Developing Self-Worth {Faith}

I will always be the first to admit that it's been a challenge to transition from years, and years of working crazy amount of hours, crazy amount of jobs in a crazy work environment outside the home to working crazy amount of hours, crazy amount of jobs in a crazy work environment inside the home. Ha. It's true. As someone who has worked outside the home their entire life, I prayed daily to become a Stay@HomeMomma, now that it has finally happened it's been, well. Yes, Crazy. 

Stressful. Overwhelming. Unexpected. 

I didn't picture the demand, the job itself, and the amount of patience it took to stay home with a 3 year old and a 2 year old. It's been chaos. Every day a little better but definitely a new challenge as the days go by....if that makes sense. Finding a balance has been difficult but slowly I am finding a new pace of life, a new schedule and my niche within my home. 

The balance is found in preparation, growth and learning from your mistakes. I believe being pampered on the outside can be just as important as being pampered within. When we make a change to our exterior being we feel great on the inside; proud and loved. When we make a change on our inner being, it shines through to the outside. I think people notice when you get a haircut but they notice even more when you have peace and happiness on the inside.

I am what I like to call an "open-minded non-traditional Catholic". I understand all the values and morals taught but I don't like to limit myself to one set of strict views because I feel that you can miss out on something so much bigger and so much more amazing. I believe in a true blend of the old traditional views mixed with new forms of worship of praise. A balance. Never one extreme or the other. 

In my almost 32 years of life, I have always "been" a Catholic. It wasn't until I turned 24 that I knew what having faith was. It was then that I not only opened my heart but my mind to new ways of thinking. I knew I loved praying to the Virgen de Guadalupe and that I believed in Jesus and the Saints. But, the traditional way of worship and praise just didn't fulfill this seeking and thirsty little heart of mine. I dove straight into my church and became more involved that is when I started to find new ways of worship and praise that weren't the traditional nights of praying the Rosary. This time I was deep in meditation and peace that only God could bring me.

I would sit in a quiet dark church and ask Jesus to sit with me to show me His light and guide me. And, as crazy as this may sound many, many days His presence was there and I had peace and a new sense of belief.

These days. I attend mass and read my Momma Devotional Bible {Mom's Devotional Bible NIV} and I also pray day in and day out for different reason. I wear medallas de Santos and light candles. I also attend events at different churches that I know my soul will benefit from, not always Catholic churches and I definitely enjoy it. 

Just this weekend I attend the annual Women's Event at New Hope Church in Pearland. It was my 2nd year attending and the message was awesome last year it was about Marriage and Relationships. This year it was about us; as Momma's, Wives, Daughters, Sisters, etc. We are all human and we all make mistakes. We can't please everyone and as Women we need God in our daily lives to guide us and lead us onto the path that He has planned for us. I Loved it. I know I will definitely make it a yearly event. Plus, I  got to spend time with my Beautiful Amiga Yvonne from Spanglish Girl which is always fun! 

{A lot of Faith} ♥

Yesterday my Sister said to me...."if it's meant to be then it will be."

So simple.

So true.

Truth.

Something I am SURE I have said to her many times or to others who are seeking. But, why is it so hard to accept that right now? I have faith that whatever is meant to be these days will be. I keep busy and fill my calendar. With my goals and my purpose. Not worrying too much about what everyone else has going on or where everyone else is in their journey of seeking, I have been there....and yes..most times...done that. Right now it's time for this Momma to seek in a different manner. Not only a Dream job but MY dream for the next 30 years and my family's future.

Years ago when I first met my Hubby I don't think I imagined my life to become, so full of LIFE. Our kids are a Blessing. Such an awesome Blessing, that at one point I didn't know if it would ever be possible to have children. At 32, I can honestly say that I have lived my life and accomplished almost everything that I have set my mind to do, small or big. Sometimes walking away from God, so far ahead that I have to stop myself and be reminded that He has been my strength. But, in the midst of it all I have never lost sight of His Love, His Wisdom and His words; which live deep inside my heart. Deep inside my soul. I knew of God as a kid, I didn't know God until I was 24. 24. I am  now 31, 32 in June. Those things, situations or circumstances that I thought were a priority then, now sit on the back burner.

I have found myself, in many dark corners and through many heartfelt and horribly shed tears. But, through it all I have remained. In faith. In light. And, open to the possibilities ahead. So, why is it so hard to accept where I am right now? In this quiet place. Still. Married to a great and supportive Man who yes...puts up with all my crazy antics and blog posts, Ha. Ha. A Momma of DOS very active, very hyper, somewhat spoiled {ok, very SPOILED}, tantrum throwing and demanding children who never use their inside voice and who consume my every being in the best way possible; who are teaching me patience and about using my inside voice. {True story; my son asked me not to SPEAK SO LOUDLY,or yell, at him and to instead speak to him in a calm inside voice....convinced that he would listen to me, I tried it and he still doesn't listen to me, boys... Oyi.}

Be still.

Waiting.

It's hard for me.

But, I have faith.

I remain.

God knows when and how. 

