Why I Blog and how I will never compete with you.....

Where to begin? 

Blogging. It started off as a "writing challenge" to myself. I wrote about anything really. Random happenings. Then, I got pregnant. In a desperate attempt to relate to someone and to know that the crazy baby happenings were normal; I sought out other "Mommy Bloggers". I found some of the best, and one of my biggest inspirations. Inspirations for sharing. Sharing, in a very vivid way, all the beautiful, sad and overwhelming details about life as a whole.  

I gained a small but loyal following. Then life changed, once again. I was a "stay-at-home mom" with Dos {2} small toddlers. I learned about sponsors and compensation. Again, meeting and being mentored by some of the nations absolute best. I gained a little bigger audience and support. 

I went back to work outside of my home after about 7 months. 

Then big things started happening. My blog "took off". Lots of awesome opportunities. After a full year of work, home and "blog work". I decided that going "that big" wasn't for me. Why? Because I love working an "8-5" job that relates to my career and my college degree; which I am still paying off. But, I will continue to blog, always, no matter what. I will continue to network and meet new people. To seize opportunities and seek them. I will. Because I want to and I love it.

Working outside of my home, taking care of my home, blogging and volunteering. Most can't do it. Some don't want to. But me, it's a way to create and establish my balance. To be busy. To blog big or small. It's what I live for. My passion. 

Am, I a huge blogger with a large following? Some times. I don't really look at that. I just like to write. I have fallen in love with telling my story and sharing our life. Small bits at a time. Do I take breaks? All the time. Do I feel overwhelmed? Some days. Do I quit? Never. 

I feel that once this life is established there is really nothing else that fills the void or the need to be busy. Do I blog like other bloggers? Maybe not. But, to me that's OK.... 

As they say..I am too busy making my grass greener to be looking at your lawn. 

Right now, I am seeking more. From myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I want my Husband and kids to be happy and stable. I seek to maintain my home life; cooking, cleaning, wiping butts, being Momma and Wife to the chaos. I want to grow and develop my career. Explore life and be a good writer with a loyal group of readers. 

I will never compete with other Momma's or Bloggers... we are all so very different. Our stories and blogs were created for different purposes. And, that's OK with me. 

Just a Friday morning thought.... 

Struggling.....

First off, I still don't have my computer and fear for the worse.... my computer had everything on it. Ugh. HUGE, FAT, UGLY, UGH! But, it seems that those huge, fat, ugly, UGH's are following me these days....

My Husband is a firm believer in the fact that less is more, don't share too much, or say too much. I am used to sharing. My fears, my dreams, and everything in between...and while I share, trust me...I don't really share everything and I know that God is the keeper of all things awesome in all those corners of untold dreams, goals and future plans....

And, just like any other human, because I am human, and I am in NO way, shape or form perfect but growing...I struggle, with God's plan, with trusting that I am where HE wants me to be. I struggle. I move along and forward but it's difficult for me.

I am not one to stay still. I move. For years God has told me. Be still. I am God and I know what I have in store for you. But, I struggle. The movement within just bursts out and those deep down desires of my heart are aching. Struggling.

I take a deep breath and relax. As, I walked through the grocery store last night and in weeks past I think, my kids are only going to be this little once. Enjoy them Connie. They won't want you carrying them, hugging and kissing them all the time or telling them how amazing they are when they are teenagers. So, I embrace them and our current situation  Trust me, my everyday has so many up's and down's and twists and turns, I struggle but I embrace, I enjoy and I reflect.

In those reflections comes the thought  of my dream job! I feel that I am really on that journey. To seek that perfect job; I know that NOTHING is perfect but something great has got to be out there for me... that job that a lot of other women have; where the hours are good, the pay is better and there is this great balance of work and outside life or at least a good blend of  both. Trust me. It's out there. Women have these jobs. I have seen them. And, I know that comparison is not an option. I don't think it's a matter of comparing what I don't have to what they do have, I think it's a sincere way of seeking a better place for myself and my family.

Because part of me wants to just RUN out and get the first job possible to help grow our pockets... God keeps telling me...Slow down cowboy, that's NOT it.

For years I thought, "Wow! I have a pretty good job!!" Then, I had kids and my struggles became new ones. Now that I have been home and after almost 3 years of working outside the home and having children I think, "ugh, my jobs were NOT kid friendly!" And, I am seeking..... and so I struggle.

