{Falling Off} Means getting back up again....

I was all like "YEAH! I'm gonna do this. This year I will be a Supa'Star Blogger and Blog everyday and post pictures every day!" then I was all like, "Yeah, I got to go back to work, I am super tired and I don't feel like posting today!" {Whoa!}

Ha.

Well, I have fallen off the whole 365 project for about a week or so but you know what, that's OK, there is no "Blogger-Police" who is gonna give me a huge Blogger-Ticket cause I have not been keeping up with my non-New Years Resolution list. If there is, don't tell him/her where I am! Ha.

There is beauty in falling flat on your face. {Yes, I said it. I am Human. I make mistakes but...} There is no affect or effect on others, only on yourself. And, you know what? All you can do is get back up again...literally dust yourself off and keep moving FORWARD. How sad would it be if I fell on my face and remained there? I mean. How heartbreaking for me. How disappointing for me. The best thing about starting a new year is being a new you. I am done with dwelling on things, situations, people, me, everything. I am moving on.

Well after that little heart wrenching moment, let me continue with this.

I have some small projects this week...

• I have Photoshop on my computer. I have never used it. {Now is when you can yell at me.} I need to learn how to use it. So, this week I will do as much research as need be to learn. 

• I am also on a mission to print pictures, book a Birthday session for Cami's {First Birthday portraits!} and get pictures framed. We shall see how that goes! 

• There is LOTS brewing in the Gomez household most of which I wish to keep to myself... {No, I am not pregnant...but we have been talking about Numero TRES a lot, but future...future... } I am just constantly praying for God to give us guidance and peace in all of our choices in 2012. 

• I have started to plan Cami's first birthday and praying about Ricardo's graduation party. Fun. Fun. 

I have gotten, I think, a lot of my chest in the last few weeks..mostly in talking to my Sister and my Hubby.... this weekend with my Sis-in-Law and a few good friends.. I think peace will be achievable in 2012. Finally.

Well Happy Monday to All!

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

We try and try and try...

We do our best and think that we are doing our best...

Yet when evaluation of the self comes...we fail... to ourselves...

I have gone through 5 days of Lent season now....

catching myself...

torturing myself...

failing...myself....

defining myself...

evaluating myself....

devaluing myself...

reminding myself....

praying...for myself...

And still.. I can't seem to win this battle...against....MYSELF.

God has given me so many tools and resources, so many wonderful women of support...and still I fail... BUT then I think...I AM HUMAN...we are suppose to fail...Jesus was tempted by the devil...He never failed..but we are NOT Jesus.

Then I think, I am being  SO  hard on myself. I need to stop. I need to realize that I can do this...but ONLY with prayer and grace. With willingness and an open heart..I will be victorious. I will move forward and I will have FAITH.

That through HIM all things are possible.

Philippians 4:13 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Seek, Resolve, and Share.

These are my 3 Lent season purposes {SEEK, RESOLVE, AND SHARE}.

As I go through this journey, I can't promise flowers and butterflies but I will say this..I am honest, open and willing.

I accept that for a while now Pride and Stubbornness have been my sidekicks. How petty? Yes. It is.

I am praying though for my hard heart to soften and open up to what the world has to say about me.

I am willing to change...a willingness that only I can bring forth....an effort that God will give me grace to endure..no matter what that change is!

I am not going to lie. I have been down this road before and failed...I have failed Him. HE HAS NEVER FAILED ME.

Again, I am honest. I want to change. I will be 30 years old this year. How ridiculous is that at 30 I can hold on to such a difficult past and think that I can move forward; whole heartily? I can't. I need to truly let go.

God is with me.

Why am I scared?

Who should I fear?

If He is with me...every step of the way...how could I think that He would let me go?

That His tight hold would loosen? Never.

He has never failed me...even though I have failed Him..many times. 

Today I realize how Blessed I am and how much I don't deserve it. 

I don't.

But, still HE manages to show me how MANY more Blessing He can give me!  

And HE and THEY are all AMAZING!

Thank You God for giving me everything this undeserving girl could wish for and then some...

I PRAISE HIM FOR....

My Faith.

My Husband.

My Son.

My Daughter.

My Mom and Dad.

My Siblings.

My Nephew.

My extended family on both my hubby's side and mine.

My Sisters-in-Christ and amazing Girlfriends.

My Home.

My Job.

My Education.

My life as a whole.

Seemingly Perfect.

It's a lie to think that we are perfect.

We are not.

At all.

I have never been one to even remotely express or act perfectly.

I am human. I make many mistakes. I've said it a millions times...my husband is not always polite, my son doesn't always match and me..I am not ever perfect!

The fact that my husband and I have decided to be and do things in certain order and with specific purpose...doesn't make us perfect. We have been through a lot the last 12 years, together and as individuals. Never loosing sight of either fact. While we were still living at home we realized that there were individual "monsters" to tame, with our respective families. We "resolved" and agreed to leave behind those issues and "monsters", behind us not only the day we moved in together, but also 8 months later when we met at the altar. It's written, and I say it to young couples all the time. Ricardo taught me after we moved in together and got married that we could no longer be slaves to those "monsters" and problems within our former families, because now we had a family of our own to nurture and care for.

Married or not, life as a live in couple doesn't work until you resolve that, that life is only about 2 people who rely on God, you and your significant other.

At first this didn't resonate or make sense with me, the way it may not make sense to you.

My mom was a "single" mom for many years; I, being the oldest took on many, many, many roles; assistant provider for my 3 younger siblings, emotional supporter to my mom, over-all make things better for my family person, acting as a friend to my mom, mom to my younger siblings, sister to my siblings,student, employee and then some. Life was not easy. I endured a lot with my mom, good and bad. It was her and I through think and thin. But, she understood the day that I moved out and more so the day that I got married that I had to be everything I was to her but for my husband now. That her problems and issues had to be handled to the best of her ability. She was not selfish and never attempted to hold me back from becoming a completely, devoted wife and now mother. She understands my role and I appreciate that respect and the space that she has given me to develop my marriage in His eyes and for His will and purpose...so that now, as a grown woman..who seeks Faith and Wisdom, I can once more be her friend while she is my mom.

I am and have always been there for my mom as she has been there for me..but just as she once left her family to seek a family of her own..I left mine. It has made me stronger and wiser and allows me new perspective to handle new situations.

Respect. Space. God. Two People. Faith. Open Heart. Obedience. Honesty. Love. It's what it takes to begin a Faith-filled, loving, devoted and committed Marriage of Two.  {I THINK}

This is all random talking. I am on a journey this Lent season to resolve, seek and share.