And, no matter how difficult it is to be still...I pray for His peace and patience while He works on my prayers which I know He has heard very loud, dramatically and clear. {I am an active pray-er!} Ha. God sees my heart. He knows my heart. And, I pray that He can hear my heart.... shouting out to Him. In every way possible.

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 

Struggling.....

First off, I still don't have my computer and fear for the worse.... my computer had everything on it. Ugh. HUGE, FAT, UGLY, UGH! But, it seems that those huge, fat, ugly, UGH's are following me these days....

My Husband is a firm believer in the fact that less is more, don't share too much, or say too much. I am used to sharing. My fears, my dreams, and everything in between...and while I share, trust me...I don't really share everything and I know that God is the keeper of all things awesome in all those corners of untold dreams, goals and future plans....

And, just like any other human, because I am human, and I am in NO way, shape or form perfect but growing...I struggle, with God's plan, with trusting that I am where HE wants me to be. I struggle. I move along and forward but it's difficult for me.

I am not one to stay still. I move. For years God has told me. Be still. I am God and I know what I have in store for you. But, I struggle. The movement within just bursts out and those deep down desires of my heart are aching. Struggling.

I take a deep breath and relax. As, I walked through the grocery store last night and in weeks past I think, my kids are only going to be this little once. Enjoy them Connie. They won't want you carrying them, hugging and kissing them all the time or telling them how amazing they are when they are teenagers. So, I embrace them and our current situation  Trust me, my everyday has so many up's and down's and twists and turns, I struggle but I embrace, I enjoy and I reflect.

In those reflections comes the thought  of my dream job! I feel that I am really on that journey. To seek that perfect job; I know that NOTHING is perfect but something great has got to be out there for me... that job that a lot of other women have; where the hours are good, the pay is better and there is this great balance of work and outside life or at least a good blend of  both. Trust me. It's out there. Women have these jobs. I have seen them. And, I know that comparison is not an option. I don't think it's a matter of comparing what I don't have to what they do have, I think it's a sincere way of seeking a better place for myself and my family.

Because part of me wants to just RUN out and get the first job possible to help grow our pockets... God keeps telling me...Slow down cowboy, that's NOT it.

For years I thought, "Wow! I have a pretty good job!!" Then, I had kids and my struggles became new ones. Now that I have been home and after almost 3 years of working outside the home and having children I think, "ugh, my jobs were NOT kid friendly!" And, I am seeking..... and so I struggle.

Trust me. It's so painstaking these days to "find a job" much less MY DREAM JOB! The task is daunting and my brain is weary. I am a thinker. Then I share. Then I think, some more. Pondering on the what-if's and then wishing for the right-now's! I know. I am a little impatient. Trust me. It's a struggle. The brain is always on the move... and not my friend on most days.

In the mean time, I will continue my quest and pray for the best.....{totally didn't mean for that to rhyme. Ha.}

Everyday.

Psalm 37:4
New International Version (NIV) 

Take delight in the Lord,   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

{On Direction} #2013

Christmas is gone. My family is going through a difficult time right now. One that when the time is right I will discuss for now I ask for prayers and time.....

I haven't uploaded my Christmas pictures, in part because my BIGGEST surprise this year was a present! An actual present. The way my Hubby works is that ever since we got married we decided that presents were not important. Moments have been. So, we don't get hung up on what to give one another and every year... the expectations are less but I still get a very well thought out present that I love and use! One year I got a hot pink blow-dryer, which I totally needed, my old one was...OLD. Another year I got a gift card to NY& Co. Which was perfect for work clothes! This year...tops it all! A brand-spankin'new camera! Which if you know me and my love for taking a million random pictures and you are my friend on FB I am totally taking the whole loading FB pictures, to a WHOLE.NEW.level! Haha.

But, with what we are going through, with Christmas, with 2013 just a few days away I want to really think about direction! For this little ol'Momma Blog, for Me as a Momma, for my family and my career and our future.

Life has been SO amazing to me in 2012 {reflections and look back at 2012 to follow soon} and I really want to make all this worth my while, my effort and my already spent time.

It's a difficult place to be but I know God has me here for a reason and just this morning my Son and I said a prayer for my future goals and I think that God has definitely given me so much more than I deserve. No, my life is NOT perfect. Never. No, I am not rich or have the fanciest and best, but my Hubby and I make it work everyday. Together. We are SO very Blessed. With truth, faith and love.

Am I ready for 2013? Yes, yes I am. 2012 has proven new strength and new hope in me and now I want to START over in 2013 and give my life a whole new DIRECTION. 

What about you?  Where has life taken you in 2012 and are you ready for 2013?

{Children} #stoptheviolence #prayer

Speaking life, truth and positivity into my children's lives is so important to me.

In the midst of the horrible tragedy on Friday morning in CT, all I could think about is my kids. My home. This is where the teaching begins. Right now my kids are little, they are overactive and they are, well, kids filled with tantrums and outburst. My Husband and I are fairly new at this but we have attempted to take on a different approach with every tantrum. Out of frustration in the past I have had different reactions, these days I realize that if I keep cool, calm and collected {my Husband usually is} then my children will listen to me better. In return I pray that they too are learning that reacting in a cool, calm and collected way is the way to approach most situations in life. To keep a level head and to stay positive with your words and your actions.

