Self, a Journey of Love

First off. 

I am HUMAN. 

I remind people of my lack and humanity daily. Not because I am not strong and confident but because I am not a superhuman, I make mistakes and I have flaws. 

With that disclaimer. Which yes I know, shouldn't be needed. I will say this about self-love. When I left my marriage almost 2 years ago. I made the decision based on me. Selfish? Sure. Was it needed? Yes. I turn 39 in June, and it took me almost 37 years to realize that for so many years I had poured myself into my family, friends, and everyone around me without focusing on me and what I needed and wanted. I still focus on others but at a different level and in a much more conscious way.

I "pour myself" into those who truly deserve my energy in a more purposeful, evolved, and mature manner. Mostly, my kids and immediate family. BUT, I am human and sometimes I forget why I did what I did. And, then I accomplish certain goals and I am reminded of my true purpose and courage. All of this to me has been the beginning of my self-love journey. 

A journey that constantly allows for growth and flexibility and changes over time, sometimes daily. I take care of me in different ways than others do. What fills my heart and my self-love cup looks VERY different from what fills everyone else's cup. Which is totally normal. 

It's not easy but my constant reminder is that I don't want to fail myself or my kids, but that I am allowed to fail and move forward. If that makes any sense, at all. But, it should if you are on the same love-life-purpose journey as I am. 

Like many I sometimes forget to be compassionate or patient towards myself. I also tend to lack self-belief when things don't go my way. BUT, what have I done to help heal from all this? Number one I push forward. I have my bad days, feel down, cry and vent, but then I MOVE and push forward! 

It's not an easy road, my support system extends from my immediate family and friends to therapist. I have been working with some great therapists, spiritual guides, chakra healers, and several women who are going through the same stage in life as I am. Building this group of support has been vital. 

Other women often ask me, how I do it all? Well, I have a couple meltdowns a day, I remind myself constantly of my goals and purpose and that I have made it this far and can keep going.   It's a process and not as easy as it may seem. You have good, happy, positive days and bad, cry your face out, and have a drink kind of days. 

It's not an easy road to finding and loving yourself, but it's a great journey of love, that's totally worth it. 

The purpose of this journey has taught me to stand firm in my truth, to always speak my truth, and to constantly seek my true and authentic self and voice to be able to heal and grow as a whole. This journey has come with pain, tears and sadness but I am learning daily how to overcome these feelings while also feeling them deeply and learning from why I am experiencing them. 

A Letter to ::Wonder Woman::

I saw this illustration and it struck a chord....

As Women, we often fight so many battles, sometimes on our own, in complete silence, hidden away from the world....daily, hourly, minute by minute.

For me lately, they've been more internal than not. My brain never shuts off and my heart feels it.

Those battles, I feel, are the ones that cause the most bruising. We fight ourselves, beat ourselves up so hard about everything, even after it's been said and done, so much so that some of us feel we have to stay in fight mode.

Truth is we don't.

Being a Wonder Woman shouldn't cause so much pain.

The battle wounds shouldn't cut that deep... but they do.

Sometimes regardless of how well we think we hide the bruises and scars, people know.

People who know you can see them. They are more than visible, they are you.

The agonizing pain buried deep in your soul, the wiped away tears, the self-crushing doubt and attempts to cry out for help. We can see it in your eyes, your appearance, your energy.

In the end...

It's how you choose to recover that means the most.

It's how you move forward that helps us heal.

Knowing that you are not alone sometimes helps.

Knowing and allowing others to help is not a bad thing.

So....

Dear Wonder Woman,

Let down your guard, release the fight mode and heal.

It's time.

Allow space for love and joy, know that you are worthy. You are deserving.

Yes, you are a Wonder Woman who is loved and no longer has to hide the hurt or the scars and bruises of this life.

You are not alone.

It's time.

To continue to love yourself, be proud of it and move on.

It's time. 

To let go. To live your life. And, be yourself.

Be the Wonder Woman that you are but know that your tribe is here for you and you can do this.

You are not perfect and that's OKAY.

It's time. 

Love always,

Wonder Woman

Some things you should know about being alone......

When it comes to your divorce, single-life or separation. 

Don’t let others tell you what to do. Truth is. It’s your timeline. Whether those giving you "advice" have been there or not. That’s none of their business. I’m not saying shut people out and don’t take good advice, no... what I am saying is listen. Take it in. And, say thank you. But, know that this is YOUR journey. These people don’t know what that means or where it will lead you.

