You Can't Always be a Super Boss Bitch who does Epic Shit.....

Or can you? 

It's all about direction, intent, and timing. 

I recently had a big fail. I have helped lead a group of local women called Houston Latina Bloggers for some time now. I thought that creating a conference was the next big step. So for a few months, we've been planning, preparing, strategizing, and moving forward. Or so I thought..... 

The idea came about to try and help us celebrate our groups 5th anniversary, we also received recognition from the City of Houston. Clearly, this was the next big step, right? 

Well. Flash forward to today and what I have going on. Amid divorce and co-parenting alone in the last year, which brought along a plethora of changes and moves and well just everyday life to deal with. A month ago or so, I was presented with the opportunity to leave my position of 4 plus years from Oil and Gas and return to something that for me was much like coming home. A non-profit in my neighborhood, Northside Houston. 

It's 2 weeks before the conference is supposed to happen and I have a meltdown, an overwhelming feeling of "I can't". My kids and their Dad's schedule takes precedence over anything and everything because well, at the end of the day even though we don't all live in the same place, we are a team. I am also trying to acclimate and establish my new position within a new company. Trying to manage events outside of my already obligated work and family responsibilities just weren't sitting well with me. So, I have since canceled the event. It's hard. Something that I thought about a lot. I was letting myself down and my community of content creators.  

But, then as I attended some work meetings and had the realization of how temporary every job is, a new rush of ideas and energy has overcome me. 

As much as I like to think that I can constantly be on the move, it just doesn't work that way, at least not all the time. Because in the last year and a half there have been many times when I don't even want to get out of bed. When I would walk into work and tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. When my mind can't seem to focus on the infinite pile of tasks I have to get done. When my heart is aching so much that I truly question my decisions and I wondered how much I've screwed my life up. Days when I ask myself "Connie, why did you do this to yourself, to your family, to your kids?" 

On those days I question the mere existence of my "badassery" and my ability to do epic shit in my life.

And, you know what despite, how much I do, create and write, I have the right to stay in bed, cry at my desk and allow myself to feel the doubt that has filled every corner of my life these days.

You guys, I'm human.

Last year for about 6 months I fully questioned my life and everything that I was doing with it, and at the age of 37 made some pretty BIG decisions that impacted my entire family. For months we dealt with it, in silence and alone. I have since dealt with the shame, the doubt and the pain both somewhat openly and in private. People will never see the days when my whole body is limp and I have no desire to prove my purpose or passion or worth to anyone under any circumstance. Yes, that serious. 

TRUTH IS. As Lizzo would attest, TRUTH REALLY DOES HURT. And, we are so scared to look at our truth and reality and realize that this is it. This is who we are, where we are and what we are. And, that sometimes we have to put shit down, let it go and move on. Even if that means that you can't always do epic shit and be the Boss Bitch that you know you are. 

Truth is, it's like that sometimes. We just have to walk away and allow things to fall apart, eventually, they will grow again. TRUST. Trust the process. It takes time. Some times a lot of time. It takes grace and self-awareness. It's hard. BUT, it will eventually be worth it. 

Trust me. I have lived in it, some days sadly wallowed in it, for over a year and a half now. It is not easy to walk away from something thinking that you maybe could have pulled it off, but your peace of mind, health and sanity do come first. Not making excuses but sometimes, a huge step back and rest is much needed. 

Things do and will fall back into place..... 

::38 Birthday Wishes::

Every year I try to do something on social media or my blog for my birthday month.... this month, this year, this life have been hectic... but I wrote out a list of 38 birthday wishes.....

For my 38th year of life, I wish the following...