The teaching, I know, begins at home. It's what my mind kept telling me on Friday morning and throughout the day. Respect. Respect those around you, especially your elders as long as they never harm you physically. In which case it is OK, to tell them to stop and leave you alone and to tell Momma and Daddy about it. {We are teaching my kids who is allowed in their personal space, it's a must!}

My Husband and I have vowed to stay on the same terms with every situation. If he says no, I say no. If he says it's ok then I say it's ok, all within reason. With every situation we attempt to understand and explain to my son and daughter and be reasonable with them, because even at a young age, they are more than absorbing everything we say, do and how we react. We've learned that the hard way... i.e. curse words.

Sometimes though, I do feel that even though the parents of some of these people who commit horrific acts are as cool, calm and collected and attempt to vocalize their concerns with their children, there comes a point when actions and words become something faint and these troubled men and women, will do what they want regardless. I know the importance of speaking up, speaking to my children about every aspect of their lives because my Momma did that with us and she still does. No matter how uncomfortable the conversation got my Momma never let me leave the room feeling confused or with doubts. And, I always knew how much she loved me and that every action she took was for my benefit and because she loved me! Even to this day. 

We will attempt to capture their minds and dig deep into their hearts to open up about life, outcomes and staying healthy not only physically but mentally as well, but what happens when these kids do what they want anyway. Have we failed? Where have we failed?

All, I know is that I vow to not only pray boldly for my children on a daily basis but to show up in a bold manner in their lives and in ever single aspect of their lives. My children are my world and I don't want them to harm or be harmed.

Prayer. Counseling. Respect.

::Dear God, Teach me to be the parent my children need in their lives and to allow them to grow with each experience as I guide them through life and you guide our families and community. I pray that you protect my children, keep them safe and shield them from harm. I know that life is filled with failures, doubt and disappointments but PLEASE dear Lord, teach my children that there is hope, a shinning light and Your Love NO MATTER WHAT or how many times they fall, and that You and us as their parents will be there to help them get back up and on track! Allow my children to see the good in people but to be cautious of evil that surrounds us on a daily basis, never to be blinded by ignorance, never to be so naive that they don't sense danger or people who want to take advantage of them, and to always be aware that Jesus is the way and the path to take when in doubt. I pray, in Jesus name. Amen. Thank You, Lord!::

{Houston Area Women's Center} #stoptheviolence

Many may not know this about me but I have witnessed violence in the home first hand. {I don't plan on giving out details, when it happened I told many people in hopes that it would ease the pain, I went to church, I spoke to my Boyfriend-He is now my Husband, I wrote about it, I cried about it, I thought about dying at my own hands over it. It was not the best time in my life but I also don't want to harm those whom I love with details or remembering what was. I lived through it. I survived and so did she.}

I was going to post about this regardless but with what happened on Friday I decided to make it a mini-series on my Blog. #stoptheviolence

Domestic Violence of any form is a difficult and tramautizing experience. Trust me. I have been there. In the dark with the thought of, what if I just stop breathing, it will stop the pain. After years of it and fed up, I was grown and after feeling powerless at one point in my life, I had suddenly gained strenght, wisdom, age and courage. Courgae that was built after years of horrifiying stories, first hand accounts, and one call to the HAWC. I stood in a room, with the adrelanie rush and telling my story of intervention, prevention and attempting to save a life. I then found myself in a waiting room on Montrose. Could this be real? ME. I was living this. With a loved one. So much pain. So many terrify events. The emotional. The physical. The abuse on so many levels. The pain on a level I never knew I could reach.

After days, weeks and months of healing...now years... the pain, empowerment. The memories, my strength and my courage. I will never, NEVER allow this to happen to a loved one EVER. Again.

Which is why I am here now. Telling you that if you are suffering ANY kind of abuse you too can overcome, survive and heal.

3 weeks ago I was invited to attend the taping of Great Day Houston. I sat in the audience and a first hand account of what live TV is like. It was exciting and an awesome opportunity. But, I wasn't sure if anyone else was there for the same reason that I was. I had survived violence in the home. I was there to assist in representing the Houston Area Women's Center, we wore red. The color of pain and hope when you live through and survive what I have see, heard and lived. I felt honored. Humbled. And, an amazingly overwhelming feeling to have been able to put YEARS of violence behind me. Years of silence in the open. It's a freeing sitiuation.










I am here today to ask you to donate and help in any way possible for an extremenly good cause. One that saved my life and that of my loved ones. One that has restored my faith in life, love and marriage.

I thank the Houston Area Women's Center for one day holding our hand and giving us hope.

I thank Frida for the opportunity and allowing me to be a part of something so great and simple as to sit and represent a cause and for a place that one day harvested safety and new hope for those of us who have lost it.

Go to the following links to help the HAWC::HERE:: and ::HERE::
Go to the following link to learn more about Frida ::HERE::

If you need help getting out of a violent situation and are scared to move forward know that the person hurting you will never hurt you if you stop giving them the power to do so. ::CLICK HERE FOR HELP::

Prayers for those in pain.

