Some things you should know about being alone......

When it comes to your divorce, single-life or separation. 

Don’t let others tell you what to do. Truth is. It’s your timeline. Whether those giving you "advice" have been there or not. That’s none of their business. I’m not saying shut people out and don’t take good advice, no... what I am saying is listen. Take it in. And, say thank you. But, know that this is YOUR journey. These people don’t know what that means or where it will lead you.

Trust me I’ve heard it all (from both my female and male friends):

Stay Single as long as you can

Be alone and take it all in

Don’t date right away

Cry about it, let it out

Don’t cry, be strong

Don’t go back to your Ex

You should think about it and reconsider going back to your Ex

Don’t drink too much

Go to church, stay close to God

Girl, live your best life

I could go on and on....

Trust me, and I’m sure you’ve heard it all too. The truth is we are human. Some humans need other humans. Some humans need to cry and drink to get things out of their system. When people because, both men and women have approached me at this point ask about “relationship” advice, as if I’m an expert. I laugh at myself. No, I’m not an expert. But, I am a human living a very unique experience. My first “breakup” in my whole entire adult life. It’s been a ride that’s for sure. And, while I don’t like to tell people what to do or give too much advice, I don’t mind sharing what’s worked for me during these times. Know that even if leaving someone was your choice it’s still hard.

For me. I started with therapy. I went and continue to seek professional help when and if I need it. It truly, truly helps. Having someone on the “outside looking in” telling me that my actions and thoughts are rational and normal has made me feel more at peace with my decisions.

It’s not easy.

Something else that’s helped, has been LOTS of fun girl nights out! And, a few times I have ended up going out alone and still having lots of fun! And yes, I drink, this has to be taken in and analyzed often during this time; there is a fine line between it being fun and social to it being a true problem. During those times, I’ve stepped back and tried to truly think about why I’m doing it and how much control I have over it. Which has been total control, thankfully. But know that drinking truly solves nothing. Not even pain or brokenness. Sometimes it makes it worse. So be cautious. 

So just be safe and make sure this isn’t a problem. If it is, seek help.

Another thing has been words. Of course. I’m a writer. Being able to express myself with words during this time has been vital. About 8-9 months after it had all started and I was finally able to talk about my separation and now divorce I felt that a big weight was lifted. If you follow me on IG I also post about it there a LOT. Sometimes in my feed with long, long captions and others through memes on my stories. Sad. Angry. Confused. Happy. Funny. Sarcasm. It all comes out. 

If you know me you know I love music. Every song, it’s lyrics, the words they pierce almost though every single one of my emotions. It’s insane. I love music. I’ve gone to a lot of concerts this year and listen to a lot of music every day! I also have the ultimate female empowerment break up playlist. It’s amazing, check it out for yourself. —->> LINK HERE

And then, that dreaded “alone time”. I had my first ever solo road-trip back in April to Austin. It was an amazing experience. In September I went to San Diego alone which was an even more amazing experience. And, recently I took myself to the beach on a Sunday afternoon when I didn’t have my kids. Which is where I wrote this blog post. So alone time HELPS. Yes. Church wise. I’ve not gone to mass in a long time. It requires me to be in a clear open focused state of mind, which has been a little hard these days. But, I go to a chapel during lunch. That chapel has seen me sob my face out, like horrible snot nose dripping face where I’ve had to take my cardigan off and just wipe my whole face. It’s not pretty but necessary. Always necessary. Pick a quiet place where you can sit and be alone it will help you.

One HUGE factor has been having others to talk to about it, people who will not be judgmental and who are open and willing to hear about your situation. Someone who is willing to listen to all your drama and can help you walk through solutions or help you organize your thoughts. Usually, these people have been through or are also going through a breakup, separation, divorce. So, that always helps. Having other people “on your side” can be helpful.

Again, I’m not an expert. Or a therapist. I’m simply a single momma, now co-parenting who is living through this experience, one day at a time. Building strength, courage and continuous ways to help others and make their transitions as easy as I can by sharing what I’ve gone through and how I have overcome all the stages. Each one is SO different. And again. Everyone is different with very specific and unique experiences so none of this may work for you or all of it might work for you.

Take what you need.

Connie 2.0 Experience

Brene Brown talks about the power of vulnerability. Being your most authentic self by recognizing connectivity and how shame can truly shape us. I want to talk about the power in "silence and timing". No one ever tells you how much shame and guilt is felt when you make the choice to walk away from someone. You are the one making the choice why is it still so hard and complicated? Well, first of all, another human being is involved. Feelings, time spent together, doubts about making the right choices. In my case, two littles. :: insert months of silence and waiting for the right time::

How often do we get a redo at life? How often do we get to start over and do things differently? To reinvent you? To revolutionize yourself and give yourself an upgrade to a new self?? Not often. Sometimes the potential loss is a great opportunity. A couple months ago, in April actually, I felt this kind of deep sentiment of "a redo at life".