1. "Blessings for the best, most in alignment year of life to date." (SO MUCH YES!)
2. I wish to pick up my Bible more times this year than ever before. 
3. I wish for my children to be safe, protected, and healthy. 
4. I wish to be more organized and present as a human being. 
5. I wish to be a more attentive and responsive as a woman to myself. 
6. To continue to surround myself with women, and people who are in similar seasons and have similar goals.  
7. To be a blessing to others. 
8.  I wish to grow more this new year of life- Emotionally, Spiritually, Mentally and in Strength.
9. I am wishing for a new renewed sense of self and self-awareness so that I can continuously admit to my mistakes and correct my actions. 
10. To learn a new skill that will allow me to grow professionally. 
11. To receive and accept all the new blessings coming in my life. 
12. To live abundantly in all the things that I need to survive, especially in love. 
13. I want to wish for further peace; inner and around me. 
14. I wish to pick-up new mediation habits. 
15. I wish to be ever present for those people who truly need me. 
16. To be happy and smile no matter what comes my way. 
17. To bring peace and joy to others. 
18. I wish to be strong and uplifting in the hard times. 
19. I wish to stop complaining about the things, I know I can't change, and take more action. 
20. I wish for a very healthy year. 
21. I wish to bring out the best in others and allow them to fulfill their fullest potential! 
22. To travel more. 
23. To truly and purposefully rest. 
24. To finish reading all the books I've started. 
25. I wish to start doing yoga again and try hot yoga. 
26. I wish to further recognize the people who have truly made a difference in my life. 
27. To continue to eat better and take care of ME. 
28. To take more times out of my day to breathe and reflect and truly be thankful for where I am. 
29. To advance in my career and be at peace with my career choices and path. 
30. I want to set bigger goals and new action items for myself. (Can you say America Ninja Warrior, MAYBE.) 
31. I wish to continue to reach my goals and dream BIGGER every day. 
32. I wish to build a strong community around me who are growing and successful so that I can grow and succeed with them. 
33. I wish to do more volunteer work this year. 
34. I wish to spend more time with friends. Especially friends who I have not seen in a while. 
35. I wish to be better at managing my money. 
36. I wish to turn my passion into my biggest asset. 
37. I wish to find myself and happiness at the same intersection. 
38. I wish to re-create who I am and thrive..... 
    

This is 38 ya'll! 

Connie 2.0 Experience

Brene Brown talks about the power of vulnerability. Being your most authentic self by recognizing connectivity and how shame can truly shape us. I want to talk about the power in "silence and timing". No one ever tells you how much shame and guilt is felt when you make the choice to walk away from someone. You are the one making the choice why is it still so hard and complicated? Well, first of all, another human being is involved. Feelings, time spent together, doubts about making the right choices. In my case, two littles. :: insert months of silence and waiting for the right time::

How often do we get a redo at life? How often do we get to start over and do things differently? To reinvent you? To revolutionize yourself and give yourself an upgrade to a new self?? Not often. Sometimes the potential loss is a great opportunity. A couple months ago, in April actually, I felt this kind of deep sentiment of "a redo at life".

I attended Mom 2.0 in Austin for the first time. I will admit. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a conference and really felt anything like this. A rebirth if you will. One of the presenters said "We didn’t get here by aiming low." And in my mind, all I could think is we didn’t get here by coincidence either. We were all in the exact moment we were meant to be at.

A few days before the conference I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Did I have the money to go? Was my mind in the right place? Why was I going? Did I really need to go? Without answers to any of those questions, I left Houston. I started my road trip by telling myself that I should go to Austin and enjoy my time away, regardless of how I felt. Something good must come of it I thought. And, that it did.

Feeling emotionally drained and exhausted I arrived a Wednesday afternoon connected with my roommate. An amazing Latina from Florida. And, tried to shift my mindset.

That night we headed out to our first event of the week and immediately my social sensors tingled. I was home. This is my place ya’ll. Not Austin. Not this conference. But this space, a place where women connect or reconnect, a space where we were all once strangers but thanks to the WWW we are now connected, a space where you can’t hide behind the keyboard and our insecurities cause guess what we are here IN REAL LIFE (IRL) y como dicen, a todo color.

The first set of encounters on that first night changed my mood and brightened my outlook.

I had a full itinerary for Thursday but again I wasn’t expecting much. Just being honest. Sometimes this is how I feel. Good but eh, we’ll see....

Thursday at the conference did not disappoint....It included a beautiful and serene breakfast sponsored by Dove where moms shared their birth stories good and bad. It was uplifting and a reminder that I’m not alone on this Mommahood journey.... or the Womanhood, Relationship journey. 

I went on to attend a diversity and inclusion panel which happened to have been moderated and lead by a Houston mom! It immediately reminded me why empowering Houston Latina women has become my passion. We’ve filled a gap in a niche that we didn’t even know how or if we could and would fill but now exist in all ways and forms. I’m proud of us and what we’ve accomplished in truly such a short time.

Then there was Brene Brown. :: insert the heavens opening up and angels singing here :: 

The words that came to mind as I took notes that afternoon at her talk were:

Magic
Sincere
Strong
Intelligent
Honest
Authentic

Real
Raw

Texan

Female

Voice

Power

Connection

Relateable 

She answered questions about how she got where she is today, you know the "breakdown", I mean spiritual awakening, how she felt about it all, that infamous Youtube video, her new documentary and how she walked away from working with Bo-prah. She reinforced my feelings of wanting to one day speak at TEDTalks and how she placed it in the Universe which I have done...just now....  

She reminded us to "stay focused and you will get there." It's hard sometimes to think of the amount of time you have to invest in your goals to accomplish them. But, you must stay on your path... She reminded us that NO is important, because "every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something you don't know exist yet."  And, that the measure of how well you are doing is how many people you are pissing off. 