Momma Disclosure: This is not a compensated OR sponsored post. This is however a subject that is very near and dear to my heart which is why I chose to share it.  The above statements are both true and actual experiences.

{Hello December} 2012 to 2013

{Good-Bye November}

December is that you? Wow.

The last 11 months are a blur. It's cold now, sometimes. My Husband graduated college, I became a "Stay@HomeMomma", kinda. It just doesn't feel like a whole year has gone by but my son's jacket no longer fits him and my daughter has new boots...that she is walking in, all on her own. So, yes. The year has gone by. Too fast and without warning.

My wish for December. That I can enjoy it. Maintain some peace. And, move forward. I am not sure where this year has led you but for me, it's given me a second chance. A new opportunity to start over. So, my 2013 starts now. Why wait?

I don't watch football but while listening to the news the other night one of the players said; "I don't think about the last play, I think about my next play." All, I could think was, "Wow, I want to be that way." I don't want to think about the past and what went wrong, I want to look towards the future and what's to come.

I often sit and think about the things that I wish could have happened or that I could have done differently. But, I can't dwell on the material and superficial. I can't think about places and situations. I can only move on.

2012 was a great year. Many things went well. But, I want 2013 to be even better for us.

{December prayer: Dear Lord, give me peace and faith to continue. Give me strength and wisdom to prosper.  Give us health and continued safety. Bring us to the end of the year with new hope. I pray that 2013 is an amazing year for Team Gomez and all of our friends and family. May Your will be done in my life and not mine. In Jesus Name. Amen.}


p.s. Still no pictures ya'll, maybe tomorrow....... Because I have a fun Holiday Mini-Photo shoot that my lovely assistant and I did! 

To Be Thankful ♥

Hello All.

It's Monday!

And, guess what? I survived Thanksgiving.

We were not ready, the day came too soon, but still we made it out alive! And, with lots of great memories that I am more than Thankful for!

The day started off slow and then friends, family, food and laughter overcame our home! It was an amazing time. My kids had too much fun, we ate too much food and we can't wait for it again NEXT year! Ha.

God has definitely Blessed our little family this year in many ways! I know that we should be thankful everyday of the year but I like Thanksgiving in particular and I see it as a day to reflect on the past 11 months and await the next month to end and a NEW year to begin! 2013 will be here before we know it. And, this year I am not only thankful for life itself but for everything good and bad that 2012 brought me. The good always outweighing the bad.

We are ready for a new beginning for a fresh start and Thanksgiving is that link between those two locations...the now and the future. I thank God everyday for the health and safety of my family and the strength and faith that He has rooted in our hearts! We are transformed and Blessed because of Him. This year has proven to be a challenge and only because of Him and His grace have we made it through it all. 

I hope that your Thanksgiving was filled with Blessings, reflections and new beginnings. Here is a little picture re-cap of ours!

Pictures are in no particular order and include our Thanksgiving feast at Santi's school! Enjoy!!

As you can see it was just the right amount of heart, food and holiday cheer! Counting down to Christmas and New Years!

Happy Thanksgiving from Team Gomez!!!

{On having Numero Tres....A KINDA of a Sequel post}

Life as a family of four is just starting to sync up. The stars are beginning to align and I am steps away from the heavens opening up and God saying... "Connie you are awesome!"

And, on days when my kids are being sweet, playing nice and loving their Momma.... I feel like a Super Momma! And I think ...bring it on baby numero tres!

Then there are moments when my kids are punching each other under the kitchen table and yelling bloody murder as I attempt to have a decent grown up conversation with my Hubby about his day and my day with the beautiful kids fighting to the death at our feet. Seriously. Who knew a 19 month could karate chop and that a 3 year old would use his almighty strength to sucker punch his sister in the face. Really. Wow. {trust me. they are both very tough. no one is ever seriously injured. once they hurt each others feelings they hug and make nice.}

Trust me. I don't feel like a new baby is in order when I am trying to eat, read, sit, watch T.V. or doing anything normal and relaxing and both of my kids are calling my name 30 {million} times, cause they know my name and it's "hello. mami. hello. connie. look at me, mami.", when I finally turn they are doing some obscure thing like cutting paper or dumping their diaper on the kitchen floor right.after.I.mopped. Because they do. It's my life.

And then. There are times.Where Santi sits for moments at a time playing, watching his movies, coloring on my walls.... Ha. But, it's as if he is out growing the I want to be all over the house and destroy era. As for Cami, when her brother is not around and they are not pushing, pulling and punching one another, she also has a realm of calm and peace like no other. I look at them hug and kiss each other, play together in peace because it does tend to happen, occasionally. Or when they come to me with hugs and kisses. When they say "love you too mami." or pray with me. It just feels right. It just seems like yes, we will be OK and a third baby...may mean more chaos but it will also multiply ALL of the LOVE and Blessings already in our home.

I know that them being little won't last forever and Santi and Cami are growing faster than I would like.  I just don't know how to make time stop. How to make more time to love, hug and live in peace.