Trust me I’ve heard it all (from both my female and male friends):

Stay Single as long as you can

Be alone and take it all in

Don’t date right away

Cry about it, let it out

Don’t cry, be strong

Don’t go back to your Ex

You should think about it and reconsider going back to your Ex

Don’t drink too much

Go to church, stay close to God

Girl, live your best life

I could go on and on....

Trust me, and I’m sure you’ve heard it all too. The truth is we are human. Some humans need other humans. Some humans need to cry and drink to get things out of their system. When people because, both men and women have approached me at this point ask about “relationship” advice, as if I’m an expert. I laugh at myself. No, I’m not an expert. But, I am a human living a very unique experience. My first “breakup” in my whole entire adult life. It’s been a ride that’s for sure. And, while I don’t like to tell people what to do or give too much advice, I don’t mind sharing what’s worked for me during these times. Know that even if leaving someone was your choice it’s still hard.

For me. I started with therapy. I went and continue to seek professional help when and if I need it. It truly, truly helps. Having someone on the “outside looking in” telling me that my actions and thoughts are rational and normal has made me feel more at peace with my decisions.

It’s not easy.

Something else that’s helped, has been LOTS of fun girl nights out! And, a few times I have ended up going out alone and still having lots of fun! And yes, I drink, this has to be taken in and analyzed often during this time; there is a fine line between it being fun and social to it being a true problem. During those times, I’ve stepped back and tried to truly think about why I’m doing it and how much control I have over it. Which has been total control, thankfully. But know that drinking truly solves nothing. Not even pain or brokenness. Sometimes it makes it worse. So be cautious. 

So just be safe and make sure this isn’t a problem. If it is, seek help.

Another thing has been words. Of course. I’m a writer. Being able to express myself with words during this time has been vital. About 8-9 months after it had all started and I was finally able to talk about my separation and now divorce I felt that a big weight was lifted. If you follow me on IG I also post about it there a LOT. Sometimes in my feed with long, long captions and others through memes on my stories. Sad. Angry. Confused. Happy. Funny. Sarcasm. It all comes out. 

If you know me you know I love music. Every song, it’s lyrics, the words they pierce almost though every single one of my emotions. It’s insane. I love music. I’ve gone to a lot of concerts this year and listen to a lot of music every day! I also have the ultimate female empowerment break up playlist. It’s amazing, check it out for yourself. —->> LINK HERE

And then, that dreaded “alone time”. I had my first ever solo road-trip back in April to Austin. It was an amazing experience. In September I went to San Diego alone which was an even more amazing experience. And, recently I took myself to the beach on a Sunday afternoon when I didn’t have my kids. Which is where I wrote this blog post. So alone time HELPS. Yes. Church wise. I’ve not gone to mass in a long time. It requires me to be in a clear open focused state of mind, which has been a little hard these days. But, I go to a chapel during lunch. That chapel has seen me sob my face out, like horrible snot nose dripping face where I’ve had to take my cardigan off and just wipe my whole face. It’s not pretty but necessary. Always necessary. Pick a quiet place where you can sit and be alone it will help you.

One HUGE factor has been having others to talk to about it, people who will not be judgmental and who are open and willing to hear about your situation. Someone who is willing to listen to all your drama and can help you walk through solutions or help you organize your thoughts. Usually, these people have been through or are also going through a breakup, separation, divorce. So, that always helps. Having other people “on your side” can be helpful.

Again, I’m not an expert. Or a therapist. I’m simply a single momma, now co-parenting who is living through this experience, one day at a time. Building strength, courage and continuous ways to help others and make their transitions as easy as I can by sharing what I’ve gone through and how I have overcome all the stages. Each one is SO different. And again. Everyone is different with very specific and unique experiences so none of this may work for you or all of it might work for you.

Take what you need.

What am I going to tell my Son about love.....

I wrote about what I want my daughter to know about love immediately people asked me about my son. I wrote hers first because she’s constantly asking me about what’s going on with my relationship with her Dad, why I’m not coming back home to live with them and what’s going to happen from now on. But of course, I have my son on my mind too and had to think about it a little bit more because hers came very natural to me. But, here it is what I want my son to know about love.....

