What am I going to tell my Son about love.....

I wrote about what I want my daughter to know about love immediately people asked me about my son. I wrote hers first because she’s constantly asking me about what’s going on with my relationship with her Dad, why I’m not coming back home to live with them and what’s going to happen from now on. But of course, I have my son on my mind too and had to think about it a little bit more because hers came very natural to me. But, here it is what I want my son to know about love.....

I want him to know that he too should learn to love himself first. To be focused on who he wants to become. But, not overly selfish that he misses out on a good partner. That he should learn to be independent and self-sufficient just as much as his Sister. That he doesn’t need a woman/partner to validate who he is or his masculinity. That he can be whole and complete all on his own but to remain sensitive and honest about his feelings. To know that while being strong and free he can also find someone who can help compliment his strengths and self-worth but that he shouldn’t feel he needs someone to become these things. That he shouldn’t allow women to step all over him or crush his soul but that he also shouldn’t do the same to them. That he should be upfront with himself in what he really needs and wants in a partner before he commits in any relationship. I want him to know that I love him and always will. That he’s been my rock for so many years, that because of his love in my heart, I have overcome many difficult days. I want him to know that he’s allowed to cry and be sad over the loss of a love but that he shouldn’t allow it to consume him. That he is strong and capable of so much, that he can be his lovey-dovey self with his big mushy teddy bear heart but to know that without self-love, he can get lost in something that isn’t worthy of him.

He should know that he should look for mutual respect and support. That love is great when both people give each other space and time to grow. That being a provider is great but true support comes in actions, and that being emotionally and mentally supportive is necessary. That love is creating a partnership where both people have their needs met, and that love is what we make of it. The effort and actions that we put in motion more than all the words we can speak. When he loves someone he will need that person to be as strong, independent and as self-sufficient as him. You can't be whole if you don't know who you are. Being supportive is not just about being there for the thoughts and ideas, you need to help around the house, help with your children, be just as involved as your partner is at all levels. Be proactive. Be as motivated, inspired and as energetic as your partner. If that's not there then something will always be missing or lacking. You can learn to be with someone but if it's not naturally in you, you will lose.

Feeling loved is about feeling free and not feeling as if who you are, what you do, or what you say will offend, hurt or disrespect your partner. You should be free to be you and be accepted as such.

Plus he has this Sister who reminds him constantly of how a lady should be treated.....

::Mother's Day Letter:: To my Children

It's been a little quiet on the blog these days. It comes with good reason. Working on so many other things in my life right now. But, I wanted to share my Mother's Day reflection with you. 

Yesterday was a great day, lots of happiness and smiles, laughter, gifts and hugs and kisses for sure. There were also disagreements, arguing and feelings of discontent, but that doesn't take away from how great the day was. Because well, that's life right? Good and bad. We work through it. Everyday. Happily and with a grateful heart. 

As I prepared to start my day I thought about my kids. On mother's day. Truth is, for me every day has been mother's day for the last 7 1/2 years. Since my son was born. I love my kids. They drive me nuts, create chaos and also fill so many empty spaces in my heart that needed them. They have taught me so much about patience, and being happy and fulfilled by the small things in life, and simply enjoying life. 

Once you become an adult, with real life responsibilities; you know a 9-5, bills, college, husband/partner, coworkers, dramatic family experiences, illness, pursuing your passions, children of your own, etc. You tend to forget number one;  how to really enjoy yourself and number two, you take for granted the small things in life. At least that's what I've learned about myself as a Momma. I've become so busy "doing" and being an adult that some days I have tunnel vision and feel that there is only one path. This is not true. 

With that stated, I wrote the following: 

To my Children, Camila and Santiago; 

I want you both to grow up well. Motivated. Inspired and determined. I want you to be strong, courageous and bold. To know that elementary school, middle school, high school and even college are easy, it's life in general that I want you to succeed in. I want you to stand up for what you truly believe in, to always speak your mind no matter who it makes uncomfortable, even if it's yourself. I don't want you to be blind or naive about man-kind and people, to know that they can be evil, selfish and ill-intentioned. I want you to be aware and have your eyes and hearts wide open. 

