A Letter to ::Wonder Woman::

I saw this illustration and it struck a chord....

As Women, we often fight so many battles, sometimes on our own, in complete silence, hidden away from the world....daily, hourly, minute by minute.

For me lately, they've been more internal than not. My brain never shuts off and my heart feels it.

Those battles, I feel, are the ones that cause the most bruising. We fight ourselves, beat ourselves up so hard about everything, even after it's been said and done, so much so that some of us feel we have to stay in fight mode.

Truth is we don't.

Being a Wonder Woman shouldn't cause so much pain.

The battle wounds shouldn't cut that deep... but they do.

Sometimes regardless of how well we think we hide the bruises and scars, people know.

People who know you can see them. They are more than visible, they are you.

The agonizing pain buried deep in your soul, the wiped away tears, the self-crushing doubt and attempts to cry out for help. We can see it in your eyes, your appearance, your energy.

In the end...

It's how you choose to recover that means the most.

It's how you move forward that helps us heal.

Knowing that you are not alone sometimes helps.

Knowing and allowing others to help is not a bad thing.

So....

Dear Wonder Woman,

Let down your guard, release the fight mode and heal.

It's time.

Allow space for love and joy, know that you are worthy. You are deserving.

Yes, you are a Wonder Woman who is loved and no longer has to hide the hurt or the scars and bruises of this life.

You are not alone.

It's time.

To continue to love yourself, be proud of it and move on.

It's time. 

To let go. To live your life. And, be yourself.

Be the Wonder Woman that you are but know that your tribe is here for you and you can do this.

You are not perfect and that's OKAY.

It's time. 

Love always,

Wonder Woman

You Can't Always be a Super Boss Bitch who does Epic Shit.....

Or can you? 

It's all about direction, intent, and timing. 

I recently had a big fail. I have helped lead a group of local women called Houston Latina Bloggers for some time now. I thought that creating a conference was the next big step. So for a few months, we've been planning, preparing, strategizing, and moving forward. Or so I thought..... 

The idea came about to try and help us celebrate our groups 5th anniversary, we also received recognition from the City of Houston. Clearly, this was the next big step, right? 

Well. Flash forward to today and what I have going on. Amid divorce and co-parenting alone in the last year, which brought along a plethora of changes and moves and well just everyday life to deal with. A month ago or so, I was presented with the opportunity to leave my position of 4 plus years from Oil and Gas and return to something that for me was much like coming home. A non-profit in my neighborhood, Northside Houston. 

It's 2 weeks before the conference is supposed to happen and I have a meltdown, an overwhelming feeling of "I can't". My kids and their Dad's schedule takes precedence over anything and everything because well, at the end of the day even though we don't all live in the same place, we are a team. I am also trying to acclimate and establish my new position within a new company. Trying to manage events outside of my already obligated work and family responsibilities just weren't sitting well with me. So, I have since canceled the event. It's hard. Something that I thought about a lot. I was letting myself down and my community of content creators.  

But, then as I attended some work meetings and had the realization of how temporary every job is, a new rush of ideas and energy has overcome me. 

As much as I like to think that I can constantly be on the move, it just doesn't work that way, at least not all the time. Because in the last year and a half there have been many times when I don't even want to get out of bed. When I would walk into work and tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. When my mind can't seem to focus on the infinite pile of tasks I have to get done. When my heart is aching so much that I truly question my decisions and I wondered how much I've screwed my life up. Days when I ask myself "Connie, why did you do this to yourself, to your family, to your kids?" 

On those days I question the mere existence of my "badassery" and my ability to do epic shit in my life.

And, you know what despite, how much I do, create and write, I have the right to stay in bed, cry at my desk and allow myself to feel the doubt that has filled every corner of my life these days.

You guys, I'm human.