Trust me. It's so painstaking these days to "find a job" much less MY DREAM JOB! The task is daunting and my brain is weary. I am a thinker. Then I share. Then I think, some more. Pondering on the what-if's and then wishing for the right-now's! I know. I am a little impatient. Trust me. It's a struggle. The brain is always on the move... and not my friend on most days.

In the mean time, I will continue my quest and pray for the best.....{totally didn't mean for that to rhyme. Ha.}

Everyday.

Psalm 37:4
New International Version (NIV) 

Take delight in the Lord,   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

{Honestly}

Let me be brutally honest about some brutal truth today. 

The baby days of ohhh-ing and ahhh-ing are long gone in my house, it takes some time to realize it and accept it. These days the chaos reigns in my casa! I have a Two-&-8month old {My almost 3 year old} and a 15 month old {My Soon to be 2 year old}, yep. Your math is right, TWO terrible ever so "AH" TWO's in the mix.  

Trust me. I love my kids. I do everything I do for my kids. I live for them. But, this stage of their lives, the "TWO's" it transforms them into these tiny rebel beings who have no regard for the pain and embarrassment that this Momma goes through when one of the TWO's is jumping from one chair to another AT.THE.DR'S.OFFICE  with hash brown on their face while the other crawls underneath the said chairs and growls at the other kids, we won't point any fingers here. And, I am sorry BUT that is the TRU'F!

I don't lie. My two Beautiful Little Angels have alter egos and trust me not even their Momma recognizes them.....

I don't hide, or try to run from it, I embrace it. One.single.deep.breath.after.another. It's not easy but it is what it is.... two, terrible two-ers!

I don't like to get into the mind set of "Oh poor me!" or "I deserve a break!" cause who doesn't but I do voice my pain and fatigue to the Hubby who will then say...."ok" and step in.

So, tonight. With NO Momma guilt what.so.ever. This Momma stepped out.... of the chaotic casa and went to dinner and a movie! With the muchachas! Yup. With the Hubby's not so little cousins... and yes...we LOVED and enjoyed ever minute of it... and YES more than once during the night the conversations turned towards Cami and Santi! The TWO rebel beings that take over my world by day and then conquer my heart by night... I can't help it and I am a Momma after all! 

picture taken at HEB by Nanielle!

{Self-Worth} ♥

I wish I only had a hundred words..but God is telling me otherwise...

Last week He had me by the pinkie toe of my foot..you know what I mean? Those weeks when you are not quite sure what the turmoil in your heart and soul is REALLY trying to tell you. As a fairly new Momma and a Wife of 5{plus} years, it's taken a new kind of strength and wisdom, maturity and faith to move on. To move forward.

I love, LOVE my family; being a wife has been a challenge but I think as the years have gone by I've learned from my mistakes and moved on. Being a Momma is just a journey in itself, the combination...well that just speaks for itself.

I am not going to lie. It gets difficult to simply move some days. Nights become short and days even shorter. Chores pile up and stress weighs heavy on your weary heart. It's a challenge. God never said it would be easy... that's fo'sho! Ha. But, He also promised He'd be there for me every.step.of.the.way. even when no one else would be. And, BOY OH BOY, has that been true.

People become so much more concerned in constant comparison and set out to destroy; instead of encouraging and building up the Momma's and Wifey's of this world. Sometimes. We do it to ourselves.

It's horrible. I know.

But, that's when God steps in, smacks me on the back of the head with his frying pan size of a Bible and reminds me. Who are you? NOT to the world, but to ME? "You are my creation. And, trust me, I don't make anything short of amazing!"

There are days when our Momma heart is weighing heavy in your tired chest..... we burnt dinner and our souls went with it, the kids are throwing fits and we don't want to deal with it, the Hubby is just in that mood that gets you in THAT mood, and you just don't think you are as a good of a Momma as that one Momma who home schools, is super crafty and cooks dinner every night without burning it. STOP! WAIT. Deep breath and short prayer....

God says.... you are not like her and she is not like you. Don't allow your own comparision. Or anyone elses, to weigh you down. That's not what this life is about.

We all have our own talents and amazing little ways of caring for our family. So, who cares what she has or did that you don't or didn't... God loves you. He's got your back. Trust. Have faith. Be self-loving..not self-loathing. God is an amazing father and He will never leave you or forsake you.

You are an amazing Momma and Wifey! TRUST IN THAT.

Last week was rainy and dark... and when Jesus came He whispered.

TRUST. peace. FAITH.

self-LOVE. faith. PEACE.

trust. SELF-love....

BREATH. wait. Seek.