To be open about the world around you but at the same time weary of others capabilities. Not everyone wants the best for you, and that's their problem not yours. I want you to help others but not be a push-over, like me. I want you to love others but never more than yourselves. I want you to know that YOU matter and can make a difference, only if you lead the way. You can't allow others to lead it for you. I want you to know, life is hard. But, if you set your mind to survive it, you can do it. I don't want you to give up on yourself.  

I want you to do everything you love, fully. I'm always the first to admit that I yell, I expect a lot from you both, I push you (and your Dad) to do more, only because I know you are more than capable of great things. I know that academics isn't for everyone but don't allow others to dictate what you can and cannot do. If you want to go to school and get a degree then do that. If you want to travel and be free then do that. If you want to open a bar and raise money for dog shelters, well do that too. But, do it well, go at it with true passion and dedication and succeed at it. 

A lot of people in our lives and family have sacrificed so much for us to be here. In the U.S., so be mindful and work hard! Your Dad and I, we went to college. Not just so that our parents could be proud but to set the example that it can be done. Yes, we want you to go to college and do well.  But, we know that's not for everyone. There are though options and other career training. Don't give up. Don't do nothing. 

Know that I love you NO MATTER what, or who you become. God is with you and I pray for your protection and happiness, daily, sometimes more than once in a day. Know that you already make me so proud. You are funny, you are smart, you are loving and caring. Above all you are LOVED, Blessed and Highly Favored and I pray you will be forever and ever. 

Love always, 

Your Momma

Turning 6....

Dear Santiago,

I have been writing you ::letters :: since before you were born. In my heart, in  mind. ::Letters:: that I would hope you could one day look back on. As a reflection of how much you are loved and how perfectly you have been created.

We don't have a perfect life, but you {and your Sister} make everything so much better. On days when I am sad, or mad; you are one person I can look to, to make me smile. And, to remind me, that life is not that serious.

You are full of energy. You play all day and truly have so much fun. I am guessing that's a good thing. Shows how much life and spirit you have. How you don't give in and how healthy and strong you have always been. You rarely get sick, when you do it's not easy but you are usually okay within a couple of days.

I think over the years I have covered how great you are; how much you are growing and how loved you are by everyone in our lives. But, I can't tell you enough, how loved you truly are. You are my sweet baby boy. My tough yet sensitive boy. I want you to continue to be who you are.

You started Kindergarten this year. It has not been easy. The adjustment to a different structure, to a different environment and teacher. I don't know if this new beginning shows patterns for the future. If so, it won't be easy but know that together we can do this! Your Dad and I, will always be there for you, to support you, to cheer you on, to help you. 

You have a strong personality, you don't take no for an answer and are very stubborn. Again, not sure what all this means for years to come but I hope they are traits that will help you grow into a strong minded and independent individual. 

You fight with your Sister, all day. All the time. It's annoying but I hope you can out grow that, one day, although I heard it gets worse before it gets better.

You {and Camila} are the sunshine in my heart. God has truly blessed me. You show me every day how to slow down, how to relax, and how to live life with no regrets. You remind me of the patience I lack and the strength I need to develop. Because in moments when I am frustrated you remain calm. And, at times when I have needed to be strong, you are always there to show me what true strength is.

I love you so much. I pray for you everyday. I want to hold you and protect you everyday of your life. I know how naive that is...because I can't. But, I know that you will be ok....

Happy 6th Birthday my Beautiful Baby!!!! 

Love, Yo'Momma <3 nbsp="" p="">

::A letter to my Graduate:: Pre-K that is...

My son is 5. He isn't graduating from High School or better yet this isn't his Ph.D from Harvard...yet. 

