Turning 6....

Dear Santiago,

I have been writing you ::letters :: since before you were born. In my heart, in  mind. ::Letters:: that I would hope you could one day look back on. As a reflection of how much you are loved and how perfectly you have been created.

We don't have a perfect life, but you {and your Sister} make everything so much better. On days when I am sad, or mad; you are one person I can look to, to make me smile. And, to remind me, that life is not that serious.

You are full of energy. You play all day and truly have so much fun. I am guessing that's a good thing. Shows how much life and spirit you have. How you don't give in and how healthy and strong you have always been. You rarely get sick, when you do it's not easy but you are usually okay within a couple of days.

I think over the years I have covered how great you are; how much you are growing and how loved you are by everyone in our lives. But, I can't tell you enough, how loved you truly are. You are my sweet baby boy. My tough yet sensitive boy. I want you to continue to be who you are.

You started Kindergarten this year. It has not been easy. The adjustment to a different structure, to a different environment and teacher. I don't know if this new beginning shows patterns for the future. If so, it won't be easy but know that together we can do this! Your Dad and I, will always be there for you, to support you, to cheer you on, to help you. 

You have a strong personality, you don't take no for an answer and are very stubborn. Again, not sure what all this means for years to come but I hope they are traits that will help you grow into a strong minded and independent individual. 

You fight with your Sister, all day. All the time. It's annoying but I hope you can out grow that, one day, although I heard it gets worse before it gets better.

You {and Camila} are the sunshine in my heart. God has truly blessed me. You show me every day how to slow down, how to relax, and how to live life with no regrets. You remind me of the patience I lack and the strength I need to develop. Because in moments when I am frustrated you remain calm. And, at times when I have needed to be strong, you are always there to show me what true strength is.

I love you so much. I pray for you everyday. I want to hold you and protect you everyday of your life. I know how naive that is...because I can't. But, I know that you will be ok....

Happy 6th Birthday my Beautiful Baby!!!! 

Love, Yo'Momma <3 nbsp="" p="">

::My 5 year Old Son:: Santi's Birthday Letter

On September 16th...5 years ago after about 24 hours of awesomely painful labor my life created a full circle. Our Son was born. This is his yearly birthday letter. {for more on Santi's Birth-story click ::HERE::}

My Beautiful Baby Santiago,

On this day, I love you, I cherish you and I am so thankful for you. I cannot believe that you are 5 years old, it was only yesterday that you were a tiny chubby baby cuddled into my arms in a hospital bed. Your tiny heart beating with mine, your tiny hands and feet so soft and precious. You were a baby.

Today, you are a handsome little, eye rolling, back talking 5 year old with so much attitude. Talk about a personality. None of this is meant out of ill feelings; you are only 5 and still learning your ways, and yes you are a little stubborn. A little spoiled. And, know very well what you want.

But you know what? We love that about you.

You don't allow anyone to push you around or tell you what to do but you are also respectful and kind when needed. If you do feel pushed around you are quick to let us know that we are being "mean" or your new word, being "bullies". 

You are smart and imaginative. Creative and a story teller. You love to dress up in anything "Mexican" like your GranPa Chuy's black sombrero and anything "Super-Pee-Row" related.

You know your Bible stories and can tell them to us in one breath and as if they all happened at once. You pray for us all every morning, especially for GranPa Chuy and his missing teeth. {sorry but they are still missing}. Your prayers are usually so thought-filled and genuine, always far more than I except. 

When you want to be, you are the absolute best older Brother, protecting and caring for your "Sis-der". She loves you so much. To her you are the best in the world, no matter what.

You are my warrior, my strength, my courage. You live life on the edge, as much as  a 5 year old can. You live life to the fullest. It's contagious. We admire that about you. You never have a bad day and even when you do, you manage to turn it around or simply fall asleep.

You are full of energy and light. Your heart is pure and growing healthy and strong. You have no real fears, except for cockroaches. Those you hate.

You are playing soccer {or "staulker" as you call it} this year and even though on most days you claim to be "scared" of it only because you want to rush home to your I-Pad {which is really mine} to watch YouTube videos! But, no matter what you end up giving it your all and loving it every time we go to practice. You are like this about most things...all or nothing. 

Some days you are all about the "feelings" and everything we say causes you to cry, other days you have the attitude of a teenager. As your parents we are learning with you. How to care for you, how to love you and how to be there for you. You are at times more patient than us. 

You love pizza like the Ninja Turtles. Right now you want to go see the Boxtrolls even though no other kid your age or adult knows what that is! You love watching cartoons and playing with ALL your toys at once. Yes, fun times, our house looks like a toy store blew up, every.single.day.

You have a great imagination and can create a whole war in a matter of minutes on the living room floor or play a businessman who has very important work to do and just cannot be bothered.

You have a pretty awesome life, and so many people love you. I hope that you never forget that. I pray that you can appreciate those people who are in your life and who have been there for us from day one. 

One of your favorite people in this world is your cousin, Olin. You love to dance and your "body just moves on it's own", especially when the telenovela theme songs come on. Your dance moves, well they are pretty awesome and I think.....you get it from yo'momma! 

You are amazing. You are beautiful and you are and will forever be our baby. Until you get too old and have to move out of the house..just sayin'... 

Happy Birthday!!!! 

We love you more than words.

Momma, Daddy, & Cami

{4 years Santiago} Letters to my Son

My Beautiful Baby,
{it's what I call you every time I hold you in my arms, by the way...you are really big but still I hold you like a baby...my baby....}



Today you are 4 years old.
You are active and no one can stop you.
You are stubborn but still a sweet baby.
You are beautiful and loving.
Your smile lights up a room.
If you sleep long enough you wake up and say
"Good Morning Mami!"

