I wrote about what I want my daughter to know about love immediately people asked me about my son. I wrote hers first because she’s constantly asking me about what’s going on with my relationship with her Dad, why I’m not coming back home to live with them and what’s going to happen from now on. But of course, I have my son on my mind too and had to think about it a little bit more because hers came very natural to me. But, here it is what I want my son to know about love.....
I want him to know that he too should learn to love himself first. To be focused on who he wants to become. But, not overly selfish that he misses out on a good partner. That he should learn to be independent and self-sufficient just as much as his Sister. That he doesn’t need a woman/partner to validate who he is or his masculinity. That he can be whole and complete all on his own but to remain sensitive and honest about his feelings. To know that while being strong and free he can also find someone who can help compliment his strengths and self-worth but that he shouldn’t feel he needs someone to become these things. That he shouldn’t allow women to step all over him or crush his soul but that he also shouldn’t do the same to them. That he should be upfront with himself in what he really needs and wants in a partner before he commits in any relationship. I want him to know that I love him and always will. That he’s been my rock for so many years, that because of his love in my heart, I have overcome many difficult days. I want him to know that he’s allowed to cry and be sad over the loss of a love but that he shouldn’t allow it to consume him. That he is strong and capable of so much, that he can be his lovey-dovey self with his big mushy teddy bear heart but to know that without self-love, he can get lost in something that isn’t worthy of him.
He should know that he should look for mutual respect and support. That love is great when both people give each other space and time to grow. That being a provider is great but true support comes in actions, and that being emotionally and mentally supportive is necessary. That love is creating a partnership where both people have their needs met, and that love is what we make of it. The effort and actions that we put in motion more than all the words we can speak. When he loves someone he will need that person to be as strong, independent and as self-sufficient as him. You can't be whole if you don't know who you are. Being supportive is not just about being there for the thoughts and ideas, you need to help around the house, help with your children, be just as involved as your partner is at all levels. Be proactive. Be as motivated, inspired and as energetic as your partner. If that's not there then something will always be missing or lacking. You can learn to be with someone but if it's not naturally in you, you will lose.
Feeling loved is about feeling free and not feeling as if who you are, what you do, or what you say will offend, hurt or disrespect your partner. You should be free to be you and be accepted as such.
Plus he has this Sister who reminds him constantly of how a lady should be treated.....
It's been a little quiet on the blog these days. It comes with good reason. Working on so many other things in my life right now. But, I wanted to share my Mother's Day reflection with you.
Yesterday was a great day, lots of happiness and smiles, laughter, gifts and hugs and kisses for sure. There were also disagreements, arguing and feelings of discontent, but that doesn't take away from how great the day was. Because well, that's life right? Good and bad. We work through it. Everyday. Happily and with a grateful heart.
As I prepared to start my day I thought about my kids. On mother's day. Truth is, for me every day has been mother's day for the last 7 1/2 years. Since my son was born. I love my kids. They drive me nuts, create chaos and also fill so many empty spaces in my heart that needed them. They have taught me so much about patience, and being happy and fulfilled by the small things in life, and simply enjoying life.
Once you become an adult, with real life responsibilities; you know a 9-5, bills, college, husband/partner, coworkers, dramatic family experiences, illness, pursuing your passions, children of your own, etc. You tend to forget number one; how to really enjoy yourself and number two, you take for granted the small things in life. At least that's what I've learned about myself as a Momma. I've become so busy "doing" and being an adult that some days I have tunnel vision and feel that there is only one path. This is not true.
With that stated, I wrote the following:
To my Children, Camila and Santiago;
I want you both to grow up well. Motivated. Inspired and determined. I want you to be strong, courageous and bold. To know that elementary school, middle school, high school and even college are easy, it's life in general that I want you to succeed in. I want you to stand up for what you truly believe in, to always speak your mind no matter who it makes uncomfortable, even if it's yourself. I don't want you to be blind or naive about man-kind and people, to know that they can be evil, selfish and ill-intentioned. I want you to be aware and have your eyes and hearts wide open.
