{On Working Late}

At one point in my life I thought I wanted a career...you know that kind of life where you have 20 different people calling your name all at once {not to be confused with your kids calling your name 20 times in a span of 20 seconds}, deadlines to meet, meetings to attend and  drink coffee for no reason at any given time of the day {this may have just happened regardless}....

Yeah. Uhm. At 31 with 2 toddlers{ the almost 3 year old and the 1 & 1/2'er}. That's totally not me anymore. At all. Or so I have come to realize it. Not by choice at least. In reality. That is my life outside of my home, I have happened to fall into this this called a career. And, it's been a bit well overwhelming to say the least.

You know as a young 20-something year old planning a future, buying a home and getting married while going to school and obtaining a degree to be a full-time career woman out in corporate America, I thought I was doing everything right. Now that I am 31, married, working, with 2 kids, and just so much going on around me, I doubt myself and where I am going or what I am really meant to do.

I want the at home life. With my Momma Loves running around in their diapers or not {totally by choice they both now know how to take off their clothes and their diapers, yes I know my life is awesome}, yelling and crying all at once, pushing and punching while pulling hair and asking each other for hugs, don't ask, they are totally filled with a  million emotions at every minute of the day, my house is  melt-down city or lovey-dovey town at any given moment of the day all the while asking to watch "Wal-Ace" for the millionth time on demand or else! {My son is totally into Wallace and Gromit, don't ask, I have no clue. He is a pretty random kid.}

That's the life I thrive for. {Silly me.}

I know it's not possible RIGHT now but maybe one day....in the near future. And, I know I ask for this a lot, the whole being at home with my kids and the maybe one day in the near future thing. It's just that the life I have I know is a Blessing and amazing but I just struggle with what God may be telling me to do. Drop it all and be a Super Momma or keep this life and prove to myself that I can do it.... that I CAN be everything I have ever wanted to be and more..but then I think; I am everything I have wanted to be and with my kids...so much more that I never thought I could be. Does that make sense?

It's a whole different world to have known the work-life and then motherhood.... I struggle. I want them both but where am I needed most?

I wanted to change the world and make the Hispanic community and better place...I wanted to heal the wounded and be recognized by the President one day for being so good at it. These days, I want to make my son be nice to his Nena {Sister} and my home and happy place filled with joy and happiness, faith and love, I want to heal every "boo-boo"  right as it happens and never be recognized for cause it's my duty as the Momma of my home. All I ask in return is for a warm hug that lights up my day, a nap with my lil'Momma and kisses from my lil'Man... it's the most amazing life that I want..but I guess we can't have it all...

The title really doesn't fit my post but it's when the feeling emerged as the clock hit 11pm and my Hubby texted me to say he was leaving  my daughter at my Mother-in-laws so that I wouldn't have to wake her up at 5 am the next morning just to take her back. The emotions hit me as I got home and my son was asleep and couldn't tell me how awesome of a day he had at school and how he had gone to the potty all by himself. The emotions arose as my Hubby said good-night and good-morning all at once, knowing that I wouldn't see him again for another 10 to 12 hours... all while working late and seeking purpose as to where this may lead me... and where God wants me to go....

I am a follower of Jesus but some days...I become confused and think about which path He really wants to lead me down...

While working late....

By the WAY, it's currently melt-down city in my house..... 

looking veryyy tired after a very long week.

Working Momma 101

Many of us work; inside the home, outside the home, BOTH.

As an outside the home working Momma, I have encountered many stories shared by women in the same place, many accomplishments, many moments of encouragement and Faith, but also challenges and times of true discouragement.

I think it's the enemy trying to deviate my focus.

I am usually a happy go lucky type of person, with many goals in mind but always with my family as a priority; my Husband and my children a like.

I know that where I am now, like many others is only temporary.

I like working and I love my job, my only problem these days is time.

My children are little so I like to think that it's not an issue and that it doesn't affect them as much as if they were older and aware that Momma left when it was dark and came home when it was bed time. It affects me. That's for sure. My Hubby being a Full-time student, I think is used to it. He calls me after class to see if the kids are asleep and rushes home. I on the other hand am not used to it. It's difficult. Small sacrifices now big rewards later?

I don't want to loose focus. I love my job. I love providing for my family. How do I deal though with these moments of Momma blues that just seem to drag me down.... Ahiii.

I pray that in the future my organization and some clarity of mind can help me deal... it's just so difficult tonight...for me to comprehend or grasp the idea that my kids can grow up without a Momma.... it wasn't what I signed up for when I decided to have children but it's how it's worked out.

I sit in the dark. Pray and hope that one day my nights become days and days last forever....

A late night thinkin' Momma.

{Es Viernes!!!} Joy is comin' in the morning!

{My Husband just advised me not to write in Spanish here..to create a whole new Blog?! A fellow Coog Blogger...YES I had to go there..Ha. I am sitting at UH in the computer lab tonight and YES I am a proud COOG HA, it's late, I'm delirious. Anyway a fellow Coog Blogger, also told me to think about it before I actually went through with it....I am stuck! Input please...but in the mean time....}

 
Finalmente! 

Es Viernes!!! 

Gracias A Dios!!!

Ha sido una semana larguísima! Me eh sentido muy mal y los días se me hacen eternos...así que, saber que mañana es Sábado y que no me tengo que despertar temprano me hace sentir feliz!!!

Mi esposo ha estado súper ocupado con la escuela, son las 9:21pm, y todavía estamos en la universidad tratando de terminar su "speech" acerca del DREAM Act para mañana. Le toco estar en contra. Se nos ha hecho un “poco” difícil pero creo que va estar preparado para su presentación. 

Mis hijos están en casa de su Abuela, y los extrañamos tanto que al escribir esto, se me hace un nudo en la garganta! Espero que cuando vayamos por ellos estén dormido...PERO...creo que los vamos a despertar… Solo para verlos un ratito!!! 

In all it's been a hectic week...time disappears and sorrows seem to fade. The pain is still there {we MISS my Aunt beyond belief} please keep my family from Detroit in your prayers. They are experiencing the grief that I can't begin to imagine. 

Buen fin. Hasta mañana!