You are taller than most and in a size 6/7 clothes and size 11 shoe.
You brighten up my days and make me nervous all at once.
Everyday is a new adventure for you and you are eager to take on the day's "challenges"...

You are curious and sometimes we don't agree.... you want your way and I
want what's best.

Your life is so simple and easy. You don't know how to have
a bad day. And, everyday that I pick you up from school you say,
"Mom, I had fun today!"
You have fun everyday, even when you don't feel good or are in a bad mood.
You fight with your Sister, a lot but you are also very protective, loving and giving...
when  you want to be.
You are definitely a Momma's boy and your Dad's best buddy.
You love to make up words and speak Spanish when needed.
You are full of life and vibrant!
You love to run and play and laugh and just be happy....you tell me...
"Mom, just let me be happy!"
when I try to calm you down or keep you quiet.

You are very much a ladies man and you even have the best dance moves.
You love all things "boy", you are rough and tough but sweet and sensitive and you even play with your Sister's babies and kitchen.

You want reassurance as to how much I love you almost daily. I don't mind telling you how amazing and beautiful you are and how much I love you...but know that this life is not fair and people of the world will never make you who you are. God has created you; strong, unique and loved...that is all that matters.
Your best friend in daycare is "Sanchez", the other Santiago of the class.

You are my life and although it's often filled with tantrums and tears...you have a way of turning all my wrongs into the best rights ever. God has blessed us with you and your Sister.
You are the little man that stole my heat 4 years ago.
Your Daddy and I love you { & Camila} more than life!

You may not know this but you have everything you need and everyone you need in your life, maybe not everything you want but we provide what we know you need to thrive as a child and to grow; mentally, physically and emotionally. We support you and we will always be here for you..if one day we are not..don't be scared...look to God, He has brought us this far.... and He will take us the distance...

Santiago; you have no idea the amazing and intelligent little boy that you are, you say the best things and you come up with the best comments... every word that you say is heard and acknowledged.

And, yes...some days we have our days. You push every button and try to surpass every limit. We keep you in line. And, although it's cliche...at times..it hurts us more than it hurts you...we want you to be happy but we also want you to learn to be respectful and humble. We will never break your spirit although sometimes you act as if it's the end of the world when the word "NO" comes out of our mouths. You have survived and you will survive even the most stern "NO's", life is filled with them so it's better you hear them now from us and learn that they are normal.

You are a great son and a good boy but you are over active and sometimes you beat us at the how's and what to do with you.... your imagination is expressed in so many ways. You love to draw Angry Birds,  your favorite game, in every notebook. You also draw me and your Dad and Camila. We look like potatoes but one day it will be different, practice makes perfect. You play with all your toys as if they were alive, scary yes but so amazing to watch.

You are built like an athlete and even "Box" with your Dad, and talk about "faceball"...{baseball, basketball or football...they are all "faceball"} yet I have a feeling the arts maybe your calling...your Dad claims I think everything is your calling at the end of the day..it's up to you. God will guide you. You will know how to use your talents and what you will develop.

You love watching "Connie Cow" on Youtube. You know how to use my cellphone and computer better than me at times. You love your GranMa and GranPa. You pray for us all and have special request when you know our loved ones are ill. You tell me about your Bible readings and sing songs everyday. And, so much more!

I love you and pray to God that you remain healthy and protected by all of those who love you. No words can ever describe how we feel on a daily basis to have you and your Sister in our lives!

Happy 4th Birthday my beautiful baby Boy!!!

We Love you!!!!

Momma {Daddy & Camila too!}

{Patience} ♥

I have this son. He is 3 years old. 

He's more than a Blessing...at times he is my teacher. 

I am very impatient. Very. Not good. Trust me. I know. 

He is just like me. 

Everything NOW. Not later. 

But, some days he teaches me that patience is the only way. 

I have caught him several times now, waiting on me. 

{It's usually to hit play on the DVD or computer screen to get his favorite movie going.} 

The same boy that I just told 20 times to stop, wait and not touch. 

He sits and waits. 

Quietly. 

Patiently. 

Because he knows. 

That if he waits just long enough for me. 

I will come to his rescue. 

Every time. 

If only. 

I had that same patience. 

To wait. To endure. To sit quietly. To be patient! 

I would know that at the end of the wait...there is reward... 

that which  you have asked for comes with patience. 

It's what I have learned from my 3 year old son..

he is wise beyond his years and my little man.  

As an adult. 

It's easier said than done...

I love him for being a great teacher... 

{Isaiah 40:31} Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

{On Tantrums & Meltdowns} Just sayin'

Just when I think I will be rid of all tantrums and meltdowns I am awakened by reality..her name Dr. S, the kid's Pedi.

I walked into Santi's 3 year check-up hopeful and ready to hear those words... "he's out growing it...." and instead I hear... "well the 3's are worse than the 2's, you know?" NO. I don't know. But, I do now. With a Super-terrible 3 year old and an almost terrible 2 year old, this Momma knows...it's gonna be pretty terrible. I am too old for this... NO really at 31, I don't think I ever imagined my children to be this difficult, so complex, so melty-down as they are or as dramatic as they are! Drama is their middle name. I guess they do truly belong in this family. Ha. Or they do get it from their Momma! Ha.

The cure? Consistency, structure and patience. I am sure.

The Momma? Terrified. {Full melt-down mode! Ha.}

Now that I am home, I need to work on all 3 disciplines. So, every time Santi or Cami have a meltdown..I stop, collaborate and listen...no really! It's the best thing to do. Attention. Undivided on my part, not so much as to egg on the bad behavior but as to hear them out and see whether or not their tantrum is "reasonable & rational" {Ha, a reasonable and rational tantrum}...If it's a no-reason tantrum..then it's either nap time or going outside and running like a nut until you are super tired and Momma can get a break time... Trust me I always thought I would be the let me pop you right now kinda Momma and instead I am this...the I am too old for this...cry it out and we'll talk later Momma!