She's such a powerful thought leader making a great social impact as a  researcher-storyteller, or you know magic pixie! 

This trip was definitely a good one and I obviously came back very inspired by it. 

::Powerful Women::

To be a powerful woman. A powerful Latina woman. What does that mean? What does that encompass? How did your strength grow? How do you become this woman? Oh, the questions are endless that I ask myself all the time, especially these days. What does that mean Connie? 

....you've labeled yourself a Powerful Latina?

When you give yourself a label, you kind of have to live up to it right? Right? You have to own it. You have to embrace it and be confident in your walk. 

For so many years I had no clue who I was, who I was becoming and who was being created inside of me. I didn't know of my sense of self and "power". I didn't know the depth of my heart and soul. The power that was being built. The confidence, and how intimidating it can be. I know many, many powerful women. I am surrounded by them daily. Most I am not intimidated by but I have great respect and admiration for them, I aspire to be more like them. 

These days I know that...I am an intense person. I am a passionate person. I don't like the word no, I keep going once I've heard it. I know what I want and who I want in my life. I try to be assertive and make decision head-on. It has not come easy, my upbringing was hard. I didn't have the most smooth teenage years. I dealt with helping my parents with my three younger siblings, working many hours Senior year in High school to help pay for my graduation and enduring my parent's relationship issues. It wasn't until my early 20's that those things started to catch up with me.

Depression would loom but I tried to be the happy, go-lucky, goodie-goodie 20-something year old that everyone had known for years. Little did I know that at 37 those things would all catch up to me. 

Both in a good and bad way. We cannot hide or run from those inner-"demons", we must confront them, beat them and overcome. 

While I knew exactly what I had survived and how I made the absolute best of it all, I didn't realize how much growth and strength had also happened. I also went through this 19-year relationship (7 years of dating and 12 of marriage) which taught me SO much about my own drive, capabilities and again that strength that we all need to overcome struggles and obstacles.

I realize now how much I push others to reach their potential. How much I push myself to strive for bigger and better. It's draining and a lot of work. But, I did it, continue to and truly have no desire to change it. I want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be EVERY SINGLE DAY. Is that wrong? I don't know. But, I am also an idealist and dreamer, I see SO much potential in others, and expect them to have the same self-drive, motivation and passion that I have for myself. Is that wrong? I don't think so. 

I didn't know being "powerful" came with a price. I didn't realize that I was outgrowing my partner and that I was no longer that 18-year-old girl who thought changing the world and making an impact was, in fact, possible but had NO clue what it meant or how or where to even begin. The impact has come in the form of living my journey and constantly sharing who I am. In the most real and raw form. 

Unfiltered and direct. 

The evolution of who we want to become sneaks up on us and is more clear sometimes to the outside world than ourselves. It's just a matter of gathering clarity and truly running with who you have become. 

By no means does this mean my life is perfect, especially not now, it's not. I still navigate through many feelings and problems daily. I just don't know how to give up, ever. And, won't.

::Transitions::

Transition: To transition, transform or metamorphous into a new place or space. 

It’s where I’ve been for over a year, mentally. Physically the movement began, a little over 8 months ago. It’s a difficult place to be in when you truly have no clue where you’re heading. These have been some of the most difficult moments in my life to date but with time comes clarity. 

As I continue to seek it. 

With every push forward towards seeking your true self there comes a little defeat, disappointment, thoughtfulness, and reflection. But, not everything is lost. Along the way, you find new friends, a new sense of self and direction. You grow a little more with each experience and are reminded of your resilience.

It seems that every time I get overwhelmed I tend to retreat into my safe zone. But, I’m pretty sure that’s most people. That doesn't mean that that's where you belong. Because that's definitely not where growth happens.  

Going back into my comfort zone and doing the thing that I love most and know well, writing and staying in this "safe" space. Comes easy to me. So, when things get overwhelming this is where I go. To my words. But, most growth has happened in my actions. I am just now ready and able to put it all into words. 

And, it's kind of, a very freeing moment and movement if you will. To be less censored in what I can and how I say, or write about it. Divorce isn't an easy word to write, much less say. It's been a process and time has given me the words I need to move forward. 

It’s easy to be filled with self-doubt, fear, and defeat. And, sometimes it’s OKAY, to feel these feelings. Because they’re real. Because they happen. Because it’s life. 

Things are not always going to be perfect. Don’t compare. Instead, look inward for direction. Purpose is fulfilled differently for everyone.

When you accept what this life has chosen for you to bare, that’s when you can turn your situation around. If you go back in history you will find clues that will confirm your purpose. I know I have. Sometimes the signs were there but I still moved forward. Without my 19 year relationship, I would not have the experiences I have now, or two children to help me become who I am today. 

