::HELLO:: #Adele

[ Hello from the other side

I must've called a thousand times 

To tell you I'm sorry, for 

everything that I've done

But when I call you never

seem to be home]

Funny story, I love break-up songs. Not because I have been involved in a ton of horrible break-ups. I have been with my Husband for over 15 years, never once have we split up. Good? Bad? I don't know.

But, there is one person I have issues with. I split up with that person and reconcile; and then split up again and start all over. That person is, me. No, not crazy, just bare with me. You see when I hear songs like Hello, I think about myself. The lyrics above speak to me, Hello Connie from the other side! In a good way. 

Still not crazy, wait for it. 

Every experience in my life, has been a moment to reflect, a good moment to reinvent myself, learn, grow and start over. With myself. Learning in my 20's who I really was. How strong I could really be. Here I am 7 months from 35.

Hello Connie, from the other side. Wiser, braver and far more knowledgeable of my capabilities. Scared, sure. Who isn't? But, not paralyzed by my fears like I was 5 years ago when I was a new Momma with 2 babies. 

[Hello, it's me, I was wondering

If after all these years you'd like to meet to go

over everything

They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah

But I ain't done much healing]

I must've called a thousand times, to tell you I 'm sorry for everything I have done.  As a Wife, a Momma, an Employee, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend. I have failed. I tell myself over and over that I am sorry for all that I have disrespected my true self, hated my body, felt sad and unworthy, felt like a failure. But, I forgive myself. I am allowed to fail and fall short. To disappoint and be firm in my beliefs and thoughts. I am sorry Connie, for all that I have done. To self-manipulate my confidence and strength. For thinking I was incapable or unworthy.

I have been broken in so many areas of my life. The healing has been hard. Judged and hurt. Like so many others. 

[There's such a difference between us

And a million miles]

Hello. I am on the other side. I stand strong. Now braver, more empowered and far more confident of my capabilities and worth! A song about self-love and how much stronger I have come out of every single ordeal I have been faced with.

A million miles from where I once have stood, from where I was and have fallen, many times. 

Maybe it's not the break-up songs I am attracted to but the female empowerment songs that really call out to me. It's about healing your soul and moving forward. It's about loving who you have become and continuing to grow. 

[Hello from the outside

At least I can say that I've tried 

To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your

heart

But it don't matter, it clearly

doesn't tear you apart

anymore]

And, I am at peace with it all. Myself , who I am and who I am not. I have learned to love me, and get back up after being knocked down. Hello, again, from the other side.

Where I am strong, empowered and above all...loved.

::Love is...:: #DomesticViolenceAwareness

You don't know the women you will come across in this lifetime. How they will impact you or make a difference in your life. Which is why I try to meet as many beautifully empowered women as possible. Everyday. It's become part of my mission. Today, I am sharing with you the story of strength, that I know all too well. I am honored to have met Lulu, online and hope to meet her in person soon!

Below some helpful links to help us better understand the impact of Domestic Violence: 

Domestic Violence Awareness month history: http://www.nrcdv.org/dvam/DVAM-history

Houston Area Women's Center: http://www.hawc.org/

---

Article by Lulu-

When I grow up I'm going to be a model/dancer/designer. I'm going to travel the world. I'm going to fall in love and live happily ever after. 

Every young girl's dream.

My name is Lulu. I was 25 and fell in love. Started to live the dream. I wanted my career I wanted children I wanted to take care of my man. LOVE did not go as planned. With all that came responsibilities, struggles and change. I am Latina and we strive to do it all. I became a housewife and I would have it no other way but I lost my Identity. The relationship headed for failure as I became the victim of abuse, first emotional then physical. I don't think he ever thought he was doing harm. I did not want to be a failure and did not want for my children feel like a dysfunctional family. I became numb until one day, 18 years later,  I could no longer stay quiet. I fought back..I wanted to find LULU again. 

The spirit I had growing up. 

I wanted to show my kids that I was strong. I wanted to show them what LOVE is. The photo below is of the only scar I am proud of from my abuse. I got this tattoo to help me stand taller everyday. It is the words I live by. It is in Spanish.

"love is patient, love is kind, is not jealous, not boastful,is not easily angered."

I once thought that God had abandoned me but in fact he was carrying me the whole time.

Never be bullied into silence, define yourself!

You must NOT stay silent. You must seek help and you must take action. It takes planning. But, if you are in real danger, you must find the strength and courage to move forward. Most important that you call the authorities. That is the hardest thing to do ..I KNOW. Do not let fear guide you, believe me calling the law is your proof and for your safety. Remember you are NOT alone.  I suggest you find an outlet where you can discuss this like; your church, or your county has centers for counseling for families and most important....true friends. I have had everything and nothing and believe me there will be a day you wake up and are proud of yourself. And, forgive yourself for not seeing your own worth sooner. The best thing I learned is you have to accept that it will feel like you are taking one step forward then two back but these are not failures these are God's way of guiding you.

Starting over. Wow. 

