A Letter to ::Wonder Woman::

I saw this illustration and it struck a chord....

As Women, we often fight so many battles, sometimes on our own, in complete silence, hidden away from the world....daily, hourly, minute by minute.

For me lately, they've been more internal than not. My brain never shuts off and my heart feels it.

Those battles, I feel, are the ones that cause the most bruising. We fight ourselves, beat ourselves up so hard about everything, even after it's been said and done, so much so that some of us feel we have to stay in fight mode.

Truth is we don't.

Being a Wonder Woman shouldn't cause so much pain.

The battle wounds shouldn't cut that deep... but they do.

Sometimes regardless of how well we think we hide the bruises and scars, people know.

People who know you can see them. They are more than visible, they are you.

The agonizing pain buried deep in your soul, the wiped away tears, the self-crushing doubt and attempts to cry out for help. We can see it in your eyes, your appearance, your energy.

In the end...

It's how you choose to recover that means the most.

It's how you move forward that helps us heal.

Knowing that you are not alone sometimes helps.

Knowing and allowing others to help is not a bad thing.

So....

Dear Wonder Woman,

Let down your guard, release the fight mode and heal.

It's time.

Allow space for love and joy, know that you are worthy. You are deserving.

Yes, you are a Wonder Woman who is loved and no longer has to hide the hurt or the scars and bruises of this life.

You are not alone.

It's time.

To continue to love yourself, be proud of it and move on.

It's time. 

To let go. To live your life. And, be yourself.

Be the Wonder Woman that you are but know that your tribe is here for you and you can do this.

You are not perfect and that's OKAY.

It's time. 

Love always,

Wonder Woman

You Can't Always be a Super Boss Bitch who does Epic Shit.....

Or can you? 

It's all about direction, intent, and timing. 

I recently had a big fail. I have helped lead a group of local women called Houston Latina Bloggers for some time now. I thought that creating a conference was the next big step. So for a few months, we've been planning, preparing, strategizing, and moving forward. Or so I thought..... 

The idea came about to try and help us celebrate our groups 5th anniversary, we also received recognition from the City of Houston. Clearly, this was the next big step, right? 

Well. Flash forward to today and what I have going on. Amid divorce and co-parenting alone in the last year, which brought along a plethora of changes and moves and well just everyday life to deal with. A month ago or so, I was presented with the opportunity to leave my position of 4 plus years from Oil and Gas and return to something that for me was much like coming home. A non-profit in my neighborhood, Northside Houston. 

It's 2 weeks before the conference is supposed to happen and I have a meltdown, an overwhelming feeling of "I can't". My kids and their Dad's schedule takes precedence over anything and everything because well, at the end of the day even though we don't all live in the same place, we are a team. I am also trying to acclimate and establish my new position within a new company. Trying to manage events outside of my already obligated work and family responsibilities just weren't sitting well with me. So, I have since canceled the event. It's hard. Something that I thought about a lot. I was letting myself down and my community of content creators.  

But, then as I attended some work meetings and had the realization of how temporary every job is, a new rush of ideas and energy has overcome me. 

As much as I like to think that I can constantly be on the move, it just doesn't work that way, at least not all the time. Because in the last year and a half there have been many times when I don't even want to get out of bed. When I would walk into work and tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. When my mind can't seem to focus on the infinite pile of tasks I have to get done. When my heart is aching so much that I truly question my decisions and I wondered how much I've screwed my life up. Days when I ask myself "Connie, why did you do this to yourself, to your family, to your kids?" 

On those days I question the mere existence of my "badassery" and my ability to do epic shit in my life.

And, you know what despite, how much I do, create and write, I have the right to stay in bed, cry at my desk and allow myself to feel the doubt that has filled every corner of my life these days.

You guys, I'm human.

Last year for about 6 months I fully questioned my life and everything that I was doing with it, and at the age of 37 made some pretty BIG decisions that impacted my entire family. For months we dealt with it, in silence and alone. I have since dealt with the shame, the doubt and the pain both somewhat openly and in private. People will never see the days when my whole body is limp and I have no desire to prove my purpose or passion or worth to anyone under any circumstance. Yes, that serious. 