Last year for about 6 months I fully questioned my life and everything that I was doing with it, and at the age of 37 made some pretty BIG decisions that impacted my entire family. For months we dealt with it, in silence and alone. I have since dealt with the shame, the doubt and the pain both somewhat openly and in private. People will never see the days when my whole body is limp and I have no desire to prove my purpose or passion or worth to anyone under any circumstance. Yes, that serious. 

TRUTH IS. As Lizzo would attest, TRUTH REALLY DOES HURT. And, we are so scared to look at our truth and reality and realize that this is it. This is who we are, where we are and what we are. And, that sometimes we have to put shit down, let it go and move on. Even if that means that you can't always do epic shit and be the Boss Bitch that you know you are. 

Truth is, it's like that sometimes. We just have to walk away and allow things to fall apart, eventually, they will grow again. TRUST. Trust the process. It takes time. Some times a lot of time. It takes grace and self-awareness. It's hard. BUT, it will eventually be worth it. 

Trust me. I have lived in it, some days sadly wallowed in it, for over a year and a half now. It is not easy to walk away from something thinking that you maybe could have pulled it off, but your peace of mind, health and sanity do come first. Not making excuses but sometimes, a huge step back and rest is much needed. 

Things do and will fall back into place..... 

Some things you should know about being alone......

When it comes to your divorce, single-life or separation. 

Don’t let others tell you what to do. Truth is. It’s your timeline. Whether those giving you "advice" have been there or not. That’s none of their business. I’m not saying shut people out and don’t take good advice, no... what I am saying is listen. Take it in. And, say thank you. But, know that this is YOUR journey. These people don’t know what that means or where it will lead you.

Trust me I’ve heard it all (from both my female and male friends):

Stay Single as long as you can

Be alone and take it all in

Don’t date right away

Cry about it, let it out

Don’t cry, be strong

Don’t go back to your Ex

You should think about it and reconsider going back to your Ex

Don’t drink too much

Go to church, stay close to God

Girl, live your best life

I could go on and on....

Trust me, and I’m sure you’ve heard it all too. The truth is we are human. Some humans need other humans. Some humans need to cry and drink to get things out of their system. When people because, both men and women have approached me at this point ask about “relationship” advice, as if I’m an expert. I laugh at myself. No, I’m not an expert. But, I am a human living a very unique experience. My first “breakup” in my whole entire adult life. It’s been a ride that’s for sure. And, while I don’t like to tell people what to do or give too much advice, I don’t mind sharing what’s worked for me during these times. Know that even if leaving someone was your choice it’s still hard.

For me. I started with therapy. I went and continue to seek professional help when and if I need it. It truly, truly helps. Having someone on the “outside looking in” telling me that my actions and thoughts are rational and normal has made me feel more at peace with my decisions.

It’s not easy.

Something else that’s helped, has been LOTS of fun girl nights out! And, a few times I have ended up going out alone and still having lots of fun! And yes, I drink, this has to be taken in and analyzed often during this time; there is a fine line between it being fun and social to it being a true problem. During those times, I’ve stepped back and tried to truly think about why I’m doing it and how much control I have over it. Which has been total control, thankfully. But know that drinking truly solves nothing. Not even pain or brokenness. Sometimes it makes it worse. So be cautious. 

So just be safe and make sure this isn’t a problem. If it is, seek help.

Another thing has been words. Of course. I’m a writer. Being able to express myself with words during this time has been vital. About 8-9 months after it had all started and I was finally able to talk about my separation and now divorce I felt that a big weight was lifted. If you follow me on IG I also post about it there a LOT. Sometimes in my feed with long, long captions and others through memes on my stories. Sad. Angry. Confused. Happy. Funny. Sarcasm. It all comes out. 

