Thursday, March 3, 2016

::March Reflection::

A couple of days ago I read the most heartfelt and heartbreaking post over on This Life I Live, a blog by Rory Feek. It made me think so much about life. My kids. And, those daily struggles that I should just give up on. I don't mean give up in a sense of not doing them but in a sense of letting go because there are so many other amazing things to focus on.

This month is forever important in my life, 5 years ago on March 25th, I became a Momma to a little girl. The same little girl that today rolls her eyes at me, is super dramatic when she is getting in trouble, and with whom I fight and make-up with every morning when she doesn't want to brush her hair or her teeth. The same little baby who was so tiny, ever so sweet and loving. I already know we will have that kind of relationship; where we can't stand each other but we love one another like crazy. She is my heart. {So is Santi but it's different.} I am a little harder on her in many areas, I want her to be strong, independent and stand her ground for what she believes in. And, oh boy is she all these things. And, for my own sake I want her to be all the opposite, but not really. So, I know we will have a consistent power struggle, but at the end of the day she is in charge, she is Daddy's girl and we love her so much. 

As a Momma, I want to be there for my children but I also don't want them to think life can be handed to you. I want them to work hard, to struggle less than I did, but to appreciate all that we have been able to give them. It's a constant struggle as a parent to find this balance. I am sure we will make mistakes but I know we will make it a life learning experience worth our while. Both of our kids are teaching us so much about life, about having fun, about being ourselves, and about moving forward.

As parents, we have a big responsibility to not only care for our children with the material items that they need but also with wise choices that will impact them in years to come. Just like our parents made sacrifices and decision as well as mistakes. These days I can totally understand them. I sympathize with them and realize that they a had a lot on their plate, but learning where my parenting should be strong and where I should just let it be. At the end of the day, every child is a person, with their own personality, faults, and destiny. I can't, even though I think I can, control everything.  It shouldn't be called parenting it should instead be called, "hands-on-learn-as-you-go-pray-you-don't-screw-up-experience".

I have learned to let go in so many areas where my self-proclaimed OCD wouldn't allow me to deviate. These days, it's a lot of "eh" and "ok, moving on", type situations. And, it is well with my soul. Otherwise, I would drive myself nuts.

One of those items was monthly letters to my children the first year of their life, which slowly changed to yearly Birthday Letters and it has worked out just fine.  I spend time with them, talk to them, try to be extra patient when they are doing "experiments" in my bathroom with food coloring and all my white towels; so I know I am creating lasting memories for them that don't need to be documented daily.

This is Camila's birth month and I want to share more about her throughout the month, in the meantime, you can read her Birthday letters up to now HERE.

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