::Lost & Found::

When I started writing in this space back in 2009 it was a very personal, very real and unplanned journey. 

Over the years I had gained structure, sponsors and a following. The last 3 years or so, I've lacked in some of those spaces. Life got so busy and hectic. My full-time non-social media job, family, kids and trying to grow other spaces took over. And then, to be totally honest 2018 was messy. In my mind, in my heart, and in just life situations. The thing is that my life has been thrown "off course" if you will.  

With that said.

I can tell you that drastic change is sometimes needed in our lives. We sit for so long in this place of comfort that we feel this is where we belong and where our truth lies. But, it's only when those things unravel and get undone or are no longer there that you discover, how long overdue that change was. I can tell you this, there are some battles that are better fought in private, only because of the people and feelings involved. I think that my followers have over the years been so respectful of my privacy that it has always allowed me to share at my own pace and in the perfect time, for me. 

This space has though become very public, not saying I'm some kind of a celebrity but I mean if you think I look like Kourtney Kardashian like who am I to change your mind. So, will there be answers as to why my blog has become dormant, or why my social media posts have shifted and why you don't see certain things being shared anymore? Sure.  These last few post cover it, pretty well I think. 

Life happened. 

For now, I wanted to share about being lost and finding out who you were created to be in this very moment. We all have a purpose, a goal in this life, not created by us. It's a universe or Godly plan, whichever force you believe in. Sometimes we have to be so lost, hit that "rock bottom" literally or figuratively speaking. Whichever comes first. It's hard. It's not an easy process. You have to remind yourself that no one can save you from this. You are your own hero, your own person. We all make choices those choices come with outcomes, good and bad. It's here that you start to find yourself.

Being lost involves letting go, removing and moving on. 

Being found involves accepting the change, embracing it and knowing that no matter how difficult it is you will come out on the other side a survivor, a warrior, victorious. Yes, some of this, especially in relationships, involves two people, but honesty to make it through the process you have to look at yourself.

Call out your own bullshit. Be honest. No matter how hard it is. 

We are not perfect, there are things that I know I could do better or try harder at but sometimes we just have to accept these faults and move forward regardless of them.  For many years, I think my fault was worrying about others too much. What they thought about me or what they thought I should do to be successful and happy. I stopped believing in me and what I truly wanted. It becomes complicated when you realize this and it involves undoing all those things you once thought you wanted.

But, it's never too late. 

I would do it all again, expressing my truth and honesty, and knowing that I was true to myself and who I need to be now in my late 30's versus who I thought I wanted to be in my late teens, early 20's. People change, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with this. Yes, this sometimes involves pain and hurt but with good positive actions, this will get better.

It's not an easy process to be lost and try to find yourself... but I hope you can be open to your heart, mind and what the future could hold for you if you are truthful and honest.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 

::Survive the Holidays by Setting Boundaries & Releasing Expectations:: by Guest Blogger Eliza Boquin MA, LMFTA-Relationship Therapist

::GUEST BLOG POST- Survive the Holidays by Setting Boundaries & Releasing Expectations::

It’s the most wonderful time of the year...or is it?  For some, the holidays are the highlight of the year.  They look forward to the decorations, traditions, and family get-togethers.  For others, the holidays can trigger painful memories and serve as a source of anxiety and stress. But there’s hope and I’m going to share (2) simple ways you can survive and, hopefully, enjoy the holidays.

1.   Set Boundaries:  Setting boundaries is a term that therapists LOVE to use.  Essentially, boundary setting communicates to others what is okay and what is not okay with you.  In addition to physical boundaries, we can also set emotional and relationship boundaries. 

During the holidays, many couples struggle with how to balance the demands of extended family.  Each partner may feel pulled by their family/friends to partake and celebrate the holidays by their family’s traditions.  This outside stress often results in each partner taking their frustration out on each other.  Here’s the good news! If you set boundaries ahead of time you can avoid a lot of pain & frustration.

How To:  Discuss with your partner how the both of you want to celebrate the holidays.  This may mean setting new traditions.  Decide what works for your relationship.  Be as specific as possible.  What time will you allot for visiting one another’s family/friends?  What time will you reserve for your new traditions?

Communicate to one another what is most important to you – your must haves as well as what you’re flexible on.  It’s important to be as eager to meet your partner’s requests as you are for them to meet yours.

Once you’ve established your limits and rules refer back to them anytime a family member or friend challenges you.  For example, if your sister insists on having dinner for New Year’s Eve at her house because that’s what you’ve done for the past 15 years, but you really want to celebrate New Year’s Eve this year alone with your beloved then be ready to communicate that to your sister.  Note: It’s most important that the person who enforces the boundaries/limits be the one who has the most history with the person challenging the boundaries.

Benefit: By establishing and agreeing to your boundaries as a couple there will be less confusion about how to respond to outside pressure.  If you’ve decided as a couple what you will commit to prioritizing one another’s wishes, then you can both rest assured that you are both working towards the same goal.