I attended Mom 2.0 in Austin for the first time. I will admit. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a conference and really felt anything like this. A rebirth if you will. One of the presenters said "We didn’t get here by aiming low." And in my mind, all I could think is we didn’t get here by coincidence either. We were all in the exact moment we were meant to be at.

A few days before the conference I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Did I have the money to go? Was my mind in the right place? Why was I going? Did I really need to go? Without answers to any of those questions, I left Houston. I started my road trip by telling myself that I should go to Austin and enjoy my time away, regardless of how I felt. Something good must come of it I thought. And, that it did.

Feeling emotionally drained and exhausted I arrived a Wednesday afternoon connected with my roommate. An amazing Latina from Florida. And, tried to shift my mindset.

That night we headed out to our first event of the week and immediately my social sensors tingled. I was home. This is my place ya’ll. Not Austin. Not this conference. But this space, a place where women connect or reconnect, a space where we were all once strangers but thanks to the WWW we are now connected, a space where you can’t hide behind the keyboard and our insecurities cause guess what we are here IN REAL LIFE (IRL) y como dicen, a todo color.

The first set of encounters on that first night changed my mood and brightened my outlook.

I had a full itinerary for Thursday but again I wasn’t expecting much. Just being honest. Sometimes this is how I feel. Good but eh, we’ll see....

Thursday at the conference did not disappoint....It included a beautiful and serene breakfast sponsored by Dove where moms shared their birth stories good and bad. It was uplifting and a reminder that I’m not alone on this Mommahood journey.... or the Womanhood, Relationship journey. 

I went on to attend a diversity and inclusion panel which happened to have been moderated and lead by a Houston mom! It immediately reminded me why empowering Houston Latina women has become my passion. We’ve filled a gap in a niche that we didn’t even know how or if we could and would fill but now exist in all ways and forms. I’m proud of us and what we’ve accomplished in truly such a short time.

Then there was Brene Brown. :: insert the heavens opening up and angels singing here :: 

The words that came to mind as I took notes that afternoon at her talk were:

Magic
Sincere
Strong
Intelligent
Honest
Authentic

Real
Raw

Texan

Female

Voice

Power

Connection

Relateable 

She answered questions about how she got where she is today, you know the "breakdown", I mean spiritual awakening, how she felt about it all, that infamous Youtube video, her new documentary and how she walked away from working with Bo-prah. She reinforced my feelings of wanting to one day speak at TEDTalks and how she placed it in the Universe which I have done...just now....  

She reminded us to "stay focused and you will get there." It's hard sometimes to think of the amount of time you have to invest in your goals to accomplish them. But, you must stay on your path... She reminded us that NO is important, because "every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something you don't know exist yet."  And, that the measure of how well you are doing is how many people you are pissing off. 

She's such a powerful thought leader making a great social impact as a  researcher-storyteller, or you know magic pixie! 

This trip was definitely a good one and I obviously came back very inspired by it. 

::Lost & Found::

When I started writing in this space back in 2009 it was a very personal, very real and unplanned journey. 

Over the years I had gained structure, sponsors and a following. The last 3 years or so, I've lacked in some of those spaces. Life got so busy and hectic. My full-time non-social media job, family, kids and trying to grow other spaces took over. And then, to be totally honest 2018 was messy. In my mind, in my heart, and in just life situations. The thing is that my life has been thrown "off course" if you will.  

With that said.

I can tell you that drastic change is sometimes needed in our lives. We sit for so long in this place of comfort that we feel this is where we belong and where our truth lies. But, it's only when those things unravel and get undone or are no longer there that you discover, how long overdue that change was. I can tell you this, there are some battles that are better fought in private, only because of the people and feelings involved. I think that my followers have over the years been so respectful of my privacy that it has always allowed me to share at my own pace and in the perfect time, for me. 

This space has though become very public, not saying I'm some kind of a celebrity but I mean if you think I look like Kourtney Kardashian like who am I to change your mind. So, will there be answers as to why my blog has become dormant, or why my social media posts have shifted and why you don't see certain things being shared anymore? Sure.  These last few post cover it, pretty well I think. 

Life happened. 

For now, I wanted to share about being lost and finding out who you were created to be in this very moment. We all have a purpose, a goal in this life, not created by us. It's a universe or Godly plan, whichever force you believe in. Sometimes we have to be so lost, hit that "rock bottom" literally or figuratively speaking. Whichever comes first. It's hard. It's not an easy process. You have to remind yourself that no one can save you from this. You are your own hero, your own person. We all make choices those choices come with outcomes, good and bad. It's here that you start to find yourself.