Just sayin'... it's all it takes sometimes! Time.

Easy? CLARO QUE NO! Never. Yes, easier written on this Blog here than followed thru with at home while trying to cook, clean, blog, craft and rest... I insist that I need a Nanny and a Personal Assistant..but my Husband insist that I need to get a life and be real... I can deal with that! Ha.

In the meantime...practice and patience makes for a better Momma! 

The two little faces deserve it... they are tiny humans with real feelings after all....

3 Years Ago Today.... ♥

3 years ago today.....

I gave birth after 24 hours of labor and an emergency c-section...to a little man. One with an angel face. Whom I fell in love with from the minute I knew he grew inside of me. A little man that captured my heart and kept me up late every night for a year, not by choice. 

Today he is smart, strong, confident and so brave! He is energy that his 31 year old Momma is not. He is love that I never knew I could feel. He is faith that I knew one day would come. He is one of the Loves of my life. I fell in love with him and now I know... that a Momma's love is like no other. 

But, I pray....that he grows up to be independent and self-sufficient, that he is confident yet humble. That he can recognize when he is wrong and correct his errors. I pray that as the years go by he realizes the sacrifice that we have made for him to be where he will want to be. I pray that his faith grows like the mustard seed. I pray that he looks up to his Dad for being a man of perseverance and love. That he has a caring heart and that he never gives up on his dreams! I pray that he knows that he can accomplish anything he wants in this life if he works hard and that he shouldn't expect for anything to be handed to him.....by anyone. That while we are always here for support, life is about making your own mistakes, learning from them and moving forward. I pray that God will keep him safe and protect him from all harm and evil but that he knows that this life is unfortunately unfair. But, I pray that he can grow up to be strong and gentle with those who love him. That he is a man of great faith and character and that he knows when he is being too nice and when he should lend a helping hand. 

Santiago, 

You are only 3 but I wish so much for you and your future...only when you are OLD, like me...in your 30-something years and decide to have children...you will know the prayers and request that fill my heart... the love and faith that you were the second I knew you were being formed deep inside my womb. I pray that you love us and are thankful for all the things that God has provided for us in this life and that you never take anything for granted because someone somewhere in your family worked really hard to cross a border that separates two worlds... in order for us to give you a better future....and just so you know you were born into a family of clowns...we are not normal and you will be embarrassed by us, one day..{HA.}hopefully never embarrassed of us and trust me you will be just fine and hopefully grow into a normal adulthood, enough to know that you are loved and that we want you to be proud of our accomplishments and our family!

With that said...You {and your Sister} are the light of our world... you are the love in our hearts and TRUE BLESSINGS & GIFTS from up above. God has been so good to us and we do NOT have regrets. You shouldn't either... 

Happy Birthday my Big Boy. Everyday that passes by I look at you {& your Sister}in amazement. I can't believe that God would Bless me so big even though I don't deserve you.... we love you more than life and because of you, life is love! 

Con mucho Amor Siempre, 

Yo'Momma

{Because I can't wait until the 30th month!} ♥

{I know Santi is still 1 month away from being 2 and a half..but I just have to update on who this little man is becoming... }

Mi Hermoso Bebe Santi {My little Man/Mi Corazon},

You are super duper active and hyper {yes...super duper is allowed when describing a toddler! Ha.}. You love to play, run and cause mischief. You look to reek havoc on your little sister and some days she's right there behind you. You have such a unique personality it's amazing to see you grow into who you are. You take control and don't like to be told what to do, I guess no one does. You are such a happy little person unless you don't sleep enough, then you're Mr. Grumpy like no other, or maybe like your father, Ha. Still such a baby but just enough of a little man to decide that you want pickles and Popsicle for dinner, almost every.single.night. We don't mind it. You eat a lot of healthy food during the day with your Ma-maw anyway.

You love SHREK, again. You also love Kung Fu Panda and Toy Story. You talk to everyone on your cell phones and you say Bye and Hello to all your toys when you leave the house or come back...

You can sing the Lazy Song by Bruno Mars all day and all night. {Although I wish they'd block out the part about  him and the girl and yeah.} But, it's ok, you love the monkey's and the choreography. You are very strong and healthy, you have not been too sick in the last 6 months. But, when you have been, you're such a strong little man and rise above the illness every time. You love the Dinosaur Train and just a couple of  months ago we went to the mall and  you got on the train and yelled at the conductor "allllll'borddd!" {as you cupped your mouth to shout} then you yelled "LET'S GO!" Until the train started moving, then you were happy and so excited.

You love to tell your sister "no, Nena" as you shake your head and pull her away from doing wrong but all the while you go ahead and do what you just told her NOT to do. You have more words than you did a few months ago and complete phrases like "Mom, it's cold!" are easily repeated. There are days when you think  you are saying a lot and really no one knows what you are saying at all. Your imagination just tickles us... we crack up at all the silly antics that you do. Like put diapers on all the toys cause they have "caca". You toast with empty cups filled with toys as you "drink" away. Always offering me and your Daddy some and asking... "Good Mom?", "Good Dad?" Just the other night you sat down at the dinner table with a pile of mail, opened it, look through it, then got up and walked to the trash can to throw it all away. I guess you are just as tired of junk mail as we are.

You have an angry pose, and one night last month, asked me to tie your sister's blanket around your neck so you could fly around the house. Your Elmo and other stuffed animals get dinner and time outs..cause you know they are so bad all the time. Your rocking horse gets as many water refills and you deem needed and when the horse is done drinking water you make sure to tell it that there is no more, by using your hand gesture which we showed you. You having many faces and feelings. You are very lovable and you love to hug and kiss us all! We abso-love it as well!