2.      Release Expectations: Having a plan and a wish list of ways to celebrate is GREAT.  There’s nothing wrong with having a vision of how you would like things to go.  However, if you forget to include flexibility as part of that vision you’re likely to suffer from great disappointment when if things don’t go exactly as planned.  I’m no psychic, but you can probably bet on something not going as planned.  Depending on how you manage disappointment, your reaction may hinder your ability to enjoy the festivities.  However, by allowing for the unexpected you increase your likelihood and ability to manage the stress of things going off script.

How To:  Sit down with your partner and make a list of activities that are important to both of you--activities such as driving around local neighborhoods to see how they decorate their homes with holiday lights or baking cookies. Then decide again which are most important and how you will be flexible about.  It’s great to have a vision, but if you’re ability to enjoy the holiday is contingent upon strict orchestrated ways that these activities will be performed then you may end up disappointed. 

Also remember, this is YOUR vision.  The rest of your family may not find these activities as exciting or joyful as you.  If your ability to enjoy the holiday relies upon OTHERS enjoying the activities you planned you may end up highly disappointed and resentful. Stay flexible!  For example, decide that you want to see the neighborhood lights, but be flexible on the day/time you see them versus, “We have to go see the holiday lights on Christmas Eve at 8 PM with everyone in their PJS and then stop afterwards to get hot cocoa from the coffee shop drive-through because THAT’S WHAT WE DO EVERY YEAR!” That attitude may not spark the holiday cheer you’re working towards.

Benefits: By implementing flexibility into your holidays, you will be better equipped to manage the anxiety that may arise if things don’t go exactly as planned or if someone isn’t as thrilled about your plans as you.  This will allow you to stay in the moment, be present, and perhaps even laugh at the chaos.  I know…wishful thinking.

Whatever you decide to do, remember that the stories and the value we assign to life is exactly that…the value WE assign to it.  So this holiday season, decide WHAT you will prioritize and what value you will assign to it.

Happy Holidays!

Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFTA

Relationship Therapist

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::Momma Wellness is Important::

                                                               {Photo Credit: Bre'onna of EightyTwo Photography}

As usual, I am inspired by women, their strength, and their story. This post was motivated by Lilly of Daily Craving as she shared her experience with PPD. Her words resonated with all the same feelings that impacted my life years ago. I have over the years shared on this blog about mental health and overall well-being as a Momma. I also recently created this video this past December, with a little more insight into my story.

As I sit and think about this post and what I should share. I get sad. I think about all those feeling and thoughts that I have experienced in that last seven years of motherhood. As Momma's we tend to lose our identity. I am guilty of it. We do so much for everyone else. Back in 2012, I was rushed to the hospital as I experienced a panic attack, it was my eye opening or awakening moment. 

We shouldn't wait for an extreme situation to learn that as momma's, wives, employees, daughters, friends, we need to take care of one person, ourselves. Being a Momma, seeking who you are, seeking your purpose, finding your own identity. It should be our priority. Because as they say if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! You will not find any of this in the outside world but inside of you. In your heart and mind. By being yourself. By seeking to be purpose filled. By not losing your identity as an individual just because you have become a Momma or Wife, or are a student or employee. This doesn't mean you can't be more. You can be. You should be. For you.

Yes, YOU can. 

This past weekend at our event we had three wonderful speakers who I feel embodied the very aspect of taking care of yourself! Today I want to share a little about them and give you their information as viable resources that you can use! Maybe you don't live in Houston but you can reach out to them on social media or seek the same type of people within your local community.

In the same fashion that it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a tribe to keep a Momma sane! 

Meet Dr. Kelley Watts, she spoke on how to transform your negative thoughts and give us tips on how to de-stress.

{Photo Credit: Bre'onna of EightyTwo Photography}

Dr. Kelley Watts

Psychotherapist & Transformational Coach

Kelley received her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. After many experiences elsewhere, including Louisiana, Spain, New York, and England, she has returned to Houston and has a thriving private practice where she works with adolescents, adults, couples and families. In addition, to traditional one-on-one and family counseling, Kelley often works in groups teaching clients skills such as Positive Parenting Strategies, Building Positive Relationships, and Managing Anxiety. She uses a variety of techniques such as narrative therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, eye movement and desensitization (EMDR), and mindfulness to work with each client in a unique and impactful way specifically tailored to their needs at that time in their life. With a passion for developing confidence and building resilience in the people around her, Kelley teaches her clients to dig deep, laugh, play, and engage in meaningful and positive endeavors. She sees people through a kind and strength based lens and is passionate about facilitating positive changes in an effective and efficient manner.

Meet Maggie Schorsch of Texas Fit Chicks, she spoke about fitness for Momma's and how important it is to her:

I'm Maggie a 39yr old mother of two. I am a senior trainer with Texas Fit Chicks boot camp. I became a trainer because I feel all women should love their bodies and know what it feels like to be strong.I have struggled with my health and weight and I know how difficult it can be. I hope to change women's lives by empowering them to be fit and healthy.