HAPPINESS.

SELF-LOVE.

faith. trust. peace.

In that moment. In that morning. The storm cleared out. I knew. Everything will be ok. Change is here you are re-newed and faith will take over. God is not going to allow you to stand alone. He brings favor and grace not otherwise. 

Being a Wifey/Momma is a tough job. As women we care so much for others that there are moments when we loose ourselves. Becomes so involved and wrapped up in things, people, or places of this world that we forget what the real meaning of life is...and that is LIFE itself. You look over to those amazing little human beings that God has allowed you to have and that amazing Hubby that supports, comforts and secures you and you are in that moment reminded...of His favor and His grace for peace and faith..not for the world... or anything else.  

1 Thessalonians 5:11{The Message (MSG)}

9-11God didn't set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we're awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we're alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.

 

{Self-Control} with Grace ♥

......the ability to exercise restraint or "control" over one's feelings, emotions, reactions, etc.

When it comes to speaking to others I want to teach my children that it's always best to speak with honesty and clarity to a persons face. It's not about being confrontational but about being open minded and open hearted.

It's always best to let others know how you feel instead of bottling up feelings and emotions, fears and anger. I have always been about speaking to others with truth no matter how painful but remain in faith and love. I allow my emotions to get the best of me sometimes, yes, but I never lie. What's the use in lying, the truth always comes out. Why get caught lying when I can just speak up in the moment. I'd rather be known for being brutally truthful that an awful liar? I think.

Why am I going on about this? Because just recently we had a moment of turmoil in our family. We sat down spoke openly about how we felt about one another,what we thought each one could work on and were just real and raw about our problems and current situation. When it was all said and done, feelings may have been hurt but respect was gained. We now knew where one another stood. Yet, Love was spoken so we knew that what needed to come next was compromise. We told one another that we would give each other time and space and that we would give support in our decisions. Love was gained and respect was felt.

I love having heart to hearts with others, you realize that their fears are just as big as yours and you are reminded how imperfect we all are and how much God can help us learn through one another{s} experiences. I do this with friends and family a like. It never fails..if the relationship is meant to be, it flourishes, if it isn't then God knew why. Being open minded and open hearted is about respect and maturity in our faith and in ourselves.

God has taught me through MANY a failure that sometimes you give people time and space and allow his Grace and Favor to fill in the blanks. Other times you speak up and keep everything out in the open. And other times, you simply remain. Remain in silence and wait on God. Sometimes. That's all it takes. Always standing firm in our beliefs, morals and standards never giving in to the world but instead falling for GRACE and Love. {God's Love and His Grace!}

It's true..when you don't stand for anything you fall for everything... it's about being open minded, open hearted and listening to both sides of the story not just the one that is more convenient to your well being.

I know, the truth hurts. Sometimes more than others. But, we survive...we overcome.

{I wasn't going to post this...seemed too personal... but I just felt like maybe someone had to hear it..and it would some how help them, work through the feelings?}

{Silence on a Sunday} ♥

Our home is filled with noise and chaos most everyday....In reality, all day everyday. It's OK we've learned to love it, embrace it and talk over it. Ha. {If you come to our home...be ready to speak loudly and listen attentively.}

There are rare occasions like today when silence is golden and we bask in it's well, silence.This morning the Hubby had to take a quiz for one of his classes. So, I turned the television down. Took the kids into their room to clean up toys and sit and play. For that moment. For those minutes. For those seconds. There was silence. A Daddy dedicated to school {and his family}working at the computer, a Momma sitting on the floor picking up toys and playing. There was silence. There was peace.

In this silence; healing, restoration, words, faith, peace and Love. God spoke to me with His words of patience and Truth. It was nice. The silence. His words spoken so loud above the silence. His peace felt in this home. His embrace around my heart. That constant reminder that yes I am human, yes I have made mistakes, but we shouldn't judge one another and instead forgive, especially when long term friendships and family ties are at stake. Love is a constant reminder of my imperfections and His Grace and His Favor. On this silent morning I pray that my family and I are covered with both...Favor and Grace...that we are virtuous not perfect but standing firm in our beliefs and moving forward to a better place. The truth. Not popularity. That's what God has placed in my heart for this week.... Truth. Grace. Favor.

I pray. I have faith. God is good and He will restore...in this silence on a Sunday..His day... His Word. It fills me with Hope. It fills me with Love. It gives me peace. Faith and  forgiveness, I am not perfect. I am faith-filled. And, yes, I am Loved. 

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:  ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.