You are wearing a size 4T to 5T, people can't believe you are 2 years old. You still drink "ti-ti" and sleep with us.

You are very possessive as I assume  most 2 years old are. Your favorite word is "AWE-THOM!" You repeat just about anything we say.....your latest..."MILKA-WHAAAT?!" And, as bad as your tantrums had been they are slowly fading or so part of our everyday, that we don't notice them anymore.

You are very silly, you have a strong character, and you are so lovable. You do have a temper and if you don't get your way you get upset. A lot. We will work on that.

Over all you are more than a wonderful little Man you are a true little Blessing that we absolutely LOVE! I am sure there is so much more missing... it's just so much fun to watch you grow into the littlest man that you have become.

We love you so, SO very VERY much!


Love Always,


Momma {Daddy and Nena too}

{SantiDay} ♥ Monster Jam 2012

This past weekend we decided that we needed to start dedicating one day, an entire day, to our little man. It’s a difficult task being an older brother; what with all the extra mess making and tantrum throwing to assure as much attention as his chunky, big round browned eyed Lil’Nena {aka Baby Sister Cami}. We try not to make a difference between them and give them the same amount of attention but that little Sister of his is such a ham and she knows it.


We love them both the same but we just wanted to remind Santi how special he is and how much we love him. We decided to take him to this year’s Monster Jam {for you more experience Momma’s, you don’t have to wait to say “I told you so…” cause now I know} we bought our tickets early and made it a point to remind him that it would be his special day.

He loved it for about oh, a whole 10 minutes {an hour really, we were surprised he lasted that long} but we made it through the first half and by the second half… we were walking out the doors and down those ramps at Reliant Stadium….it was so worth it though, we had so much fun and so did he! Next SantiDay will have to be more age appropriate! HA. We learned a very expensive lesson today; 2 year old's don’t need expensive days out just days with lots of attention and love! He just loved being the center of attention and didn’t care where we were… he loved the Monster trucks and was only scared for a bit…

Here is our first ever {SantiDay} at Monster Jam 2012:

18 Months of Lil'Man Love ♥

There are no words to describe what the last 18 months has given me...

but if I had to....

Peace

Faith

Hope

Happiness

Unconditional Love

Joy

Jesus

Smiles

Kisses

Hugs

Eyes

Nose

Toes

Tiny Fingers

Curly Hair

Family

Tantrums

Laughs

Blessings

Grace

Perspective

Exhaustion

Every moment...worth it.

Every experience...embracing it.

Every day...LOVING Him More and More.

Being a Mother is like nothing else in the world....

I hate to be a cliche but IT'S TRUE...

 "You think you know..BUT you really have NO idea....until you yourself become a Mother."

The Lord has Blessed me once more and I can't wait to have her in my arms and love her and enjoy her just as I have loved and enjoyed my son the last 18 months.

Santiago’s Journey. {Sept 2009}

{This Blog Post is from Nov 2009; after the birth of my son, BUT STILL VERY ACCURATE!}

It has been about 2 months since my last entry.

As you may have guessed I had my baby, Santiago Isaias. He is amazing and I want to share with the world what it has been like…the best way to introduce him is with his journey into this world….

First, I found a blog which I never posted from 9/4/09; it was pretty relevant at the time and could be an intro to what was to come…

[“Near the end”
Or so they say.

Since Sunday I have felt "uncomfortable", despite the promises made by the doctor’s office; "If you feel like something is just not right you call us!" I have not heard back from them in 2 days!

I went to my routine monitoring and ultrasound this week but was only left with more questions. At this point, I feel like the confusion is not helpful. But, I will have no other choice than to wait and see.

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and can't wait to leave work in a week. I have so much to do at home.]

And it ends… not sure where I was going with that but I know I was in utter despair and completely exhausted.  It’s true what EVERYONE says… when you come to the “end” it feels eternal!!!

The last couple of weeks, which really were NOT the last couple of weeks, because I was delivered 3 weeks early, but to me they were the much NEEDED last weeks… I could not have waited until October 9th to deliver and honestly as I told my husband and friends…neither could Santiago. He was ready, I knew it and he knew it. And thank GOD, my doctor knew it!

WITH THAT SAID….

It ALL started on Friday September 11, I had what would be my second to last doctor’s visit. I went in for a regular visit awaiting my last day at work which would be on Monday September 14th. But, with all the anxiety of getting it all over with and having my baby in my arms, I think I made myself sick! I had high blood pressure, excessive protein in my urine which was causing excessive and painful retaining of fluid which led to swelling. Once the doctor confirmed all of the above she simply stated “I want you on bed rest as of today.” I thought…impossible, I have one more week until I am induced and I need and have so much to do. But, she prohibited me from going back to work that day and from leaving my house except to see her or to go to the hospital IF I should go into labor. She ordered me to go home and to come back to see her for further monitoring on Monday with a 100% chance of being induced on Tuesday or Wednesday and an 80% chance of having a c-section, everything one week ahead of schedule.

For those of you who don’t know, I was already scheduled to be induced due to my gestational diabetes on the 21st of September but now I had further complications and everything was being moved up ONE WEEK!

Panic and anxiety came over me. Not about the delivery or my health or Santiago’s BUT I HAD SOOO MUCH TO DO! Everything else God was in control.  Relentless and worried I went to work to pick up some things and give my boss the notice that I had to be confined to a bed for the next 5 or 6 days, and then back  home.

The weekend passed and Monday was here.

I walked into my doctors office with a about a liter of urine, for protein sampling! Gave it to the nurse, had some blood draw and vitals taken. With that done it was more bad news, everything was still elevated and now I was looking to be induced as soon as the next day if a room was available. By the end of my visit around 10 am the OB/GYN coordinator and the doctor came rushing to me with smiles, "You are being admitted tomorrow night at 8pm."