{Makeup & Photograph: Deirra Smith Collard; Owner of LeCharme Magazine.}

Then the question is why me...again single. Issues with trusting anyone and fear of falling into the same type of relationship. The divorce felt like death and liberation at the same time. I went to therapy for awhile and realized I had been holding back so many emotions. It felt good to be able to let them out. Then I realized I needed to love myself again. I could not be in a relationship if I still haven't work on me. I found my true passion again. Dance. I went to a Zumba class. I made so many new friends and started to grow again. My self esteem, confidence, and I was looking good. I became an instructor then became an instructor at my friend  Crystal Wall'S studio . Mixfitz Studio. This is when I found my voice. I want to inspire you to smile everyday and compliment yourself. Step on the box..stand tall and set new limits for yourself. Because in doing this, you will be the WOMAN you aspired to be once upon a time. 

Love will come again when it is God sent..not when you are lonely or alone. You need to peek over the walls you have built out of fear and breath the opportunities out there for you and yours.

I want to help others as so many did for me and they continue to do so, because life is hard. Remove the negative. Face it, nothing is given to you unless you GO FOR IT. Regain your voice, be a survivor, remember to be victorious and not be a victim.

Love is... The fairytale.... You meet someone. You feel butterflies. You feel complete. You plan the future. You live happily ever after. Don't ever stop being a hopeless romantic!

If you need to talk or help finding resources email me at beyoufuego@gmail.com

Struggling.....

First off, I still don't have my computer and fear for the worse.... my computer had everything on it. Ugh. HUGE, FAT, UGLY, UGH! But, it seems that those huge, fat, ugly, UGH's are following me these days....

My Husband is a firm believer in the fact that less is more, don't share too much, or say too much. I am used to sharing. My fears, my dreams, and everything in between...and while I share, trust me...I don't really share everything and I know that God is the keeper of all things awesome in all those corners of untold dreams, goals and future plans....

And, just like any other human, because I am human, and I am in NO way, shape or form perfect but growing...I struggle, with God's plan, with trusting that I am where HE wants me to be. I struggle. I move along and forward but it's difficult for me.

I am not one to stay still. I move. For years God has told me. Be still. I am God and I know what I have in store for you. But, I struggle. The movement within just bursts out and those deep down desires of my heart are aching. Struggling.

I take a deep breath and relax. As, I walked through the grocery store last night and in weeks past I think, my kids are only going to be this little once. Enjoy them Connie. They won't want you carrying them, hugging and kissing them all the time or telling them how amazing they are when they are teenagers. So, I embrace them and our current situation  Trust me, my everyday has so many up's and down's and twists and turns, I struggle but I embrace, I enjoy and I reflect.

In those reflections comes the thought  of my dream job! I feel that I am really on that journey. To seek that perfect job; I know that NOTHING is perfect but something great has got to be out there for me... that job that a lot of other women have; where the hours are good, the pay is better and there is this great balance of work and outside life or at least a good blend of  both. Trust me. It's out there. Women have these jobs. I have seen them. And, I know that comparison is not an option. I don't think it's a matter of comparing what I don't have to what they do have, I think it's a sincere way of seeking a better place for myself and my family.

Because part of me wants to just RUN out and get the first job possible to help grow our pockets... God keeps telling me...Slow down cowboy, that's NOT it.

For years I thought, "Wow! I have a pretty good job!!" Then, I had kids and my struggles became new ones. Now that I have been home and after almost 3 years of working outside the home and having children I think, "ugh, my jobs were NOT kid friendly!" And, I am seeking..... and so I struggle.

Trust me. It's so painstaking these days to "find a job" much less MY DREAM JOB! The task is daunting and my brain is weary. I am a thinker. Then I share. Then I think, some more. Pondering on the what-if's and then wishing for the right-now's! I know. I am a little impatient. Trust me. It's a struggle. The brain is always on the move... and not my friend on most days.

In the mean time, I will continue my quest and pray for the best.....{totally didn't mean for that to rhyme. Ha.}

Everyday.

Psalm 37:4
New International Version (NIV) 

Take delight in the Lord,   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

To Be Thankful ♥

Hello All.

It's Monday!

And, guess what? I survived Thanksgiving.

We were not ready, the day came too soon, but still we made it out alive! And, with lots of great memories that I am more than Thankful for!

The day started off slow and then friends, family, food and laughter overcame our home! It was an amazing time. My kids had too much fun, we ate too much food and we can't wait for it again NEXT year! Ha.

God has definitely Blessed our little family this year in many ways! I know that we should be thankful everyday of the year but I like Thanksgiving in particular and I see it as a day to reflect on the past 11 months and await the next month to end and a NEW year to begin! 2013 will be here before we know it. And, this year I am not only thankful for life itself but for everything good and bad that 2012 brought me. The good always outweighing the bad.

We are ready for a new beginning for a fresh start and Thanksgiving is that link between those two locations...the now and the future. I thank God everyday for the health and safety of my family and the strength and faith that He has rooted in our hearts! We are transformed and Blessed because of Him. This year has proven to be a challenge and only because of Him and His grace have we made it through it all. 

I hope that your Thanksgiving was filled with Blessings, reflections and new beginnings. Here is a little picture re-cap of ours!

Pictures are in no particular order and include our Thanksgiving feast at Santi's school! Enjoy!!

As you can see it was just the right amount of heart, food and holiday cheer! Counting down to Christmas and New Years!

Happy Thanksgiving from Team Gomez!!!