But, the moment was so great I had to share. 

My son, my little man graduated Pre-K. The little boy that took me 10 years to have, the boy who stole my heart in September 2009. He is graduating from Pre-K! All I can think is, he amazes me. He is a Blessing. 

He is a 5 year old none-the-less. My patience is tested everyday and he loves getting dirty and making messes. It's who he is. Who is becoming and how he is evolving that leaves me breathless all the time. 

To him I write the following:

::Dear Santiago:: 

I didn't understand Pre-K or Kindergarten graduations either. But, now that I have you and Camila I see purpose and meaning. Your purpose is to be uplifted and encouraged. Motivated to always do your best. To know that while you have reached these smaller goals and achievements in your life there are so many other much bigger and better goals that await you. More graduations that can be had. 

Your purpose is to enter a new chapter of your forming life. The next chapter will be formative into your young adulthood. I want so many things for you. I want you to grow into not only a self-control, respectful young man. But, also be intelligent and make good, smart decision. There is a difference. You can be both. You can do both. 

What does this all mean and why does it even matter? It's like so many other small things that should be celebrated in life. It's another milestone that you have been blessed to reach. You will be entering Kindergarten this fall with it will come another level of education and growth.

I don't ever want you to feel limited and I want you to always reach for the highest possible goals and levels in every action you take. Because you will soon find out an education is not something every child has the privilege of having. You should take advantage of the roads opened by myself and your Dad. We both worked hard as first generation Mexican-Americans to graduate college and provide for you and Camila what most parents cannot for their children.

An education as cliche as this may sound, is the key to many open doors. It will not seem that way for years to come, but one day when you sit in a high ranking position you will look back and think...I am glad my parents made me do this. Because of your current education that we are able to provide, you are a confident, smart young man. Learning right from wrong and powerful bible verses that will one day get you through those difficult moments in life.

Though you are only 5, know that you can do anything you want and become whomever you wish but it will not happen successfully without hard work and dedication.

We love you so much. Your day was filled with so much love and support. Some tantrums and time-outs but we made it through the awesome milestone.

Love you always,

Your Momma

We plan to do as your daycare Director stated... "Mold, guide and encourage you..." always.

   

    An InLinkz Link-up

   

::My 5 year Old Son:: Santi's Birthday Letter

On September 16th...5 years ago after about 24 hours of awesomely painful labor my life created a full circle. Our Son was born. This is his yearly birthday letter. {for more on Santi's Birth-story click ::HERE::}

My Beautiful Baby Santiago,

On this day, I love you, I cherish you and I am so thankful for you. I cannot believe that you are 5 years old, it was only yesterday that you were a tiny chubby baby cuddled into my arms in a hospital bed. Your tiny heart beating with mine, your tiny hands and feet so soft and precious. You were a baby.

Today, you are a handsome little, eye rolling, back talking 5 year old with so much attitude. Talk about a personality. None of this is meant out of ill feelings; you are only 5 and still learning your ways, and yes you are a little stubborn. A little spoiled. And, know very well what you want.

But you know what? We love that about you.

You don't allow anyone to push you around or tell you what to do but you are also respectful and kind when needed. If you do feel pushed around you are quick to let us know that we are being "mean" or your new word, being "bullies". 

You are smart and imaginative. Creative and a story teller. You love to dress up in anything "Mexican" like your GranPa Chuy's black sombrero and anything "Super-Pee-Row" related.

You know your Bible stories and can tell them to us in one breath and as if they all happened at once. You pray for us all every morning, especially for GranPa Chuy and his missing teeth. {sorry but they are still missing}. Your prayers are usually so thought-filled and genuine, always far more than I except. 

When you want to be, you are the absolute best older Brother, protecting and caring for your "Sis-der". She loves you so much. To her you are the best in the world, no matter what.

