wish I had more time to nap before my son wakes from his naps!
• I wish I was a little bit taller..no joke! Ha.
• I wish it was April already {Camila will be here and I will be on Maternity leave}
• I wish I had more energy in the morning to look a bit spunkier at work...yes spunkier!
• I wish I had more energy {period}.
• I wish I had a live in maid...
• I wish I wish I wish I wish.....

One day....

One day.....

Don't we all have the right to dream? {Ha.}