If you know me you know I love music. Every song, it’s lyrics, the words they pierce almost though every single one of my emotions. It’s insane. I love music. I’ve gone to a lot of concerts this year and listen to a lot of music every day! I also have the ultimate female empowerment break up playlist. It’s amazing, check it out for yourself. —->> LINK HERE

And then, that dreaded “alone time”. I had my first ever solo road-trip back in April to Austin. It was an amazing experience. In September I went to San Diego alone which was an even more amazing experience. And, recently I took myself to the beach on a Sunday afternoon when I didn’t have my kids. Which is where I wrote this blog post. So alone time HELPS. Yes. Church wise. I’ve not gone to mass in a long time. It requires me to be in a clear open focused state of mind, which has been a little hard these days. But, I go to a chapel during lunch. That chapel has seen me sob my face out, like horrible snot nose dripping face where I’ve had to take my cardigan off and just wipe my whole face. It’s not pretty but necessary. Always necessary. Pick a quiet place where you can sit and be alone it will help you.

One HUGE factor has been having others to talk to about it, people who will not be judgmental and who are open and willing to hear about your situation. Someone who is willing to listen to all your drama and can help you walk through solutions or help you organize your thoughts. Usually, these people have been through or are also going through a breakup, separation, divorce. So, that always helps. Having other people “on your side” can be helpful.

Again, I’m not an expert. Or a therapist. I’m simply a single momma, now co-parenting who is living through this experience, one day at a time. Building strength, courage and continuous ways to help others and make their transitions as easy as I can by sharing what I’ve gone through and how I have overcome all the stages. Each one is SO different. And again. Everyone is different with very specific and unique experiences so none of this may work for you or all of it might work for you.

Take what you need.

What am I going to tell my Son about love.....

I wrote about what I want my daughter to know about love immediately people asked me about my son. I wrote hers first because she’s constantly asking me about what’s going on with my relationship with her Dad, why I’m not coming back home to live with them and what’s going to happen from now on. But of course, I have my son on my mind too and had to think about it a little bit more because hers came very natural to me. But, here it is what I want my son to know about love.....

I want him to know that he too should learn to love himself first. To be focused on who he wants to become. But, not overly selfish that he misses out on a good partner. That he should learn to be independent and self-sufficient just as much as his Sister. That he doesn’t need a woman/partner to validate who he is or his masculinity. That he can be whole and complete all on his own but to remain sensitive and honest about his feelings. To know that while being strong and free he can also find someone who can help compliment his strengths and self-worth but that he shouldn’t feel he needs someone to become these things. That he shouldn’t allow women to step all over him or crush his soul but that he also shouldn’t do the same to them. That he should be upfront with himself in what he really needs and wants in a partner before he commits in any relationship. I want him to know that I love him and always will. That he’s been my rock for so many years, that because of his love in my heart, I have overcome many difficult days. I want him to know that he’s allowed to cry and be sad over the loss of a love but that he shouldn’t allow it to consume him. That he is strong and capable of so much, that he can be his lovey-dovey self with his big mushy teddy bear heart but to know that without self-love, he can get lost in something that isn’t worthy of him.

He should know that he should look for mutual respect and support. That love is great when both people give each other space and time to grow. That being a provider is great but true support comes in actions, and that being emotionally and mentally supportive is necessary. That love is creating a partnership where both people have their needs met, and that love is what we make of it. The effort and actions that we put in motion more than all the words we can speak. When he loves someone he will need that person to be as strong, independent and as self-sufficient as him. You can't be whole if you don't know who you are. Being supportive is not just about being there for the thoughts and ideas, you need to help around the house, help with your children, be just as involved as your partner is at all levels. Be proactive. Be as motivated, inspired and as energetic as your partner. If that's not there then something will always be missing or lacking. You can learn to be with someone but if it's not naturally in you, you will lose.

Feeling loved is about feeling free and not feeling as if who you are, what you do, or what you say will offend, hurt or disrespect your partner. You should be free to be you and be accepted as such.

Plus he has this Sister who reminds him constantly of how a lady should be treated.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love.....

What am I going to tell my Daughter about love now that I have "failed" at it? 