The next day and half went by fast, after a mad dash for the finish line I was ready! With my bag was packed, my home as baby ready as it could be and “READY” physically, emotionally, and mentally we headed out. I wasn’t scared, just anxious and excited.


Picture taken by our good friend Buritica

{Tuesday September 15th 2009}

As we walked out, our good friend Ricardo B. took the final picture of us as a couple, we would return as a threesome..Lol. A “real family”, baby and all.  The ride to the hospital was peace. For a while, no words, just our hearts beating through our throats, louder than the cars and noise outside. Ricardo and I drove the 25 minute drive to the hospital almost silent, only expressing that we were scared as we held hands and prayed. Suddenly the sky was beautiful and the trees were greener than ever. We drove up to the hospital searched for the Labor and Delivery parking lot and parked.

We gathered our things and began the walk up to the hospital, along the way from the parking lot a couple with three children walked passed us, looking at me with my belly and bags in hand the lady turned to us and said

“Felicidades y Buena Suerte.” (Congratulations and Good Luck!)

With deep breaths and nervous smiles Ricardo and I said “Gracias”.

Not knowing what was to come we walked into the quiet lobby and up to the volunteer desk attendant. An older man in a red vest, “Can I help you?” I said, “Yes, I am here to be admitted into labor and delivery.” Being that he was a bit old he looked at me and said, “Oh let me call them and make sure.” He looked for the number, called and spoke to the nurse “A young lady is here to be admitted”, he then said “Oh they are waiting for you.” He gave us the most confusing instructions on how to get to the 5th floor labor and delivery area. Ricardo and I then walked to the elevators and up to the 5th floor, down the hall and to the registration desk. A nurse and patient account representative were waiting for us to begin all the paper work needed to have a baby. It was insane.  Not the paper work, but I was there to have A BABY!

After that I was taken to my room and instructed to strip down and dress in the usual blue hospital gown. The excitement and nerves were no longer there…I was simply living it.

One nurse came in and started the preparation process, an IV, some blood work, preventative medications, medical instructions and questions..lots of questions. The room was filled with medical equipment for both baby and myself, I felt like a lab rat. Being probed and poked to assure accuracy and quality of the highly anticipated experiment…LIFE! Buawhahahaha!

Then another nurse came in asking if I could donate the baby Blood Cord supply…lots more questions and poking.  About an hour after my arrival at around 8:45pm, the nurse walked up to me and said "ok, I am going to give you the medicine to induce you."

At this point everything, everything became so overwhelming and emotional. Was I really here, was everything ok after all those questions and tubes of blood, could Santiago make it out ok and if so would he be healthy and would I be ok? So much could go wrong, so much could happen. I was so emotional during my entire pregnancy and so much had gone on in such short amount of time that about 2 hours after I was induced I actually broke down. The nurse walked in and stated that because my blood sugar and blood pressure was so elevated I had to be further  be confined to my hospital bed on extreme medications and monitors.

I wanted to have a natural delivery with more than traditional methods and a Doula.

The nurse stated though that the only thing I could  do was lay there in bed, I would get a catheter and medications that caused me to be drowsy, so no more getting up to the restroom and my blood sugar would be taken every hour as well as my blood pressure. I didn’t and couldn’t believe that after all I had read and learned I would be having the most medically induced labor and delivery! Tears, snot, chills, sweats, disappointment, horrible uncontrollable feelings filled and took over my body. I had prepared for 9 months to have Santiago naturally, calmly, with my family and at his own time. But, from my arrival at the hospital so much was already wrong with me that I was immediately brought back to reality.

For the next 24 hours I was not only confined to a bed but probed, poked and attached to so much that a “normal or natural” delivery had been throw out the window long before it even had a chance to squeeze in. I cried, uncontrollably for about 5 minutes, my mom and Ricardo attempting to console me as I slowly regained composure. With all my Faith and prayer throughout the night I accepted anything and everything that was to come not for me, but for Santiago. He was all that mattered now. This life was no longer about me.



I was told that the drug given initially was less intense than what would come the following morning. Still all night I had cramps and irrepressible discomfort. Needless to say the night was not only uncomfortable and painful but sleepless as well. Yet the nurses somehow kept repeating that I should rest. It’s easier said than done.

Come 6 am, a new nurse, more medications, more needles and more blood work and the worse pain I have yet to feel. The breaking of my water and more contractions.

{Wednesday September 16th, 2009}

So, the new nurse was not only intense and unruly she was also very adamant about me having my baby as soon as possible. That didn’t make me mad, trust me, I wanted it all to be over as fast as possible as well. Because, despite the fact that the overnight contractions had been mild, they were still painful. And, now they were beginning to get stronger, closer and lasted longer. All signs that labor was well on its way. The morning hours seemed to become eternal as I waited for my OB/GYN to show her shining face at 8:30 am and break my water!

My morning seemed more painful than my night because the new nurse was all about changing positions while in bed!  Which would have made for a much more comfortable experience had I not been attached to every tube and needle in the hospital!  

So, I gracefully went with it, quietly and in pain waiting for that doctor to make my day…or so I thought!

And as planned and on time, unlike a doctor, at around 8:30 am, the much awaited and dreaded moment, Dr. Diase, came in to break my water. Probably the most pain I have ever been in, in my life. With no pain medication in my system, wanting to make the experience as natural as I could (laughing), I took some deep breaths and with fear and tears I got through it. Buckets of water poured out of me, as it was expected. After all I had been retaining excess fluid in every part of my lower extremities for about 2 weeks now caused by the Gestational Diabetes.  Swollen legs and feet, as well as an 8 lbs weight gain at the end of my pregnancy put me at about 200lbs at time of delivery; I calculate that about 20 of those pounds came gushing out onto that bed as water. After lots of pressure, a warm feeling; like when you wet the bed in your sleep as a child, comfortable and a sense of relief, the water was broken! It was only “a matter of hours” before the baby would be here. I should have started dilating pretty quickly and in no time we would be ready to push. 