To be open about the world around you but at the same time weary of others capabilities. Not everyone wants the best for you, and that's their problem not yours. I want you to help others but not be a push-over, like me. I want you to love others but never more than yourselves. I want you to know that YOU matter and can make a difference, only if you lead the way. You can't allow others to lead it for you. I want you to know, life is hard. But, if you set your mind to survive it, you can do it. I don't want you to give up on yourself.
I want you to do everything you love, fully. I'm always the first to admit that I yell, I expect a lot from you both, I push you (and your Dad) to do more, only because I know you are more than capable of great things. I know that academics isn't for everyone but don't allow others to dictate what you can and cannot do. If you want to go to school and get a degree then do that. If you want to travel and be free then do that. If you want to open a bar and raise money for dog shelters, well do that too. But, do it well, go at it with true passion and dedication and succeed at it.
A lot of people in our lives and family have sacrificed so much for us to be here. In the U.S., so be mindful and work hard! Your Dad and I, we went to college. Not just so that our parents could be proud but to set the example that it can be done. Yes, we want you to go to college and do well. But, we know that's not for everyone. There are though options and other career training. Don't give up. Don't do nothing.
Know that I love you NO MATTER what, or who you become. God is with you and I pray for your protection and happiness, daily, sometimes more than once in a day. Know that you already make me so proud. You are funny, you are smart, you are loving and caring. Above all you are LOVED, Blessed and Highly Favored and I pray you will be forever and ever.
Over the past 6 years, the amount of physical, emotional and learning growth that you have experienced is visible every single day. You are a strong willed, gorgeous little lady who practices self-love daily. You know that you can do anything you want, a little too much some days. You and I have fighting words almost daily, but I love you like no one else. You are not your typical Daddy's girl because some days you don't want to even be around him. But, he spoils you rotten regardless and loves you more than words can express.
You are not really your typical girl in any sense, which we absolutely love about you.
You are VERY humorous, but you are also a little jealous when your brother tries to show you up. We're working on this with you. You love to make people laugh. You dance salsa, merengue and Cha-Cha-Cha. Pretty much anything hip-hop too, you love to be free flowing and we love seeing you come up with new dance moves. About your brother, you love him more than life and even though you guys fight every minute of every day, he loves you just as much. You are usually best friends and loving when you aren't punching each-other and shouting about something.
You know how to make us laugh, you encourage us when we are down. Literally, you have told me "Mom, you can do this." And, you encourage yourself. You are tough at times filled with self-doubt and a little too stubborn. We are working on this too. At times, I want to rid you of your flaws and tantrums, but then I think about how those little things make you who you are and I know that some of those traits will have to remain with you.
You love creating and filming videos for your non-existent YouTube Channel, you've made so many short videos and we laugh so much with them. You don't like to be laughed at. But, your personality is just so great, sometimes, we have to laugh. You've mastered "snapchap" (snapchat). You love makeup and are the girliest of girls. Not sure where you get that from, it's not me. At all. Again, some days I'm highly annoyed because I have no clue where to start with you, but then we learn together and all is good.
You are not only funny and beautiful, you are VERY hard working and smart. We knew you'd be that girl, you want to learn and are very competitive. Which is great. You try hard to reach the same levels as your brother in school, and at times seem to exceed them. You have learned to speak Spanish, all with your own effort. You love doing school projects and making friends. You are too friendly at times and have learned that if kids don't want to be your friend, you can move on without them.
You have always been so super sweet and loving and caring, this has only grown with time. You are amazing Camila, don't ever allow anyone to tell you otherwise, but you already know this. You are faith-filled and at times far more understanding than me. You are very impatient, like me. You want things done now and no other way. You are a busy body and I can shift you from project to project. You don't mind doing, as long as it's something you want to do. You don't like cleaning up, you are a messy artist. You are a creative and thoughtful person.
You are strong, in so many ways. But, most importantly, you are loved. I can't wait to see you (and your brother) grow even more in days, months, and years to come. You are our Morenaza!