My Hubby has this fantasy {have you seen the Prince of Persia? Or Legends of the Fall? that one has 3 boys but yeah, it's his thing.} that he is destined to have TWO sons. So, he thinks that if I get pregnant, we WILL have another boy and his name will be....Sebastian. It's who he claims we are missing. And, he's taught the kids to ask me.... "Mom where's Sebastian?" And, it totally melts my heart....

Source: Google {Prince of Persia/Disney}

When Ricardo and I first got married we said 3 was a well rounded number but these days we think of finances, education, sanity...HA. And, most days we simply think of God, Faith and Family. The notion that everything WILL be OK, and that God wants this for us... but I hesitate. I think about it and I wonder.....

Could I? Could we? But, how? And, right now... I just don't know. 

{Evil} & Prayer

I like to think that my Blog is a happy and positive space where I can be Happy and Positive.

But, life is not so.

In general, I know what being Blessed and praying entails.

But, truth is.

I also know the opposite of that and it's not a happy or perfect place. I embrace life and all that comes with it. I have lived through the worse of my days,most people wouldn't even imagine it. Trust me, I don't live a fairytale life and darkness has lived in my heart....

I didn't get swept away by a knight in shinning armour into a "Happily Ever After" like zone... I was loved and cared for by my Husband who after 14 years has NEVER left my side...to this day we fight the battle together, with the help of God, never alone. We have come to be in this place, we were not born into peace and faith, we have learned to live this way... it's a place where we both find happiness and joy. A place where positivity reigns and life is abundant.


We have lived through some dark days... but we will overcome and Jesus will take us to that place... I am reminded of this awesome lyric from one of my favorite songs: "Then you look at this prisoner and say to me "son stop fighting a fight that's already been won""

 
The following is the first ever contribution from my Hubby to my Blog:

"Evil lurks and we stand near it. 
If faith is strong we shouldn't fear it. 
And, for those who choose to walk the devils path. 
They will answer & suffer God's wrath."

I personally Love it. 
But, it does come from my knight in shining armour. Husband and partner in life..so I have nothing ill to say... ever. 

{Liar-Liar!} Ha. & Giveaway Winner!!!

Ok, Ok! So, I lied!!! Ha. Last night I was so into the moment that I stated that I had ONLY missed ONE post so far...I have missed TWO!!! Oyi. Ha.

Reactions and Results is what today has been filled with, my family and I have since slept and started our day, like every other day, like every other week, like every other month....like every other year.

I don't think we should allow the outcome from last night determine the new path that life will take us through and instead be Thankful that God has Blessed us with a new day at all, with new outcomes and results that will be all our own...

My respect to everyone who went out and voted.... my love for my country and my heritage and my WHOOOP-WHOOOP! Shout out to President Obama, whom in the next FOUR years I want to make a point to personally meet! How? I don't know just yet. But, I am stating this today...as a Momma, as a Wife, as a Sister, a Daughter, a College Graduate, a HARD WORKING EMPLOYEE {of my home these days}, I think I owe it to myself to DREAM just as Big as the man we have named President for 2 terms... and I am taken back to that very epic and DREAM filled speech that led to an epic and DREAM filled speech last night..no matter who, what, where and when.... KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE PERSON IN CHARGE OF YOUR DREAMS AND YOUR FUTURE....No one else can dictate that...No one else can determine that...if you are where you are today...it's because of YOUR hard work and effort.... we can't place blame on anyone else... we much embrace and accept.

::END EPIC PART OF POST::

Giveaway WINNER is!!!! DRUM-ROLL PLEASE!!!

Melissa Libertad from Painting Mariposas in the Sky; In order to claim your prize please e-mail this Momma at: mommaofdos@gmail.com

The necklace was $3.50...as seen below and Ms. Libertad stated that it was $3.99 which makes her the closest guess at 49 cents off!!!

Thank you for playing!!! Huge Texas sized Momma Congrats to you!!!! Don't forget to contact me to get you your prize!!!! 



                                             ::INSERT SHAMELESS PLUG HERE::
On another note... a few weeks back my FB page hit 200 likes..and I sent out this cute little card to the happy 200th reader.... I framed it and mailed it....I loved the card!!!! Had to do it... 

{Band-Aides} & Election Night

My son is under the impression that a Band-Aid will fix everything. 

Will heal all. 

And, will protect him from pain. 

If only it were that easy. 

As an adult I know the truth. 

Truth which I can't allow to overwhelm me 

even on my worse days... 

Truth that one day will be Victory. 

Truth that is peace at times of chaos. 

Today. 

I pray that your band-aid is present. 

That your healer is truth and that God can create that 

peace that no physical band-aid can ever create. 

Truth is. 

God is my band-aid and HE is my Truth. 

I am not perfect.

But, still I know that 

He has never doubted me..

even though sometimes..

I have doubts about it all. 

I am attempting to do this whole writing a post a day thing for a whole month... 

I have only missed one day so far...and like with everything else in life...

I will NOT give up. 

I will not allow pain to over come or overwhelm...

and I will move forward no matter what. 

Oh yes, AND it's Election Night. 