When you are called to seek a new path, it’s a testament to your purpose. Resilience & Courage. Be brave and move forward. 

These are the words I keep telling myself. These are the words I want to write about. I want to talk about how much pain and guilt occurs when leaving a marriage is your choice. How I never meant to hurt my spouse. It was never my intention but it happened. I lived with the guilt for days on end. But, I've pushed forward and learned that it can't live in your heart because it's not a way of life. 

Neither of us was perfect. Obviously. But, the choices I made were for me alone. And, these days, I am good with how it has all started to work out and "fall into place". 

I also know, that my direction has changed, and that's OKAY too. 

This is where my new chapter of life begins, the next 20 years of my life will be spent exploring more of who I want to be and how I want to continue to fulfill my purpose. 

::Lost & Found::

When I started writing in this space back in 2009 it was a very personal, very real and unplanned journey. 

Over the years I had gained structure, sponsors and a following. The last 3 years or so, I've lacked in some of those spaces. Life got so busy and hectic. My full-time non-social media job, family, kids and trying to grow other spaces took over. And then, to be totally honest 2018 was messy. In my mind, in my heart, and in just life situations. The thing is that my life has been thrown "off course" if you will.  

With that said.

I can tell you that drastic change is sometimes needed in our lives. We sit for so long in this place of comfort that we feel this is where we belong and where our truth lies. But, it's only when those things unravel and get undone or are no longer there that you discover, how long overdue that change was. I can tell you this, there are some battles that are better fought in private, only because of the people and feelings involved. I think that my followers have over the years been so respectful of my privacy that it has always allowed me to share at my own pace and in the perfect time, for me. 

This space has though become very public, not saying I'm some kind of a celebrity but I mean if you think I look like Kourtney Kardashian like who am I to change your mind. So, will there be answers as to why my blog has become dormant, or why my social media posts have shifted and why you don't see certain things being shared anymore? Sure.  These last few post cover it, pretty well I think. 

Life happened. 

For now, I wanted to share about being lost and finding out who you were created to be in this very moment. We all have a purpose, a goal in this life, not created by us. It's a universe or Godly plan, whichever force you believe in. Sometimes we have to be so lost, hit that "rock bottom" literally or figuratively speaking. Whichever comes first. It's hard. It's not an easy process. You have to remind yourself that no one can save you from this. You are your own hero, your own person. We all make choices those choices come with outcomes, good and bad. It's here that you start to find yourself.

Being lost involves letting go, removing and moving on. 

Being found involves accepting the change, embracing it and knowing that no matter how difficult it is you will come out on the other side a survivor, a warrior, victorious. Yes, some of this, especially in relationships, involves two people, but honesty to make it through the process you have to look at yourself.

Call out your own bullshit. Be honest. No matter how hard it is. 

We are not perfect, there are things that I know I could do better or try harder at but sometimes we just have to accept these faults and move forward regardless of them.  For many years, I think my fault was worrying about others too much. What they thought about me or what they thought I should do to be successful and happy. I stopped believing in me and what I truly wanted. It becomes complicated when you realize this and it involves undoing all those things you once thought you wanted.

But, it's never too late. 

I would do it all again, expressing my truth and honesty, and knowing that I was true to myself and who I need to be now in my late 30's versus who I thought I wanted to be in my late teens, early 20's. People change, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with this. Yes, this sometimes involves pain and hurt but with good positive actions, this will get better.

It's not an easy process to be lost and try to find yourself... but I hope you can be open to your heart, mind and what the future could hold for you if you are truthful and honest.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 

Where I am now? ::Using our energy to move forward ::

Where I am now?

Well, I am in-between. Per usual. 

Between..... here and there. 

Between balancing life and Motherhood. Between finding myself and being lost. Between being myself and trying to recreate who I am. Between writing and taking time off. Between falling apart and building myself back up. 

I feel like I have been in this place for a while now, years maybe. Stuck, seeking a place with relevance to who I am and what I want for my future. It takes time for me to truly settle not because I don't want to settle but because I have not found the place that is a right fit for me.

In life that is... 

But, I think it all comes down to growth and continued learning. 

Does this mean I am a non-conformist? Maybe, a little?  I just want to be in a good place where I can "settle" but don't have to settle for less. It means that no matter what right now, I am making seeking this better place for me, making it a priority and my main focus. 

Have I thought about leaving the blog world? I talk about it almost every year, quitting and not blogging anymore, giving it all up and moving on with my life. But, it hasn't happened yet mainly because every time I try to quit something even more amazing falls into my lap and I have that innate urge to run with it. And, I usually do.

The writing also...... always, brings me back in. 