I want him to know that he too should learn to love himself first. To be focused on who he wants to become. But, not overly selfish that he misses out on a good partner. That he should learn to be independent and self-sufficient just as much as his Sister. That he doesn’t need a woman/partner to validate who he is or his masculinity. That he can be whole and complete all on his own but to remain sensitive and honest about his feelings. To know that while being strong and free he can also find someone who can help compliment his strengths and self-worth but that he shouldn’t feel he needs someone to become these things. That he shouldn’t allow women to step all over him or crush his soul but that he also shouldn’t do the same to them. That he should be upfront with himself in what he really needs and wants in a partner before he commits in any relationship. I want him to know that I love him and always will. That he’s been my rock for so many years, that because of his love in my heart, I have overcome many difficult days. I want him to know that he’s allowed to cry and be sad over the loss of a love but that he shouldn’t allow it to consume him. That he is strong and capable of so much, that he can be his lovey-dovey self with his big mushy teddy bear heart but to know that without self-love, he can get lost in something that isn’t worthy of him.

He should know that he should look for mutual respect and support. That love is great when both people give each other space and time to grow. That being a provider is great but true support comes in actions, and that being emotionally and mentally supportive is necessary. That love is creating a partnership where both people have their needs met, and that love is what we make of it. The effort and actions that we put in motion more than all the words we can speak. When he loves someone he will need that person to be as strong, independent and as self-sufficient as him. You can't be whole if you don't know who you are. Being supportive is not just about being there for the thoughts and ideas, you need to help around the house, help with your children, be just as involved as your partner is at all levels. Be proactive. Be as motivated, inspired and as energetic as your partner. If that's not there then something will always be missing or lacking. You can learn to be with someone but if it's not naturally in you, you will lose.

Feeling loved is about feeling free and not feeling as if who you are, what you do, or what you say will offend, hurt or disrespect your partner. You should be free to be you and be accepted as such.

Plus he has this Sister who reminds him constantly of how a lady should be treated.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love now that I have "failed" at it? 

Sometimes I think back at the last year and just wish that I had that one piece of advice from my mom that would answer all my questions. It still hasn’t come. And, I’m not sure it ever will. And, it’s ok. But, I need to ask myself what I’m going to tell my daughter about love and relationships, marriage, self-love, growing-up and being your own lunch date.

I want her to know that her true love should be herself. That she should love and accept herself above all else. She shouldn’t expect anybody or "someone" to fill those gaps or those empty spaces. She should want to be her own lunch date every day. She should grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally every day on her own. She doesn’t need anyone’s approval or to approve of her. She should know that love is great but only when you know that it should be mutual, supportive and freeing. 

She doesn’t need a knight in shining armor to come and save her, she should have already saved herself. She should be brave and strong and know that sometimes love isn't immediate or automatic. She should be patient but know when to move on and move forward. Love, as much as you'd like it to be, isn't easy, it’s a complicated feeling and not everybody will be able to see her true value and worth. I don’t want her to look for love or think that she has to wait for it I want her to go about her life and know that love will find her.  When the time is right.... 

I want her to be independent and her own person. Much like she is now. I want her to be herself. Never having to worry about or having to apologize for who she is. Always embracing her unique features and ways, her beauty and her intelligence. Always being herself no matter how "extra" and out there she is, she is who she is, and no one can change her. 

I want her to know that love can change and evolve. I want her to know that I didn’t really fail at love because I have known love in so many forms and most importantly because I have her and her brother who both came from a place of love and I know what love can be. I haven't failed at love because I have been loved and have loved. I haven't failed at love because I have learned to love myself more and more these days. 

I don't ever want her to apologize for knowing what she wants and being strong-willed. I want her to know that she can have what she wants, not only because she's stubborn but persistent. My daughter is already becoming this strong independent girl, I want to fuel all of these feelings constantly.

I want her to know that "failing" at love is also acceptable. No one is perfect. It's not required and life goes on. 

I am going to tell my Daughter that love is within her and that even when you don't have anyone to love, life goes on because loving ourselves is always the best option. I want to tell her that love is amazing and she should strive to be the most loving even in the absence of love from the outside world.   

I want to tell her that she is love and that I love her.... that's what I will tell her about love... 

She is writing her own love story and that's all that matters. 

::Powerful Women::

To be a powerful woman. A powerful Latina woman. What does that mean? What does that encompass? How did your strength grow? How do you become this woman? Oh, the questions are endless that I ask myself all the time, especially these days. What does that mean Connie? 

....you've labeled yourself a Powerful Latina?

When you give yourself a label, you kind of have to live up to it right? Right? You have to own it. You have to embrace it and be confident in your walk. 