I pray for you to be beyond blessed all the wonderful days of your life...
A little more about Camila. You know the little 5-year-old sassy pants that lives in my house and has more attitude in that itty bitty skinny body of hers, than anyone else I know.
Sassy, yes. Attitude, yes. Bossy, Oh hell yes. Confident, pretty much. Capable, yep. Will she one day be taking names and kicking ass, I hope so.
I don't know where the last 5 years have gone but I am sure they are now lost in the infinite tantrums, eye-rolling and cussing; I mean me not the 5-year-old. Well her too, a little. Camila came into our lives as a surprise. Yes, an unplanned pregnancy! ::insert gasps here:: When I found out I was pregnant again, I cried. Mostly tears of fear but they quickly became joy and happiness. I was scared senseless, though. My son was 10 months old. I had a horrible first pregnancy which ended with an even more horrible C-section. My Husband was a full-time student, working internships and traveled. I was about to be promoted to Assistant Supervisor at my job. I was sure the second baby would be the end of me, and guess what although the pregnancy and delivery were very similar, it was SO much easier the second time around.
How was Camila Isabel named? Well, there is this Mexican group named Camila, and when I become pregnant with Santiago they were a thing. Only I was having a boy and not a girl. So, when I became pregnant again and found out, this time, it was a girl, we knew Camila would be her name. Isabel? Well her Daddy is in love with Brad Pitt, I mean over the moon infatuated, will he hate me for saying this? Yeah, pretty much. But, it’s totally relevant to my story. Where was I? So he loves Brad Pitt. He also loves his movies, one very unknown to me was Legends of the Fall, in the movie a gorgeously mixed Native American/Caucasian little girl named Isabel Two grows up to become a gorgeously beautiful mixed Native American/Caucasian woman who marries, yep, Brad Pitt. She is killed in the movie and it's a horrible tragic love story. My Husband loves drama so he loves that movie and Isabel Two, so Camila is Isabel too.
{By the way, I have been crying the whole entire time I am typing and I can't see past my tears. This is sure to be an ugly cry moment by the end.}
Dear Camila,
The last 5 years have gone by too fast, before you were born I wasn’t sure what to expect. Now that you have grown you are exactly what I hoped you would be. You talk for days on end. You love everyone so much, until you are angry and then we are the worse family on the face of this earth. You have a fierce intensity about you, your focus at times is tremendous. Sometimes, too intense for me. But, we manage.
Your imagination is truly awesome, you have entire conversations with your friends over a fake cell phone. You take fake selfies and text or email people while you blog and “do wo-k”. You sing in the shower which we will catch on video to further embarrass you one day. Your song selections go from the Contemporary Christian songs you hear at daycare all day to Love yourself by Justin Bieber. Who you know is Selena Gomez’ boyfriend. You have no clue what you say sometimes but you repeat it all with such conviction, you would think that you really know about Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber’s drama.
You have now been a ballet dancer, a soccer player and currently a baseball player. You love and want to do it all, until you actually have to do it all, then you are ok with quitting to do something else. You are good at baseball. You are tall, with straight tangled hair and those long skinny legs are all the rage! We love you so much.
Since you have your brother who is now in Kinder, you too want to go to Kinder and want to do homework, ride the bus and go on field trips. Because well you love Santiago so much you want to be like him and with him every day all the time. Him, not so much, except when he is trying to protect you and make you happy. In which case you guys are best friends.
You have a ton of “best” friends, who you get over daily and then become their friends again. I guess that's how pre-school and 4-year-olds roll. You would think that you are a teenager, your thoughts are deep and your drama is very real.
You are very smart and remember people names and then ask about them randomly. You are very crafty and love to learn. You are very thoughtful, and remember things like people birthdays and likes, and on their birthdays, you want to buy them everything they like. We don’t but you would love to.
You love bright happy colors like pink and purple, because you are that happy cheerful little girl. Everything about you is girly, which is beyond me, I am not really that girly. You love nail polish, make-up and pretending that you rule the world. You are strong, and brave. You fight with Santiago and have become very tough over the years, sometimes a little too tough.