TRUTH IS. As Lizzo would attest, TRUTH REALLY DOES HURT. And, we are so scared to look at our truth and reality and realize that this is it. This is who we are, where we are and what we are. And, that sometimes we have to put shit down, let it go and move on. Even if that means that you can't always do epic shit and be the Boss Bitch that you know you are. 

Truth is, it's like that sometimes. We just have to walk away and allow things to fall apart, eventually, they will grow again. TRUST. Trust the process. It takes time. Some times a lot of time. It takes grace and self-awareness. It's hard. BUT, it will eventually be worth it. 

Trust me. I have lived in it, some days sadly wallowed in it, for over a year and a half now. It is not easy to walk away from something thinking that you maybe could have pulled it off, but your peace of mind, health and sanity do come first. Not making excuses but sometimes, a huge step back and rest is much needed. 

Things do and will fall back into place..... 

Some things you should know about being alone......

When it comes to your divorce, single-life or separation. 

Don’t let others tell you what to do. Truth is. It’s your timeline. Whether those giving you "advice" have been there or not. That’s none of their business. I’m not saying shut people out and don’t take good advice, no... what I am saying is listen. Take it in. And, say thank you. But, know that this is YOUR journey. These people don’t know what that means or where it will lead you.

Trust me I’ve heard it all (from both my female and male friends):

Stay Single as long as you can

Be alone and take it all in

Don’t date right away

Cry about it, let it out

Don’t cry, be strong

Don’t go back to your Ex

You should think about it and reconsider going back to your Ex

Don’t drink too much

Go to church, stay close to God

Girl, live your best life

I could go on and on....

Trust me, and I’m sure you’ve heard it all too. The truth is we are human. Some humans need other humans. Some humans need to cry and drink to get things out of their system. When people because, both men and women have approached me at this point ask about “relationship” advice, as if I’m an expert. I laugh at myself. No, I’m not an expert. But, I am a human living a very unique experience. My first “breakup” in my whole entire adult life. It’s been a ride that’s for sure. And, while I don’t like to tell people what to do or give too much advice, I don’t mind sharing what’s worked for me during these times. Know that even if leaving someone was your choice it’s still hard.

For me. I started with therapy. I went and continue to seek professional help when and if I need it. It truly, truly helps. Having someone on the “outside looking in” telling me that my actions and thoughts are rational and normal has made me feel more at peace with my decisions.

It’s not easy.

Something else that’s helped, has been LOTS of fun girl nights out! And, a few times I have ended up going out alone and still having lots of fun! And yes, I drink, this has to be taken in and analyzed often during this time; there is a fine line between it being fun and social to it being a true problem. During those times, I’ve stepped back and tried to truly think about why I’m doing it and how much control I have over it. Which has been total control, thankfully. But know that drinking truly solves nothing. Not even pain or brokenness. Sometimes it makes it worse. So be cautious. 

So just be safe and make sure this isn’t a problem. If it is, seek help.

Another thing has been words. Of course. I’m a writer. Being able to express myself with words during this time has been vital. About 8-9 months after it had all started and I was finally able to talk about my separation and now divorce I felt that a big weight was lifted. If you follow me on IG I also post about it there a LOT. Sometimes in my feed with long, long captions and others through memes on my stories. Sad. Angry. Confused. Happy. Funny. Sarcasm. It all comes out. 

If you know me you know I love music. Every song, it’s lyrics, the words they pierce almost though every single one of my emotions. It’s insane. I love music. I’ve gone to a lot of concerts this year and listen to a lot of music every day! I also have the ultimate female empowerment break up playlist. It’s amazing, check it out for yourself. —->> LINK HERE

And then, that dreaded “alone time”. I had my first ever solo road-trip back in April to Austin. It was an amazing experience. In September I went to San Diego alone which was an even more amazing experience. And, recently I took myself to the beach on a Sunday afternoon when I didn’t have my kids. Which is where I wrote this blog post. So alone time HELPS. Yes. Church wise. I’ve not gone to mass in a long time. It requires me to be in a clear open focused state of mind, which has been a little hard these days. But, I go to a chapel during lunch. That chapel has seen me sob my face out, like horrible snot nose dripping face where I’ve had to take my cardigan off and just wipe my whole face. It’s not pretty but necessary. Always necessary. Pick a quiet place where you can sit and be alone it will help you.