Sometimes I think back at the last year and just wish that I had that one piece of advice from my mom that would answer all my questions. It still hasn’t come. And, I’m not sure it ever will. And, it’s ok. But, I need to ask myself what I’m going to tell my daughter about love and relationships, marriage, self-love, growing-up and being your own lunch date.

I want her to know that her true love should be herself. That she should love and accept herself above all else. She shouldn’t expect anybody or "someone" to fill those gaps or those empty spaces. She should want to be her own lunch date every day. She should grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally every day on her own. She doesn’t need anyone’s approval or to approve of her. She should know that love is great but only when you know that it should be mutual, supportive and freeing. 

She doesn’t need a knight in shining armor to come and save her, she should have already saved herself. She should be brave and strong and know that sometimes love isn't immediate or automatic. She should be patient but know when to move on and move forward. Love, as much as you'd like it to be, isn't easy, it’s a complicated feeling and not everybody will be able to see her true value and worth. I don’t want her to look for love or think that she has to wait for it I want her to go about her life and know that love will find her.  When the time is right.... 

I want her to be independent and her own person. Much like she is now. I want her to be herself. Never having to worry about or having to apologize for who she is. Always embracing her unique features and ways, her beauty and her intelligence. Always being herself no matter how "extra" and out there she is, she is who she is, and no one can change her. 

I want her to know that love can change and evolve. I want her to know that I didn’t really fail at love because I have known love in so many forms and most importantly because I have her and her brother who both came from a place of love and I know what love can be. I haven't failed at love because I have been loved and have loved. I haven't failed at love because I have learned to love myself more and more these days. 

I don't ever want her to apologize for knowing what she wants and being strong-willed. I want her to know that she can have what she wants, not only because she's stubborn but persistent. My daughter is already becoming this strong independent girl, I want to fuel all of these feelings constantly.

I want her to know that "failing" at love is also acceptable. No one is perfect. It's not required and life goes on. 

I am going to tell my Daughter that love is within her and that even when you don't have anyone to love, life goes on because loving ourselves is always the best option. I want to tell her that love is amazing and she should strive to be the most loving even in the absence of love from the outside world.   

I want to tell her that she is love and that I love her.... that's what I will tell her about love... 

She is writing her own love story and that's all that matters. 

Connie 2.0 Experience

Brene Brown talks about the power of vulnerability. Being your most authentic self by recognizing connectivity and how shame can truly shape us. I want to talk about the power in "silence and timing". No one ever tells you how much shame and guilt is felt when you make the choice to walk away from someone. You are the one making the choice why is it still so hard and complicated? Well, first of all, another human being is involved. Feelings, time spent together, doubts about making the right choices. In my case, two littles. :: insert months of silence and waiting for the right time::

How often do we get a redo at life? How often do we get to start over and do things differently? To reinvent you? To revolutionize yourself and give yourself an upgrade to a new self?? Not often. Sometimes the potential loss is a great opportunity. A couple months ago, in April actually, I felt this kind of deep sentiment of "a redo at life".

I attended Mom 2.0 in Austin for the first time. I will admit. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a conference and really felt anything like this. A rebirth if you will. One of the presenters said "We didn’t get here by aiming low." And in my mind, all I could think is we didn’t get here by coincidence either. We were all in the exact moment we were meant to be at.

A few days before the conference I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Did I have the money to go? Was my mind in the right place? Why was I going? Did I really need to go? Without answers to any of those questions, I left Houston. I started my road trip by telling myself that I should go to Austin and enjoy my time away, regardless of how I felt. Something good must come of it I thought. And, that it did.

Feeling emotionally drained and exhausted I arrived a Wednesday afternoon connected with my roommate. An amazing Latina from Florida. And, tried to shift my mindset.

