Thursday, November 18, 2010

To "D" or Not to "D"?

It seems like these days I am either asking about the "D" word, or friends are telling me about the "D" word or I am witnessing the "D" word.

Discipline that is.

Tantrums. Rants. And outbursts.

Good thing my son can't add words just yet! Oh but the tantrums are VERY obvious and at times much more embarrassing than words. So, what to do? Well on my part I feel like A TOTAL FAILURE as a new parent. My son the 14 month old who not only drops to the floor and begins to kick, but also gives full swings at face if he doesn't get his way. Will he out grow this? If so, when?

My first response at this point is Love. But, does that mean I am condoning it?

As a parent who doesn't want to seems as if their child always gets their way, because in reality he doesn't. It just seems that way around others. What are my options?

Those of you who know me, know that I love to read and I will research this in every way possible.

I know that a major influence come from our culture. As someone who was constantly threatened by the "chancla" or "el cinto". Not because I had bad parents, I am sure I was being bad and my parents were young and frustrated like most parents in their time. But in return, I don't want to chase my son around the house or God forbid in PUBLIC yelling; "Wait 'til we get home te voy a dar con la chancla!" I am sure it will happen but if I can avoid it, I would love to know how. And, in listening to other mom stories, I don't want my child calling me out in public. My friend's son said to his mom; " Why are we going to the bathroom mom, so you can hit me!?" Clearly the child is not beaten on  daily basis but I am sure he is spanked and that's what he meant.

I want to provide love and security like every other good parent in this world but I also want my son to know when I mean business. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to have to repeat myself everyday, although at first I know it may be necessary, the repeating not the hurting.

Which, leads me to my next point. Hurt. My son cries with such pain when I don't allow him to do something, as a new mom, it breaks my mommy heart into a million pieces. But, even as  a new mom, I know when the pain is real and when it's all about the "DRA-MA" because let me tell you this boy has drama written all over him!

My point is. Research is needed on my part. Patience. Love and LOTS of learning. I take in all the points from outside parties; i.e. my mom, my mother-in-law, my cousins, my friends with children, the lady at the store, etc etc. But, in the end it will be my choices that will determine if my son learns right from wrong, appropriate from inappropriate and when he can ask for a new toy or when he will need to settle for what he has.Which bring up anther important point.

Growing up I told myself, when I grow up and have kids I will give them EVERYTHING I never had, materialist things that is. As I matured and grew older, began working and EARNING my own materialistic things, I said to myself and then to my husband; "Forget that, my son or daughter has to work just as hard I did to get what they want." And, in the end I stand firmly behind that. Even if I had the money, which I don't, but even if I did, I am certain now that I will not be one to give, give, give, at least not the paper giving. I will love, love, love and remind my children that hard work and time will get them what they want and need. But, that you can't always have your cake and eat it to.

Life is too difficult for me to set my children up for failure by filling them with materialist wants and false sense of being what we are not or having what we don't have.

In the end. I think it all goes back to that same little "D" word.


That's my opinion. I would love to know what others think.

1 comment:

Dã Quỳ said...

Thanks for the sharing, dear! I am having the same thought too. I was thinking that I should give my children EVERYTHING which I never had or never ever have a chance to have it. However, up to this point. My thinking is the same as yours. They have to work just as hard I did to get what they want. I am still there for them, but will not GIVE them EVERYTHING, except my LOVE!