For so many years I had no clue who I was, who I was becoming and who was being created inside of me. I didn't know of my sense of self and "power". I didn't know the depth of my heart and soul. The power that was being built. The confidence, and how intimidating it can be. I know many, many powerful women. I am surrounded by them daily. Most I am not intimidated by but I have great respect and admiration for them, I aspire to be more like them. 

These days I know that...I am an intense person. I am a passionate person. I don't like the word no, I keep going once I've heard it. I know what I want and who I want in my life. I try to be assertive and make decision head-on. It has not come easy, my upbringing was hard. I didn't have the most smooth teenage years. I dealt with helping my parents with my three younger siblings, working many hours Senior year in High school to help pay for my graduation and enduring my parent's relationship issues. It wasn't until my early 20's that those things started to catch up with me.

Depression would loom but I tried to be the happy, go-lucky, goodie-goodie 20-something year old that everyone had known for years. Little did I know that at 37 those things would all catch up to me. 

Both in a good and bad way. We cannot hide or run from those inner-"demons", we must confront them, beat them and overcome. 

While I knew exactly what I had survived and how I made the absolute best of it all, I didn't realize how much growth and strength had also happened. I also went through this 19-year relationship (7 years of dating and 12 of marriage) which taught me SO much about my own drive, capabilities and again that strength that we all need to overcome struggles and obstacles.

I realize now how much I push others to reach their potential. How much I push myself to strive for bigger and better. It's draining and a lot of work. But, I did it, continue to and truly have no desire to change it. I want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be EVERY SINGLE DAY. Is that wrong? I don't know. But, I am also an idealist and dreamer, I see SO much potential in others, and expect them to have the same self-drive, motivation and passion that I have for myself. Is that wrong? I don't think so. 

I didn't know being "powerful" came with a price. I didn't realize that I was outgrowing my partner and that I was no longer that 18-year-old girl who thought changing the world and making an impact was, in fact, possible but had NO clue what it meant or how or where to even begin. The impact has come in the form of living my journey and constantly sharing who I am. In the most real and raw form. 

Unfiltered and direct. 

The evolution of who we want to become sneaks up on us and is more clear sometimes to the outside world than ourselves. It's just a matter of gathering clarity and truly running with who you have become. 

By no means does this mean my life is perfect, especially not now, it's not. I still navigate through many feelings and problems daily. I just don't know how to give up, ever. And, won't.

::Lost & Found::

When I started writing in this space back in 2009 it was a very personal, very real and unplanned journey. 

Over the years I had gained structure, sponsors and a following. The last 3 years or so, I've lacked in some of those spaces. Life got so busy and hectic. My full-time non-social media job, family, kids and trying to grow other spaces took over. And then, to be totally honest 2018 was messy. In my mind, in my heart, and in just life situations. The thing is that my life has been thrown "off course" if you will.  

With that said.

I can tell you that drastic change is sometimes needed in our lives. We sit for so long in this place of comfort that we feel this is where we belong and where our truth lies. But, it's only when those things unravel and get undone or are no longer there that you discover, how long overdue that change was. I can tell you this, there are some battles that are better fought in private, only because of the people and feelings involved. I think that my followers have over the years been so respectful of my privacy that it has always allowed me to share at my own pace and in the perfect time, for me. 

This space has though become very public, not saying I'm some kind of a celebrity but I mean if you think I look like Kourtney Kardashian like who am I to change your mind. So, will there be answers as to why my blog has become dormant, or why my social media posts have shifted and why you don't see certain things being shared anymore? Sure.  These last few post cover it, pretty well I think. 

Life happened. 

For now, I wanted to share about being lost and finding out who you were created to be in this very moment. We all have a purpose, a goal in this life, not created by us. It's a universe or Godly plan, whichever force you believe in. Sometimes we have to be so lost, hit that "rock bottom" literally or figuratively speaking. Whichever comes first. It's hard. It's not an easy process. You have to remind yourself that no one can save you from this. You are your own hero, your own person. We all make choices those choices come with outcomes, good and bad. It's here that you start to find yourself.

Being lost involves letting go, removing and moving on. 

Being found involves accepting the change, embracing it and knowing that no matter how difficult it is you will come out on the other side a survivor, a warrior, victorious. Yes, some of this, especially in relationships, involves two people, but honesty to make it through the process you have to look at yourself.

Call out your own bullshit. Be honest. No matter how hard it is. 