That night we headed out to our first event of the week and immediately my social sensors tingled. I was home. This is my place ya’ll. Not Austin. Not this conference. But this space, a place where women connect or reconnect, a space where we were all once strangers but thanks to the WWW we are now connected, a space where you can’t hide behind the keyboard and our insecurities cause guess what we are here IN REAL LIFE (IRL) y como dicen, a todo color.

The first set of encounters on that first night changed my mood and brightened my outlook.

I had a full itinerary for Thursday but again I wasn’t expecting much. Just being honest. Sometimes this is how I feel. Good but eh, we’ll see....

Thursday at the conference did not disappoint....It included a beautiful and serene breakfast sponsored by Dove where moms shared their birth stories good and bad. It was uplifting and a reminder that I’m not alone on this Mommahood journey.... or the Womanhood, Relationship journey. 

I went on to attend a diversity and inclusion panel which happened to have been moderated and lead by a Houston mom! It immediately reminded me why empowering Houston Latina women has become my passion. We’ve filled a gap in a niche that we didn’t even know how or if we could and would fill but now exist in all ways and forms. I’m proud of us and what we’ve accomplished in truly such a short time.

Then there was Brene Brown. :: insert the heavens opening up and angels singing here :: 

The words that came to mind as I took notes that afternoon at her talk were:

Magic
Sincere
Strong
Intelligent
Honest
Authentic

Real
Raw

Texan

Female

Voice

Power

Connection

Relateable 

She answered questions about how she got where she is today, you know the "breakdown", I mean spiritual awakening, how she felt about it all, that infamous Youtube video, her new documentary and how she walked away from working with Bo-prah. She reinforced my feelings of wanting to one day speak at TEDTalks and how she placed it in the Universe which I have done...just now....  

She reminded us to "stay focused and you will get there." It's hard sometimes to think of the amount of time you have to invest in your goals to accomplish them. But, you must stay on your path... She reminded us that NO is important, because "every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something you don't know exist yet."  And, that the measure of how well you are doing is how many people you are pissing off. 

She's such a powerful thought leader making a great social impact as a  researcher-storyteller, or you know magic pixie! 

This trip was definitely a good one and I obviously came back very inspired by it. 

::Powerful Women::

To be a powerful woman. A powerful Latina woman. What does that mean? What does that encompass? How did your strength grow? How do you become this woman? Oh, the questions are endless that I ask myself all the time, especially these days. What does that mean Connie? 

....you've labeled yourself a Powerful Latina?

When you give yourself a label, you kind of have to live up to it right? Right? You have to own it. You have to embrace it and be confident in your walk. 

For so many years I had no clue who I was, who I was becoming and who was being created inside of me. I didn't know of my sense of self and "power". I didn't know the depth of my heart and soul. The power that was being built. The confidence, and how intimidating it can be. I know many, many powerful women. I am surrounded by them daily. Most I am not intimidated by but I have great respect and admiration for them, I aspire to be more like them. 

These days I know that...I am an intense person. I am a passionate person. I don't like the word no, I keep going once I've heard it. I know what I want and who I want in my life. I try to be assertive and make decision head-on. It has not come easy, my upbringing was hard. I didn't have the most smooth teenage years. I dealt with helping my parents with my three younger siblings, working many hours Senior year in High school to help pay for my graduation and enduring my parent's relationship issues. It wasn't until my early 20's that those things started to catch up with me.

Depression would loom but I tried to be the happy, go-lucky, goodie-goodie 20-something year old that everyone had known for years. Little did I know that at 37 those things would all catch up to me. 

Both in a good and bad way. We cannot hide or run from those inner-"demons", we must confront them, beat them and overcome. 

While I knew exactly what I had survived and how I made the absolute best of it all, I didn't realize how much growth and strength had also happened. I also went through this 19-year relationship (7 years of dating and 12 of marriage) which taught me SO much about my own drive, capabilities and again that strength that we all need to overcome struggles and obstacles.