One HUGE factor has been having others to talk to about it, people who will not be judgmental and who are open and willing to hear about your situation. Someone who is willing to listen to all your drama and can help you walk through solutions or help you organize your thoughts. Usually, these people have been through or are also going through a breakup, separation, divorce. So, that always helps. Having other people “on your side” can be helpful.

Again, I’m not an expert. Or a therapist. I’m simply a single momma, now co-parenting who is living through this experience, one day at a time. Building strength, courage and continuous ways to help others and make their transitions as easy as I can by sharing what I’ve gone through and how I have overcome all the stages. Each one is SO different. And again. Everyone is different with very specific and unique experiences so none of this may work for you or all of it might work for you.

Take what you need.

::Transitions::

Transition: To transition, transform or metamorphous into a new place or space. 

It’s where I’ve been for over a year, mentally. Physically the movement began, a little over 8 months ago. It’s a difficult place to be in when you truly have no clue where you’re heading. These have been some of the most difficult moments in my life to date but with time comes clarity. 

As I continue to seek it. 

With every push forward towards seeking your true self there comes a little defeat, disappointment, thoughtfulness, and reflection. But, not everything is lost. Along the way, you find new friends, a new sense of self and direction. You grow a little more with each experience and are reminded of your resilience.

It seems that every time I get overwhelmed I tend to retreat into my safe zone. But, I’m pretty sure that’s most people. That doesn't mean that that's where you belong. Because that's definitely not where growth happens.  

Going back into my comfort zone and doing the thing that I love most and know well, writing and staying in this "safe" space. Comes easy to me. So, when things get overwhelming this is where I go. To my words. But, most growth has happened in my actions. I am just now ready and able to put it all into words. 

And, it's kind of, a very freeing moment and movement if you will. To be less censored in what I can and how I say, or write about it. Divorce isn't an easy word to write, much less say. It's been a process and time has given me the words I need to move forward. 

It’s easy to be filled with self-doubt, fear, and defeat. And, sometimes it’s OKAY, to feel these feelings. Because they’re real. Because they happen. Because it’s life. 

Things are not always going to be perfect. Don’t compare. Instead, look inward for direction. Purpose is fulfilled differently for everyone.

When you accept what this life has chosen for you to bare, that’s when you can turn your situation around. If you go back in history you will find clues that will confirm your purpose. I know I have. Sometimes the signs were there but I still moved forward. Without my 19 year relationship, I would not have the experiences I have now, or two children to help me become who I am today. 

When you are called to seek a new path, it’s a testament to your purpose. Resilience & Courage. Be brave and move forward. 

These are the words I keep telling myself. These are the words I want to write about. I want to talk about how much pain and guilt occurs when leaving a marriage is your choice. How I never meant to hurt my spouse. It was never my intention but it happened. I lived with the guilt for days on end. But, I've pushed forward and learned that it can't live in your heart because it's not a way of life. 

Neither of us was perfect. Obviously. But, the choices I made were for me alone. And, these days, I am good with how it has all started to work out and "fall into place". 

I also know, that my direction has changed, and that's OKAY too. 

This is where my new chapter of life begins, the next 20 years of my life will be spent exploring more of who I want to be and how I want to continue to fulfill my purpose. 

::Writing the Next Chapter in Life::

Sunset, Destin, Florida 2017 

Not every story begins with a once upon a time or ends with a happily ever after... at least not in the way one might think. We all create the lives we want, based on the choices we make, our societal perceptions and truly the deck that life throws at you. I can't be upset about what someone else has that might be better than my situation, or circumstance. We all work hard to get to where we are, and if we don't put the work in and strive for better then, we remain. And, sometimes people are okay with this. 

Growing up I knew that going to college, getting married, having a career and kids was the "right" way of doing things. Even though no one else in my family had really followed this path, I did it all in this exact order. Along the way, life has thrown SO many obstacles at us, as life would, but we worked hard and created the life we wanted and deserved. But, then again, we don't always control certain circumstances or life's events and things can change suddenly and drastically. 

For years I've sought to figure out who I am. What I want and where I am going with this whole passion for writing and inspiring working moms deal. I've had my share of nay-sayers, people who didn't believe in me or what I was trying to achieve. For what, for who and why? In part because they didn't understand it, and honestly for a long time, I didn't either. 