You are my warrior, my strength, my courage. You live life on the edge, as much as  a 5 year old can. You live life to the fullest. It's contagious. We admire that about you. You never have a bad day and even when you do, you manage to turn it around or simply fall asleep.

You are full of energy and light. Your heart is pure and growing healthy and strong. You have no real fears, except for cockroaches. Those you hate.

You are playing soccer {or "staulker" as you call it} this year and even though on most days you claim to be "scared" of it only because you want to rush home to your I-Pad {which is really mine} to watch YouTube videos! But, no matter what you end up giving it your all and loving it every time we go to practice. You are like this about most things...all or nothing. 

Some days you are all about the "feelings" and everything we say causes you to cry, other days you have the attitude of a teenager. As your parents we are learning with you. How to care for you, how to love you and how to be there for you. You are at times more patient than us. 

You love pizza like the Ninja Turtles. Right now you want to go see the Boxtrolls even though no other kid your age or adult knows what that is! You love watching cartoons and playing with ALL your toys at once. Yes, fun times, our house looks like a toy store blew up, every.single.day.

You have a great imagination and can create a whole war in a matter of minutes on the living room floor or play a businessman who has very important work to do and just cannot be bothered.

You have a pretty awesome life, and so many people love you. I hope that you never forget that. I pray that you can appreciate those people who are in your life and who have been there for us from day one. 

One of your favorite people in this world is your cousin, Olin. You love to dance and your "body just moves on it's own", especially when the telenovela theme songs come on. Your dance moves, well they are pretty awesome and I think.....you get it from yo'momma! 

You are amazing. You are beautiful and you are and will forever be our baby. Until you get too old and have to move out of the house..just sayin'... 

Happy Birthday!!!! 

We love you more than words.

Momma, Daddy, & Cami

::Friday Letters:: are back!!

::Friday Letters::

Dear Friday, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE! Can I get an AMEN! ::NO really:: I decided on Monday that I would start my Friday Letters again and for some reason Friday took forever to get here!! Longest week ever!! Hellooooo Friday!!!

Dear Hubby, Thank you for your support this week. And, every week. Even though I gripe and complain. And, blah and ahhh. Oh yeah and Grrrrrrrr and GRRRRRR all week long. I don’t mean it. Ever. You are awesome. You love me. You support my crazy last minute ideas and this here blog and you don’t judge me. Except for when I leave the milk open and when I do the whole laughing thing online like this… haha. Ha.

Dear Kids, I might say you are pain in my butt all week but I love you. You are a bit of a pain but it comes with the whole…”Santiago/Camila, I am your Momma“ thing. I love you more than words. Everything I do, I do it with our future in mind, your wellbeing and your college fund. Just sayin’. You are kind of expensive, BUT you are worth it and I pray you are smart. Just sayin’!!

Dear Summer, WOOOOOOHHHH! You have been BUSY but a TRUE blessing! Every experience has been taken in, embraced and written about on my blog or social media sites. I know people are tired of me but that’s ok. I have a purpose. I have a goal. I am driven. My vision becomes clear with every step. My motivation and inspiration grows with every new opportunity given. Thank you Summer you have been extra GOOD to me, my PayPal account thanks you! ::wink wink::

Dear Life, don’t allow me to reach the top and if I do knock me back down, bring me back to my roots, remind me of why I started this and WHO I started this for. Allow me to remain humble but proud of my accomplishments and limit my cockiness so that people don’t hate me. And, if they do hate me, oh well, I can’t please everyone. Just sayin’! At the end of the day solo hay un camino y ese camino es para adelante!!

Dear Friends, Family, Acquaintances and New Friends and Business Relationships, THANK YOU for believing, for supporting, for taking a risk with me. Hugs and positive vibes to you all!!

Dear Universe, BRING IT ON! ::closes eyes tightly and waits to be hit by the universe:: Ha. I am thinking it all up in a dream and then putting it out there in the universe and being brave and having the courage to take off. And, believing in myself! I will take you on. Some days I know I will fall flat on my face with my words, action and personality but other days I hope to conquer you, learn and continue to grow!