You are always sick, or so you think. At school, they call you sickie-wiki. You love being pampered and babied. Yet you are very independent and have learned to do everything Santiago does in half the time. Especially the talking. That you have down packed. You are a little Diva. You love to look pretty and wear dresses but hate brushing your hair or your teeth. Even when we threaten that they will rot and fall out, you don’t care or believe us.
You are loved. No matter what. So much. By so many of us. Don’t forget that. Ever. You tell me all the time that Jesus is in your heart and that we should not be scared. I tell you to please hold on to that. This world is not easy. Some day you will have to work hard for what you want and hold on tight to what you believe in. God will be with you.
I want you to grow up to be a courageous strong warrior who will one day rule the world. I want you to be who you are. I want you to be as strong and confident as you are today. I want you to believe in yourself and not depend on others to validate your abilities. You are strong, you are capable and you will be a warrior. These are things I tell you when you come home sad that your “friends” are being mean or don’t want to be your friends anymore. I remind you that not everyone has to like you or be your friend because that’s the truth.
I am a little harder on you some days and it’s only because I want you to do well in life. We don’t sugarcoat in our home, we tell it how it is. You and Santiago are very much the same way. Honest and raw. We love it.
And, we love you too. So much. Always remember that.
A couple of days ago I read the most heartfelt and heartbreaking post over on This Life I Live, a blog by Rory Feek. It made me think so much about life. My kids. And, those daily struggles that I should just give up on. I don't mean give up in a sense of not doing them but in a sense of letting go because there are so many other amazing things to focus on.
This month is forever important in my life, 5 years ago on March 25th, I became a Momma to a little girl. The same little girl that today rolls her eyes at me, is super dramatic when she is getting in trouble, and with whom I fight and make-up with every morning when she doesn't want to brush her hair or her teeth. The same little baby who was so tiny, ever so sweet and loving. I already know we will have that kind of relationship; where we can't stand each other but we love one another like crazy. She is my heart. {So is Santi but it's different.} I am a little harder on her in many areas, I want her to be strong, independent and stand her ground for what she believes in. And, oh boy is she all these things. And, for my own sake I want her to be all the opposite, but not really. So, I know we will have a consistent power struggle, but at the end of the day she is in charge, she is Daddy's girl and we love her so much.
As a Momma, I want to be there for my children but I also don't want them to think life can be handed to you. I want them to work hard, to struggle less than I did, but to appreciate all that we have been able to give them. It's a constant struggle as a parent to find this balance. I am sure we will make mistakes but I know we will make it a life learning experience worth our while. Both of our kids are teaching us so much about life, about having fun, about being ourselves, and about moving forward.
As parents, we have a big responsibility to not only care for our children with the material items that they need but also with wise choices that will impact them in years to come. Just like our parents made sacrifices and decision as well as mistakes. These days I can totally understand them. I sympathize with them and realize that they a had a lot on their plate, but learning where my parenting should be strong and where I should just let it be. At the end of the day, every child is a person, with their own personality, faults, and destiny. I can't, even though I think I can, control everything. It shouldn't be called parenting it should instead be called, "hands-on-learn-as-you-go-pray-you-don't-screw-up-experience".
I have learned to let go in so many areas where my self-proclaimed OCD wouldn't allow me to deviate. These days, it's a lot of "eh" and "ok, moving on", type situations. And, it is well with my soul. Otherwise, I would drive myself nuts.
One of those items was monthly letters to my children the first year of their life, which slowly changed to yearly Birthday Letters and it has worked out just fine. I spend time with them, talk to them, try to be extra patient when they are doing "experiments" in my bathroom with food coloring and all my white towels; so I know I am creating lasting memories for them that don't need to be documented daily.
This is Camila's birth month and I want to share more about her throughout the month, in the meantime, you can read her Birthday letters up to now HERE.