Most of that day and all the “checkups” for lack of better words, are thankfully a blur.  I do remember lots of pain, lots of awkward breathing and everyone reminding me of the fact that there was pain medicine, as my family continued to fill the room and crowd over me. No embarrassment was felt because the pain overshadowed it. The day was long and all I wanted was to deliver.

The contractions felt as if my little man was making his own way out of my womb with some kind of invisible crafting knife he got for Christmas and my patience was quickly running out. No longer happy to be in the situation I remember being annoyed by my husband’s voice with his reassuring comments and comforting touch. I wanted to slash his neck and pull out his kidneys so that he knew what I was going through. Again, all else is a blur (because it’s true once you deliver you forget it all!).

It was now about 6pm, and I had been in labor for about “oh a mere 22 hours or so” of which the last 10 had been pretty intense to say the least. And before the doctor came back to check on me, I decided that at that point, I was done. I need the good stuff and I don’t mean illicit drugs, I mean the really good stuff! Immediate relief and a real walk on the clouds came for the next 24 hours; numb, no feelings, all was pink and fluffy bunnies and the answer to all my problems was “YES”.  True this landed me in the least and far from natural experience of labor and delivery but I had to, I love my son but enough was enough. And without knowing what was to come or how much longer Santiago could torture his mother, I did it. I had to do it, “they” told me to do it. I had become a sellout, a less than woman, and half bread if you will, with no regards to the possible side effects of what all that medication could cause my unborn child or me. But, the pain was so intense I could have yanked my eyes out and thrown then at the doctor. But, with a couple of deep breaths and long pointy needle to my spine, all gone! I wouldn’t practice my self-control, reach my happy place or have controlled breathing sessions with the hubby but you know what NO MATTER how I DID IT…I did it!

At around 6:30 maybe 7, the doctor came into my room to check on my “progress”. She really is a sweet woman, tall, thin and with two little ones of her own. After my epidural she could have chopped off my finger one by one and I would have loved her just the same. She didn’t….the verdict? Well, after 24 hours of labor I had dilated to about a 6, maybe a 7! If you are a woman with children…now is when you gasp for air and feel not only pity for me but utter understanding. A “Bless your heart” is in order.

What did this mean…in short….I was getting NO WHERE! After my water had been broken I should have dilated about a centimeter an hour but it had been almost 12 hours, you do the math. After all that pain all I could think was “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!” The doctor then went on to say… “The baby is head down but face down in the birth canal (baby’s should be face up when they are delivered, for their safety), so he is no longer safe to come out this way!”…ooohhh did I mention that only 30 minutes before I had decided to get my epidural, do we remember that, yeah well! The doctor then decided that they would attempt to “manually”, yes manually flip the baby around. At this point my legs were like noodles and my body was exhausted. And, as all the nurse power prepared to perform this process, they also quickly realized that at 200lbs and pumped full of epidural I was not gonna budge. (By the way, I had been at the hospital so long I had now gone through almost FOUR shift changes! Not even noticing when the last one had left, the current nurse was also pregnant and by the looks of it…she could have had her baby before me and with my luck she would have shoved me off the bed and said “blop” here is my baby HAHA! And run off…end scene).

By this time things began to go completely downhill, I started to feel really cold and began to tremble beyond control. I started feeling a burning sensation all over and the nurses and doctors quickly brought in an anesthesiologist, my worst nightmare was occurring, my epidural was running out. I was starting to feel pain again, God forbid and I just wanted this to end. The nurses stopped trying to move me and covered me in blankets. Then the doctor uttered those fearful words, subconsciously I had wished she said them hours before, “Emergency C-section”, they were heaven sent.

A new phase, we now had to wait, there were THREE, THREE other “Emergency C-sections” ahead of me so it was now about 8pm. The medical staff at one very busy maternity ward had exhausted all possibilities with me and as if planned everything had NOT turned out exactly as I imagined or as naturally as I would have wished BUT now after 24 hours of labor, I was steps away from being a mommy! At last.



Then after about an hour of waiting (now 9pm) the doctor came in, “ohhp, we have a cancelled C-section and you are next.” (Always with a smile, she really is sweet and I always felt as if she sympathized with my pain and waiting.) I was in and out of my own little madness caused by the epidural so I vaguely remember that trip to the OR; I know I was prepped and reeled into surgery. I remember being placed on the surgery bed, being told the process that I would go through, and being asked questions. Then after about 20 minutes of being told that there was cutting and lots of pressure going on the doctor said “ok, we are ready for dad.”  

This meant they had cut through all the layers of fat, past scar tissue from my previous surgeries, into my uterus and were ready to detach that life that for the last 9 months had depended solemnly on my body. There would be no more monthly visits to the doctor’s office to hear our baby’s heart beat through my belly. No more prenatal checkups or testing. No more classes to be taken in preparation for our big day. The baby showers were REALLY over this time. {Ha.} The anticipation of WHEN, was NOW. No more wondering what or who he really looked liked, despite the doctors and nurses attempts to say he looked like his father in those blurry black and white pictures. No more weekly ultrasounds and monitoring where Ricardo would sit in a big comfy chair watch “Regis and Kelly” or “the View” and pass out while I sat strapped to machines listening attentively to assure that Santiago’s heart is beating and his movements are consistent. No more late night belly talks, prayers, tears or fears that he wouldn’t make it this far. His kicks through my stretched skin which reassured me every time I felt sick or overwhelmed will now be felt with full force (not that they weren’t before!) with his tiny feet in the flesh. Those sleepless nights, that I complained so much about, when his butt or head were wedge up against my lungs or kicks and punches caused my bladder to explode, would end here. Now when we lay in bed, thinking “what is he doing?!” we will know! No more nausea and heartburn supposedly caused by his hairy little head. This was it.