I realize now how much I push others to reach their potential. How much I push myself to strive for bigger and better. It's draining and a lot of work. But, I did it, continue to and truly have no desire to change it. I want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be EVERY SINGLE DAY. Is that wrong? I don't know. But, I am also an idealist and dreamer, I see SO much potential in others, and expect them to have the same self-drive, motivation and passion that I have for myself. Is that wrong? I don't think so. 

I didn't know being "powerful" came with a price. I didn't realize that I was outgrowing my partner and that I was no longer that 18-year-old girl who thought changing the world and making an impact was, in fact, possible but had NO clue what it meant or how or where to even begin. The impact has come in the form of living my journey and constantly sharing who I am. In the most real and raw form. 

Unfiltered and direct. 

The evolution of who we want to become sneaks up on us and is more clear sometimes to the outside world than ourselves. It's just a matter of gathering clarity and truly running with who you have become. 

By no means does this mean my life is perfect, especially not now, it's not. I still navigate through many feelings and problems daily. I just don't know how to give up, ever. And, won't.

::Transitions::

Transition: To transition, transform or metamorphous into a new place or space. 

It’s where I’ve been for over a year, mentally. Physically the movement began, a little over 8 months ago. It’s a difficult place to be in when you truly have no clue where you’re heading. These have been some of the most difficult moments in my life to date but with time comes clarity. 

As I continue to seek it. 

With every push forward towards seeking your true self there comes a little defeat, disappointment, thoughtfulness, and reflection. But, not everything is lost. Along the way, you find new friends, a new sense of self and direction. You grow a little more with each experience and are reminded of your resilience.

It seems that every time I get overwhelmed I tend to retreat into my safe zone. But, I’m pretty sure that’s most people. That doesn't mean that that's where you belong. Because that's definitely not where growth happens.  

Going back into my comfort zone and doing the thing that I love most and know well, writing and staying in this "safe" space. Comes easy to me. So, when things get overwhelming this is where I go. To my words. But, most growth has happened in my actions. I am just now ready and able to put it all into words. 

And, it's kind of, a very freeing moment and movement if you will. To be less censored in what I can and how I say, or write about it. Divorce isn't an easy word to write, much less say. It's been a process and time has given me the words I need to move forward. 

It’s easy to be filled with self-doubt, fear, and defeat. And, sometimes it’s OKAY, to feel these feelings. Because they’re real. Because they happen. Because it’s life. 

Things are not always going to be perfect. Don’t compare. Instead, look inward for direction. Purpose is fulfilled differently for everyone.

When you accept what this life has chosen for you to bare, that’s when you can turn your situation around. If you go back in history you will find clues that will confirm your purpose. I know I have. Sometimes the signs were there but I still moved forward. Without my 19 year relationship, I would not have the experiences I have now, or two children to help me become who I am today. 

When you are called to seek a new path, it’s a testament to your purpose. Resilience & Courage. Be brave and move forward. 

These are the words I keep telling myself. These are the words I want to write about. I want to talk about how much pain and guilt occurs when leaving a marriage is your choice. How I never meant to hurt my spouse. It was never my intention but it happened. I lived with the guilt for days on end. But, I've pushed forward and learned that it can't live in your heart because it's not a way of life. 

Neither of us was perfect. Obviously. But, the choices I made were for me alone. And, these days, I am good with how it has all started to work out and "fall into place". 

I also know, that my direction has changed, and that's OKAY too. 

This is where my new chapter of life begins, the next 20 years of my life will be spent exploring more of who I want to be and how I want to continue to fulfill my purpose. 

::Lost & Found::

When I started writing in this space back in 2009 it was a very personal, very real and unplanned journey. 

Over the years I had gained structure, sponsors and a following. The last 3 years or so, I've lacked in some of those spaces. Life got so busy and hectic. My full-time non-social media job, family, kids and trying to grow other spaces took over. And then, to be totally honest 2018 was messy. In my mind, in my heart, and in just life situations. The thing is that my life has been thrown "off course" if you will.  

With that said.