Being lost involves letting go, removing and moving on. 

Being found involves accepting the change, embracing it and knowing that no matter how difficult it is you will come out on the other side a survivor, a warrior, victorious. Yes, some of this, especially in relationships, involves two people, but honesty to make it through the process you have to look at yourself.

Call out your own bullshit. Be honest. No matter how hard it is. 

We are not perfect, there are things that I know I could do better or try harder at but sometimes we just have to accept these faults and move forward regardless of them.  For many years, I think my fault was worrying about others too much. What they thought about me or what they thought I should do to be successful and happy. I stopped believing in me and what I truly wanted. It becomes complicated when you realize this and it involves undoing all those things you once thought you wanted.

But, it's never too late. 

I would do it all again, expressing my truth and honesty, and knowing that I was true to myself and who I need to be now in my late 30's versus who I thought I wanted to be in my late teens, early 20's. People change, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with this. Yes, this sometimes involves pain and hurt but with good positive actions, this will get better.

It's not an easy process to be lost and try to find yourself... but I hope you can be open to your heart, mind and what the future could hold for you if you are truthful and honest.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 

Where I am now? ::Using our energy to move forward ::

Where I am now?

Well, I am in-between. Per usual. 

Between..... here and there. 

Between balancing life and Motherhood. Between finding myself and being lost. Between being myself and trying to recreate who I am. Between writing and taking time off. Between falling apart and building myself back up. 

I feel like I have been in this place for a while now, years maybe. Stuck, seeking a place with relevance to who I am and what I want for my future. It takes time for me to truly settle not because I don't want to settle but because I have not found the place that is a right fit for me.

In life that is... 

But, I think it all comes down to growth and continued learning. 

Does this mean I am a non-conformist? Maybe, a little?  I just want to be in a good place where I can "settle" but don't have to settle for less. It means that no matter what right now, I am making seeking this better place for me, making it a priority and my main focus. 

Have I thought about leaving the blog world? I talk about it almost every year, quitting and not blogging anymore, giving it all up and moving on with my life. But, it hasn't happened yet mainly because every time I try to quit something even more amazing falls into my lap and I have that innate urge to run with it. And, I usually do.

The writing also...... always, brings me back in. 

For almost 5 years now I  have also helped run a group called the Houston Latina Bloggers. Because of it, other amazing projects have come together in collaboration with so many other local women who hustle hard. Not to mention I work an 8-5 p.m. non-social media related position, have two young children, and I have also worked on my professional development and creating workshops to grow my blog and social media side-gig, and oh yeah, I try to maintain a somewhat social life.

In between all this,  I needed a good long pause and found a moment to slow down the Momma of Dos engine. To re-focus. Find my clarity and start over.... 

In a nutshell, I needed a true break. NOW, it's April of 2019 and the fire is back...

This year I want to give my all in a purposeful and genuine way and continue to move forward. This time, I hope it's different. I want to maintain a good focus and I want 2019 to end differently.

So, what will be different? 

Last year I started learning more about channeling into energies, vibes, and the light that surrounds us. I have since tried to truly seek these energies in myself and others. On the flip-side, I never really knew what kind of energy I was giving out to other people or how other people perceive me. But, I've learned to be more in tune and conscious of "my energy, my vibe" and who I am attracting. I know that I'm a person that tries to do as much as possible for everyone and anyone. I also know that I have been the kind of person that will find time to support others and give credit where credit is due. I don't ever really think twice about it, I just do it.

I truly believe in karma... do good for others and don't expect anything in return.

I know that I feed off of other peoples energy.  I feel that everybody has all the things they need to succeed. We choose to do things differently and to follow our own purpose and follow that light and that energy that we each carry. I always try to think about the positive because I definitely feel like I'm a positive person. Which doesn't mean that I don't have dark moments because I have them for sure. I've been in all kinds of situations and I've been hurt and hurt others but you keep going. You push through that energy and you renew it and you renew your life and you renew your vibes.

The difference is direction and intention... I want a new direction and intention for my blog...and that's what I plan on achieving. 

::Writing the Next Chapter in Life::

Sunset, Destin, Florida 2017 

Not every story begins with a once upon a time or ends with a happily ever after... at least not in the way one might think. We all create the lives we want, based on the choices we make, our societal perceptions and truly the deck that life throws at you. I can't be upset about what someone else has that might be better than my situation, or circumstance. We all work hard to get to where we are, and if we don't put the work in and strive for better then, we remain. And, sometimes people are okay with this. 

Growing up I knew that going to college, getting married, having a career and kids was the "right" way of doing things. Even though no one else in my family had really followed this path, I did it all in this exact order. Along the way, life has thrown SO many obstacles at us, as life would, but we worked hard and created the life we wanted and deserved. But, then again, we don't always control certain circumstances or life's events and things can change suddenly and drastically. 