Happy Friday Ya’ll!!!!!!!!!!!!

What’s on the books for your Friday??

::Queridos Hijos:: #LessonsLearned

::Dear Children:: 

If you’re a Momma or are around children then you know that moment in the movie “The Croods” were Grug decides to throw his family over the cliff into the light knowing that he would disappear into the darkness. It’s an intense moment; as a parent making life changing and difficult decisions that may or may not ultimately benefit your family as a whole, is a challenge.

It’s what we do though and sometimes we have to make these difficult decisions even if our family members don’t understand why. In the end we know they are necessary for us to move forward to evolve and grow! As a Momma I make these decisions daily maybe right now, not as difficult as those made by Grug but I make decisions none-the-less. The decisions are sometimes filled with fears and doubt of what the outcome may be but they are always made with the best intentions at heart.  

I know that one day as my children you will probably “hate me” for not allowing you to go out and do some random activity with your friends  but trust me “es por tu bien”. And, I pray that when you achieve and accomplish you will be able to see the light and understand why as parents we make the choices that we make.

I love you so intensely everyday more and more!

Love, 

Momma

Picture Credit; Obtained from http://www.fanpop.com/

{4 years Santiago} Letters to my Son

My Beautiful Baby,
{it's what I call you every time I hold you in my arms, by the way...you are really big but still I hold you like a baby...my baby....}



Today you are 4 years old.
You are active and no one can stop you.
You are stubborn but still a sweet baby.
You are beautiful and loving.
Your smile lights up a room.
If you sleep long enough you wake up and say
"Good Morning Mami!"

You are taller than most and in a size 6/7 clothes and size 11 shoe.
You brighten up my days and make me nervous all at once.
Everyday is a new adventure for you and you are eager to take on the day's "challenges"...

You are curious and sometimes we don't agree.... you want your way and I
want what's best.

Your life is so simple and easy. You don't know how to have
a bad day. And, everyday that I pick you up from school you say,
"Mom, I had fun today!"
You have fun everyday, even when you don't feel good or are in a bad mood.
You fight with your Sister, a lot but you are also very protective, loving and giving...
when  you want to be.
You are definitely a Momma's boy and your Dad's best buddy.
You love to make up words and speak Spanish when needed.
You are full of life and vibrant!
You love to run and play and laugh and just be happy....you tell me...
"Mom, just let me be happy!"
when I try to calm you down or keep you quiet.

You are very much a ladies man and you even have the best dance moves.
You love all things "boy", you are rough and tough but sweet and sensitive and you even play with your Sister's babies and kitchen.

You want reassurance as to how much I love you almost daily. I don't mind telling you how amazing and beautiful you are and how much I love you...but know that this life is not fair and people of the world will never make you who you are. God has created you; strong, unique and loved...that is all that matters.
Your best friend in daycare is "Sanchez", the other Santiago of the class.

You are my life and although it's often filled with tantrums and tears...you have a way of turning all my wrongs into the best rights ever. God has blessed us with you and your Sister.
You are the little man that stole my heat 4 years ago.
Your Daddy and I love you { & Camila} more than life!

You may not know this but you have everything you need and everyone you need in your life, maybe not everything you want but we provide what we know you need to thrive as a child and to grow; mentally, physically and emotionally. We support you and we will always be here for you..if one day we are not..don't be scared...look to God, He has brought us this far.... and He will take us the distance...

Santiago; you have no idea the amazing and intelligent little boy that you are, you say the best things and you come up with the best comments... every word that you say is heard and acknowledged.

And, yes...some days we have our days. You push every button and try to surpass every limit. We keep you in line. And, although it's cliche...at times..it hurts us more than it hurts you...we want you to be happy but we also want you to learn to be respectful and humble. We will never break your spirit although sometimes you act as if it's the end of the world when the word "NO" comes out of our mouths. You have survived and you will survive even the most stern "NO's", life is filled with them so it's better you hear them now from us and learn that they are normal.

