Why I am not hating on Coco and her post-partum body.. really! #nohaterzone

A few weeks ago I posted a somewhat "controversial" post over on Facebook. And, funny. If you know me, I take very little serious. We only have one life, we can't spend it over analyzing or criticizing everyone. Trust me easier said than done. But, this post, is not meant to be mean or controversial at all. 

Here is why I am not hating on Coco and her near perfect post-partum body. Y'all she is a celebrity. It's her job to look that amazing, an hour or two after birth. Could I look like her, maybe? If I really tried and had some more money. I didn't look that way with either child cause well I am not shaped like her. And, because with my son I decided I wanted to be a nice plump pregnant woman and then it got out of hand. I had all sorts of complications and water retention in places I had no clue could retain fluid.  I tried to stay healthy and loose the weight after him but guess what 10 months later I was preggers again.

With Camila, I was a whole different person. As we all are individuals, each pregnancy is different. I only gained 7 pounds and was still very much pregnant but a bit healthier and not as big. Which was perfect. She weighed 8lbs 14oz, I gained only her weight and then lost 15 pounds afterward. I stayed on the low end of the scale for a year or so. Then, let's get real, I won't be on TV half naked like Coco anytime soon, so I ate.

My love for food and the number on that scale are rarely in agreement. Fast forward to where I am now. Almost 35, hopefully, no more kids and seeking to remain healthy and fit. All the time. So, am I hating on Coco? Well, not in a bad way. Would be nice to look like her, but truth is, I don't really care to put that much effort into it right now. I do what I can and look like a somewhat, not too chubby Momma most the time. 

The point of this is, no matter what or how Coco got back to her slim shape, we should each embrace what we look like and strive to be better. Not cause Coco looks amazing but because we want to be happy and content with where we are, plus my kids hug me and kiss me all the same. They have no clue about my weight or shape struggles. And, I love them for that. The only judgment here is my own and from those who have judgy opinions all the time. We can't change them.

Now Kim Kardashian though... KIDDING. I am joking. No judgment. (HAHA)

Ok, Momma's let's hear your opinion!! Be real and honest but respectful, please. It's all I ask.

{On having Numero Tres....A KINDA of a Sequel post}

Life as a family of four is just starting to sync up. The stars are beginning to align and I am steps away from the heavens opening up and God saying... "Connie you are awesome!"

And, on days when my kids are being sweet, playing nice and loving their Momma.... I feel like a Super Momma! And I think ...bring it on baby numero tres!

Then there are moments when my kids are punching each other under the kitchen table and yelling bloody murder as I attempt to have a decent grown up conversation with my Hubby about his day and my day with the beautiful kids fighting to the death at our feet. Seriously. Who knew a 19 month could karate chop and that a 3 year old would use his almighty strength to sucker punch his sister in the face. Really. Wow. {trust me. they are both very tough. no one is ever seriously injured. once they hurt each others feelings they hug and make nice.}

Trust me. I don't feel like a new baby is in order when I am trying to eat, read, sit, watch T.V. or doing anything normal and relaxing and both of my kids are calling my name 30 {million} times, cause they know my name and it's "hello. mami. hello. connie. look at me, mami.", when I finally turn they are doing some obscure thing like cutting paper or dumping their diaper on the kitchen floor right.after.I.mopped. Because they do. It's my life.

And then. There are times.Where Santi sits for moments at a time playing, watching his movies, coloring on my walls.... Ha. But, it's as if he is out growing the I want to be all over the house and destroy era. As for Cami, when her brother is not around and they are not pushing, pulling and punching one another, she also has a realm of calm and peace like no other. I look at them hug and kiss each other, play together in peace because it does tend to happen, occasionally. Or when they come to me with hugs and kisses. When they say "love you too mami." or pray with me. It just feels right. It just seems like yes, we will be OK and a third baby...may mean more chaos but it will also multiply ALL of the LOVE and Blessings already in our home.

I know that them being little won't last forever and Santi and Cami are growing faster than I would like.  I just don't know how to make time stop. How to make more time to love, hug and live in peace.

My Hubby has this fantasy {have you seen the Prince of Persia? Or Legends of the Fall? that one has 3 boys but yeah, it's his thing.} that he is destined to have TWO sons. So, he thinks that if I get pregnant, we WILL have another boy and his name will be....Sebastian. It's who he claims we are missing. And, he's taught the kids to ask me.... "Mom where's Sebastian?" And, it totally melts my heart....