For years I've sought to figure out who I am. What I want and where I am going with this whole passion for writing and inspiring working moms deal. I've had my share of nay-sayers, people who didn't believe in me or what I was trying to achieve. For what, for who and why? In part because they didn't understand it, and honestly for a long time, I didn't either. 

I've never given up though. 

I've continued to build and grow my community of women, my tribe of Momma bosses, not truly knowing where I wanted to go with it. Do I know now? Probably not as clear as I would like. What I do know is that now my journey has created a new path. One where even though I might be judged and looked at like I've made the biggest mistake of my life, I can tell you that I've made the best choice for me. It's been a period of true transition for us here at Momma of Dos for a little over 9 months now. By us, I mean my children, myself and their dad. We now live in separate households and have created different routines and are continuously trying to establish a new normal for us all. A lot harder than one might imagine. All of this is new to us; the transition, the two homes, the arrangements and details of it all.  Lots of sadness, confusion, pain and hurt. 

But, I am not giving up now..... 

This blog has chronicled MANY, many years of our lives together. Now, our lives are being lived on two separate paths. It's not been easy and there is so much more I will share as I can. I appreciate the love, support, and respect of those on my social media outlets, in our immediate circle, in our families and our friends.  For obvious reasons, I have not been able to share, nor did I feel I had to, what was going on as openly as most would have liked but I feel we are getting to a place where I can be a little more open about it all. 

Things are still a little difficult and details are still falling into place but we are all moving forward and trying to make sense of a hard situation. 

Please note, I do not share this as a victim. I share this from a place where I have made decisions for myself that I felt were best for me moving forward.  I could sit and share all the negative and bad of the last few months, but that's not my plan at all for this space.  

Staying Positive in a Negative World :: Guest Blogger from Houston Latina Bloggers::

::GUEST MOMMA BLOGGER TODAY::

Staying Positive in a Negative World by Erica Martinez

I am a mother of three beautiful children. Every day I see more and more negativity take place in the world around us. Growing up I remember as a kid I just worried about my favorite cartoons that I was going to watch on Saturday afternoon and staying up a little late because it was the weekend. These days our children go through so many more advanced issues that we never even had to deal with until adults. 

With technology becoming and being such a huge part of our everyday lives, it is important to keep a positive outlook on the world around us. Who we associate with and what we allow into our space has a great impact on how we handle everyday issues. 

Let’s be real…staying positive can definitely be a true task for some of us when so much negativity is surrounding us on a daily basis. Whether it is an unhappy customer, family issues, illness or death, a failed relationship, we all can relate to having some type of negativity we deal with daily. We hear of so many sad stories and real-life events that take an emotional toll on us and sometimes staying positive can be very hard.  

Let’s look at some ideas on how to stay on that positive vibe:

Keep positive friends around!

Keeping friends who are upbeat and positive will keep your mind focused. You will be able to have your own circle of greatness and positivity surrounding you to help you stay in the right mindset. Don’t ever underestimate a good girl’s night out- whether that is a movie night and popcorn or a dinner at your local favorite diner. Keeping good vibes around is the best thing in town!

Find your happy place!

Do you have that favorite spot you just like to be when things get out of control? That is what I call your “Happy Place.” It’s a place that helps you unwind and relax when things are just a bit too much! Keeping a happy place is one of the best assets to keeping negativity out of your mind and heart. 

Make time for you!

I know this one is always hard for me. Being a mom to three children and running so many projects, my main priority is always taking care of everyone else. Yes, of course, we still need to do our motherly duties, but I think we forget that we are important too! Take time for yourself. Take a nice relaxing bath, go to the movies, shop a little. (In moderation of course! Then we will be worried about what we bought!) We need to always understand we matter too!

Cut out Negativity

This is also a bad habit to break because it pertains to so many things. This could be eliminating negative people, gossip, and just anything that is not released into this world in a positive way. I know lately, turning on the television brings instant negativity. I’m not sure why we can’t hear about all the good things that happen in and around Houston? But, it does seem that we only hear about the bad things happening which can have a huge negative impact. I personally stop watching the news. It was just a bit much for me and it has helped. Figure out where your negativity is in your life and release it! Believe me, you will feel so much better when you do!

Staying positive can help you feel great and express greatness in the world. Smiling at those around you, showing kindness to those around you and encouraging and sharing the positive vibes will make impacts on everyone you meet. Bringing kindness and positivity into the world begins in our home. I make it a point to show my children to be kind and treat those around us with respect. It all begins with you and you can make that change in the world.

My name is Erica Martinez. I am a mother to two children and one future stepson... so really 3 beautiful children. I am a writer and event planner. I own my own company Socially Elevated. I love making new friends and being a part of a group of strong women!

