Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Expecting the unexpected and seeking. [Double Post Today]

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. —God

I’ve been M.I.A, I feel, for the last 6 days…. Well my son has been very ill the last 6 days…..yes 6 DAYS! Sounds like nothing compared to the suffering of others, I know and trust me I have definitely thought about it a lot… but to a new mommy with a new mommy heart…and maybe even after I am an old mommy with an old mommy heart…. It’s eternal!

Holding my son’s little aching body and in my eyes suffering more than any other child I could of…his poor little nose red and raw from all the wet wipes and Kleenex, his body too hot to touch…and then I thought…wow… what about those mother’s whose children have Cancer, whose children have passed, or those who have never been Blessed with a child of their own. I thought about Mary, I am Catholic, so I thought about Nuestra Virgen Maria, how she KNEW of the suffering her Son would endure. How she watched as her Son suffered even while being innocent. The suffering of our Father, Jesus Christ and of His Mother WILL NEVER compare to that of mine or my son’s. And this viral infection which has taken over my son’s little body is NOTHING compared to the other illnesses that other little boys have and will have to endure. So, I am Thankful, Thankful that my son is 12 months and that in those 12 months he has only suffered 6 days. I pray…I pray that my son, other Mother’s sons, cease to suffer, that WE, as new and old Mommies have patience, NEVER ending Faith, peace of those things and situations that are beyond our understanding.

I know; I may be over exaggerating or the melodrama may be bigger than the real problem, but my son being as sick as he has been has caused me to ache. To think, to constantly pray for him and over him, to repeatedly be Thankful and to never forget who died on that cross and His suffering and His suffering Mother….in my imperfect religion….our Mother Mary.

This has been my seeking the last 6 days…my purpose…to seek Him. To understand what He wants from me in this instance.

I see patience and peace. Thankfulness and humbleness. Love and Faith.

I pray that this is where I am.

Expecting the unexpected…..

One of my constant prayers is to have Women of God in my life…near and far, real or fiction… friends or foes… and in some way God has brought these women into my life over and over and over again…I have learned…not only about them…but more importantly and not selfishly about MYSELF. Who I am…who I should be…and how I don’t want to me…which is all too often like myself…irony… no Heaven sent. God has constantly been knocking me over the head the last year or so…to let go and let Him….and I have constantly disobeyed….for fear of betrayal…not by Him but my man… the hurt is all to familiar and the sting…well it’s lasted and I feel even jaded….but again..I seek Him with FAITH and yesWHOLEHEARTEDLY….every day… I know some days I failmiserably….but some days…. Wow. What HE can do for us…that NEVER fails me.

I am ready…letting go and trusting Him.

This may sound like gibberish to most but for me…it’s as clear as these past 6 days have been….

I am done feeling miserable and as if man has failed me…man was made to fail..it is with God’s Grace that we can walk everyday…and that is where I am…humbling myself more than I want to and moving forward… with God and His Grace in my heart…praying that this new Change….this new me…will not only reap Glory and Victory but that I can and  will inspire and motivate.

I know to many it may sound like the same old song and dance… so cliché and tired...but to me..it's life...I get knocked down..and I just have to get up again....that's the way the story goes....

What better way than to bring new life into this world as well as to create a new life for myself!

Be Blessed.

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