For almost 5 years now I  have also helped run a group called the Houston Latina Bloggers. Because of it, other amazing projects have come together in collaboration with so many other local women who hustle hard. Not to mention I work an 8-5 p.m. non-social media related position, have two young children, and I have also worked on my professional development and creating workshops to grow my blog and social media side-gig, and oh yeah, I try to maintain a somewhat social life.

In between all this,  I needed a good long pause and found a moment to slow down the Momma of Dos engine. To re-focus. Find my clarity and start over.... 

In a nutshell, I needed a true break. NOW, it's April of 2019 and the fire is back...

This year I want to give my all in a purposeful and genuine way and continue to move forward. This time, I hope it's different. I want to maintain a good focus and I want 2019 to end differently.

So, what will be different? 

Last year I started learning more about channeling into energies, vibes, and the light that surrounds us. I have since tried to truly seek these energies in myself and others. On the flip-side, I never really knew what kind of energy I was giving out to other people or how other people perceive me. But, I've learned to be more in tune and conscious of "my energy, my vibe" and who I am attracting. I know that I'm a person that tries to do as much as possible for everyone and anyone. I also know that I have been the kind of person that will find time to support others and give credit where credit is due. I don't ever really think twice about it, I just do it.

I truly believe in karma... do good for others and don't expect anything in return.

I know that I feed off of other peoples energy.  I feel that everybody has all the things they need to succeed. We choose to do things differently and to follow our own purpose and follow that light and that energy that we each carry. I always try to think about the positive because I definitely feel like I'm a positive person. Which doesn't mean that I don't have dark moments because I have them for sure. I've been in all kinds of situations and I've been hurt and hurt others but you keep going. You push through that energy and you renew it and you renew your life and you renew your vibes.

The difference is direction and intention... I want a new direction and intention for my blog...and that's what I plan on achieving. 

::Created for More:: Turning 37 with #MyJaSummerStyle

::Momma Disclosure:: This is a sponsored post in collaboration with James Avery, all opinions expressed are my own. 

I turned 37 last month. And, in celebration of my birthday and my partnership with James Avery, I’m taking some time to reflect on this new year of life... and the opportunities it will bring to improve and grow. No need to be sad or feel regret, life is about living and learning and growing older...and hopefully wiser. 

There are so many lessons that I’ve learned over the years. Good, bad. Sometimes sad, life-changing and traumatic. So many experiences and people who have helped me and supported me along the way. Most importantly my family. And, in 37 years all I can say and think of is... I was created for more. More than just being a Momma or a professional.

Along the way, I’ve made many mistakes. Encountered so many problems and obstacles. Been faced with many issues. Some of which I’ve come out victorious and some of which I’ve failed at. I'm human. Not perfect. I say that all the time. I have many faults and make mistakes. Not everyone likes me. I’ve learned to live with this. Such is life. 

And, even though some days are tough and my confidence dwindles or I feel unworthy... there are always those moments, those people and certain words that remind me that I truly was created for more. If there is anything I’ve learned is that to make an impact you don’t have to be the smartest, the prettiest or even the most perfect. You just have to be human and care about others.

I am loving my partnership with James Avery and their customizable pieces which constantly remind me of my purpose and that I was created for more! I know that in order to achieve this I, at times, need to slow down, take a deep breath and be reminded of what my true purpose is and how I will achieve my goals.

Year 37, I’ve embraced you and I’m ready for the road that lies ahead. I don't know what it will bring but so far life has not let me down...

No matter what is going on around me, I am choosing to re-think, re-evaluate and re-do those things I know I can do better.

What about you, how are you embracing your purpose and what you were created for? James Avery can help you express this through all of the perfect and uniquely crafted items.

::GIVEAWAY:: Do you want to win a James Avery gift card? You still have until July 30 to enter to win! Post your favorite way to wear their jewelry and use the hashtag #myjasummerstyle 

::Midlife at 35:: Yep, a post about Menopause, before it happens....

::Momma Disclosure::  I was invited to attend IntersectionM/Mlive a midlife conference in exchange for this review, but all opinions and statements are true and my own! 

Learn more about the creators of this event : https://intersection-m.com/the-story/

I know you hear it all the time, age is just a number. Well to me it truly is. At 35, I feel pretty awesome. To be alive and to be strong. To have endured lots and overcome even more. Am I thinking about what the future will be like as I age? Absolutely, I may be "young" now but that won't last forever. In my 20's I realized that I couldn't be scared of aging and what it would bring. After all my Momma who is now almost 60, was doing an amazing job, she remains active, goes out and has so much life in her. I want to be that way. How did I create this mindset and not be scared of the "M" word?

Menopause. 

Well for one I surround myself with like-minded women, and last month I was invited to a great new conference that will help you discuss this and other woman issues. None to be scared of but to embrace.