IG: @tx_southerngirl 

affiliate link for Momma of Dos-  TARGET

::Four Tips on How to Pick A Therapist Now That You’re Ready for Therapy:: Guest Blogger- Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT

LINK TO MORE EPISODES::HERE:: 

As Mental Health Awareness Month comes to an end, you’ve probably heard about the importance of therapy many times by now.  Now you’re finally convinced that therapy isn’t restricted to people living with a major mental illness and realize you don’t have got be in crisis to go to therapy.  

Yay, you!

The problem is you don’t know where to start on finding a therapist.

No problem!  

Here are Four Tips on How to Pick A Therapist Now That You’re Ready for Therapy:

1) Ask for a Referral from People You Know:  Don’t be afraid to ask people you know if they can recommend a trusted therapist.  Most people are eager to share a referral of services they love.  Therapy is no different.  Ask them what they like about the therapist; why they chose them; what they gained from therapy with them.

2)  Ask for a Referral from a Physician:  Medical professionals often have a network of referral sources, including therapists to whom they refer clients.  If the reason you’re seeking therapy is related a medical issue, you can also sign off medical consent for your physician to collaborate your care with your therapist.  Addressing both medical & mental health issues is key to getting the most out of your therapy process.

3) Use an Online Therapist Directory: If you rather find a therapist on your own then hop online.  There are several online directories, including melaninandmentalhealth.com which specializes in listing culturally competent therapists, that you can search by your location to find a therapist near you.  Most of these websites will include a link to the therapist contact info.  This is a great way to review several of your options at once.

4)  Call the Therapist: Now that you have a referral, maybe even a few referrals, reach out to the therapist.  Call them and tell them you’re interested in going to therapy but first, you want to find out a bit more about their service.  Some therapists, such as myself, offer free phone consultations.  These consultations are the perfect opportunity to give the therapist a general overview of what’s bringing you to therapy (remember, this won’t be a therapy session) and asking them a bit more about their practice.  This also allows you to get a feel for the therapist’s personality on the phone.  Finding a therapist that you feel is a good fit for you is essential to the therapy process, so if the vibe feels off, don’t be afraid to keep looking.

The process of finding a therapist can be overwhelming, especially, if you’re eager to start on the path towards healing.  Stay encouraged and remember, there is strength in seeking support.  Use the tips listed above and commit to the process.  

Remember, therapy works if you work the therapy! 

XOXO

Your Favorite Therapist,

Eliza

Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT

trswc.com

https://www.melaninandmentalhealth.com/

281.849.9914

As a Licensed Psychotherapist, Relationship & Sexuality Expert, and Owner & Founder of The Relationship & Sexual Wellness Center, Eliza Boquin works with couples and individuals to overcome any traumas, pain, or destructive patterns that keep them from enjoying healthy, satisfying, and pleasure-filled lives.  By working with clients in her office, online, and in workshops Eliza helps people gain the skills necessary to get closer to their life and relationship goals.  She is also the co-founder of Melanin & Mental Health, an organization committed to spreading mental health awareness in Black & Latinx communities.

She believes that pleasure is our birthright and shame is one of the greatest blocks to enjoying healthy, balanced lives. Eliza's journey of finding healing through self-compassion drives her to help others heal from shame. 

Topics of discussion she frequently comments on include: Unapologetic Self-Care, Therapy Stigma in Minority Communities, and Mutually Satisfying Healthy Relationships.  Her advice has also appeared in Bustle, ThriveWorks, Good Therapy, Stylecaster, Fatherly, Business Insider, and various local radio stations in Houston, TX including Amazing 102.5.

Download Your FREE Self-Care Reset Guide:

http://bit.ly/selfcarereset

:: Faith and Motherhood:: with James Avery #MyJamesAvery

::Momma Disclosure:: This is a sponsored post in collaboration with James Avery, all opinions are my own. 

In September 2009, I had my Son, Santiago and 10 1/2 months later in July of 2010, I found out I was pregnant again this time with a Daughter, Camila. By March of 2011, I unexpectedly became a Momma of Dos. Being a mother isn't always an easy title to take on. I have had some very trying moments in the last almost 9 years but there is one thing I always find comfort in, my faith. Having faith that my direction as a mother is right, not always perfect or at all what I expected, but just right for me.  Along the way, I have learned many lessons of self-love as a Momma, patience and unconditional love towards my children. Not everyone walks the same journey into motherhood, it's easier for some more than others. Regardless of all the struggles, I wouldn't change the experience for the world. 