We are not perfect, there are things that I know I could do better or try harder at but sometimes we just have to accept these faults and move forward regardless of them.  For many years, I think my fault was worrying about others too much. What they thought about me or what they thought I should do to be successful and happy. I stopped believing in me and what I truly wanted. It becomes complicated when you realize this and it involves undoing all those things you once thought you wanted.

But, it's never too late. 

I would do it all again, expressing my truth and honesty, and knowing that I was true to myself and who I need to be now in my late 30's versus who I thought I wanted to be in my late teens, early 20's. People change, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with this. Yes, this sometimes involves pain and hurt but with good positive actions, this will get better.

It's not an easy process to be lost and try to find yourself... but I hope you can be open to your heart, mind and what the future could hold for you if you are truthful and honest.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 

Beautiful Purpose :: Social Share:: Work/Life Balance

This past weekend I partnered with Danelia who just created a new project called Beautiful Purpose. Her events are called Social Shares and it can best be described as interactive sharing of personal experiences with women who have similar lifestyles, or not. Women from all walks of life joined us and from various age groups and backgrounds. We talked about work-life balance, and what that means and looks like for each of us as individuals. We discussed our most recent struggles with achieving this "balance" without losing our identity as women, as momma's, as wives, as entrepreneurs and just as who we strive to be. 

As someone who suffered early on from depression and anxiety and ultimately had to quit my job due to a massive panic attack. I shared about those things and what I have learned along the way. Here are some of the top lessons that my past situations and emotional hardships have taught me. 

My personal key lessons as a working momma of dos with high anxiety and depression complications:  

It's OK, to be an “OKAY" Mom. –  You don’t have to win at everything. Being average is OK. As someone who has always needed approval from others to proceed in life, being average was not a good idea or a concept I could grasp. I was absolutely overcompensating for something else that happened to me in my childhood, most likely with my parents. Now that I am a Momma knowing that my kids love me more than life on my best days the same as they do on my shit days, is so life-changing. In their eyes, I am not just OK, I’m amazing. So, if being OK for them is ok, then, I AM OKAY with that… I am really. It’s taken time to get here so it’s easier said than done to not care what anyone else will think if I am not perfect. But I no longer care about those judgmental (more times than not my own judgment) moments. 

You don’t have to win at everything.

It’s ok to say NO. - We can't do it all. Sure, we can try, I have tried for many years but the burnout is real and my family needs me to be at 100% to get things done.  FOMO. The fear of missing out was real. Truth is, you won’t be missing out on anything. Being ok with not being everywhere is very important. Saying NO, to those things that are just fill up my calendar and have no real meaning or benefit for my family, or purpose; are no longer a priority for me. I realized that what’s truly important is ME, who I am and what I want. My kids, their well-being and being able to provide for them. And, simply being there for my immediate family, mostly for my husband, and my kids.  So saying NO to things that don’t serve those people closest to me or my purpose are no longer on my to-do list. And, that is so freeing. 

You can try to do it all but you will over exhaust yourself.

Don’t forget about YOU! - We do SO much for everyone else it’s so important for yourself to be happy, to be fulfilled and to want to do for others. But first, you have to do MORE for yourself. If you aren’t happy then those around you will also suffer. As a Mexican-American momma, I learned from women like my mom and my aunts and grandmothers, that we do for everyone else regardless of how we feel. This is for sure a cultural cycle, that I decided years ago I could not continue to allow. The moment I decided that my needs, wants and passion comes first I realized that it's the best life I can live. So in 2013 I regained my sense of self and purpose and decided that while I love my children and husband, I would always work hard to be the best ME. To do more for me and never look back. Do I have momma guilt? Eh. Not anymore. (MAYBE) every once in awhile but once I realize how much certain things mean to me and how happy they make me I get over it. It does take time to get to this place and it's a very energizing experience. 

Cause it's true if Momma ain't happy....ain't nobody gonna be happy! #sorrynotsorry 

Refocus, reprioritize and move forward. - Have I had a perfect, happy, me-filled life for the last 4 years? No, not always or ever. But, when I notice that I am not doing enough for me and that I am getting lost in what everyone else wants, I tend to back away from it all again, hit reboot and start over. I know the feeling of hitting rock bottom, why would I want to be in that place again of unhappiness and bitterness. Where I am my own lowest priority and my focus is on the outside world. That is no way to live. The best way to regain this focus is by joining women at events like the one we had on Sunday. Where like-minded women who are willing and ready to invest in themselves are and who can help you realize that you need to get back on track. 