Hello Friday. This week I have realized, how much I do. My body is telling me to stop. But, my heart and brain just keep going. I have hit Rodeo high as of last night at midnight. The next 2 weeks will be crazy. You are the last Friday of February and my first Friday letter of the year! Thank you for showing up!
Dear Rodeo customers, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your constant support, for helping us reach our goal of supporting more and more scholarships for deserving students ever year. For helping me reach my goal of 10k plus every time I feel I won't make it. I love rodeo and what it stands for. I support the cause and love volunteering with them, having others help me reach these goals is simply amazing!
Dear Hubby, thank you again and always for putting up with my craziness on rodeo week before final turn in. I don't say it enough. You help me so much. You support all my volunteer work, blogging, blogging events and crazy talk! Love you.
Dear Life, Some how, you have managed to bring me full circle. To a good, happy, and secure place. Your blessings are appreciated. The time you grant me is abundant. The ups and downs are worth it. Some days, I can't see the bigger picture but you know what's up and I trust you!
Dear Kids, you make us so happy. In such short time you have managed to fill our lives with fun chaotic moments, silly moments, wonderful memories and blessed years. I don't remember what life was like without. I don't care to go back to that place, because all I know is life with you both and that's all that matters.
Dear Amigas, you know who you are. Thank you for your love and constant support. I am always humbled by your words and blessed with your ideas. You give me life. I know some days get crazy and we don't get to talk or see each other often. But, I know you are there for me and I am here for you too! For those of you who always stick around admist the chaos... thank you. So much.
Dear 2016, WHOA. Like seriourly it's only been 2 months and the days have flown by. Filled with amazing things to do, great days filled with nap times and so many more beautiful days to go!! I can't wait. 2016, will be my year of yes and I can't wait to see it all come about!
I have been writing you ::letters :: since before you were born. In my heart, in mind. ::Letters:: that I would hope you could one day look back on. As a reflection of how much you are loved and how perfectly you have been created.
We don't have a perfect life, but you {and your Sister} make everything so much better. On days when I am sad, or mad; you are one person I can look to, to make me smile. And, to remind me, that life is not that serious.
You are full of energy. You play all day and truly have so much fun. I am guessing that's a good thing. Shows how much life and spirit you have. How you don't give in and how healthy and strong you have always been. You rarely get sick, when you do it's not easy but you are usually okay within a couple of days.
I think over the years I have covered how great you are; how much you are growing and how loved you are by everyone in our lives. But, I can't tell you enough, how loved you truly are. You are my sweet baby boy. My tough yet sensitive boy. I want you to continue to be who you are.
You started Kindergarten this year. It has not been easy. The adjustment to a different structure, to a different environment and teacher. I don't know if this new beginning shows patterns for the future. If so, it won't be easy but know that together we can do this! Your Dad and I, will always be there for you, to support you, to cheer you on, to help you.
You have a strong personality, you don't take no for an answer and are very stubborn. Again, not sure what all this means for years to come but I hope they are traits that will help you grow into a strong minded and independent individual.
You fight with your Sister, all day. All the time. It's annoying but I hope you can out grow that, one day, although I heard it gets worse before it gets better.
You {and Camila} are the sunshine in my heart. God has truly blessed me. You show me every day how to slow down, how to relax, and how to live life with no regrets. You remind me of the patience I lack and the strength I need to develop. Because in moments when I am frustrated you remain calm. And, at times when I have needed to be strong, you are always there to show me what true strength is.
I love you so much. I pray for you everyday. I want to hold you and protect you everyday of your life. I know how naive that is...because I can't. But, I know that you will be ok....
Just the other day my sweet friend Kristy from @sevengraces posted a picture of her daughter, having fun on a hot Houston weekday afternoon. I told her; "Don’t you wish you were a kid again?" I mean they have SO much fun. I often question; did I have this much fun when I was a kid? I need to ask my Momma about this.
But, my Husband says it after almost every weekend about our kids- “Connie, these kids had a BLAST this weekend!" Truth is my kids have a blast every weekend. No matter what. No matter where. No matter how little or much we do. They always have a blast! Some weekends will end and my son will say, "Mom, I had so much fun."
