This past weekend I partnered with Danelia who just created a new project called Beautiful Purpose. Her events are called Social Shares and it can best be described as interactive sharing of personal experiences with women who have similar lifestyles, or not. Women from all walks of life joined us and from various age groups and backgrounds. We talked about work-life balance, and what that means and looks like for each of us as individuals. We discussed our most recent struggles with achieving this "balance" without losing our identity as women, as momma's, as wives, as entrepreneurs and just as who we strive to be.
As someone who suffered early on from depression and anxiety and ultimately had to quit my job due to a massive panic attack. I shared about those things and what I have learned along the way. Here are some of the top lessons that my past situations and emotional hardships have taught me.
My personal key lessons as a working momma of dos with high anxiety and depression complications:
It's OK, to be an “OKAY" Mom. – You don’t have to win at everything. Being average is OK. As someone who has always needed approval from others to proceed in life, being average was not a good idea or a concept I could grasp. I was absolutely overcompensating for something else that happened to me in my childhood, most likely with my parents. Now that I am a Momma knowing that my kids love me more than life on my best days the same as they do on my shit days, is so life-changing. In their eyes, I am not just OK, I’m amazing. So, if being OK for them is ok, then, I AM OKAY with that… I am really. It’s taken time to get here so it’s easier said than done to not care what anyone else will think if I am not perfect. But I no longer care about those judgmental (more times than not my own judgment) moments.
You don’t have to win at everything.
It’s ok to say NO. - We can't do it all. Sure, we can try, I have tried for many years but the burnout is real and my family needs me to be at 100% to get things done. FOMO. The fear of missing out was real. Truth is, you won’t be missing out on anything. Being ok with not being everywhere is very important. Saying NO, to those things that are just fill up my calendar and have no real meaning or benefit for my family, or purpose; are no longer a priority for me. I realized that what’s truly important is ME, who I am and what I want. My kids, their well-being and being able to provide for them. And, simply being there for my immediate family, mostly for my husband, and my kids. So saying NO to things that don’t serve those people closest to me or my purpose are no longer on my to-do list. And, that is so freeing.
You can try to do it all but you will over exhaust yourself.
Don’t forget about YOU! - We do SO much for everyone else it’s so important for yourself to be happy, to be fulfilled and to want to do for others. But first, you have to do MORE for yourself. If you aren’t happy then those around you will also suffer. As a Mexican-American momma, I learned from women like my mom and my aunts and grandmothers, that we do for everyone else regardless of how we feel. This is for sure a cultural cycle, that I decided years ago I could not continue to allow. The moment I decided that my needs, wants and passion comes first I realized that it's the best life I can live. So in 2013 I regained my sense of self and purpose and decided that while I love my children and husband, I would always work hard to be the best ME. To do more for me and never look back. Do I have momma guilt? Eh. Not anymore. (MAYBE) every once in awhile but once I realize how much certain things mean to me and how happy they make me I get over it. It does take time to get to this place and it's a very energizing experience.
Cause it's true if Momma ain't happy....ain't nobody gonna be happy! #sorrynotsorry
Refocus, reprioritize and move forward. - Have I had a perfect, happy, me-filled life for the last 4 years? No, not always or ever. But, when I notice that I am not doing enough for me and that I am getting lost in what everyone else wants, I tend to back away from it all again, hit reboot and start over. I know the feeling of hitting rock bottom, why would I want to be in that place again of unhappiness and bitterness. Where I am my own lowest priority and my focus is on the outside world. That is no way to live. The best way to regain this focus is by joining women at events like the one we had on Sunday. Where like-minded women who are willing and ready to invest in themselves are and who can help you realize that you need to get back on track.
In all, I have learned that my happiness matters just as much as everyone else's. It's sometimes hard for us to see things but you don't want to be in a bad situation trying to find your way out. It's always better to be preventative with your self-care and self-love!
Trust me, you will love yourself for it!
To learn more about Beautiful Purpose with Danelia,
please follow her social media and
visit her site: http://beautifulpurpose.me/