I haven't always been a "person of faith" and still most days I fail at just about everything and in just about every area of my life... but one thing that I never give up on is seeking or as I have recently discovered... digging deeper. I seek faith and hope in everything because I know that those feelings come at the most unlikely times, from the most unexpected places and at times in the worse of situations.
With that said... the last few months I have been a Stay@HomeMomma and I think that some of the most difficult situations have come about....and for some reason... my ability to handle it all is slowly becoming less? Or maybe this is me becoming stronger? All I know is that for months I felt worn out and overly spent.
When I was in my 20's I fought many battles and looking back...I came out stronger than before...now in my 30's the battles are no longer visible but within. My life is good though. I don't worry about the outside world unless the outside world steps into my life... then it's on. Fighting the battles these days are taken on in a whole new way.... I am a firm believer of Prayer. Silent prayers. Or out-loud with tears... it's all I have most days...
If there is something that I have learned in the last few months as a Stay@HomeMomma is that I have/had little to no patience. You would think that as a Momma and wife I would have lots of it and maybe it's something that in the past I have taken for granted but my patience has I think grown. My "tolerance" of little everyday things has become heightened. I am more aware of the fact that I apparently am not as patient as I should be not just in general with life but as a Momma with two toddlers who love to run and never use their inside voice, as a Wife with a Hubby who works very hard outside the home, as a Friend who needs to be more supportive and encouraging, as a Job Seeker who needs to be reminded that the "dream job" is out there somewhere, as a Sister who needs to learn to just give when giving is impossible, as a Daughter who needs to love no matter what, and as a person of faith...who needs to DIG DEEPER.
Lent is in full effect and as a person who loves to learn and grow... I have learned that you can never learn enough, and you can always GROW more. My life is NOT perfect, it's far from it. My life is not simple, it's chaos. My heart though is yearning... to dig deeper.
The silence is great but the lessons are being stored. In a heart, a soul and a brain that will one day, soon, burst... of light and sunshine onto not just her little home deep within but for the world to see. Just because I am silent doesn't mean I am not learning, growing and yes....digging deeper....
"I refuse to be limited and I refuse to remain unchanged. I am indeed... changing... deep within... observing and learning.... "~Momma of Dos
I feel the same way. I fought so hard in my 20's that the quiet of my 30's is something so unknown to me.
My temper is short and my patience is always lacking. But I find that this happens more when I have some inner turmoil going on. When I start to doubt myself. In those times, I have to take a step back and observe what is going on. And give myself a time out (Yes, they work for adults too. lol). I pray, meditate and come back thinking more rationally. And I find that it helps to center the chaos within.
We are human after all and we make mistakes. Day by day, I know that I will make progress to get to the place that I so desire, inner peace.
I see a lot of similarities in our journey. Different paths but similarities. Take it one day at a time. hour by hour and know that you have so many people rooting for you and sending you lots of love from different places. *hugs*
Thank you sooo much for this Melissa!!!! Huge hug! Your words bring me peace... and hope... :)
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