In all, I have learned that my happiness matters just as much as everyone else's.  It's sometimes hard for us to see things but you don't want to be in a bad situation trying to find your way out. It's always better to be preventative with your self-care and self-love! 

Trust me, you will love yourself for it! 

To learn more about Beautiful Purpose with Danelia, 

please follow her social media and 

visit her site:  http://beautifulpurpose.me/

::Mother's Day Letter:: To my Children

It's been a little quiet on the blog these days. It comes with good reason. Working on so many other things in my life right now. But, I wanted to share my Mother's Day reflection with you. 

Yesterday was a great day, lots of happiness and smiles, laughter, gifts and hugs and kisses for sure. There were also disagreements, arguing and feelings of discontent, but that doesn't take away from how great the day was. Because well, that's life right? Good and bad. We work through it. Everyday. Happily and with a grateful heart. 

As I prepared to start my day I thought about my kids. On mother's day. Truth is, for me every day has been mother's day for the last 7 1/2 years. Since my son was born. I love my kids. They drive me nuts, create chaos and also fill so many empty spaces in my heart that needed them. They have taught me so much about patience, and being happy and fulfilled by the small things in life, and simply enjoying life. 

Once you become an adult, with real life responsibilities; you know a 9-5, bills, college, husband/partner, coworkers, dramatic family experiences, illness, pursuing your passions, children of your own, etc. You tend to forget number one;  how to really enjoy yourself and number two, you take for granted the small things in life. At least that's what I've learned about myself as a Momma. I've become so busy "doing" and being an adult that some days I have tunnel vision and feel that there is only one path. This is not true. 

With that stated, I wrote the following: 

To my Children, Camila and Santiago; 

I want you both to grow up well. Motivated. Inspired and determined. I want you to be strong, courageous and bold. To know that elementary school, middle school, high school and even college are easy, it's life in general that I want you to succeed in. I want you to stand up for what you truly believe in, to always speak your mind no matter who it makes uncomfortable, even if it's yourself. I don't want you to be blind or naive about man-kind and people, to know that they can be evil, selfish and ill-intentioned. I want you to be aware and have your eyes and hearts wide open. 

To be open about the world around you but at the same time weary of others capabilities. Not everyone wants the best for you, and that's their problem not yours. I want you to help others but not be a push-over, like me. I want you to love others but never more than yourselves. I want you to know that YOU matter and can make a difference, only if you lead the way. You can't allow others to lead it for you. I want you to know, life is hard. But, if you set your mind to survive it, you can do it. I don't want you to give up on yourself.  

I want you to do everything you love, fully. I'm always the first to admit that I yell, I expect a lot from you both, I push you (and your Dad) to do more, only because I know you are more than capable of great things. I know that academics isn't for everyone but don't allow others to dictate what you can and cannot do. If you want to go to school and get a degree then do that. If you want to travel and be free then do that. If you want to open a bar and raise money for dog shelters, well do that too. But, do it well, go at it with true passion and dedication and succeed at it. 

A lot of people in our lives and family have sacrificed so much for us to be here. In the U.S., so be mindful and work hard! Your Dad and I, we went to college. Not just so that our parents could be proud but to set the example that it can be done. Yes, we want you to go to college and do well.  But, we know that's not for everyone. There are though options and other career training. Don't give up. Don't do nothing. 

Know that I love you NO MATTER what, or who you become. God is with you and I pray for your protection and happiness, daily, sometimes more than once in a day. Know that you already make me so proud. You are funny, you are smart, you are loving and caring. Above all you are LOVED, Blessed and Highly Favored and I pray you will be forever and ever. 

Love always, 

Your Momma

::HallYu Cosmetics:: Intro to Korean Beauty Products

Most my post these days begin with "so I turned 35" and it's not because I want to bug anyone or remind people how old I am. The reason is, that 35 unlike 20, 25, & 30, 35 has felt diffident. A little more "laissez-faire" if you will but very focused. I just really want to change certain things about me and my habits, if you read my list of things I plan on doing more  , one  of those items was taking care of my skin.

I have always had several skin issues, numerous prescribed medications and small cosmetic procedures to eliminate acne. At 35 I want to be as natural as possible about my skin and it's healing if you will. I don't want to rely on medication and I know that the foods I eat and drinking more water both have high effects on this. I have started to drink more water, the food, though... let's get back to that later. 