Meet Sharon Zapata, CEO & Co-Founder of The Zapata Group, she spoke on wellness over the age of 30 and how to remain motivated:

                                                              {Photo Credit: Bre'onna of EightyTwo Photography}

Sharon is a mom of two boys, married, and studied Communications at the University of Houston-Downtown. She is the CEO & Co-Founder of The Zapata Group. As a successful entrepreneur, author, speaker, and business development expert with 15 + years, her know-how for working with people of all professional backgrounds allows her to connect & offer them impressive business development contacts, customers & bottom-line revenue to build their own economies.

She has international experience as a private English Teacher for C-Level Executives in Monterrey, N.L. MEXICO and U.S. Government Security Clearance from the Office of Federal Investigation in Washington, D.C. while working for E.X.I.M. Bank. Sharon is the author of 12 Secrets for Successful Hispanic Women and How To Escape The Lack of Success...Have You Ever Been Dissatisfied?

She is the Creator & Blogger of The Bitchy Business Briefs. A business & lifestyle micro-blog. Her writing inspires entrepreneurs, out-of-the-box thinkers, creatives and action takers to spank the economy.

She recently led a media campaign: Houston's Veteran Women with her client Houston Media Network. She is the recipient of the 2014 & 2015 Excellence Award on behalf of American Intercontinental University Women's Summit and recipient of the Latina Trend-Setter Award from H.E.R.O.E.S. for her contributions to the Houston business community. She serves on the Education Committee with Susan G. Komen-Breast Cancer Foundation, The American Heart Association's Planning Committee {Latina Leadership Circle} and The Texas Alliance for Military Women {Leadership Circle}.

The Zapata Group helps to feed 300 children, women, and men at Loaves & Fishes with an amazing organization RYG {Reach Youth Global}.

Panic Attacks are Uncool!

Photo Credit: Google Search

Panic attacks are uncool.

Back in 2012, I had the most uncool episode. I had to quit my job. I was faced with a horrible feeling of being beside myself. I was laying in the ladies room at my work place with a good friend/co-worker trying to calm me down. Paramedics filled the bathroom and asked of past history. As I write this I tingle and get clamy. It's not cool ya'll! It's the most horrifying feeling ever. To be in a room but nothing makes sense. Your breathing shortens. Your mind clouds and the moment seems endless. I wasn't dying so I went from work to an ambulance to sitting in a downtown ER for hours. Before being sent home with the diagnosis of "crazy person". Not literally but you know what I mean. It was not the most pleasurable experience. And, it was bit embarrassing.

To this day I see people from my old job and they tell me how that was their last memory of me. Me being wheeled out on a stretcher. 

It's not something that I had warning signs for or that slowly came up with different symptoms. I was a Momma of Dos {2}, working full-time with a Husband who was a student and away for almost 2 months in Utah on an Internship assignment. One day I was in "total control"; running a home and getting occasional help with the kids, living alone for 2 months, working as a full-time Assistant Supervisor helping run an office of about 50 employees and "making it all work".  And, the next day I was sitting in my office in a meeting with my supervisor and a group of other employees when I couldn't breath and had lost it.

It's been over 2 years since that happened. I "took it easy" for a while as recommend by my doctor, but how long can you really "take it easy"? Life is hectic. It's hard to always be in relax mode. Despite doctor's recommendations, I never took medication for my "condition". Instead I got a new job, less stressful, and started a new type of lifestyle. Still, life is life. 

These days, the moments of panic come and go. I have learned to control them and manage my day to day with them. I have learned that if  a place is too crowed or stuffy and small, I get a little more nervous and anxious. But, overall I try to make my "overwhelming" situation into one that I can control.

Here are 3 simple ways that I control my panic attacks;

1) ::Breathing Exercises:: Some times I know it's all in my mind, I take deep breaths slowly get up and walk away from the room or what I am thinking and try to relax my mind. It's a rush of nervousness that fills my brain and it quickly travels to all other areas of my being. So, I feel it coming on and I sit back and tell myself it's going to be OK. Some days that works, others I have to get up and walk around or find a quiet place to just relax for a few minutes.

2) ::Asking for Help:: I used to be scared to ask others for help. I hate being a burden. I don't like bothering others, everyone is busy. But, I found that for the most part if I simply ask, people are more than willing to help me. I don't do it often but when I do I make sure that it's for something important. These days, I am always scared people will say no, and they do but I just keep asking around and eventually someone will be available and can help me!  It's also not easy if you don't have too many friends or family that live close by. I have also learned to voice my need for help to my Husband, who then will give me a hand or take on extra time with the kids.

3) ::Take Time Off:: I have learned to just have days where nothing is going on. To relax, catch up on sleep and enjoy the nothingness. It's hard to do as a Momma and some days are better than others. But, even if it's a few extra hours to sleep in or just lay on the couch and relax, I do it. I try to because life becomes busy, very quickly. That's exhausting and draining. And, it affects my level of anxiety. Taking advantage of down time is key in getting your mind clear.

All of these changes help me, the biggest help is seeking medical assistance and/or counseling. I would never have thought of all this on my own, it's something I have learned from different health care professionals.

It has been easier to  manage my everyday. Life can be so stressful but there is always a way.  Never give up on yourself. It might not be easy but it will be worth it.