I can tell you that drastic change is sometimes needed in our lives. We sit for so long in this place of comfort that we feel this is where we belong and where our truth lies. But, it's only when those things unravel and get undone or are no longer there that you discover, how long overdue that change was. I can tell you this, there are some battles that are better fought in private, only because of the people and feelings involved. I think that my followers have over the years been so respectful of my privacy that it has always allowed me to share at my own pace and in the perfect time, for me. 

This space has though become very public, not saying I'm some kind of a celebrity but I mean if you think I look like Kourtney Kardashian like who am I to change your mind. So, will there be answers as to why my blog has become dormant, or why my social media posts have shifted and why you don't see certain things being shared anymore? Sure.  These last few post cover it, pretty well I think. 

Life happened. 

For now, I wanted to share about being lost and finding out who you were created to be in this very moment. We all have a purpose, a goal in this life, not created by us. It's a universe or Godly plan, whichever force you believe in. Sometimes we have to be so lost, hit that "rock bottom" literally or figuratively speaking. Whichever comes first. It's hard. It's not an easy process. You have to remind yourself that no one can save you from this. You are your own hero, your own person. We all make choices those choices come with outcomes, good and bad. It's here that you start to find yourself.

Being lost involves letting go, removing and moving on. 

Being found involves accepting the change, embracing it and knowing that no matter how difficult it is you will come out on the other side a survivor, a warrior, victorious. Yes, some of this, especially in relationships, involves two people, but honesty to make it through the process you have to look at yourself.

Call out your own bullshit. Be honest. No matter how hard it is. 

We are not perfect, there are things that I know I could do better or try harder at but sometimes we just have to accept these faults and move forward regardless of them.  For many years, I think my fault was worrying about others too much. What they thought about me or what they thought I should do to be successful and happy. I stopped believing in me and what I truly wanted. It becomes complicated when you realize this and it involves undoing all those things you once thought you wanted.

But, it's never too late. 

I would do it all again, expressing my truth and honesty, and knowing that I was true to myself and who I need to be now in my late 30's versus who I thought I wanted to be in my late teens, early 20's. People change, I have learned that there is nothing wrong with this. Yes, this sometimes involves pain and hurt but with good positive actions, this will get better.

It's not an easy process to be lost and try to find yourself... but I hope you can be open to your heart, mind and what the future could hold for you if you are truthful and honest.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 

Where I am now? ::Using our energy to move forward ::

Where I am now?

Well, I am in-between. Per usual. 

Between..... here and there. 

Between balancing life and Motherhood. Between finding myself and being lost. Between being myself and trying to recreate who I am. Between writing and taking time off. Between falling apart and building myself back up. 

I feel like I have been in this place for a while now, years maybe. Stuck, seeking a place with relevance to who I am and what I want for my future. It takes time for me to truly settle not because I don't want to settle but because I have not found the place that is a right fit for me.

In life that is... 

But, I think it all comes down to growth and continued learning. 

Does this mean I am a non-conformist? Maybe, a little?  I just want to be in a good place where I can "settle" but don't have to settle for less. It means that no matter what right now, I am making seeking this better place for me, making it a priority and my main focus. 

Have I thought about leaving the blog world? I talk about it almost every year, quitting and not blogging anymore, giving it all up and moving on with my life. But, it hasn't happened yet mainly because every time I try to quit something even more amazing falls into my lap and I have that innate urge to run with it. And, I usually do.

The writing also...... always, brings me back in. 

For almost 5 years now I  have also helped run a group called the Houston Latina Bloggers. Because of it, other amazing projects have come together in collaboration with so many other local women who hustle hard. Not to mention I work an 8-5 p.m. non-social media related position, have two young children, and I have also worked on my professional development and creating workshops to grow my blog and social media side-gig, and oh yeah, I try to maintain a somewhat social life.