During the surgery the anesthesiologist asked me if I could feel anything, and at some point he would give his magic wand a pump and tah-dah, pain no more.

Ricardo finally appeared through those OR double doors, camera in hand, and wearing those blue paper scrubs and face mask, for those of you who know my husband, he is easily grossed out and very scared of this type of situation. I could through my daze sense his fear and could almost hear his body tremble and shut down in disbelief.  As I laid there, loopy and split open like a dissected lizard ready to become a mom, Ricardo clenched to the camera as if it were going to erase the experience and send us forward (or backward) 10 years, the moment was here. After only minutes of tugging, pulling and pushing (the doctors, not me!) at about 9:27pm…those words…the culmination of 9 months, “Wow, he’s a big BOY!…A really big boy!” and then through gurgling cries, the sound of water being pumped out of his mouth, then louder cries…MY SON…Santiago Isaias Gomez, he was here, in this world, ready to be loved and seen. His arrival was short of spectacular and he sure knows how to build up the anticipation causing so much suspense and yes, DRAMA! (If you know him now…he is not patient and he will bring on the drama if need be!)

For several minutes all I could hear was shuffling around, lots of tennis shoes speedily getting my baby cleaned, weighed, checked, wrapped and ready to be loved, the doctor had allowed my husband to cross into the OR and take pictures and seconds seemed like years! Finally HE emerged from behind the blue curtain a bundle with a little puffy, chalk white face his body wrapped in the usual hospital receiving blanket like a glow worm and his head covered with a tiny pink and blue beanie.

He was in my eyes perfect and best of all HEALTHY!

Because I was delivered so early the thought was that he would not be coming home with us and would have to be in the NICU for about 1 week to make sure his lungs were fully developed but by the looks and sounds of everything he was perfectly healthy. I had never worried about this, because I knew that God would not make us wait any longer to start our lives together. With tears in his eyes and the sound of his heart beating through his throat, his hands still trembling, not sure of what we just did, Ricardo with a cracking voice and a smile on his face said, “You wanna giv’em a kiss?” He brought him near and with the bit of strength left in my body I shed some tears, kissed my baby and passed out for the remaining of the procedure on the surgery table! I was EXHAUSTED and anxious to feel better. As I began to shake uncontrollably again and was prepped to go to the recovery area all I can remember is the exhaustion.

What I know is that Ricardo ran that victory lap with Santiago as they were photographed more than Jon and Kate on their worse days. The hall was filled with paparazzi aka my family. I was reeled off to recovery and later visited by Ricardo and my parents. All I knew was that this part….was over. (It makes me tear up thinking about it all over again.)…. It was a looooooong journey! Very trying BUT YES….SOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!



And it’s not true that you forget about it all once the baby is here….well at least not in my case.  Yes the last 9 months had been erased but those last 24 hours still very vivid in my failing mind and worn out body.  But now, I had to be stronger than before, recuperate and move forward, there was now a beautiful baby boy to care for! And again…my child is not very patient! 

After this around maybe uhm 11:30pm or midnight I was taken to my hospital room and formally introduced to my son.  And then….a whole new me emerged. The nurse asked if he should take Santiago to the nursery to which I wanted to say "are you crazy lady didn’t you just see them rip this child from my body and now want me to let him go…uhmmm no!" He was almost immediately attached to my breast for the feeding and diapers and tears started flying everywhere!

We were to remain in the hospital for the next three days, filled with lots of getting used to, lots of visits and frustration. The next day after my delivery I was forced to stand up and get out of bed, when I made it over to the mirror all I could think was “I look horrible and I feel like a train just ran me over, stopped and said oh wait I missed a spot…and then backed up and ran me over again.” My body was limp, my insides where sore, my soul had been lifted and I felt as if I were having an outer body experience. Is it hard and painful to have a baby? HECK YES! Is it worth it and would I do it again? If GOD allows me to…In a heartbeat!  Not soon though! Not soon.

Thank you to EVERYONE who not only made this last year an awesome one but also put up with my pregnant self!

When a "funny feeling" turns into a 9 month journey...

[ This Blog Post is from 2009, when I was still pregnant with my son, but still very accurate]

34 weeks ago I started a journey.

A new journey in my life. A journey unlike any other in my entire 28 years, and that would definitely change my life. I wouldn't have had it any other way or change it for anything in the world.

It was surreal at first and slowly with every growing day the belly popped and the baby's heart and movements started to leave me in amazement. Amazement of what the Lord has created for us to experience.

Life.



Life is so amazing, being formed within for 40 weeks. Despite all the ups and downs that have come from this journey, it's been a perfect one of bonding with this tiny child inside of my womb. His little pushes and tugs though at times painful have made my heart grow to a size so big that at the end of this journey I may have to cut a piece out and freeze it for a later date.

God is amazing and HIS timing is incredible. 10 years after having met Ricardo, not the typical person who I thought I would end up with, and 3 years after our marriage I would have never thought to have been blessed in such wonderful ways. Had you told me 34 weeks ago that this year would be the year that Ricardo and I accomplished this dream I probably wouldn't have believed it. Our lives have not been easy. But, this journey has allowed us to not only continue to grow in our love and our FAITH but to grow as individuals with more goals and accomplishments to attain. I personally feel like I have learned who and what is important. I have placed a special emphasize on peace and have learned to ignore those people and those situations that just have no positive meaning in my life.

