Tuesday, May 31, 2011

To find my "NITCH"....or Not?

As you all may remember I was on maternity leave not too long ago....a week ago to be exact...

During those 8 weeks, I was able to have a dream come true, although short-lived, it was much needed and definitely appreciated and taken advantage of!

I was indeed a STAY-AT-HOME MOMMA (or SAHM)! And, was totally rocking at it, if I may say so myself! (Toot-toot, Ha. Ha.)

Then....as I mentioned before...

Life tends to happen and my little hot pink fluffy magic rug was pulled from under my big hope-filled feet (yes, my feet have hopes too! ha.) ...and I totally missed the pillow (meaning my feelings hit the pavement)...Eeeeek.

During those 8 weeks, I developed and almost fully mastered....being a Crafty Momma...and you know what? I loved it.

I was creating, and following through with my endless possibilities. I loved it.

But, I know there are plans that I can make..but they are not for me to control. {Trust me, this is NOT  a complaint post....trust me.}

Well during my first week back at work, I remembered that place I had been in not too long ago.

A place where I dreamed of being a corporate Momma with an outside the home job and pant suits [ YES, PANT SUITS! If I had that kind of fun, lunch meeting, corporate type job and the money to buy me some cute pant suits! {Ha.}] None the less, I was there. That place where I didn't mind being that 9 to 5 Mom that works and runs home to be a Mom and Wife to a busy afternoon family.

Then, those 8 weeks came, and for a short time, everything was perfect. I was THAT Momma in that OTHER place, that hides deep in the back of my silly little heart....the Full-Time, Stay-at-Home-Momma, with the fun and lovable and most adorable children, who cleans, cooks, reads, watches "The Talk" at 1pm and Oprah at 4pm [before she decided to leave TV!].


Who shines at being a MOM! 

Who LOVES being a WIFE.

That Mom that after 8 weeks of chaos thinks, yes...let me take on just a bit more....I don't have an outside the home job..I think I can handle it. 

But, then.... THIS place comes back. The place where responsibility reigns, and food needs to be put on the table, where I want to take my kids to the zoo, museum, and circus without having to really deal with a budget. This place where I have to wake up, get dressed, pull my kids out of bed and get them ready for another set of arms to hold, to love and to care for.

It's hard. I yearn. I hurt. I envy. I cry. I think...no one knows my pain.... 

And, after the pain subdues..I search...for THAT place again. 

That's where I am...


{My heart hurts at the thought of my children not being around me all day.... ::deep sigh::}

But, I know.

That THIS place...has a purpose...a reason... a season...a time...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh Connie, your such a wonderful mom and I'm sure they are just as excited or even more excited to see you when you pick them up. -veronica