Where was I, 4 years ago on Election Night, ::HERE::... ::HERE:: and then ::HERE:: and ::HERE:: .....

On "the Third" {Numero Tres}

Lately it seems like babies are amongst us... a lot. Or at least on the brain or on FB somewhere....everywhere. Ha.

And yes, when my Hubby and I got married we said we would have 3 kids, because it would be a good well rounded number...right.

Then, I had ONE and thought... one is ok but DOS would be peachy and then I had my numero dos and now all I know is that if I EVER {ever} want to go to the restroom alone without having two kids {or more} camp out in front of me {yes, camp out, yesterday Cami pulled her fold out chair in there with her sippy and snacks, she said; "MA'!, caca?".... no words I tell you...no words!} or maybe if one day I decide that sleeping with two {or more kids} swirling around in my bed  and asking for milk at 1am, 3am and 4 am cause they can't sleep while I am tying to get a good nights rest for my 4am wake up call and 12 plus hour shift at work the next day is a good idea then maybe a tres is totally in order.

My Hubby is telling me that we will be ok but I am tired, drained and in a constant state of "uhm". I don't remember what's what or know my foot from my hand most days. Physically, I know I can push my body through another gruelling 9 months and then be sliced and diced without any issues....but honestly. Mentally and emotionally. I am not sure I am fully equipped at this moment. IF, if , IF it were to happen some time by the end of the year that means that I would be 32 before I have the baby and that means that at 32 I would be juggling a 12 hour a day {plus} job {during election cycle}, a house with a Hubby who may or may not be traveling for his new job on and off, the Tres {a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a baby; doable? Sure.} but what about the crafting and blogging, oh yes then there are showers and maybe if I am lucky some eating... and oh did we forget extra curriculars; cause we want Santi in soccer and Cami in dancing by this fall. Did I mention the pet rock? Yes, we have managed to kill 2 fish in the las 3 months therefore we have decided  a pet rock is a bit more sustainable. And, has anyone been calculating the amount of money this will all cost us; I am not but my Hubby I know is, considering HE is the one asking for a third baby!

Aside from just physically having them, emotion and mental stability,  and financial stability have we thought about time and attention to be divided even more and sacrificed a hundred times over.... I have. I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair to the kids or myself, to wear myself so thin that I am already worried about not having time for a third baby.

I say we are good. My Hubby says... we not good enough.

I will definitely be praying about this one. A lot.

I do have a pending discussion with my OBGYN to see if she would even have me as her patient considering all of the reproductive issues I have had. Just so much at once and during an election cycle to even begin to think about it or wrap my brain around it....

God will know.

Only Him.

{Self-Worth} ♥

I wish I only had a hundred words..but God is telling me otherwise...

Last week He had me by the pinkie toe of my foot..you know what I mean? Those weeks when you are not quite sure what the turmoil in your heart and soul is REALLY trying to tell you. As a fairly new Momma and a Wife of 5{plus} years, it's taken a new kind of strength and wisdom, maturity and faith to move on. To move forward.

I love, LOVE my family; being a wife has been a challenge but I think as the years have gone by I've learned from my mistakes and moved on. Being a Momma is just a journey in itself, the combination...well that just speaks for itself.

I am not going to lie. It gets difficult to simply move some days. Nights become short and days even shorter. Chores pile up and stress weighs heavy on your weary heart. It's a challenge. God never said it would be easy... that's fo'sho! Ha. But, He also promised He'd be there for me every.step.of.the.way. even when no one else would be. And, BOY OH BOY, has that been true.

People become so much more concerned in constant comparison and set out to destroy; instead of encouraging and building up the Momma's and Wifey's of this world. Sometimes. We do it to ourselves.

It's horrible. I know.

But, that's when God steps in, smacks me on the back of the head with his frying pan size of a Bible and reminds me. Who are you? NOT to the world, but to ME? "You are my creation. And, trust me, I don't make anything short of amazing!"

There are days when our Momma heart is weighing heavy in your tired chest..... we burnt dinner and our souls went with it, the kids are throwing fits and we don't want to deal with it, the Hubby is just in that mood that gets you in THAT mood, and you just don't think you are as a good of a Momma as that one Momma who home schools, is super crafty and cooks dinner every night without burning it. STOP! WAIT. Deep breath and short prayer....

God says.... you are not like her and she is not like you. Don't allow your own comparision. Or anyone elses, to weigh you down. That's not what this life is about.

We all have our own talents and amazing little ways of caring for our family. So, who cares what she has or did that you don't or didn't... God loves you. He's got your back. Trust. Have faith. Be self-loving..not self-loathing. God is an amazing father and He will never leave you or forsake you.

You are an amazing Momma and Wifey! TRUST IN THAT.

Last week was rainy and dark... and when Jesus came He whispered.

TRUST. peace. FAITH.

self-LOVE. faith. PEACE.

trust. SELF-love....

BREATH. wait. Seek.

HAPPINESS.

SELF-LOVE.

faith. trust. peace.

In that moment. In that morning. The storm cleared out. I knew. Everything will be ok. Change is here you are re-newed and faith will take over. God is not going to allow you to stand alone. He brings favor and grace not otherwise. 