Source: Google {Prince of Persia/Disney}

When Ricardo and I first got married we said 3 was a well rounded number but these days we think of finances, education, sanity...HA. And, most days we simply think of God, Faith and Family. The notion that everything WILL be OK, and that God wants this for us... but I hesitate. I think about it and I wonder.....

Could I? Could we? But, how? And, right now... I just don't know. 

On "the Third" {Numero Tres}

Lately it seems like babies are amongst us... a lot. Or at least on the brain or on FB somewhere....everywhere. Ha.

And yes, when my Hubby and I got married we said we would have 3 kids, because it would be a good well rounded number...right.

Then, I had ONE and thought... one is ok but DOS would be peachy and then I had my numero dos and now all I know is that if I EVER {ever} want to go to the restroom alone without having two kids {or more} camp out in front of me {yes, camp out, yesterday Cami pulled her fold out chair in there with her sippy and snacks, she said; "MA'!, caca?".... no words I tell you...no words!} or maybe if one day I decide that sleeping with two {or more kids} swirling around in my bed  and asking for milk at 1am, 3am and 4 am cause they can't sleep while I am tying to get a good nights rest for my 4am wake up call and 12 plus hour shift at work the next day is a good idea then maybe a tres is totally in order.

My Hubby is telling me that we will be ok but I am tired, drained and in a constant state of "uhm". I don't remember what's what or know my foot from my hand most days. Physically, I know I can push my body through another gruelling 9 months and then be sliced and diced without any issues....but honestly. Mentally and emotionally. I am not sure I am fully equipped at this moment. IF, if , IF it were to happen some time by the end of the year that means that I would be 32 before I have the baby and that means that at 32 I would be juggling a 12 hour a day {plus} job {during election cycle}, a house with a Hubby who may or may not be traveling for his new job on and off, the Tres {a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a baby; doable? Sure.} but what about the crafting and blogging, oh yes then there are showers and maybe if I am lucky some eating... and oh did we forget extra curriculars; cause we want Santi in soccer and Cami in dancing by this fall. Did I mention the pet rock? Yes, we have managed to kill 2 fish in the las 3 months therefore we have decided  a pet rock is a bit more sustainable. And, has anyone been calculating the amount of money this will all cost us; I am not but my Hubby I know is, considering HE is the one asking for a third baby!

Aside from just physically having them, emotion and mental stability,  and financial stability have we thought about time and attention to be divided even more and sacrificed a hundred times over.... I have. I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair to the kids or myself, to wear myself so thin that I am already worried about not having time for a third baby.

I say we are good. My Hubby says... we not good enough.

I will definitely be praying about this one. A lot.

I do have a pending discussion with my OBGYN to see if she would even have me as her patient considering all of the reproductive issues I have had. Just so much at once and during an election cycle to even begin to think about it or wrap my brain around it....

God will know.

Only Him.

Mommy Love {Guest Blogger} ~ Tambien en Español

I am seeking anyone interested in being a "GUEST Blogger" on my Blog; Spanish or English is welcome! {You don't have to have your own Blog, you simply have to want to share your story with us!}

I want to feature a "Momma Story" from September 1st to September 16th; Since that is Santi's Birthday and it's when I became a FIRST time Momma!

In return I will feature you and your BLOG/Business/ OR SELF for FREE!!!!

Your POST should include the following:

Your name and who you are, what you do and what you love:
A picture of you and your kids {If your post is NOT anonymous}:
Your Blog/Business/or Self {OR ALL of the mentioned}:
Number of kids you have:
Their names {ONLY IF YOU WANT or you can use Nicknames}:
And then your story:
How old you were when you first became a Momma?
Was {were they} it expected?
Did your pregnancy {ies} go well?
Was your pregnancy {ies} what you expected?
Did your delivery {ies} go well?
Was your delivery {ies} what you expected?

Finally....MOTHERHOOD....

How was your first year?
Was it all that you expected?

{Format: You can either; answer each question and send it back to me or write your story as if you are posting on your Blog and I will review and then let you know if your entry was accepted! Don't forget to include your Blog links/FB Links/Twitter Links/ Or Business information that you wish to share!!!}

I will need 16 MOMMA'S willing to share all with my readers. Your post can also be anonymous if you'd like. So, no pressure there. Please feel free to share this information with other Momma's you think might be interested.

