Friday, February 10, 2012

{Irrelevance} ♥

Yesterday I woke up, got the kids ready for their day at Ma'Ma's and then shoveled myself out the door onto the door step of a fresh NEW day.{Or so I thought...}

It wasn't even 9 am before I had a load dumped on my chest. Irrelevance. When it tugs it pulls. At those ever so flexible and delicate Momma heart strings. It shook me to my core and had me yelling for peace. So, I sat and I prayed...with no words and no thoughts. I have never felt so irrelevant as I have in the last oh 4 years...  and it's not about my ever so amazing Momma job but about my worldly job. I think the last 4 years have been the most difficult. Transformation I am guessing. Life changes. I used to LOVE change, it used to be my middle name. Then came my children and I hid from change...ironic, I know. Not like it's a bad thing but just "what if" it's too difficult to juggle what will all my Momma duties, the world can wait...can't it?

The morning went on and I just had lots rumbling in this little overwhelmed heart of mine. Frustration set in. A bit. Didn't really know what to pray for, who to pray for, and thinking "God, what do you want me to learn from this, take from this, and grow from this? It's so unclear to me right now." The thoughts kept coming; "Dear God, What am I doing wrong? Where should I go from here?"

Prayer was in order, but I didn't even know what to pray for anymore....

The day, I knew, would be about BLAH-NESS but more so about the enemy working feverishly away at every un-salvageable piece of my concerned and weary heart. TRYING to wear me down.....  

The feelings of irrelevance come and go. Good and bad. It's a constant war. But, little does the enemy know...this battle... It's already won... and the darkness may insist on taking over me but the light just SHINES too bright, right into my life.

Then God whispers..."you are NOT alone" are a few amazing women who will help open your heart, your eyes and your mind...and "poof"...perspective is changed and life is once more on track! Amen? Oh yes. Amen.

I am not sure if anyone needed to hear this today but me, I needed to experience it.

Everyone has bad days. We just need to know how to allow God in and flip them back around....

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