Friday, May 22, 2020

Self, a Journey of Love

First off. 

I am HUMAN. 

I remind people of my lack and humanity daily. Not because I am not strong and confident but because I am not a superhuman, I make mistakes and I have flaws. 

With that disclaimer. Which yes I know, shouldn't be needed. I will say this about self-love. When I left my marriage almost 2 years ago. I made the decision based on me. Selfish? Sure. Was it needed? Yes. I turn 39 in June, and it took me almost 37 years to realize that for so many years I had poured myself into my family, friends, and everyone around me without focusing on me and what I needed and wanted. I still focus on others but at a different level and in a much more conscious way.

I "pour myself" into those who truly deserve my energy in a more purposeful, evolved, and mature manner. Mostly, my kids and immediate family. BUT, I am human and sometimes I forget why I did what I did. And, then I accomplish certain goals and I am reminded of my true purpose and courage. All of this to me has been the beginning of my self-love journey. 

A journey that constantly allows for growth and flexibility and changes over time, sometimes daily. I take care of me in different ways than others do. What fills my heart and my self-love cup looks VERY different from what fills everyone else's cup. Which is totally normal. 

It's not easy but my constant reminder is that I don't want to fail myself or my kids, but that I am allowed to fail and move forward. If that makes any sense, at all. But, it should if you are on the same love-life-purpose journey as I am. 

Like many I sometimes forget to be compassionate or patient towards myself. I also tend to lack self-belief when things don't go my way. BUT, what have I done to help heal from all this? Number one I push forward. I have my bad days, feel down, cry and vent, but then I MOVE and push forward! 

It's not an easy road, my support system extends from my immediate family and friends to therapist. I have been working with some great therapists, spiritual guides, chakra healers, and several women who are going through the same stage in life as I am. Building this group of support has been vital. 

Other women often ask me, how I do it all? Well, I have a couple meltdowns a day, I remind myself constantly of my goals and purpose and that I have made it this far and can keep going.   It's a process and not as easy as it may seem. You have good, happy, positive days and bad, cry your face out, and have a drink kind of days. 

It's not an easy road to finding and loving yourself, but it's a great journey of love, that's totally worth it. 

The purpose of this journey has taught me to stand firm in my truth, to always speak my truth, and to constantly seek my true and authentic self and voice to be able to heal and grow as a whole. This journey has come with pain, tears and sadness but I am learning daily how to overcome these feelings while also feeling them deeply and learning from why I am experiencing them. 

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