You are a great son and a good boy but you are over active and sometimes you beat us at the how's and what to do with you.... your imagination is expressed in so many ways. You love to draw Angry Birds,  your favorite game, in every notebook. You also draw me and your Dad and Camila. We look like potatoes but one day it will be different, practice makes perfect. You play with all your toys as if they were alive, scary yes but so amazing to watch.

You are built like an athlete and even "Box" with your Dad, and talk about "faceball"...{baseball, basketball or football...they are all "faceball"} yet I have a feeling the arts maybe your calling...your Dad claims I think everything is your calling at the end of the day..it's up to you. God will guide you. You will know how to use your talents and what you will develop.

You love watching "Connie Cow" on Youtube. You know how to use my cellphone and computer better than me at times. You love your GranMa and GranPa. You pray for us all and have special request when you know our loved ones are ill. You tell me about your Bible readings and sing songs everyday. And, so much more!

I love you and pray to God that you remain healthy and protected by all of those who love you. No words can ever describe how we feel on a daily basis to have you and your Sister in our lives!

Happy 4th Birthday my beautiful baby Boy!!!

We Love you!!!!

Momma {Daddy & Camila too!}

3 Years Ago Today.... ♥

3 years ago today.....

I gave birth after 24 hours of labor and an emergency c-section...to a little man. One with an angel face. Whom I fell in love with from the minute I knew he grew inside of me. A little man that captured my heart and kept me up late every night for a year, not by choice. 

Today he is smart, strong, confident and so brave! He is energy that his 31 year old Momma is not. He is love that I never knew I could feel. He is faith that I knew one day would come. He is one of the Loves of my life. I fell in love with him and now I know... that a Momma's love is like no other. 

But, I pray....that he grows up to be independent and self-sufficient, that he is confident yet humble. That he can recognize when he is wrong and correct his errors. I pray that as the years go by he realizes the sacrifice that we have made for him to be where he will want to be. I pray that his faith grows like the mustard seed. I pray that he looks up to his Dad for being a man of perseverance and love. That he has a caring heart and that he never gives up on his dreams! I pray that he knows that he can accomplish anything he wants in this life if he works hard and that he shouldn't expect for anything to be handed to him.....by anyone. That while we are always here for support, life is about making your own mistakes, learning from them and moving forward. I pray that God will keep him safe and protect him from all harm and evil but that he knows that this life is unfortunately unfair. But, I pray that he can grow up to be strong and gentle with those who love him. That he is a man of great faith and character and that he knows when he is being too nice and when he should lend a helping hand. 

Santiago, 

You are only 3 but I wish so much for you and your future...only when you are OLD, like me...in your 30-something years and decide to have children...you will know the prayers and request that fill my heart... the love and faith that you were the second I knew you were being formed deep inside my womb. I pray that you love us and are thankful for all the things that God has provided for us in this life and that you never take anything for granted because someone somewhere in your family worked really hard to cross a border that separates two worlds... in order for us to give you a better future....and just so you know you were born into a family of clowns...we are not normal and you will be embarrassed by us, one day..{HA.}hopefully never embarrassed of us and trust me you will be just fine and hopefully grow into a normal adulthood, enough to know that you are loved and that we want you to be proud of our accomplishments and our family!

With that said...You {and your Sister} are the light of our world... you are the love in our hearts and TRUE BLESSINGS & GIFTS from up above. God has been so good to us and we do NOT have regrets. You shouldn't either... 

Happy Birthday my Big Boy. Everyday that passes by I look at you {& your Sister}in amazement. I can't believe that God would Bless me so big even though I don't deserve you.... we love you more than life and because of you, life is love! 

Con mucho Amor Siempre, 

Yo'Momma