I have grown to appreciate my mom and my husband much more. To know what it's like to bare life and to be a mother. Needing my mom at every moment and every breath, wondering if the pushing and pulling inside and all around my body is normal. Needing her when my feet look like balloons and my back feels like an elephant stepped on it. Needing my husband just to be there. To be the one who endures the tears, the yelling, the hysteria, the joys, the laughter and the love. I have attempted all my life to be very independent, very self-sufficient, to regress now goes against my will but is much needed. I am very fortunate to have these two people in my life, I am not sure how other women do it and being the big baby that I am, I am not sure that I would have survived on my own.  Though my books say that instinct kicks in and you should know what and how to do it, I am not sure to be that strong. Which is why I consider myself delightfully blessed to have my mom and my husband in my life.

The journey will soon come to an end, only to start a whole new phase in my life; Motherhood. As if being a daughter, sister, student, employee, friend and wife weren’t hard enough God has now given me one more duty.

He knows that I can handle it and that

I can embrace it.

I will rise to this challenge with grace and Love like every other.

I am Thankful for life.

I am Blessed.

All in a days work:

So, I read GOOP. And, my recent newsletter came with a "day in the life of" 2 working moms. Just gave me the idea to Blog about my day...and see; where does the time go ?

Wakey-Wake~ "Usually" happens and SHOULD happen between 5:45am and 6:15am; anything after that cause serious chaos for both Ricardo and I. We both wake up bew-ry bew-ry quietly, because we don't want to wake the silly wabbit! I shower, Ricardo showers; or vice versa. We ask...my turn or yours, Ha. Usually I get in first. It's better this way. 

While in the shower I think and pray and often ask for strength and energy for that day...for the most part it all comes at once!

I then proceed to get dressed and "do my hair" and brush my teeth, almost in that order.

Ricardo does the same...but a lot slower....Ha.

I then go on to get Santi's clothes together and anything he may need at his Grandmothers that day.

Then depending on how much energy I, we,  had the night before I get our lunches together. Unless Ricardo did it the night before which is always a HUGE plus! 

After I get bags and lunches packed. I go on to dress Santi. These last couple of weeks have been cold so Ricardo will run out and turn our cars on...or I will. 

After much complaining, from Santi, I finally get him dressed and he either gets in my car or Ricardo's, depending on who's turn it is. These days he is bundled up and carried out..usually he walks to the car as we marvel and giggle at him looking like a Little Man! 

He then gets dropped off and we rush to our jobs. In Houston traffic from our house, rushing means at least 45 mins in traffic..if we are lucky 35 mins, if it's bad about an hour or more. 

Me I have to go and drop my car off at my Mom's outside of Downtown and then she brings me to work; it's cheaper this way. 

Workie-Work~ Really it's a blur. Some 8 hours are great and others..not so much. Most of you know what I mean. 

I get out of work at 4:30pm. Ricardo right gets out at 5:00pm; except when he is in school...because then his schedule is crazy. 

Going Home~ I have to be picked up, if I was early enough to get dropped off. If not I can usually park for about $6.00 a day a couple of blocks from my building. If I park I get out of Downtown fast and beat SOME traffic. If I don't I have to wait for my Mom and usually get to my car around 4:45 or 5:00pm. I get lazy when I get to my Mom's..so some days I linger..others I run! 

I then set out to either go straight home or to pick up my Little Man. Right now since Ricardo hadn't started school just yet, I loved hearing..."GO HOME. I will get La'lly" (It's what Ricardo calls the baby...like Daddy) ! That is music to a 28 week pregnant woman who dreams of laying in a soft warm bed with about 15 minutes of silence after a long day at work! 

If I go straight home I can usually make it there by 5:30 at the latest maybe 5:45. If I pick baby up it will surly be 6 pm or later...depending on much I linger at my Mother-in-Laws house. When Ricardo is at school I like to run home so I don't get home when it's dark. When he is not, I know he will be there so I linger more. Or if we know what we want for dinner and are gonna start cooking right when we get home, I rush. 

I finally make it home and depending on if Ricardo is in school or not the routine varies. These days I am 28 weeks pregnant and Ricardo was on Winter break from school. So, the "uhm I will do it tomorrow" sets in. When he is not around and at school. I run home. Clean up. Make food (defrost, microwave, prepare, cook, whatever the case maybe), again these days Ricardo was home and he will either say make this, I will make this, or lets just get some take out! Another sound of music in my ears....We "usually" all eat around 7 or 7:30pm no later than 8pm. If baby is awake he eats as well. If he is asleep we eat really fast before he wakes up so we can veg out for about 10 to 20 minutes. 

If Ricardo is in school and baby is asleep. I run around like a mad woman picking up around the house, cleaning, washing clothes and getting things straightened out for the next day! If Santi is awake, we play and when I get him distracted enough I run off and do chores until he finds me again..it's fun actually! Again, it was Winter break so Ricardo helped me with trash and dirty clothes and cooking and ohhhh yes DISHES...which I hate!!!! He also plays with Santi when I have the energy to just do all of the above mentioned.

All of this does or doesn't get done by 8:30-9:00pm after which Santi gets a bath and into his pj's and we pray that he falls asleep by 10pm so that we can also get in bed. He's not the best at a set bed time. It depends how much he slept during the day which is never a set time. If he slept a lot bed time is usually mid-night. If he didn't get much sleep then 10pm is pretty standard. We pray with him, talk to him while he falls asleep and then after he is done "telling us about his day" he is out until about 6:30-7am the next day when all this starts over again!  

In between all this I try to get other things in; like my "projects", my ME time, my Bible reading time or just reading time, husband/wife talk time, maybe some TV, and anything else that may need to get done...bills, mail sorting, etc etc.

We don't have a set schedule but I guess we have a pretty set routine!

Weekends are a bit better...only a bit...It depends on the weekend.

After I look it all over and think about it all, I wonder..how will I do with 2 children, how do I manage to stay afloat and when do I have time to potty and breath!?!

I guess we (busy working moms and wives) just do.

God, I know, gives me strength everyday!

Proverbs 31:³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
      Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.