While motherhood isn't always an easy journey, it's a rewarding one. When I was asked to select two charms from James Avery Mother's Day collection, the first two that stood out to me were that of the Virgen de Guadalupe who has always been one of the biggest signs of faith in my life. I grew up Catholic and visiting many shrines in Mexico. La Virgen was always one of the saints that I prayed to the most, and still do. Her story of love and compassion towards a poor Mexican Campesino is one that always touches my heart so much. And the second charm was the Motherhood charm, which reminds me of the path I have been placed. One of great responsibility and love toward two tiny human beings. It reminds me of how much I should protect my children daily and remind them of how much I will always love them. 

I love James Avery current promotional offer where you can purchase two charms and receive a free bracelet, (or necklace up to a $70.00 value) This offer ends on May 29th so you can select to buy that special Mom in your life a new set of charms and necklace or maybe your favorite graduate a bracelet with some commemorative charms of their achievements since May is also graduation season!  

I love their jewelry because it's so versatile and I can wear it with any of my outfits which even for special occasions are usually very casual. Seen below is my new bracelet with my charms, which I was able to just clasp on and can change out whenever I want since my bracelet has an open clasp to hook the charms onto! 

Visit your nearest James Avery location and find out more about the offer details::HERE::  

::5 Ways to overcome a Challenge:: #WednesdayWisdom

I recently became aware that my coping skills are great, except when I'm under true pressure and stress, go figure! Challenges come in many forms; you can be overworked, having too much on your plate, dealing with difficult people, and really just about anything in life can become a challenge.  If you read about my mental breakdown in 2012 here, then you know how well I handled stress then. I've thankfully grown so much since then; mentally, physically, emotionally. And, I am now able to walk myself back into a good place.

Creating these strengths within myself has been vital to my overall success. 

Some of the best ways that I have learned to deal with it are as follows:

1) Talk it out- Like a really raw and serious talk with someone who will be REAL and RAW. For me, that person is my Husband. He tells me the things, I don't want to hear. And, we all need that one person. Who isn't going to tell you that, it's all going to be OK. Because sometimes, it's not going to be okay, and that is also OK. If that makes sense. (Bear with me here.) But, you want to have that one person who you can truly express your frustration too and will help you talk it out so that you can think of a solution. Sometimes, that person is a therapist. And, that is OK too.

I have had the ability to get therapy and it was truly freeing and very helpful! 

2) Have a moment (melt-down if you will)- the release is needed. A good friend told me a long time ago, "Connie, I'm going to let you have your pity party, but then I'm going to need you to put your big girl panties back on and get over it."  It's been the best most memorable pep-talk of my life. One, it came from a very loving place. She meant well and I knew it. She was allowing me to "have my moment" but then giving me the motivation to realize, I could get past it. Sometimes, it's ok to have that moment but don't give up. Keep pushing forward and you will see that it's so worth it.

Also, a rule of thumb. I have my meltdowns, alone, in a quiet place where I can truly reflect. 

3) Don't be a Victim- Accept that you too have faults and are allowing these things get to you. There is nothing worse than denial. And, don't get me wrong. I have been there. I pretend that everyone else has issues and I'm the victim they prey on. Nope. A lot of times I am my own issue. Whatever it is, I have been there. We all have faults. Instead of focusing on a "woe me mentality" push forward and think about the solutions and positive. It's often hard to see these when we are in the middle of something bad but trust me, steps 1 and 2 are a huge help.

Don't be a victim, be victorious! 

4) Care but not too much- I hate this advice. Because I am a person or was one, who cared so much all the time about what people thought about me or if I was playing nice. Well. (and, it's easier said than done.) Try not to care so much. Care enough that you know hard times can come, bad things happen and you will make it through. But, don't dwell on the feeling so much that it consumes you. As an overthinker, thoughts, and what-ifs slowly eat at my soul. I know I'm weird. But, it's true. Over time I have learned not to allow this to hinder my existence or to slow my progress. You should never allow emotions of what others could think of you, overwhelm you this much. Don't get me wrong, it happens, but push past it anyway!

Push through the emotion... 

5) Move forward As that famed Ice Queen (and my 6-year-old daughter) would say, LET IT GO... LET IT GO..- The hardest part of getting pas hard times, for me, is letting it go. Not everything has a solution or endpoint. Not everything will. Knowing that sometimes words are left unspoken, through are held back and people change, is the key to moving forward. Being able to let things go and again not allowing them to dwell or sit in your mind or heart is very important. Very important. Let it go, more so for you than for the situation or person.

And, remember that you can and WILL overcome these challenges. You can do this Momma!

Remeber that troubles are temporary.... live in peace with yourself and who you are... 

::Motivational Monday:: Workout Goals with Bryanna G. for 2018

Some of the most inspiring women in my life are, no surprise, family. Bryanna and I are cousins. We didn't really see each other much when we were growing up but now as adults via Facebook, we've become reacquainted. Bryanna is such an inspiration, she is a fellow momma of dos, married and with a busy work life. It has been now that she found her motivation and her reason and she is pushing towards her best self. I love her story and hope you join her on this journey. 