Being a Wifey/Momma is a tough job. As women we care so much for others that there are moments when we loose ourselves. Becomes so involved and wrapped up in things, people, or places of this world that we forget what the real meaning of life is...and that is LIFE itself. You look over to those amazing little human beings that God has allowed you to have and that amazing Hubby that supports, comforts and secures you and you are in that moment reminded...of His favor and His grace for peace and faith..not for the world... or anything else.  

1 Thessalonians 5:11{The Message (MSG)}

9-11God didn't set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we're awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we're alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.

 

{Irrelevance} ♥

Yesterday I woke up, got the kids ready for their day at Ma'Ma's and then shoveled myself out the door onto the door step of a fresh NEW day.{Or so I thought...}

It wasn't even 9 am before I had a load dumped on my chest. Irrelevance. When it tugs it pulls. At those ever so flexible and delicate Momma heart strings. It shook me to my core and had me yelling for peace. So, I sat and I prayed...with no words and no thoughts. I have never felt so irrelevant as I have in the last oh 4 years...  and it's not about my ever so amazing Momma job but about my worldly job. I think the last 4 years have been the most difficult. Transformation I am guessing. Life changes. I used to LOVE change, it used to be my middle name. Then came my children and I hid from change...ironic, I know. Not like it's a bad thing but just "what if" it's too difficult to juggle what will all my Momma duties, the world can wait...can't it?

The morning went on and I just had lots rumbling in this little overwhelmed heart of mine. Frustration set in. A bit. Didn't really know what to pray for, who to pray for, and thinking "God, what do you want me to learn from this, take from this, and grow from this? It's so unclear to me right now." The thoughts kept coming; "Dear God, What am I doing wrong? Where should I go from here?"

Prayer was in order, but I didn't even know what to pray for anymore....

The day, I knew, would be about BLAH-NESS but more so about the enemy working feverishly away at every un-salvageable piece of my concerned and weary heart. TRYING to wear me down.....  

The feelings of irrelevance come and go. Good and bad. It's a constant war. But, little does the enemy know...this battle... It's already won... and the darkness may insist on taking over me but the light just SHINES too bright, right into my life.

Then God whispers..."you are NOT alone"...here are a few amazing women who will help open your heart, your eyes and your mind...and "poof"...perspective is changed and life is once more on track! Amen? Oh yes. Amen.

I am not sure if anyone needed to hear this today but me, I needed to experience it.

Everyone has bad days. We just need to know how to allow God in and flip them back around....

{When Hope is Lost...}

I have faith in healing. I know God can perform many miracles.

But, on days like today when you feel useless...and yes...hopeless...when I pray and tears are inevitable. I can't help but remember how human I really am.

I am in NO way, shape or form trying to compare my current illness to other chronic and fatal illnesses such as Cancer. I can't imagine the pain the or rigorous treatments without result. But, I am ill. Right now, it feels like a chronic problem.

It started about a month ago. A visit to the ER for Kidney Stones, a week later an emergency surgery to remove them. A stent in for about a week. {The worse pain and experience of my life, btw.} I went back to work packed with meds, an everyday regime of pain, antibiotic and nausea pills to be a functional daily person. Ridiculous if you ask me. Ridiculous. Here I am almost 3 weeks later, failed medication and a slew of new problems.

More pain, a swollen Kidney, ER visits from what feel like I could give birth to a 10 lbs stone, not fun. I feel useless. I can't even care for my kids. I can't go to work without the anxiousness of being in pain. I can't be me. I want my life back. This, I am sorry, is not life.

I pray that God can give me total healing and health. That the doctor can give me an answer to the pain and that I can truly "normal" again.

Hospital bills are growing. Patience is being lost. Fear of the future is being built. Hope is being lost? I don't want that... I don't want that....

I don't want to be the sick Mom, the ill employee, the wife always in the hospital.... the person with medical issues. I guess no one does... It just reminds me of that movie...again not comparing my illness to illnesses like that but what else can I do when I feel hopeless and helpless...

Medication is my foe. Kidney stone are my enemy. Kryptonite if you will. Like one person said.... "she's always on the injured list...." Perspective I guess.

I don't want this to be my identity. And, the tears are inevitable.

Desperate for healing. UGH. About it all.

I want off of this roller coaster....RIGHT NOW!

"Do not fear. Look beyond what's dying to what's being born."- Marianne Williamson, is a best-selling author, motivational speaker and just a plain amazing woman.

 

Camila {6 MONTHS!} ♥

6 months ago; life was different.

Just as we were adjusting to sleeping all night and whole milk, we are Blessed to be there again….

A beautiful little Angel fell from the sky and into our arms.

Her name.

Camila Isabel.

Her grace, abundant.

The love, showered.

My heart once more filled.

My Husband once more on his knees, to pray, to Thank, to Bless, to praise, worship and Love.

For God has been so good to us, it’s unimaginable.

I can’t remember life as 3…we are now 4.

I can’t imagine life without her.

Now a Momma of Dos.

Dos veces Blessed.

Dos veces, AMOR!