::5 things I learned at the Midlife Conference here in Houston::

1) Resources are important: If you don't think this type of conference is for you then the least that you can do is collect resources. Even at 35 I feel that having the information I need now, for when I need it in a few years is great. Being informed helps you deal with the issues at hand a lot easier than when it's just a shot in the dark or unknown. Can we agree on that? At minimum be informed about what goes on as you age, about how much we should do for ourselves and what will happen to our bodies and mind, if we don't take care of them.  Simple rule I think, be informed.

2) Like-Minded Women of every age: If you know me then you know, I am not one to create a tight circle of women and never look outside that group. I do love having close friends who are my age and relateable. But, trust me the older I get the more I know that having friends in every age group, younger than me, my age and older than me is important. Why? Well, number one you stay relevant and in-the-know of what's new, and secondly, you can see how other women handled aging and what you can do to help you reach those different milestones with grace and strength! I also have friends who are single and don't have kids, because I then live vicariously through them. HA.

3) So much has evolved: One of the things that sticks in my mind is that things have truly changed, times have changed. And, I'm sure that your Momma's advice is not the same advice you'll give to your daughter. This day in age things evolve in a matter of minutes! If you are an iPhone carrier then you know, things change quick. I loved that the conference brought to light new technology that even I at 35 had NO clue existed, mostly in female cosmetic surgery. It truly amazed me and left me wondering how or if I could use some of those services as I start to leave my childbearing years behind. This type of surgery as described to me in one sentence.... "you will live your life to a whole new level." I loved that. Having kids and other minor female complications have left me, well, worn out to say the least! I look forward to helping my body out in years to come!

4) Don't be scared, it's life: One of the fantastic speakers was Dr. Gayle, the Spunky Old Broad, when I tell you that she lives up to that title, well you'd have to meet her but she does!!! She is 79, works out 2 hours a DAY and has lived through so much. But, she has no fear, she chooses life. She is happy, positive and focused on life. That's what I aim to be. When I was younger, sure I was scared about "getting old", but now I've lived through so much myself that aging, menopause and any other milestone that comes with time, it's doesn't scare me. I want to be prepared and ready for what's to come. So, I do what I have to do; I exercise, eat right, take mental-health breaks, focus on me, enjoy my family and do all those things that self-help coaches recommend. Cause life is too short not to.  

5) Embrace the age and LOVE it: I know, it's easier said than done. And, everyone's circumstances are different. But, I love where I am right now in life, at 35, a Latina Professional, Momma of Dos and with a great very supportive spouse and family. I think that it's important to take into consideration, like all things in life, that the good does outweigh the bad. For me I embrace my age and where I am. I had a long 10 years in my 20's that I don't wish to re-live, but I also had amazing moments from 28-30 when I had my children and grew so much as a person, wife, momma, daughter, etc. So for me as I begin to exit my 30's, at almost 36, I look forward to finishing off this decade with a bang! And, I know SO many amazing 40-something-year-old's that I know I have LOTS to look forward to!

With that said! I can't wait until next year and another conference filled with great content and connect with new women!! Learn more about the creators of this event : https://intersection-m.com/the-story/

::10 Things I Plan to Change as I age:: #Turning35

Picture Credit: Tendernest Portraits 

Picture Credit: Tender Nest Portraits 

I turned 35 in June and contrary to how I felt when I turned 30 where I thought I was falling apart and my world might end, this year, I felt great. The last couple of years I have tried my best to stay fit and eat right, to just be overall active and emotionally well. But, I realize and know I am getting older and that means making real life long changes. I know it won't be easy and my consistency might fail here and there but I must start changing these things now so that in 5 years I can feel better than I do now.

Funny how life circles around you. Explaining. As a young 20-something I felt all kinds of great energy, I entered motherhood right before my 30's and when I tell you it was a downward spiral, that's an understatement. Now, almost 7 years into being a Momma, things are looking up again. Looking balanced, happy, rested and more at peace with myself as an individual and ultimately as an accomplished Momma. So many things have slowly fallen into place, reminder, nothing is perfect but things are good.

Now enter my mid-30's epiphany, I must continue to take care of myself much more intentionally, because no one else will. I have to be a 110% for myself and for my children and Husband. Which is why I wanted to create this list of "30's Bucket List" items, those that I can be accountable for and that I know I can follow-through with.

Here are some things that I seriously have thought about and plan on making a concision effort to change: 

::Skin care:: 

I actually am currently in the process of creating a campaign with HallYu Cosmetics here in Houston. I visited with Anton one of the shop partners this past weekend and loved hearing how innovated Korean skin care is and how close to home we have access to it! 