And, it makes me happy.
Isn’t that the point of being a kid? To have fun and enjoy life. As a parent I feel responsible for nourishing this sense of excitement and adventure. Making them happy and knowing that they are being kids. Knowing that you can help preserve their childhood, their innocence, create amazing memories and be the reason why they can simply be happy little beings.
::Here are 3 simple ways you can allow your children to be kids and simply have fun::
::Allow their imagination to Run Wild::
Some days our kids have the craziest ideas. We try never to shoot them down or make fun. We listen. We might giggle or laugh; but we encourage them to keep telling us about their play-time, thoughts, ideas and crazy plans. They consistently come to us with their thoughts because they trust us, and let me tell you some are VERY serious thoughts.
In all we love to help them grow their imagination and allow them to be themselves.
::Let them be themselves::
When you see me post about my kids or pictures of them, know that these are RARELY posed and never something that I make up. If you know my children you will know that all that is portrayed in pictures, tantrums and all, are very REAL. We allow them to be themselves. We embrace them good or bad and we know that in the future it will all be good for them and their adaptation to the world around them.
Their personalities and character shine bright. They are who they are. Take it or leave it.
::Let them be FREE::
I am a parent who needs to know where my child is, what they are doing, who they are with. Trust me, daycare was a daily struggle. Going out in public is scary for me. But, at the same time I want to give my children the freedom to explore and learn. To be free in their environment and know that they can do anything. I don’t’ want them to be scared of the world around us. I want them to be safe but be aware. And, while I allow them to explore freely, I also maintain a close watch on their every move. This won’t always be possible and I have to trust a little and let go.
But, for now they are free to move about….
What are some of your favorite childhood memories and how do you let your children be free?
My son is 5. He isn't graduating from High School or better yet this isn't his Ph.D from Harvard...yet.
But, the moment was so great I had to share.
My son, my little man graduated Pre-K. The little boy that took me 10 years to have, the boy who stole my heart in September 2009. He is graduating from Pre-K! All I can think is, he amazes me. He is a Blessing.
He is a 5 year old none-the-less. My patience is tested everyday and he loves getting dirty and making messes. It's who he is. Who is becoming and how he is evolving that leaves me breathless all the time.
To him I write the following:
::Dear Santiago::
I didn't understand Pre-K or Kindergarten graduations either. But, now that I have you and Camila I see purpose and meaning. Your purpose is to be uplifted and encouraged. Motivated to always do your best. To know that while you have reached these smaller goals and achievements in your life there are so many other much bigger and better goals that await you. More graduations that can be had.
Your purpose is to enter a new chapter of your forming life. The next chapter will be formative into your young adulthood. I want so many things for you. I want you to grow into not only a self-control, respectful young man. But, also be intelligent and make good, smart decision. There is a difference. You can be both. You can do both.
What does this all mean and why does it even matter? It's like so many other small things that should be celebrated in life. It's another milestone that you have been blessed to reach. You will be entering Kindergarten this fall with it will come another level of education and growth.
I don't ever want you to feel limited and I want you to always reach for the highest possible goals and levels in every action you take. Because you will soon find out an education is not something every child has the privilege of having. You should take advantage of the roads opened by myself and your Dad. We both worked hard as first generation Mexican-Americans to graduate college and provide for you and Camila what most parents cannot for their children.
An education as cliche as this may sound, is the key to many open doors. It will not seem that way for years to come, but one day when you sit in a high ranking position you will look back and think...I am glad my parents made me do this. Because of your current education that we are able to provide, you are a confident, smart young man. Learning right from wrong and powerful bible verses that will one day get you through those difficult moments in life.
Though you are only 5, know that you can do anything you want and become whomever you wish but it will not happen successfully without hard work and dedication.
We love you so much. Your day was filled with so much love and support. Some tantrums and time-outs but we made it through the awesome milestone.
Love you always,
Your Momma
We plan to do as your daycare Director stated... "Mold, guide and encourage you..." always.