And, just like most things a new collaboration opportunity came up just as I planned to create a new skin regime for myself. Enter HallYu Cosmetics into my life. I am very thankful because they have created a new awareness in me of the importance of regime and taking care of my skin. If you have never heard of them or visited their shop, I highly recommend you do both.

::Welcome to HallYu Cosmetics::

12168 Bellaire Blvd Suite 178, Houston, TX 77072 

(281) 741-7923

"HallYu (한류) is defined as wave of Korean influence spreading globally attributed to the popularity of Korean entertainment and music. Now Korean beauty products are entering the same recognition and popularity by offering amazing, fun products at remarkably reasonable price points. This is where HallYu Cosmetics enters the story........... We as a company strive to bring entire product lines and selectively chosen niche brands directly from South Korea."

The amount of energy and research that has gone into Korean cosmetics and beauty products is evident from the moment you walk in their shop. From the sleek and very clean environment of the shop to the extensive line of products. Everything is just perfect.  Now, for those fashion, beauty, and make-up expert who are obviously knowledgeable about this, none of it may come to you as a surprise. But, for myself, someone who knows, little to nothing about beauty this new world of skin care and products has opened up my eyes to all the wonderful options out there.

I am a full-time outside the home employee, a Momma of two very busy and active children, and a wife/homemaker. My schedule usually runs very tight from as early as 5:30 am (depending on what level of professional I have to look that day) until about midnight or later when my day finally comes to an end. I am also almost always on a very strict budget filled with house and car notes, bills, daycare payments, food and everything in-between. What does this mean? I have very little time and limited resources. When I told Anton, one of the partners at HallYu, that I needed a regimen that was fast, easy and inexpensive; he quickly put his thinking hat on and created one that was perfect for me.

He explained that Korean beauty involves very details steps and that for the most part, the cost has no limit. But, he was also very understanding of who I am and his knowledge catered to my needs as a busy Momma who still wants to look good and improve skin conditions at an inexpensive cost. Because we live in Texas and the weather has many effects on my skin, I also have that factor against me.  But, again the shop is created to cater to all needs, skin type and wallet size which is perfect!

Come back next week when I will explain and share what Anton recommended and how much I am loving it! 

In the mean time visit them online and social media: 

https://www.hallyucosmetics.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Hallyucosmetics/

https://www.instagram.com/hallyucosmetics/

https://www.pinterest.com/hallyucosmetics/

ENTER : mommaofdos 

at checkout for a 20% discount off your first purchase. 

Or in person at their shop:

12168 Bellaire Blvd Suite 178, Houston, TX 77072 

(281) 741-7923

::Five Self-Care Tips for Mothers Working Outside The Home:: by Guest Blogger Eliza Boquin MA, LMFTA-Relationship Therapist

Five Self-Care Tips for Mothers Working Outside The Home

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.” 

― Debra Ginsberg

Motherhood--the toughest job on the planet.  A job where you invest all of who you are—hopes, dreams, and fears.  The rewards often come in the form of smiling faces, neck hugs, and declarations of “Mommy, you’re the best!” 

But it’s not always this warm and lovely. 

There are often days less lovely; days that leave us questioning whether we’re cut out for motherhood, where we wonder if we’re scarring our children for life (yes, even therapist moms question themselves).  Those are the days we’re certain that we not only have to save for our children’s college tuition, but also their future therapy.

Trust me.  We all have days like this.

Motherhood requires every molecule of your being and every fiber of your energy. Mothers know this.  Yet, mothers are notorious for neglecting their own needs.  They master the art of caretaking and nurturing…others, but often neglect caring for and nurturing themselves. 

Why is it so easy to neglect ourselves?

The challenge for many mothers is to fight against the idea that caring for ourselves is selfish.  The fear that cultivating a routine where our needs are at the forefront will make us “less motherly.” 

How would our lives change if we allowed mothers to live by the belief that caring for ourselves first and foremost is one of the most loving things we can do for the people we love?

What if prioritizing your needs makes you a better mother/wife/girlfriend/sister/woman/human? 

What if prioritizing yourself meant you had MORE to give?

I know.  Lovely idea, isn’t it?

You’re probably saying, “Yeah, right, Lady! How am I supposed to find “me time” between work, the kids schedules, my partner’s schedule?” 

Look, I’m not saying this is going to be easy.  You’re going to be pushing against an avalanche of conflicting emotions, disgruntled children, maybe even disgruntled partners as you begin to change the script up on everyone.  You’ll be fighting against judgmental people who will raise their eyebrows at you and leave you wondering if you truly are being selfish?