Me wearing a maternity dress, Easter 2016, holding my 9-month old precious boy. “Before” pic.

The narrative below was written by Bryanna Gutierrez: 

It was just another evening in my hometown, Corpus Christi, Texas and I was headed into the shower, but my husband came home early! “Hi, Amor,” he said. My name is Bryanna, but we call each other “Amor.” I ran into my closet to hide.

I thought. What do I do now?

Wait until morning when he’s asleep? No..I never wake up that early…Should I undress here in the closet, wrap a towel around me & run for the bathroom? What if he walks INTO the bathroom? We have one of those stupid see-through, glass showers! My heart pounds when I think that he might see the mountain of fat that pushes out my navel, the two fat rolls below that, or the beyond-wrinkled, loose skin that looks like forgotten clothes at the bottom of a smashed bag.

Nine years married to a man that loves me no matter how I look, but here I am in my mid-30’s, wearing maternity clothes nine months after my second baby, trying to shower and change in secret. It hit me: This isn’t healthy! I shouldn’t be hiding in my own home! I’m pretty confident in others areas of life but I can’t take a shower without a mini, mental freakout? This has to stop.

Months after having my baby, a doctor said that surgery was the way to lose most of my fat, the 30 lbs left over from pregnancy. I didn’t want to do that. My motivation and goal became to get out of maternity clothes, without surgery, and no fear of the shower!

I went to my husband for help. He said he would help how he could, but reminded me that I had to follow through with my part, which was exercising and eating right. I realized there wasn’t much he could do for me besides cheering me on. He couldn’t exercise FOR me. He could cook something for me, but I had to eat it instead of going to eat with co-workers. I had to lose the excuses.

It was me. The most difficult part was accepting this. I had to take responsibility for myself and make the decision to be committed. I also realized that whatever I did would become “normal” to my daughter. When she’s older, do I want her feeling bad because she actually eats food? Do I want her skipping meals or turning to magic “diet” pills? No! For me, there has been no quote, book or movie that has enabled me to stay committed to my own decision and the desire to be my daughter’s example of true health. This became my new motivation, and keeps me going today!

My “after” pics, most recently completed  28-day challenge in August 2017.

I committed to exercising 3 times a week and saying no to eating out at lunch. I developed time-saving tricks for making homemade meals. I’m a busy mom of two and work full-time. My husband works days and evenings, so I need to save time where I can because it’s full-time mommy duty after work!

When a 21-day or 28-day challenge popped up, I participated! I did two in five months and lost 23 lbs! I maintained for 6 months before doing another 28-day challenge, losing another 5.5 lbs, totaling nearly 29 lbs overall! I’m ecstatic to say I don’t need maternity clothes! I’m stronger physically and mentally. I still have fat and loose, wrinkly skin, but NOTHING like before! In August 2017, I took my health to the next level by becoming a certified Ground Force Method INSTRUCTOR! And…I no longer fear the shower!

The best advice I have for you is to decide to be committed! Make a plan for eating better and exercising - either on your own or hire a coach - and STICK TO THE PLAN! You WILL succeed with consistency!

You ARE a strong mom!

Training at gym, summer 2017

LATEST VIDEO CLICK HERE.

How to contact Bryanna G.:

Email: bryanna_g@me.com

www.bryannag.com

Facebook: @healthyBryannaG

Instagram: @_Bryanna_G  

        

::Momma-sanity:: Top 5 tips to keep mentally sane as a working Momma

Imagine you’ve been up since 5 am, gone to work for 8 hours and dealt with…well, work. 

You are now home trying to make dinner and get ready for the next day but to add to the mix, you are also dealing with a sick child. You are standing in the kitchen waiting for your husband to come home and help take over the madness. You are dazed and confused staring into space while your second child has been wreaking havoc on your entire house for an hour. 

No? Just me. Well, let me be real. This is my life most days. 

Crazy schedules, kids’ school activities, work from 8-5 pm and trying to pursue my own dreams and passion as a writer and community leader. All these things! Not complaining, I chose this life. I earned a degree so that I could have a career that would help me provide for my family. It's part of my purpose. I am one of those momma's who LOVES to work outside the home; of course, that means that home life and extra-curricular's can get a little tricky. 

But not impossible; and trust me I am a firm believer that a momma can have a fulfilling career as well as have plenty of time to make amazing life-lasting memories with her family. I am proof of that. I have no regrets of working 40 (plus) hours a week and only seeing my children and husband nights and weekends. We have so much fun, I am uber productive and my real purpose shines in every area of my life because I am happy and fulfilled. 