If I get more than 16 Guest Bloggers I will let you know if your entry was accepted!

ALL ENTRIES MUST BE SUBMITTED BY TUESDAY AUGUST 30TH!!!

Thank you for all your continuous support!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{En Español, En Español}
Quería saber si alguien estaba interesada en ser una "Blogger invitado" en mi Blog; en Español o Inglés seran bienvenidas! {No tiene que tener su propio Blog, simplemente hay que desear compartir su historia con nosotros!}

Quiero contar una "historia de Momma" desde el 1 de septiembre al 16 de septiembre; Ya que es el cumpleaños de Santi y es cuando me convertí en un Momma por primer vez!

A cambio de su participacion les dare un lugar a usted y su BLOG/negocio/ o simplemente de usted gratis en mi Blog por un dia!

Su historia debe incluir lo siguiente:

Su nombre {Lo que le gusta, y quien es usted}:
Una imagen de usted y sus hijos {si no es anónimo su historia}:
Tu Blog/negocio/o simplemente usted{O todo lo dicho}:
Número de niños que tiene:
Sus nombres {sólo si desea o puede utilizar apodos}:
Y, su historia:
¿Cuántos años tenia cuando se convirtió en una Mama?
¿Se lo esperaba?
¿Le fue bien durante su embarazo?
¿Fue su embarazo, lo que espera?
¿Su parto salio bien?
¿Fue su parto lo que espera?

Finalmente....SER MAMA....
¿Cómo fue su primer año?
¿Fue todo lo que esperaba?

{Formato: Igual y puede responder a cada pregunta y envíelarmelo o escribir su historia como si lo va publicandar en su Blog y yo lo revisare y le dejare saber si fue aceptada la entrada! No olvides incluir tu Blog /FB / Twitter / o información de su negocio que desee compartir!!!!!!}

Voy a necesitar 16 MAMAs dispuestas a compartir con mis lectores. También puede ser anónimo si desea que su entrada. Por lo que no hay presión. No dude en compartir esta información con otras Momma que crea que podría estar interesada.

Si consigo más de 16 Bloggers invitadas les dejare saber si fue aceptada la entrada!

TODAS LAS ENTRADAS DEBEN PRESENTARSE EL MARTES 30 DE AGOSTO DE!!!!!!

Gracias por su apoyo continuo!!!!!!

::Momma Blues:: Dealing with Depression as a Mom

So, in the first two days after my c-section and delivery of Camila, I was overwhelmed to say the least. Everyone wants to meet the new baby, you can't say no, yet you feel horrible....physically I "seemed" to be healing and recovering quickly. When I was there I thought this is too good to be true...that I felt so good.

Sure enough. I left the hospital only 48 hours after giving birth to Camila. I felt "great", nothing compared to how I felt after my first c-section {LIKE A TRAIN HAD RUN ME OVER!}. I was also feeling a little neglected by the hospital. Seems once you have your baby nothing else matters. I asked to go home. Everyone agreed. I was given TWO different pain medications and ushered out the front door of the hospital as if life couldn't get any better. Well it does....but only AFTER you feel better from being torn open and a child taken from within you.  It's no joke. As I have figured out the hard way.

The next two days were not only an emotionally and spiritually draining experience, but also awareness of true physical healing. I was home. The pain medications had worn out and my body was beginning to feel the repercussions of not being able to naturally birth my children. I had, "un-naturally" given birth and now my body, mind, heart and soul were paying for it.

To top it all off I felt; inadequate and frustrated as the Mom of my 18 month old. Sad about his tears the next morning as he tried to climb my belly and I couldn't help but yell..."NO!" The devastation in his tears and the fear in his little man cry, tore me not only further down but completely apart. How, how could I be going through this. For the next 5 days my pain would only grow as my son had to be taken to his Grandmothers to be taken care of. As I stayed home with my newborn Camila. His eyes looking at me like "WHY?". His little face filled with sadness and disappointment! Here his mommy was at home...finally....and he had to be taken away. As soon as the door closed behind him, tears and pain poured out of my face and heart. I hated EVERY moment of feeling so tired and in pain, helpless and hopeless.  Failure. I was a total failure as a Mom, a wife, a human, a person who couldn't shake it off.

