Showing posts with label Decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Decisions. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

{Difficult Decisions....} Parte Dos

After my Hubby and I decided what was best for us.... I started thinking of how and what to say to whom. I decided that an initial email would be sent to my boss on updates and how I felt and what the doctors had stated and what I thought would be the next step...

I was off from work for about a week.

When I went back I had one conversation with my boss, the tears flowed and feelings emerged. I knew that I had made the right decision for my family and for my department despite the timing of it all and the what-if's in my mind, I moved forward. My next conversation would give me total peace and convert my decision into reality. Our department Director, a man, an almost Father-like figure. His reference included his own daughter, also a Momma and wife... his own marriage and an agreement him and his wife made when they first were married, and finally a book.... a chapter and how it ends.... with a Woman who cares for her family in a very distinct manner. Our conversation one of wisdom, peace and faith. Very appropriate and very settling. He gave my decision further meaning and purpose. He gave my decision direction which is exactly what I needed....

Sometimes we  have made up our minds on what needs to happen when God knows it should have happened a long time ago. He was just better building and preparing us for it. I am scared. My decision was tough and now I must move forward.... I can't stay in this place where I think I belong... God knew where my real place would be long before today and long before I thought I knew...

Decisions like this are difficult... but life goes on... 

The book and that final chapter about a Woman who maybe didn't know how or when but she knew God wanted her to follow Him every step of the way.... I know that nothing is impossible...

My Director said to me... "she did this all from home...."

To me home has always been where my heart is... 

Proverbs 31 (NIV) 

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

{On making a difficult decision....} Parte Uno

Ever since I can remember I have worked... no questions asked...just move forward. A tabajar mi'jita....porque el azul celeste...si que esta caro.

I didn't know when or how I would post about this, or if I even would. When it happened it was very embarrassing to me. First off. I had NEVER felt or had an experience like this ever. Not even when I have been preggers, and that's cause I have had some pretty difficult pregnancies. But, a fellow Blogger posted about her experience and it encouraged me to do so as well...

About 3 weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work. Pretty typical day. Busy. Crazy. No biggie. I had just had lunch and was about to drink some Dr. Pepper. I share an office with my Supervisor, I am the Assistant Supervisor. As usual there were other people in the office... the space is somewhat open... can't remember now if the doors were closed..we have 2 doors, one toward the front of the office and one behind me. My boss, two workers from another floor and a gentleman on the phone were having a conference. Busy is very usual for us. Everyday business was happening around me. I sat there..and suddenly it happened. A feeling. Like I was loosing air and a sudden urge to breath deeply, the room started spinning and I wasn't sure what was going on. I have had low blood sugar before so I took one big gulp of Dr. Pepper and started fanning myself with what ever was in my hand. All the sudden I couldn't anymore. I started to call out my boss's name. I am sure everyone thought I was crazy. As soon as she acknowledged me I think I told her I felt sick and that I thought I would pass out. Next thing I knew I was laying in the ladies room on a couch trying to calm myself and attempting to breath. Unaware of what was going on. I asked my co-worker to call 9-1-1. Sure enough. I ended up on the back of an ambulance. With a IV drip, Oxygen and in route to the Emergency Room. All the while the Paramedic warned me of his "usual" but sudden nose bleeds which he was sure would happen, thankfully it didn't. I was scared enough with my own situation to be worried about someone else's medical emergency! Ha.

I spent 5 hours in the ER; calming down, dizzy and with sudden burst of "not sure if I can breath" episodes. Once it was all said and done a possible panic attack, dehydration and motion sickness had been assumed, I was sent home with medicine for dizziness and was asked to see my regular doctor within 24 hours. After such a scary moment I was left with plenty of questions and my head literally spinning. The following day I went to my regular doctor. After of full explanation of my previous 3 weeks; which involved work and caring for my children while my Husband was in Utah for work. He too suggested I had suffered from a panic attack and over all overload and exhaustion...suggested rest and sent me home with medicine for my nerves. Still not satisfied and with more questions. I went to see a specialist after her analysis and testing had concluded which involved an irregular heartbeat and EKG, due to anxiety, more than likely due to the previous days occurrences. Her diagnosis. A full blown panic attack and over all over load and exhaustion.

How? Me?

I couldn't believe it. But, surely 4 medical specialist couldn't  be wrong...who knows what happened or what kind of stress I have really put my body thru. Either way it was awful, embarrassing and time consuming but now the question of WHAT?

What do I do? I work 40{plus} hours a week outside of my home to help support and provide from my family. I always have. I know nothing else. I know that ever since my children were born I prayed to be a Stay-at-Home Momma...but now could that be an option? How in the world would I break it to my boss right smack dab in the middle of a Presidential year and just as the Elections department begins to boom.

After a long conversation with God, a good long discussion with my Hubby, countless texts and phone conversations with some of my closest Momma-pals and family... it was almost completely settled. My decision involved........a lot of thinking and praying. And, it wouldn't be taken lightly or easy...

I guess this is how difficult decisions are made....