But there is a difference between self-care and being selfish.  And if you begin to practice the divine art of self-care then the people you want to care for most will be receiving the best version of you. 

So hang in there and let me guide you on how to establish these new habits.

Here are 5 Self-Care Tips for Mothers Working Outside The Home:

1.      Make Yourself a Priority.

If I were to ask you to make a list all the important people in your life, would I find your name on it?  The most common issue I hear from mothers is struggling with the guilt of doing something for themselves. 

Many mothers who work outside of the home feel particularly guilty spending their time away from work doing anything that is not family-related.  They rationalize that they spend (x) number of hours at the office and couldn’t possibly take more time away from their home life. Yet when we fail to care for our mind, body, spirit we quickly become depleted, irritable, and sometimes even ill. 

You are the cup that is used to fill everyone else’s.  What happens when you don’t refill your cup?  That’s right.  You’re left empty. 

The saying, “If Mama ain’t happy nobody’s happy,” rings true for a reason!      

2.      Identify Your Needs.

I often ask distressed clients, “What do you need?”  That question often causes people to take a long pause.  They have either never been asked or never taken the time to identify their needs. 

When our life consists of serving and meeting the needs of others it can be easy to lose touch with our needs/wants/desires which, ultimately, go unmet.  This can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, exhaustion.  You must be aware of your needs.

You can begin to cultivate deeper self-awareness by practicing yoga, meditation, mindfulness, or journaling, to name a few.  Check in with yourself regularly throughout the day.  Notice what you’re feeling in your body—is there tension anywhere? Do you notice any dull or aching sensations? Are you tired? Hungry? What do you need?

 

3.      Ask For What You Need.

Once you’ve identified what you need you must be willing to ASK for what you need.  Time and time again I hear mothers say that they want the people in their lives to “just help.”   With great frustration they will insist that those who love them “should know by now” what to do. 

Maybe.  Maybe not. 

People are often caught up in their own worlds and busy trying to figure out how to get their own needs met.  They may not even notice that you’re struggling especially if you’ve designed a life where you are the beloved Superwoman. 

You have to be able to ask for what you need—to get your own needs met.

Asking someone for help is not a sign of weakness nor is it an automatic indication that the relationship is flawed.  Your loved ones may not intuitively know what you need, but you may find them willing to help once they know what to do. 

      

4.      Set Aside 30 Minutes of “Me Time” Every Day. 

If you’ve made it this far down the list without cursing me or laughing hysterically at my suggestions, I applaud you! 

Stay with me on this next one. 

Yes, I encourage all mothers, including working mothers, to find 30 minutes every day dedicated solely and completely to refilling their cup!  Those 30 minutes can be used for cardio, bubble baths, reading a book for leisure—any activity that is dedicated to you. 

Don’t be discouraged if you can’t find 30 minutes.  Ask yourself, how much time CAN you gift yourself? 15 minutes? 5 minutes?

The goal is to get you into the habit of setting aside time for yourself on a regular basis.  If the guilt sets in remind yourself that you are making time to care for the mother of your children. 

5.      Make Time for For Your Tribe.

If we are going to get through this Motherhood Journey, then we will need a strong tribe there to support us and to witness our highs/lows.  Often finding the time, energy for people outside of our home can be an even greater challenge than finding time for a bubble bath.  Yet humans are wired for connection and having people that we can spend time with, who leave us feeling seen, heard, and restored is essential.

Find time at least once a month where you gather with your beloved tribe.  Go to dinner, have coffee, book a spa date and converse, share, cry, laugh—restore your soul!

This also models for your children the importance of nurturing relationships.

Listen, I get it.  This is tough.  I didn’t say it would be easy, I said it was essential to ensuring your health—mind, body, spirit.

The role of motherhood is sacred.  It is a gift.  It is a calling.  It will require you to invest 100% of you.  It will be the most vulnerable role you find yourself in and none of it will be easy.  This immense responsibility and the energy that it requires begs for you to care for yourself. 

Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. A race which you must be tending to yourself every step of the way.

Take good care of yourself, so that you will be able to care for those who need you most.

You can find Eliza online:

https://www.facebook.com/trswcofhouston/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWXvg9FyTtgg2xm87eZUAzQ

https://twitter.com/trswcofhouston

https://www.instagram.com/trswcofhouston/

https://www.pinterest.com/houstontrswc/