Unfair? To my son? To my body? To myself? I didn't know. After that torture, I finally decided to start up the at home pain medication. You know the one  that turns you into a zombie and only gives you the illusion of feeling better. Yes that one. Well, then new pain. A bladder infection like now other. Fevers of 103.5 and pain in my kidney. 3 days of that, more tears, lots more prayers and then "a good week". I finally got the strength to stay home with my children, both of them and move forward. But, then another set back. I am now dealing with an infection to my surgery site and cold like symptoms; sore throat, running nose and cough. Just can't get a break.

But, I know soon things will get back to normal.

My children are doing great. They are both at home with me, healthy and helping me heal.

Before I went on my Blog-cation I stated that I would go into "research" mode, which I have not done really since college.

And, I think the best subject to address is ; Depression.

{Which I would like to think is one of the top New Mommy or Mommy to be questions.}

I've always believed in it and it's many levels. There is a history of depression amongst the women in my family. With that said, for years, I've learned to manage it and combat it. But, when I was pregnant with my son. I was VERY depressed. Never diagnosed because I was too embarrassed to tell my doctor, I am not sure how severe it was but comparing it to my current mood, I would say it was pretty severe. 

I never wanted to harm myself or my unborn child but I often wondered if I would ever be a good parent, if I would ever be "sexy" to my husband again, or why I was just so sad and couldn't be happy! I wondered if I would ever be happy again. 

I simply couldn't shake it. 

It was bigger than me.

Even prayers and relating to my very pregnant friends didn't work. I felt alone and as if I couldn't relate to anyone. Everyone else had seemingly normal and uneventful pregnancies. Me, I felt like, I had the worse of the worse. Everyday was a "woe me" day.

Thankfully the "blues" went away when my son was born. I had purpose and a reason to be happy. 

As I stated before, when I was pregnant with my son, I had no life! All I did was read and think and think and read. 

These days things are a lot more complicated and although my first days home after having Camila were VERY difficult, emotionally and spiritually, most are very optimistic. For years now I have sincerely given all my troubles; Family, Finances and Marriage to God. I truly believe that with Him all things are possible. 

My husband was laid off a week before my son was born (17 months ago) and is now attempting to complete his college education on a intern salary..which trust me is not much. You would think that with all the responsibility of 2 extra little people in our lives and just barely making it day in and day out that we would be overwhelmed and saddened by our situation, but we are not. 

What gets me most these days is the undying desire to be a "Stay-at-Home Mom". I know that right now, and maybe not for a while longer, it's not at all an option. I believe in miracles and I have Faith, I know that it will be God's will and not mine which will be done. I stay close to that thought. 

While I was pregnant I had several "episodes" if you will and of course my fragile and then very pregnant body would react to it. When I emerged I realized it was more about natural depression then anything else. So, I looked up depression during pregnancy. I have always heard about postpartum depression but rarely about depression while pregnant. I found it interesting that 1 in 10 women feel depressed during pregnancy {According to March of Dimes research it's 1 in 5, which just makes me think that it's worse than I thought}. And, when I commented my feelings to a friend who is also pregnant, she stated that she too felt down at times. I think women don't understand how harmful this can be to you and your baby. 

 {Reminder; I am NOT an expert by any means. Simply a concerned Mom} 

CLICK HERE to read the whole article. 

Here are some of the symptoms:

* A sense that nothing feels enjoyable or fun anymore

* Feeling blue, sad, or "empty" for most of the day, every day

* It's harder to concentrate

* Extreme irritability or agitation or excessive crying

* Trouble sleeping or sleeping all the time

* Extreme or never-ending fatigue

* A desire to eat all the time or not wanting to eat at all

* Inappropriate guilt or feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

I then went on to seek some solutions a site gave the following: 

• Support groups
• Private psychotherapy
• Medication
• Light therapy

They seemed a bit vague for someone like me who likes straight forward answers. I don't believe in medication unless your case is extreme. I do think you should tell someone. Anyone. And, as for "light therapy", I think in my case, I created my own. 

While I was pregnant with my son, I really took care of my diet and more importantly my FAITH. It also helped to have a husband who is very persistent and asks a lot of questions. He would often call me after work to meet him for a walk in the park near our home. That always helped. In all, I remained focused on other things aside from my depression.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had no time to really be depressed. And, aside from the first week at home I have felt pretty good. 