In between all this,  I needed a good long pause and found a moment to slow down the Momma of Dos engine. To re-focus. Find my clarity and start over.... 

In a nutshell, I needed a true break. NOW, it's April of 2019 and the fire is back...

This year I want to give my all in a purposeful and genuine way and continue to move forward. This time, I hope it's different. I want to maintain a good focus and I want 2019 to end differently.

So, what will be different? 

Last year I started learning more about channeling into energies, vibes, and the light that surrounds us. I have since tried to truly seek these energies in myself and others. On the flip-side, I never really knew what kind of energy I was giving out to other people or how other people perceive me. But, I've learned to be more in tune and conscious of "my energy, my vibe" and who I am attracting. I know that I'm a person that tries to do as much as possible for everyone and anyone. I also know that I have been the kind of person that will find time to support others and give credit where credit is due. I don't ever really think twice about it, I just do it.

I truly believe in karma... do good for others and don't expect anything in return.

I know that I feed off of other peoples energy.  I feel that everybody has all the things they need to succeed. We choose to do things differently and to follow our own purpose and follow that light and that energy that we each carry. I always try to think about the positive because I definitely feel like I'm a positive person. Which doesn't mean that I don't have dark moments because I have them for sure. I've been in all kinds of situations and I've been hurt and hurt others but you keep going. You push through that energy and you renew it and you renew your life and you renew your vibes.

The difference is direction and intention... I want a new direction and intention for my blog...and that's what I plan on achieving. 

::Writing the Next Chapter in Life::

Sunset, Destin, Florida 2017 

Not every story begins with a once upon a time or ends with a happily ever after... at least not in the way one might think. We all create the lives we want, based on the choices we make, our societal perceptions and truly the deck that life throws at you. I can't be upset about what someone else has that might be better than my situation, or circumstance. We all work hard to get to where we are, and if we don't put the work in and strive for better then, we remain. And, sometimes people are okay with this. 

Growing up I knew that going to college, getting married, having a career and kids was the "right" way of doing things. Even though no one else in my family had really followed this path, I did it all in this exact order. Along the way, life has thrown SO many obstacles at us, as life would, but we worked hard and created the life we wanted and deserved. But, then again, we don't always control certain circumstances or life's events and things can change suddenly and drastically. 

For years I've sought to figure out who I am. What I want and where I am going with this whole passion for writing and inspiring working moms deal. I've had my share of nay-sayers, people who didn't believe in me or what I was trying to achieve. For what, for who and why? In part because they didn't understand it, and honestly for a long time, I didn't either. 

I've never given up though. 

I've continued to build and grow my community of women, my tribe of Momma bosses, not truly knowing where I wanted to go with it. Do I know now? Probably not as clear as I would like. What I do know is that now my journey has created a new path. One where even though I might be judged and looked at like I've made the biggest mistake of my life, I can tell you that I've made the best choice for me. It's been a period of true transition for us here at Momma of Dos for a little over 9 months now. By us, I mean my children, myself and their dad. We now live in separate households and have created different routines and are continuously trying to establish a new normal for us all. A lot harder than one might imagine. All of this is new to us; the transition, the two homes, the arrangements and details of it all.  Lots of sadness, confusion, pain and hurt. 

But, I am not giving up now..... 

This blog has chronicled MANY, many years of our lives together. Now, our lives are being lived on two separate paths. It's not been easy and there is so much more I will share as I can. I appreciate the love, support, and respect of those on my social media outlets, in our immediate circle, in our families and our friends.  For obvious reasons, I have not been able to share, nor did I feel I had to, what was going on as openly as most would have liked but I feel we are getting to a place where I can be a little more open about it all. 

Things are still a little difficult and details are still falling into place but we are all moving forward and trying to make sense of a hard situation. 

Please note, I do not share this as a victim. I share this from a place where I have made decisions for myself that I felt were best for me moving forward.  I could sit and share all the negative and bad of the last few months, but that's not my plan at all for this space.