I've never given up though. 

I've continued to build and grow my community of women, my tribe of Momma bosses, not truly knowing where I wanted to go with it. Do I know now? Probably not as clear as I would like. What I do know is that now my journey has created a new path. One where even though I might be judged and looked at like I've made the biggest mistake of my life, I can tell you that I've made the best choice for me. It's been a period of true transition for us here at Momma of Dos for a little over 9 months now. By us, I mean my children, myself and their dad. We now live in separate households and have created different routines and are continuously trying to establish a new normal for us all. A lot harder than one might imagine. All of this is new to us; the transition, the two homes, the arrangements and details of it all.  Lots of sadness, confusion, pain and hurt. 

But, I am not giving up now..... 

This blog has chronicled MANY, many years of our lives together. Now, our lives are being lived on two separate paths. It's not been easy and there is so much more I will share as I can. I appreciate the love, support, and respect of those on my social media outlets, in our immediate circle, in our families and our friends.  For obvious reasons, I have not been able to share, nor did I feel I had to, what was going on as openly as most would have liked but I feel we are getting to a place where I can be a little more open about it all. 

Things are still a little difficult and details are still falling into place but we are all moving forward and trying to make sense of a hard situation. 

Please note, I do not share this as a victim. I share this from a place where I have made decisions for myself that I felt were best for me moving forward.  I could sit and share all the negative and bad of the last few months, but that's not my plan at all for this space.  

::Overflow:: #womanseventhouston #BCF

{ Momma Disclosure: This is not a compensated post. The statements below are both my true and honest opinion.}

This year finding my one word has made a difference for me; Peace has changed my perspective. Finding my peace in every instance. 

For others, words like Love, Live, or maybe Overflow will change their perspective. 

One thing is for sure whatever your word may be, stick with it and soar! 

The second thing I want for this year is to seek more opportunities of growth and positive experiences. So, when I was contacted to share about Overflow, I fell in love with the idea! 

Being a Momma is a lot of work, being a Single Momma is, I think, double or triple that work. I have learned from the very best, my Beautiful Sister, who works so hard to make an amazing life for her and my nephew! 

If you are a Single Momma and want to attend a local event that is sure to change your perspective please visit; www.overflowbcf.com. 

Also!! We will be giving away TWO scholarships for the event!!! All you have to do is enter below:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

{Event Information provided by Overflow; 

A gathering for women who are raising children on their own  for a day of encouragement and  fresh revelation of a heavenly Father who loves them.

March 22, 2014   8am-5pm  

at Houston Christian High School

2700 West Sam Houston Parkway N, Houston  77043

A ministry of  Bayou City Fellowship 

When you were a little girl, being a single mom was probably not your dream but this is the reality of your life.   The demands are intense and the total responsibility can be overwhelming. However, through the Jesus Christ, there is hope, joy and a peace that overflows! From life overwhelming to a life overflowing!

At Overflow, you are in for a day of encouragement, refreshment and inspiration, connection to other women in similar life circumstances, a celebration of motherhood and time for drawing closer to Christ.

If you are separated, widowed, divorced, have never married, adopted a child without a spouse, have husbands that are incarcerated or stationed overseas in the military, you are invited to join us for a special day as you connect with other single moms, learn more about God's purpose for your family and leave feeling encouraged and refreshed.

Featuring :

•  Speakers who have traveled the journey of single motherhood with inspiring stories to share of how God has been faithful with His grace and mercy in their lives.
•  A fun program for your children designed to entertain and encourage them with God's love through His Word!
•  Uplifting worship and powerful prayer!
• Breakout sessions covering a broad range of topics such as:  Praying for Your Children, Forgiveness, Filling the Daddy Gap, Biblically Budgeting, Who Am I? Who Does God Say I Am?, Organizing Home and Schedules (suggestions at present, actual session titles to be determined)
• Opportunities to gather information on issues pertinent to single moms!
•  Goodies & Surprises! }

Romans 15:13 New International Version (NIV)¹³ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Social Media Sites for Overflow:

www.overflowbcf.com

https://www.facebook.com/OverflowBCF

https://twitter.com/Overflow_BCF

http://instagram.com/overflow_bcf#