These days I deal with depression by allowing my son {and now daughter} to be in my face reminding me that I can't be sad or feeling down because if I am who will feed them, play with them, bathe them, watch over them, etc etc etc. I also talk more to other women about how I feel. Of course above all every day I start off by talking to God, asking for strength and energy to get through my days. I plan my days and remain focused. Focused on me and my situation. I also have hobbies, I like to think. Ha. I write and read when I can. I plan to start up my Mommy yoga as soon as the doctor allows me. 

I found the following report with some of the same ideas as mine, scroll to the end to read the alternate treatments.

In all, I hope this helps someone. Even if you are not pregnant. Depression is real and you should seek out help.

Even if it's just a friend who can listen.  

These days life is much easier, a little more balanced but there is always room for more improvement, which I am constantly working on. Every day. In many aspects of my life. 

CAMILA Update ♥

I AM…..CAN YOU BELIEVE IT….32 WEEKS!!!

{Pregnancy Updates}

·         How Far Along: 32 Weeks

·         Size of baby: According to my doctor, Camila is 5 lbs and 3 oz, about 2 ½ lbs larger than she should be. But, I am praying that she will remain healthy and active. And that I can carry her until the 38^th week, when she is currently scheduled to arrive. There are too many possible complications if she is born before, BUT it will be God’s will and NOT mine, ultimately..He will know when she is ready to arrive.

·         Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained between 7 and 9  lbs (Some weeks I lose it, not sure how! The weight not my brain…that I lose everyday…HA!)

·         Maternity Clothes: I am as of 30 weeks wearing my old maternity clothes { mostly jeans and pants and some shirts~} and some of my old regular clothes. My doctor was amazed that I was able to get away with regular clothes for this long!

·         Gender: It's a girl!!! We already know this....and I love the name Camila Isabel { and I said that “That's what I am sticking to!” but have recently had a change of heart…we shall see..no change on the Camila just on the middle name. I like my new change, LOTS, very meaningful….}

·         Movement: She is VERY active now, DAY AND NIGHT..I love it and feel very happy every time she karate chops me! Brings tears to my eyes just to think about it as I write and as I see her foot or knee move about in my belly… she is VERY visible now…

·         Sleep: Sleep? What’s that? No really I am that point…where sleep is a wonderful luxury….even though I am not as big as I was Santi at this time and the heartburn has NOT yet set in…I am very uncomfortable and finding my goodnight spot is very difficult….but I manage…..

·         What I miss: Other than my ENERGY, maybe my agility and the ability to bend over!  HA!

·         Cravings: Hmmm…. Enchiladas, BBQ, and uhm……Jello!

·         Symptoms: Mostly TIREDNESS and lack of energy, in total waddle mode now, back pain, leg pain, some nauseous-ness, and just tired most days.

·         Best Moments so far:  Every time I tell Santi to say Hi to the Mama, he comes over, lifts my shirt {no matter where we are!} and kisses my belly! I love it!!!  And of course seeing my baby every week in our weekly monitoring and ultrasounds…seeing her move around under my shirt everyday more and more..I think she is anxious to be here…we are ANXIOUS to meet her as well!!!

·         Updates about this week: This week at our weekly monitoring we discovered that she is bigger than she is supposed to be and may have to arrive sooner than March the 30^th which is when is scheduled to be here… via C-section. Just waiting and praying that all goes well.

·         Momma Perks: Same as 6 weeks ago… Ha. Because I've been so sick my husband hasn't even asked one night why dinner isn't cooked {instead he runs out and gets us take out!} or why I am laying in the middle of a pile of dirty clothes. And, because I have started to feel sooo pregnant, I don't care that my house looks like a robber came in specifically to mess everything up and take nothing! lol! That plus the fact that I have a 17 month old leaves me with little worry for what my house does or doesn't look like at this moment! Love it!

Over all, I feel Happy. Some days sad and overwhelmed but BLESSED nonetheless! I am waiting….we are all waiting and God is watching over us and taking us through each step to reach our next goal….for His purpose….NOT OURS! I HAVE FAITH. Lots.

Camila HAS ALREADY STARTED BUILDING A WARDROBE Thanks to her Auntie Jess {My sis} and Kathy {One of my Besties!}

I still have not started working on Camila's nursery! You see, we are STILL trying to finish up remodeling our kitchen, once that nightmare is over, I can start on my DREAM....of PINKS AND LILAC and butterflies all over! I love it!

{Blog-cation will be over soonnnnn, I hope..hehehehe :D }