How? Well here are my top 5 tips of things I do to keep mentally sane as a working Momma of Dos and other challenges because we all have them. 

1) Create a schedule but know that SHIT happens.

I don't always have it written down but I have a mental schedule of things we must do weekly and sometimes daily. This includes work, school, doctor appointments, soccer for my son, dance for my daughter, me time for me and time for husband with his friends or co-workers. Do we follow the schedules to an exact science? Nope. 

That's where the sanity part comes in. Some days we are WAY off schedule and things don't get done cause we sit on the couch and enjoy each other’s company (which is hard for a busy body like me) but when we do, I am happy. 

The trick here is to not sweat the small stuff and be flexible with the idea that things will happen and you might not be on schedule every single day. 

2) Eat well, stay healthy and workout.

One of the best things I can do for my family is to remain healthy and fit. I learned years ago that when I exercise alone or with a group of ladies, away from my house and family I am happy. I get some amazing quiet, thinking time and/or awesome company when I do my group workouts which include other local momma's. I get an hour of happy, healthy me time, I love it! Plus, remaining healthy, trying to eat well and staying active is good overall for me as a human being not just because I'm a mom. I feel more energized and don't get sick as often which helps me be productive for my home! 

Now the sanity part. Do I work out every day and eat salads at every meal? NO. I try to workout 2-3 times a week and try to replace a big meal every other day with a good salad. I am a firm believer of balance: it does exist. Not saying I eat pizza and burgers every other day: at least I try not to. I limit those to 2-3 times a month, if not less. I do try to run home every other night and make a home-cooked healthy meal for my family. Does this happen every week? NO. Some weeks we are so busy after work that we eat out or pick up fast food because it's inevitable. 

We try hard to eat well often and remain active. 

3) Remain Active and Explore as a family.

Confession time. I'm a lazy Momma! Some days I can't or don't want to move because we are so active and always going. But my Husband is great at suggesting fun outdoor activities: parks, the zoo, museums, fishing, camping or the beach! He has to drag me out of the house while I grumble and complain but once we are out and about, it feels great! 

The kids love it and we have fun even if it's a simple walk on a new trail in a local park or if it's a day out and we picnic on the beach or fishing pier. 

Those are the moments when I am creating awesome memories with my kids! They remember those small moments and appreciate them so much, as do I! 

Sanity moment, don't worry about "creating memories." Focus on having fun and relaxing with your family. It's those spontaneous moments where nothing is truly planned that my family and I have made the most precious memories...like bike riding on the Galveston Pier or exploring a new park in our area and following a trail for miles! 

Nothing forced is ever fun.

2 years ago we did our first big family road trip. We drove from Houston, Texas (our hometown) to Destin, Florida (a gorgeous beach), and on our way back we stopped in New Orleans for a few days. It was "planned" but it was the best time we have had and my children remember every moment. It's the small things that matter.We didn't do anything too big and fancy, just us driving across the country and enjoying the time. We played the "telephone" game at dinner one night and the kids had a blast. Like I said, don't sweat the small stuff, and just relax. 

Which again for someone like me, this is easier said than done.

4) ME TIME.

I mean some real me-time! Not the time you have while you go to the bathroom and lock the kids out or when you hide in your room while they are distracted watching TV and you enjoy those 10 minutes before they find you. I mean real me-time, away from it all! 

Going out for dinner and drinks with friends. In my case, attending events and workshops for my blog, or just hanging out with a girlfriend for breakfast or lunch. Getting a mani/pedi or your hair done or going on a fake mini-shopping spree at Target! That dollar spot though! Ha! Or whatever it is you like to do for YOU. Just time to pamper yourself. It's simple.  Make time, schedule it and then GO. At least twice a month, if not more. 

Taking care of me and making time for myself has been a wonderful investment. I try to get out as often as I can escape. Yes, it's not easy but I do it. I love when I do because I get to see my friends and truly relax. Everything about this screams sanity!   

5) Know your limits.

This is hard which is why I am writing about it. I am the type of person who does it all, takes it all on, and then falls so exhausted at the end of the day. It's insane! I have learned in my last almost 7 years of parenting two children, working full-time, following my passion and trying to be a normal momma, that I can't do it all. And, I probably won't. 

Sanity moment, IT'S OK! You don't have to be Super Hero Mom 24/7.Your sleep, health and sanity are more important. My friends will read this and laugh because they know it's BS coming from me. I don't rest. I get super sick and I feel like a failure a lot. I never said I was perfect; I only said I was trying to remain sane. 

To my defense, I am learning to rest and sleep more and not worry so much about the world and it feels good to be carefree sometimes! 

Know your body, your limits and how much you can do. Learn to say NO and move forward happy with your decision to take on less. It's necessary for you and your family.