As a working Momma of Dos, I am often torn between doing something quick, easy and inexpensive versus something of good quality that might take me more time but will pay off. My skin has always been very sensitive and I often had to visit the dermatologist for extensive skin care regimes. Today I want something that will help with dry skin, adult acne and future wrinkles and be inexpensive and east to follow. I will share more on this soon.  While I will also visit my dermatologist regularly I will also seek out alternative methods. 

::Diet:: 

One key word in a lot of what I do is balance. For me truly eating better is very important. Difficult with my busy work, momma and goal achieving schedule but doable. On good weeks we have good healthy meal plans that my Husband and I follow, allowing for maybe 1 or 2 nights of eating out mostly on the weekend. Always coming back to that healthy balance and cleansing every once in a while. The older I get the more this will be important, making a more purposed shift to healthier eating for our whole family. Food and what we put in out bodies affects our entire being. If we don't feel good from within, it shows an our mental well being will suffer. 

::Vitamins/Taking Meds::

I like to think that I am a very much "holistic" type of person when it comes to ailments, knowing that food and exercise affect what I do. I try to stay healthy and moving. But, I know that every once in a while taking medications that are needed is also important. I need to be better about following medical indications. One thing I love is vitamins and I find all types of vitamins that help me get through my day, some are a high complex Vitamin B12, iron and fish oils. I am sure your doctor can recommend some for you. Most of mine have come from different needs as a busy Momma and the issues I have with cysts and headaches. 

::Drink More Water::

It's really easy to just pick up a sugary drink and enjoy it at times. But, I have to stop myself and drink more water. The more I think about it, the more I need it. Water I know can be boring but this summer has been so hot I feel that my body just needs it. So, I make the best effort to drink a lot of it! My personal trainer of Texas Fit Chicks gave us the best water challenge which helped me gain some water perspective. Bottom line, it's good for you. Do it. Drink more water! 

::Morning Routines:: 

This also comes from having two "school-agers" now and needing to be more productive in the mornings. I am all about being consistent but leaving room for the what-if moments, because life and mornings with two kids can be pretty unpredictable. Up until now my mornings, afternoons, and days have been based on this unpredictability. But, they are now 6 (almost 7) and 5 years old, so I imagine right about now a strict routine should be in order. Or somewhat routine that we can all follow.

I have promised them alarm clocks so they can both jump out of their own beds and get their days started. School starts in  13 days. I will let you know on August 22nd how well we followed this routine. I want to wake up and have some quiet mom time, which means I have to go to bed earlier. I want to be to work on time and get out on time so I can spend my afternoons sleeping, HA. The sleep might not happen but mornings will be key to the next 5 years and my mental wellness. Be more organized and prepared (in all my senses) for days, that's what I want.

::Toxic Relationships:: 

The older I become the less I have room for or tolerance of the BS. Yep. If you say you will do something do it. Simple as that, easier said than done I am sure. There are certain people that we are attached to in our circle of friends or acquaintances that maybe have been good friends in the past. But, for me I have a career and family to grow in so many areas and while I will always try to be a good friend, many can no longer be that friend to me and as stated by Truly Michele in her latest article, that's OK. 

Families and people go through different stages. Right now our little family of four needs stability, encouragement and faith. Not extra drama, or personal turmoil. As someone who has been through a lot and has even gone through therapy for a good portion of my initial motherhood journey, I have learned to let go. In some situations letting go is harder than other times but when you do, it's such a freeing experience. 

::Self-Motivation:: 

It's hard to be in a boat all on your own. But, one lesson I am constantly trying to teach my children is, to hold their own! That they will never be lonely if they seek to be their own best-friend. To move forward regardless of what's going on. In the same fashion, I must take my own advice. I know I don't have many close friends, and that's ok. I have my Husband and kids and they push me, more importantly, I have myself. I am a bad-ass and I can do what ever I set my mind to do. I need to continuously seek out to motivate myself and not rely on others to do that for me.

Why? Because we all have our own lives to live and people can't hold your hand every step of the way. Just saying, that's some real talk to me.

::More conscious effort of moving forward:: 

I do a lot to help create action but I also tend to get comfortable when things go great. I want to continue in the current moment and have not only a real plan of action but also, implement it in a way that makes sense for me and my future. I want to be able to move forward and not allow my fears of "hurting" people's feelings stop me.

As a Latina, I tend to try and be mellow and tame, because I think that others might feel I am being a "stereotypical" Latina, overly aggressive and angry. I want to channel that energy into fulfilling my capabilities and showing others, that I can get shit done. And, I will, just have to make a conscious effort to move forward and be intimated by my own "roar", if that makes any sense.  Being part of Mujeres de HACE has created a shift in my perspective, in a very good and positive manner, more on that soon...