Today we live, we cry, we praise, we Love.

Camila has been more than a true dream come true…she’s been our little Angel to help fill the empty spaces in our home, her grandma smiles fill those empty places in our hearts and her girly giggle fills everyone with joy!

I have been here before once.

It’s the story of an amazing 6 month old who is not just a ray of sunlight and Blessing from the sky..but a true BUNDLE OF HAPPINESS.

She is a little circle of babble and love…

My Cami came into our lives 6 months ago…and it’s like we’ve known her and had her in our arms our whole lives.

Nothing should ever be different.

Blessings are so beautiful and we are more than Thankful! 

Santi has a sister, Ricardo and I have a daughter and life has one more sweet little girl to embrace! .

I pray over her every night.

I pray that her life be filled with happiness throughout.

That even if she suffers she knows that God is has her heart in His hands. 

Her life will be a great one….

We love her.

Her brother marvels at her…

Her father falls in love more and more every day….

Me, I was already in love, she has been in my heart all my life.

Now, she is in our lives and we couldn’t ask for anything MORE! 

Blessed. 

Today more than ever....

When I feel Blah....

{Praise & Worship Wednesday}

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a dear friend. About approval. How I obsess and how it makes me nervous. How I worry and how it infects me. It makes me over think...me. It makes me over analyze, relationships. It makes me BLAH. Beyond my belief. Beyond my control. It makes me spin...out of control!

It's the enemy. I know.

That same day I am blogging, fb-ing, pintrest-ing, and so on and the enemy fills my heart with lies....so I wait. And....

I pray...

Dear Lord, heal this heart, and rid it of unnecessary jealousy. Surely it's not what you want from me or for me. And, we are all loved by you the same...

Then I noticed a new fan on my Blog... and as part of her profile....a scripture....

As I am a seeker....I search....and.....then....I find. 

And, immediately. 

Peace. 

This week. I will tattoo this verse into my soul and never forget the task at hand...

TRUTH. 

not...

ever.....

popularity...

Always TRUTH.

Luke 6:26 The Message (MSG)
 26"There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.

 My answer: "Your task is to be true, not popular."

"Your task is to be true, not popular."

{Had to Share}

Times are tough...People are scared...but no worries..God is always there for you. 

From my Saturday Devotional today: 

{Purpose Driven Life} "A good example for us is in 2 Corinthians 8. Paul says this about the churches in Macedonia: “Though they have been going through much trouble and hard times, they have mixed their wonderful joy with their deep poverty, and the result has been an overflow of giving to others” (2 Corinthians 8:2 LB). Joy and generosity always go together."~ Rick Warren

AS A MOTHER....

All we can do...

...is try!

Yes. It's true.

That's how it is in Marriage. You TRY and work at it.

That's how it is at a job. You TRY and work at it.

That's how it is in life. You TRY and  work at it.

So, when it comes to how I see parenting and the future {and current} upbringing of my children...YOU TRY AND WORK AT IT.

I haven't been a parent long, but I have parents. And, like many of us, they are human. They've made mistakes. And, as chronic observers, Ricardo and I note things and situations that we know we don't want to repeat in our children's upbringing and you know what...we TRY and work at it. Everyday. Together.

From what I have lived the last TWO years, I know it's difficult. To be all that God wants me to be. I fall back on Proverbs 31 and think...REALLY? And then think; well she did it, why can't I! And, so I try. Everyday. As I do with my Marriage. Never giving up. Always looking UP towards God for daily guidance and never slowing down! I figure to keep one step ahead of my kids I have to be floating on air!

I see other Momma's and think "wow.", "WOW!", "really?", "hmmmm" , "maybe I can try this instead?", and then think about it all and take it all in. At the end of the day, ONLY God knows the challenges, the accomplishments, the sacrifices, the journey that He has chosen for me as a Mother.

Only with Him, thru Him and for Him...can I prosper as a Mother.

There are so many things that as a young "Traditional Mexican Mother" born and raised in the U.S., I would like to instill in my children. For one, our Faith. Prayer. Alone time with God. Knowing that you don't ever have to be a people follower if you are a Jesus follower . That as a Momma, I will always be here for them but that they also need to learn to stand on their own TWO feet for when I can't physically be there. I want to teach them SPANISH. It's so important to me for them to know their roots, Mexico is such a beautiful place, amidst the current turmoil, it is rich in scenery and culture. I want my daughter to have a traditional Quinceñera. That, I think has been lost in recent years. I want my son to be a gentleman; independent, caring, loving, strong, courteous, hardworking, and dedicated. I want my daughter to know that she doesn't need a man in her life to make her feel loved, accepted and supported. But, only God can help me and ONLY He knows how much of this will reach their little growing hearts. {It tugs at mine everyday....}

I pray. That it will. 

All, I can do is try. 

I know it's an everyday struggle to be a Mother. But, you know what I am here, I have been called to this place and I have accepted my mission....and trust me, I will not just TRY. I will give it 110% to get things done.   

I also have an amazing group of Momma friends as support, to go to for further advice and counseling.

I will try and only God can pick me back up if I fail...