::More mental health/self-care days:: 

Right now I get every other Friday off, I pack so much into that day, that it's basically another work day. I don't want that anymore. I want to work less and less as the next year goes by and if that means writing less and doing less overall, well then so be it. My mind and emotions can only handle so much. I don't want to constantly overload myself. As a working Momma I feel at times that I have to overcompensate by doing more, spending more time with my kids and just being involved in it all, I know that none of that makes me a better Momma. These days I want to minimalize the work and maximize my inner happiness.

::More sleep and relaxation:: 

Up until this moment, I have had a full-time job my whole life, volunteer work and then kids and blogging. My scheduled starts at about 6:00/7:00 a.m. and ends at about 1:00 a.m. For about 4 years I packed it all into those wee hours of the day and have become burned out, a lot. But, no more. I want to sleep and relax as much as I can so that I can be strong and healthy, well-rested and sane to do those things that are really important. Like laughing with friends, drinking wine on Friday night and sleeping in on Sunday mornings with my kids. More sleep and relaxation would make this Momma, HAPPY. 

To being 35 and beyond!!!!

::Having it all...Or not... :: #Thisis35

So, it happened. 35. It's here. In full effect. I turned 35 yesterday and my co-worker asked if I felt wiser. Truth is. I feel the same but deep down inside, yes I am wiser. My eyes are wide open and my heart is prepared for the world and years to come. I have over the years been extremely blessed to meet, to know and to gain friendships from wonderful and inspirational ladies. My circle changes constantly, not because I don't love all the ladies the same but because life happens. Our situations and circumstances take us in different directions. But, at 35 I know those women have come into my life, made a beautiful impact and moved on to do so much more... it's amazing. I love that feeling. Of having been a part of someone's journey. That's what I have learned in 35 years. Life is a journey. It moves, changes and evolves constantly. Nothing is a given and everything should be appreciated. 

In 35 years I have learned balance. I have learned that some months I will have time to blog and workout and some months I won't want to do either, and that really is okay. You know why? The world keeps going with or without you. I have had times of great productivity when all I do is work, work, work and others when I veg-out on the couch for days at a time. And, you know what, my Husband loves me the same, my kids love me the same and the laundry pile, well, it's still there. Go figure. Balance and the ability to move on knowing that sometimes, dishes don't get washed, posts don't get posted, pictures don't get edited, and tasks never get completed. Life goes on.

Picture Credit: Ari of 3twentysix

Picture Credit: My Sister

Just in the last 2 weeks, I realized how much good I have in my life right now. Stability and being in a "good place" seems to be the thoughts in my head. Knowing that while our lives are not perfect and we might not have "everything" , we are happy. We are good. My career is in such a stable and good place, I love it. I haven't felt this way about a job in years. My kids are healthy and my Hubby is his same ol' sarcastic self that everyone loves to hate, or hates to love. HA. Our home, I always say, isn't an expensive super fancy place, but it's home and we make it work every day. In our own little crowded messy way. My kids love everyone and they are so happy and unique it makes me laugh, smile and cry all at once. We are blessed.

Honestly, "we have it all" without really having it all if that makes any sense. While we don't have big fancy belongings, we have one another and we are happy, we are blessed and we move forward. One of my Aunts, who has been there for me in many ways pointed out how happy we are as a family. How blessed Ricardo and I are to have an education, how great my parents are for being so supportive and loving and how no matter what we are always there for one another. That we do have. A happy family, supportive and unconditional love. Forgiveness. We forgive those who hurt us and move forward. We are real and honest about what we believe in and stand for. 

That we have. Realness. Truth. You will always get that from me. Now at 35 and 10 years from now at 45, I will be real and honest. On to a new year of life and feeling overwhelmingly humbled by all the beautiful messages on Facebook, direct messages, texts and phone calls to wish me a happy birthday. It was an amazing one. My loved ones made it a special day and I am SO thankful. Always. 

In the spirit of celebrating years of life, I teamed up with two amazing women Coppelia Marie who ran a special "Turning 40" series on her YouTube Channel. Coppelia is a former local DJ for a Christian radio station called KSBJ. Meeting her has been amazing. I have been a fan since I heard her on the radio years ago, meeting her and being able to call her my friend, is just mind blowing. Her featuring me on her blog for my Birthday is a true honor! I am such a fan and her message of self-love and embracing your age no matter where you are in life, is awesome! 

Not only did I team up with Coppelia for her series, we both teamed up with Ari of 3twentysix for her awesome giveaway series, The Paper Files! Make sure you enter. Ari also filmed our video! She did an amazing job. Thanks, Ari! You can visit any of our pages to sign-up for the giveaway!

Picture Credit: All picture below by Ari of 3twentysix 

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